Apr 30, 2013

While I was gone... Part 3/3 [April 2013]

The human mind is a wonderful tool! 
There are some who use it to do wonderful things and then there are others who don't know what to do with it.
But there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't sell it for the right price. Shakuntala Devi, the 'human computer' and 'fortune teller of movie stars, kings and presidents' passed away the past fortnight.


While I won't doubt her genius, what used to bother me is how she would put out kitschy ads in the local newspapers offering to reveal your future with a prior appointment. The tiny advt used to have a photograph of her younger days. Much younger days. The advt would compel prospective fortune seekers to hurry because she would be here 'only for a few days'. 

I remember thinking 'Where is she always rushing to?'
She was always a child prodigy but all she really did was write a few books and read palms for a living. What a utter waste of such genius!

So while we are still mourning over the dead math genius/astrologer, Americans rolled their sleeves up for another dig at Michael Jackson. With billions at stake, this could be the 'trial of the year'. OJ Simpson, take notes.

Pooja Bhatt confirmed our most salacious suspicions - She is indeed responsible for Sunny Leone's foray into Bollywood. Speaking along the lines of how aghast she is with the way her countryman are raping women and young toddlers, she vented out her fury. Well, I believe when politicians and shallow people in the movie industry start paying lip service, and when we take them seriously, we sink to a new low. 

  And so Sunny seems to be flavor of young India and this blog because she has been replacing 'mainstream' actress faster than some of her 'moves'.

An anonymous Indian cow had to suffer the ignominy of being gang-raped and stabbed. I can only imagine the agony she went through in her last moments. The agony of being tied down in a compromising position with two men humping it. 

Peta! Where art thou
And this had to happen in a country that worships the ground cows walk/sit/idle/feed/poop/pee on! 

How did the cops decide Rs 2000 was just the right amount to buy the victim's silence? Ofcourse the cops have denied any attempts of hush-ups. Did any of you actually think they would say 'Yes, we are guilty of bribing'? 

But then there are cops with itchy palms and trigger-happy fingers, with a propensity to slap the shit out of unruly protestors. Must we suspend those cops or expect ourselves to behave in a way that befits us?  Watching the footage, which looped in an endless montage, I am reminded how Gandhi's brand of nonviolence no longer exists. 

Do you really think these protesters care about the 5 year old?
These protesters are there for their 15 minutes of fame. And she surely got her pound of flesh too.
They will go back to their jobs/colleges in a day or two. They will add this to their CVs when they apply to universities abroad. And that will be the last we will hear of these protesters.
The victims will go back to their homes and their families, struggle with poor health and low self-esteem for the rest of their natural lives. That is if they don't die/kill themselves already. The very society that 'fought' for them will shun them. No amount of dowry will convince a future groom to take a wife that has been 'dirtied'. Corporates will never hire them because of their 'baggage'. Eventually they will all die a silent shameful death.

In the meanwhile, we will 'honor' our victims with names like Nirbhaya and Gudiya. But none of this can mask our collective hatred against women. Right from the time we know its a girl until its time to 'sell her off'.

If you thought your daughter was safe attending her friend's birthday, think again!
If you thought sending your daughter to a school will help, how naive are you!

If you think your nightmare is over, maybe its just started. Your predator would have just filmed you for future reference.
In the past 2 weeks, half a dozen other toddlers got raped and one of them even had her throat slit.
I am beginning to wonder if it is some kind of a disease that is making our men rape women. While I've said it earlier how I think it is the deluge of violent porn that is available for free that could be 'giving ideas' to our young virile men, I doubt if this is the only reason. 
We shouldn't ban porn. Infact porn is healthy when consumed in the right measure. Would you ban Bollywood for the sheer amount of skin? That is like saying watching Rocky is going to make us take up boxing.

How can we fix the responsibility of the evils of our unpreparedness on showbiz?
But ofcourse you will need to ban Aishwarya for her highly questionable acting skills.


Occasional headlines like 'Man held for sexual assualt...' humors me.
Where was he held? I ask myself.
How long before the court acquits him because the cops refused to file a case or botched up the FIR/investigation?
Will the court suggest that he marry his victim? 


