Jan 31, 2013

While I was away.... [January 2013]

After two fabulous months of hibernation, I finally managed to dust the cobwebs off my home laptop. Plenty has happened and much of it did hit the sweet spot on the fan.

For those who came in (late), here's a round-up of all that made news and was quietly and promptly swept under our over-priced fake Indian rug.

We indulged in our national pastime - Rape. Number of the bastards who were caught, castrated and chopped in mini sizes - Zilch!
But let that piece of bad news not deter the patriot in you. In consolation prizes, men were arrested and her story was (re)told for global consumption and facebook 'Likes'.
Some of them even got some unwelcome fame.
Some women were spared the agony of living in an apathetic society when their rapists did them a favor and killed them.
The deafening sounds of silence barely a month after Jyothi was 'brutally' raped suddenly reminded us of why India will always remain just another 'developing' country. When the time came the shameless bastards, some of who wanted to be hanged because of their guilt, now wanted a trial outside Delhi to prove their innocence. APPLAUSE!


Now, you may ask where is all the titillation for so much rape? Well, some of our Indian couples were glad to provide the source. While I haven't seen the video yet, I am sure that is the last time they are going to be excited about having sex! But then not all men wanted free sex from the street, some of them actually paid (serious) money to rape. Which got me wondering, couldn't he just have visited a sex worker instead?

While we didn't have much luck chopping our rapists, some women were (un)lucky enough to be served the benefit. I wonder if this will lead to our suitcase-wallahs loosing out on precious business!


Our neighbor snuck in, fired a few shots to test our defenses and left. Some with a little more baggage than we could tolerate. The usual rhetoric from Delhi, our netas flexed their biceps (or the lack of it) and The Sardar put in a word or two as well.
And talking about politicians talking with their over-sized feet in their paan-streaked mouth, we had the 'oldie in chuddi' RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat trying to put the bar back in Bharat. Bravo! Can we have him extradited to hmm... Mexico or something?
And joining him will be the Motormouth from the East - Ms Mamata B. She made investors dance to her tunes and then ate humblecrappie.

Locally, KissAsser er.. Kingfisher Airlines tried to spread its wings. So while Didi was making investors dance to her tunes, the only dance Mallya will be doing is the tightrope variety. With the large group of investors growing impatient, it is just a matter of months when Kingfisher will be a distant memory. Thank God I kept those sparkling Kingfisher-branded spoons and forks they used to serve inflight as souvenirs.
In other national news, Anna (Hazare) changed the name of his mo(ve)ment. Let's hope the change of name leads to change of fortunes too.

Onto our International news segment, O aimed his gun at the ... er gun lobby.
And that was that. While American politicians are not really that different from the politicians we breed here, this could be the start of something big in the distant future. Reeling as they have been with a spate of gun-related violence, Americans have suddenly realized that shooting is not as much fun as watching it on screen.

The world's biggest liar, Lance Armstrong apologized and finally confessed. And we got to watch Oprah tear apart the former cycling champion like a rag caught in a derailleur. In technicolor


Oprah laughed her way to the bank as her ratings soared and Lance wished he could dig a hole as massive as his lie and curl and die in it.

The world's biggest passenger jet was grounded when the smallest of its component malfunctioned and the suddenly the airline industry was left wondering if size did matter.

And if you were wondering what Lady Justice and our elected representatives are doing when they are not passing silly bans and pillaging our country, they are checking out the latest movies. Why they even managed to get Kamal Hassan lots of free publicity when they banned his movie Vishwaroopam. Eventually everyone got a little of what they wanted and he joined Oprah at the bank.

Phew! And that was just the first month!
Happy New Year to me!

Jan 2, 2013

Half [2/365]

Its been half a month since Jyothi was brutally raped, assaulted and left for dead.

One of the reasons why her rapists were unlucky was the timing of the attack.
They didn't count on the fact that half of India was on vacation and hence idle, and had plenty of time to read sensationalist newspaper reports, watch high-pitched TV anchors, prepare placards, set social networking on fire and protest. Self-appointed representatives of the victim held meetings with whoever was willing to let them rant.

So in the meanwhile, here's a round-up of all the shit that's being hitting the fan in the last 20 days.
We saw India's bravest girl battling for life..
Did we really have to shift a critically injured victim half-way across Asia?
The entire operation smacked of the typical 'pass the buck' mentality that we are reknown for.
Her death and the blitzkrieg cremation smacked of a coverup. And the PM broke his silence. Theek Hai?

Jyothi's family grieved

Quick questions here:
Can the government airlift every victim to better facilities abroad?
Will they take the moral and financial responsibility for every rape that happens?


And while all this happened, we pounced like a pack of pigs over the name of the victim. Does it really matter?

But the accused got no counsel. Big Effing Deal.
It turns out that we are a bleedy effing bunch of cowards and voyeurs who'd rather watch and stare at the victim than get help.
...and the blame game continued.

In a moment of sheer brilliance, the government announced they would prepare a database of convicted rapists. But seeing how everything in India can be bought or manipulated at a price, a system like this can be abused. The loopholes need to be plugged before being put to test.

