Jun 27, 2011

The Obituary of Agonizing Sexperts

Old people read Obituaries. I read Agony Aunt and Sexpert columns.
No, not because I am looking for answers to a potentially embarrassing problem down south, but because I simply love the way we are.

Sample this for size:

Question 1
"I am a 42-year-old married man. My assistant in office is 35 years old and is unmarried. Recently she told me that she is getting married soon. She is quite open with me and discusses things with ease. She expressed her inhibitions regarding having sex with her husband after marriage as she still is a virgin. She says she is not sure how it will go with her husband, as she still does not know him very closely. She expressed that it may not be a very pleasant experience because she does not know how it feels. Coming to the point – she says she wants to have sex with me before marriage to experience it, and feels this way she would be prepared better for it, mentally and physically. She is attractive, makes me fall for the opportunity but I am not too sure if it would be a great idea, though she says, we will not take it further after she gets married. I am not sure if that would be possible or honestly, is she trying to get me into any kind of trap. Please advice"

Question 2
"I guess there is something wrong with my girlfriend. She hates even mention of physical relationship/sex. She is 23 and I of the same age. We have been in a very emotional love relationship for 5 years now but still she is always uncomfortable whenever I talk about physical relationship. This often leaves me frustrated. How do I get her to enjoy this with me? She always replies that she would be okay with everything after marriage but I doubt that. Please suggest what to do.

Question 3
"I am a married guy with two kids. My wife is very cute and attractive and we have a perfect relationship. Our sexual life is perfectly fine. The problem that I am facing is that I don't get bored of having sex. I like having sex with my wife and so does she but my desires are growing day by day. I have to admit that even after marriage, I am sleeping with other girls and they love it too. I am confused should I stop it or keep it the way it is. I know I am cheating on my wife but I can't help it. I started having sex at a very early age, when I was 14. I like to watch a lot of porn movies. Please let me know if this is ok or am I a pervert?"

And the crown jewel of them all..
Question 4
"I am in mid 30s and maried for the last 7 years. My sexual desire went up by many folds after my daughter was born about five years back. But due to my husband's high profile job, he rarely gives me any time. He's on tour and we get sex maybe once in four to six months. This pushed me into grave depression. Because of his calousness about my problem, I wanted to divorce him. My brother-in-law and his wife knew about this well and they were very friendly to me. When they came to know about my decision, they tried to convince me not to do so. I had to ask them for sexual favour as an alternative. Realising my determination about divorce, they finally accepted me in their sexual life. For the last three years I am enjoying threesome with them almost every week. Recently, my brother-in-law took a new job which needs him to move to a faraway city. Though I am very happy about his new job and career, this also brought back memories of my old depression days and now I'm thinking of looking for a new partner as my husband is too busy with his career. I tried a lot to talk to him on this but he didn't give me enough time. He doesn't want to go to a counsellor either. I am now thinking of divorcing him. I know this will hurt my brother-in-law and his wife. But I cannot control my desire and I need someone to help me on this. Am I making any mistakes or am I too selfish?"

What strikes me is that we have a lot of promiscuity going around. Something that we only saw on Oprah and random Hollywood movies. Suddenly we seem to be sexually liberated and stifled at the same time.

Infact, many of the questions that appear on tabloids and dailies seem to be coming out of folks that have little or no sex ed. But what's more disturbing is how these so called sexperts answer/counsel many of these questions. Now, I've never written to one (and hope to God I don't) but I sometimes wonder how many of these so called letters are really from genuine readers with problems. Journalism, a fine line between stating the truth and exaggerating the imaginary, in India leaves much to be desired. How would you rate the sex ed of the girl asking the question below?

I'm 24 and single but recently went to a party wearing my brother's jeans. The jeans was very tight at the crouch. Would I get pregnant if my brother had sex while wearing the jeans? Would I get AIDS?

I know. 24, single, partying and wearing your brother's jeans?! You're an anomaly. But anyways, what puzzles me is how less our youngsters know about HIV and other STDs.

Sex education is vital. I don't know how many teachers would be comfortable taking up the subject with youngsters with raging hormones, but it could certainly save readers like me a ton of LOL moment when reading such queries.

Would you stick to expert advice that a psychologist give you on a face to face session? Fat chance. Precisely why I think many of those people who ask these questions only ask them to publicize it, anonymously. Much like why men would secretly record their girlfriend/wife/friends-with-benefits perform sexual acts while pixelizing their own face, but making sure that the lady's face is crystal clear. Men would want to gloat about their sexcapades, even if it is anonymous. Never mind that they might get caught. They will at least have their 15 MB of fame somewhere on the internet.

My argument tonight is that we need to make sex ed mandatory. Our teachers must be trained to disperse knowledge in a manner that would not titillate but educate.
My sex ad teacher (who was really our Math teacher) was voluptuous yet boring as hell. Many of the backbenchers nicknamed her Chicago Bulls, after the shape of the uterus and because of her hour glass figure. I wonder how many of them really learned anything from her classes. However all that I know of the human reproductive system is what my Dad taught me.
Just as we have systems in place that check and certify our knowledge about a science or a subject, we need to have high school teens and young adults made sure they understand the system.
After all, almost all of them are going to use it at some point of their lives.

But if you are one of those who didn't have/attend your sex ed class, well I would like to quote a class mate of mine at College as a case in point.
Every time, he used to see a girl's navel, he used to get uncomfortably aroused. In public. When I asked him to try and explain why he thought he deserved to get an erection, pat came his response: "Well, what am I supposed to do when a girl shows her pu**y". He firmly thought a girl's navel was where his 'joystick' went in.
How he later became matured enough to marry and father two kids is something I would not want to know now, but we definitely need some good education, folks.

Until then, keep those questions coming.
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