While the chorus to 'Hang the Bastards' have reached a crescendo, I wish all of us would just take a moment, sit down and think like matured adults and not with our entrails. I've said this once before and I'll say this again - Violence (verbal and physical) against women is bad. Equally bad is violence against men. That said, when a woman is violated, it degrades her. More than you and I can possibly imagine. Historically, women have always been placed several pedestals lower than men. Mothers ingrain the belief in their daughters that they are supposed to be nothing more than baby vending machines. Men- Sex machines.
When we hear about how a lady was raped, we take it lightly. We talk about it at forums where free lunch will be served, tea parties, office pantries and at dining rooms. A rape scene used to bring in the audience until a few movies ago.
In our self-righteous eagerness to inflict swift justice upon men who don't conform to our ideals, we want to hang the men who wander off unwritten lines of social propriety. We are right in wanting change. But let's not let the blood rush to our heads. Especially when we know how mob justice and public sentiment have sent the wrong people to the gallows. A classic example of how the wrong people were convicted is the gruesome rape and murder of Debbie Sue Carter. Let's allow the law and science to do what is right atleast now. Arm-twisting has never worked.

All this rhetoric is but empty noise when we choose to drive by an accident victim lying in a pool of blood as it happened in Jaipur. Our hypocrisy underlines how we have absolutely no humanity left in us.


Sushil Shinde, comic relief and overall foot-in-mouth politician delivered yet another gem - We cannot and should not expect our cops to take responsibility and resign.  

No, No, Sushil saab, why on earth would we want to expect anything from you?
Why we haven't prosecuted these SOBs yet boggles me.


Ambani became the butt of a million jokes when the government decided to provide Z plus security to the industrialist. Never-mind that the cops are not able to stop (or prosecute) the men from raping women and toddlers, never-mind we don't take terrorist threats against the country, we have to protect our billionaires. Sure, he could be paying for them, but then he could have got himself a private army if he really wanted to. Isn't that what 'normal' billionaires do?

In India, breast implants have always been a surreptitious cottage industry. Unlike our South Asian counterparts, our women are well endowed. Yet some of our flat-chested women are victims of sniggers and 'mosquito-bite' jokes. So when boob jobs go bust (no pun intended), it can truly be traumatic. 

In a race to catch the culprits or hang the ones they can lay their hands on, Bangalore cops arrested three individuals they suspect planned and executed the attack. This could be the start of a long and emotional trial that won't deter future attackers.

In the meanwhile, our sister from the other side of the pond managed to nab not only the suspects of the attack but also the body of a missing Indian who was the victim of overzealous armchair activists. For all those who complain how we are unprepared, the speed and efficiency at which the Boston police acted is amazing and something we need to learn from. The FBI wasn't unprepared. They did receive credible information about the suspects years before the attack. The brothers were put under surveillance and when nothing was found, the case was shelved. Yet when the attack did happen, Obama spoke what he meant and meant what he spoke. The way citizens and the law enforcement came together to 'hunt' down the suspects will surely make the next radical/loony fanatic think twice before they blow anything up. This is what we need. We need action. Definitive action.
 


Descendents of the Arakkal family, erstwhile rulers of the Malabar coast, laid a joint claim for Rs 5000 crores from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. That's a lot of coconut oil and Malabar fish fry, if you know what I mean.
 
If a picture speaks a thousand words, a billboard our army put up spoke many more. Armies around the world have never been known to be friendly to its civilians. Our army has been notorious of raping and killing innocent women and to think such an army would like you to join them just so that you may have a girl who may grow up to be a struggling Bollywood starlet, is not just preposterous but an insult to the victims and their families. But wait a minute, wasn't Gul Panag molested by a dozen men herself?!

And yes, after many years of selling cheap goods and cheaper labor, the Chinese finally invaded us. Our PM gulped. China has stationed her well-oiled fighting machine and we are sitting ducks. And what do we do? We hold flag meetings and send our foot-in-mouth foreign minister for a vacation there. We are very soft people, you see.