In a free society, citizens must be encouraged to protest and this right must be fiercely enforced. While not every crime is a result of governmental ineptitude, what bothers me is how the government reacts to peaceful protests. Lathi-charging and tear gasing them only stacks the odds against them.

But it looks like the bad news just keeps coming. Another victim killed herself after cops refused to take her complaint and book the rapists. As the story unfolds, heads will roll.
Another lady was gang-raped by sick er... six men in Didi's Bengal.  Seeing how Didi deals with bad news, we can be confident that we won't hear as much as a peep come out.
For rapists in Pune, it was business as usual.
Victims killing themselves, getting gang-raped again..
 .. of all ages, castes and creed.
And while we sat, the rest of the world spoke the unspeakable truth about Rape and Sexual crimes.
Way to go, India!

Our politicians had the usual bout of verbal diarrhea. We got some gyan on mini skirts, limits they were not supposed to cross, not supposed to happen, not supposed to be, and even verdicts from dicks.


Some pertinent observation were made by our very honorable Supreme Court and literary geniuses.
Rape norms. No pun intended. I am surprised how the SC isn't bothered about how banning dark sun-films in vehicles didn't really reduce the number of rapes.

Justice may not be served, but it sure is funny.

And the media got some respite from all the excitement at Delhi when Mr Modi won his third consecutive term which could be his launchpad to his first Prime Ministerial career.
Like a pack of hungry hyenas, the BJP has begun salivating at the prospect of winning the elections.
And so it appears like greed does not have any limits. Not all the billions that his Mom stashed away could be enough for Bilawal as he launched his own political career. Yay!

Sunny Leone titillated us for a moment by announcing the launch of a career of good roles. Oh yeah! We know what that means now, don't we Sunny dahling?

Another shooting in the US. And we are not even talking about the Hollywood kinds anymore.

Nothing much has changed!

Jan 1, 2013

Fresh New Year! [1/365]

Yesterday is history.
2012 is a distant memory.
Tomorrow is a mystery and..
Today a present!


There is something about the 1st of January that cheers me up. You wake up with a purpose. And if you are like me, you'd want the day to be perfect.

I've never been able to predict how the rest of the year will be and given up trying to wish for something I think I'll need.

But looking into my crystal ball, here's the good news first.

You're Hired!
After years of slowdown, no hikes and a bleak job market, several quarters starting this year will see stronger hiring and better salary hikes. Personally, I would love to see people chuck jobs that weren't taking them anywhere, and this year looks promising for that transition.

Up!
With the Fiscal Cliff nearly averted, the spendthrift middle class and pampered upper class in America and elsewhere will see better days ahead.

Poll Position
This year will test Sonia's political IQ for the second time since her coalition government won several years ago. When she took over the reins of India's oldest party, she won millions of sympathetic voters. After years of corruption and a brain-dead government, I doubt if her party will win even if they beg on their knees. Either ways, India will benefit from some change. Jai Ho!

Fit it. Forget it.
Indians have a notorious habit of not maintaining their infrastructure. The only roads that are motor-able and 'world class' are the ones that the government built with our money and then charge us to use. This poll year will see higher spend on infrastructure.

E!
Everything will be sold online. At a price.
With over a dozen etailers setting up shop in the past couple of months, the margins will shrink and competition will increase.

Gung-Ho about Gadgets
It's going to be a great year for gadget lovers this year. Great time to get that credit card and forget about saving a cent this year. Great year to buy ACs as manufacturers will look to offload their inventory before the deadline for stricter energy regulations.

Dude, where's my car?
Shelve that idea to buy that sedan on all down. As metal and fuel prices go north, you may be able to afford that EMI though.

Shop till you drop..
With major retail giants readying themselves to flood our market, its yet another reason to bid goodbye to any spare change.

And now for the bad news

Bad Girls.
Its a new year and the count resets today. Rapists can open the statistics today. As the holiday season comes to an end and the protesters go back to their colleges and offices, don't even expect our politicians will do anything to redeem our women.


Misogynist Netas and Babas
Can we pack all of them off to a deserted, uninhabited island, please? Maybe we can also exile Sherlyn Chopra, Poonam Pandhey and Rakhi Sawant to join them.

No more freebies..
Is it any wonder why we have the largest cellphone penetration in the planet? We pay the lowest cellular tariffs. Well, cherish it while it lasts. The party is over!

Its all about the money
With a change of guard imminent, you can expect to be pampered like a pup. On the brighter side, we are only getting what they stole from us anyway.

Murder, he did.
If we thought our demands for castrating and hanging the rapists would send a shiver down their collective spi.. er. penises, then think again. Our rapists will make sure their victims won't live another day to speak the truth.

War is here
What can be more disturbing than an Army recruitment billboard that reads: 'The purpose of all war is peace'. We might be doing something wrong because inspite of the dozen or so armed conflicts in the past couple of months, there is no sign of peace.


If anything, we don't deserve a planet like Earth. If I had my way, I would want to recall more than half of the earth's population just for the way they've malfunctioned.

As New Year's eve celebration die down, I wonder where we're headed.
Today's newspapers were flooded with reports of hundreds of innocent people dying just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So as I start my second 365 Challenge, here's to a great New Year, folks..
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...