Sunday, August 15, 2021

The Connection


If he starts with a 'Wassup' or a 'Hey Baby, wanna chat' or a 'Hey sexy, hru', I'm going to unmatch him right away. 

She thought as she waited for his first message. 

She had already read his short bio a dozen times, dissecting each word, analyzing the man behind the words. She wondered if he was really 30 as his profile said, because if he was 'Boy! is he a catch!' she smiled inwards.. hoping he was all that he wrote like he was.. rather that she imagined him to be in her feverishly love-sick head.

He looked nice too.

He had a nice beard, was reasonably tall, and looked awesome in those dark aviators. Check, Check and double-check on her list of things she wanted in a man. But then what hooked her on was his smile. Her knees melted as she tried to decipher the smile behind the man. What was he happy about? Who took the picture? Maybe a girl? Who is he smiling at? 


She was trained to dissect facts from fiction. And dig for facts that aren't supplied.

So she googled him. 

He was a traveler. He was active at church and loved volunteering at community events. Best of all, he was a blogger and she loved reading what he wrote. She loved his sensitivity, his passion, his thoughts, his words. There was a certain magic in the way he wrote. He wasn't ordinary. 

She checked his pictures and read his bio (again) on Tinder just to make sure. 

She loved what she read and couldn't seem to get enough of him already. And they haven't even spoken yet. 

Back to Tinder, she wondered why he hadn't messaged her yet. She had already vetoed the idea of messaging him because she believed every man should court her... and that starts with having the guts to message her first. 'It's chivalrous, after all.' She said to herself.

He is too good to be true. But how can he be single?! Maybe he's already married or in a relationship. She declared half-heartedly in her head. 

The search for his partner grew harder. She dissected every word for the scent of a woman in his life. 

'Hey there! There's something so interesting about your smile! I simply love that dimpled smile :)' He finally messaged. 

She abandoned her search for his infidelity and she felt a wave of relief that he noticed and more importantly messaged her. Her heart almost skipped a beat when that notification came in.

She wanted to ask why it took him 43 minutes to message back after matching with her. But she held back. She didn't want him to know she was counting the minutes. She wanted him to wait an agonizing wait. 

She read his bio again and swiped through his pictures.

She smiled ear to ear as she read his foundational message. She looked at her pictures to check which was the smile he was referring to. She was practically grinning at how beautiful she was and how he noticed her smile.

She debated within herself how long she must wait before she responds to his message. She didn't want to appear desperate for his love but she didn't want to be easy either. She believed in being the trophy and the chase. 

An hour later, she messaged him back 'Hey! Thanks!'. 

And the games began...    



Saturday, August 07, 2021

Right Swipe Right

She was a prized catch!

She was a sapiosexual (even when the only books she read were fat law books, beauty magazines, and articles on the internet on 'How to talk to a guy and make him love you').
Like the rest of the people on Tinder, she was looking for a single guy and was against one-night stands or casual sex. Cliched? 
Maybe, but her astute observation revealed the magic sauce was in having the right pictures.

Her Tinder profile boasted of the beautiful person she was, and she had an exciting body that was both curvy and pasty to prove. A few pictures of her last trip to Goa, another image of her sipping on some margarita, a photo of her pouting, and a few other pictures of her showing her ample cleavage, and she's sure the bait was ready to be cast. 

As the requests started pouring in, she didn't realize how exhilarating the attention would be. She was flattered. If the pictures were any indication, it looked like half of the men wanted to court her and do everything humanly possible to win her heart, and the other half of the men were married scumbags who still tried to bed her and 'maintain her.'

Looking back, she realizes this is where the downslide began.

He was an average-looking techie, but it was the bio that snagged her attention. She was hooked line and sinker.
But the eloquence of the words he strung together made her fall in love with him. So she swiped right and crossed her fingers. Probably thinking about the folly of being on the other side of Tinder luck. And then just as suddenly realizing, 'Meh, if he doesn't swipe right on me, then it's his loss.' 

Her talisman of success was based on the foundation of self-worth. Ebbing at times like this when she thought she wasn't enough, but then quickly realizing she is a prized trophy any day. 

She was a successful lawyer. Her female clients chose her for her reputation and didn't mind paying the ₹ 1 lakh fee she charged per hearing. She was known to rip apart faithful, harmless husbands her clients wanted out from their lives. Her clients did no harm, said no evil, yet didn't mind the carnage she would cause. She had the enviable task of being able to choose who she represented, and when she did, the men and their lawyers shuddered. They would not want to cross swords with the one lawyer Legal Era called the 'Divorce Lawyer You Need to Get' in 2019.

They matched!
Her average joe finally swiped right on her. 

'Of course!' She thought.

The poor schmuck didn't know what he was getting into. Yet.


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