Feb 22, 2010

Emotional Atyachar: The flip side

I didn't catch the movie (Dev D) and was too turned off by the song but when I first heard about Emotional Atyachar, a show on UTV Bindaas, piqued my interest.
This show bears a lot of resemblance with 'Cheaters', a show that used to come on 'Reality TV'.
'Emotional Atyachar' (which means Emotional Trauma, in Hindi) though a very new show, has managed to grab much attention. EA is right up there with 'X Files' on my list of must watch TV shows.

Voyeurism is such a carnal passion. Sensationalized, packaged with a good name and catchy tune you've got a Super hit series.
The concept though similar to 'Cheaters' in the US, is specially adapted for the Indian audiences. It involves one of the person in a active relationship wanting the EA team do a 'Loyalty test' on their significant other. The 'Suspect' is baited with an attractive model/actor ('Undercover Agent') who will test the loyalty of the suspect by feigning physical intimacy.In almost all the shows, the suspect falls for the bait and is finally confronted by the 'Lead'. All hell normally breaks loose. Though the level of violence is not as much as in 'Cheaters', the consequence is pretty much the same.

Sin has the charms of a seductress. This is as true now as it was a billion years ago as it will be in a million years from now. I have been cheated upon a couple of times, but what really lingers are the thoughts "Why is this happening to me?" and 'What went wrong?"
You figure out the answers to these and you've cracked an age old code for a joyful relationship.

Infidelity in relationships are so common yet, you never think this could happen to you. It is like one of those diseases (like AIDS) where you feel it would happen only to people of a certain demography or lifestyle. You could not be more wrong than a chimpanzee in an Alaskan ice berg. All it takes is one wrong step, one misplaced act, one thoughtless word and one ruthless lie. And if this happens in a marriage, then you are heading towards a divorce unless you overhaul your lives in a massive way. 

My Dad, as I was growing up, used to ask me to cut the grass when we were visiting our home in India so that I could go out and play with my friends. How I used to curse all the grass and weeds and wish I could just vacuum them up like the dust on the carpet. How I used to envy the other kids who didn't have to do all this to earn some play time. Now, I was clever (or I thought I was). I used to just cut the tall blades of the grass just till its roots. This was quicker. 'Man, I am a genius!!'
But come next morning, the damn grass has grown up again. 'Darn! What are they eating?'
Dad's play time condition stood. Unwavering, I went about 'pruning' it again. Day 3, same thing. I decided enough is enough and admitted defeat to my Dad. With all the loving and patient hug that only a Dad can give, he told me that every time I cut the grass, I am leaving the roots in there. 'As long as the roots are in there, you are not getting rid of the problem. Take the roots away, and you won't have a problem.' Why didn't he just say this before?, I thought. I haven't had a problem with the grass since.

Sin is very similar. In a fit of realization, we often cut the visible part of the sinful habit or behavior but leave the roots in us. Over time, we let it grow, eventually realizing that we are back in square one. Whatever be our sin of choice, over time we give up and resign to the thought that we are no good for God and that we might as well, enjoy the sin. Wrong again. God does love us. And He is giving us a chance to admit defeat to Him and ask him for guidance. I can hear Him tell me exactly what my Dad told me, 'Pull the sin by its roots and you will not have a problem again'.

I had my sin and I am sure all of you have yours. I had mine for over a decade and a half. I tried every possible method known to man to overcome it, but it was pointless. In a world which teaches you, 'If you can't fight it, join it', I joined forces with my sin and reveled in it. Contrary to the joy that I thought I would enjoy, I was raked by relentless thoughts of guilt, anger, frustration and utter hopelessness.
My latest relationship was an eye opener. I realized that I had to uproot my sins. A pilgrimage to the Divine Retreat Centre, Challakudy helped me exorcise my demons. 

As any addict would testify, you cannot change what you do not accept. The relief and the joy that I have to know that I am free from addictions is incredible. 
Every morning is a joy. Every hour away from the addiction is another hour spent in His Grace.

Unfortunately, I had to wade through a lot of emotional atyachar myself to get through to the other end. I lost several years of my life trying to grapple with the addiction and the many relationships that failed. All is not lost. The old age adage 'Better late than never..' ironically stands tested here. 

Been there, done that, worn the T Shirt.

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