Thursday, August 12, 2010

Enlghaish Mangled

All credits for compiling this invaluable piece of literary massacre goes to the patient yet infinitely humorous person who kept an ear and an eye peeled open..

    * I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
    * I am writing the welfare department to say my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?
    * Mrs. Jones had not have any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
    * I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why.
    * I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
    * This is my eight child. What are you going to do about it.
    * Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or drink until he knows.
    * I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
    * In answer to your letter, I have birth to a boy weighing ten pounds: I hope this is satisfactory.
    * I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children; one of which is a mistake as you can see.
    * My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
    * Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
    * You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this make any difference.
    * I have no children as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.
    * In accordance with your instruction, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
    * I want money as quick as I can get, so I have been in bed with doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.

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