We can't win a war with China, won't fight with Pakistan, will sneak a vote against Sri Lanka , threaten the Mauritians and throw out the Bangladeshis. So that leaves us with the Nepalese and the Tibetans. Quite a coalition, I must say! 

I bet the Chinese know how our posturing will amount to naught. All they need to do is wait for our politicians to do the job.  Infact give the Congress/UPA another term in office and they will ensure their ministers cut India into 'fun-size' chunks for themselves.

Uncle Sam says Syria used chemical weapons. He wants to punish Syria. Really?! So what did the coalition use in the first Gulf War? Anyone who would have seen the scale of destruction that the first 'War made for the Networks' unleashed would have testified at the massacre their 'smart-bombs' and 'advanced weaponry' caused. Gulf War Syndrome, anybody?
So now when the Middle East is cautious about letting the Americans attack Syria, it is with much reason. Successive American governments have nurtured regimes when it suited them and cut them down to size when it didn't.

And in news from Pakistan, Sarabjit Singh, who has been lingering in their jails, was brutally attacked and left for dead


Our PM has condemned the attack.
If it is any consolation, Sarabjit's family has been able to see his final moments on earth. If it is any consolation, Pakistan has provided an entire ICU that has been guarded by a contingent of police. If it is any consolation, Pakistan has arrested the prisoners who did this to Sarabjit. If it is any consolation, this attack happened in the one place where he was supposed to be safe . The sad part is none of this can be any consolation to a country who spent a couple of crores feting and then hanging Kasab. Sarabjit may be brain dead but will it matter any more to Pakistan?
The culprits are already in prison. This is just double jeopardy.
India wants Pakistan to 'seriously' consider his immediate release. Right! Like they are going to shudder in their kurtas and give in to our 'demands'. Not happening!

India has been called the Asian Superpower. The only superpower that we have is the ability to plunder, rape and procreate.

Earlier this month, the earth shook and people died. This time however, our buildings fell apart by themselves. I bet none of those who visited the hospital in Bhopal would have thought they would die but that's the way things worked.
In Bangladesh, hundreds of workers at a factory that made cheap clothes for our western cousins died when the building collapsed like a house of cards. As I am writing this post, the building owner was arrested as he was trying to flee to India. Really?! Of all the places in this earth, to think he believed India could provide refuge to a Bangladeshi?

In other disasters, Sivakasi had their annual fire accident and a dozen people died. People started talking about worker safety. For a country that can't protect its children, how can we protect workers any better?
Fire broke out at a missile test range lab in Northern India. As I read the headline, I had visions of the chaos at Skynet ala Terminator.

In other inane news of the fortnight, Akhilesh refused to address Harvard to protest how one of his ministers were given the SRK treatment at the Logan International Airport. Seriously, Akhilesh refusing to speak at Harvard is like Rakhi Sawant refusing to attend the Oscars. Does it really matter?

Sonam Kapoor, daughter of Anil Kapoor and whose only claim to fame is her obscene collection of handbags, flashed much skin at one of those dime-a-dozen fashion shows. As the brand ambassador of LO'Real Paris, she showed off in minimal makeup and even less clothes.

Auto maker Bajaj, became the target of much ridicule and contempt when it announced its quadricycle project. Curiously, Tata was most vocal. Why not? After creating the world's cheapest car, competition is not something they want.


Adlabs Imagica, dubbed India's answer to Disneyland opened its doors to a nation that has every thing else.
 
Former American president Bush Jr inaugurated his library. So what kind of books would one of the dumbest American president have in his library?

Stating the obvious, our scientists finally concluded that God does play a role in restoring sanity to the mind. Its like one of those MasterCard advertisements-
Cost of hiring scientists that had nothing better to do - $ 500,000.
Cost of experiments to find out what can cure insanity - $ 6 million.
Realization that God does heal the body and mind - Priceless!

A fifteen year old study declared that the bra is a false necessity. Male scientists who had nothing better to do but to find a legitimate way to stare at breasts arrived at the conclusion that 'the breasts do not benefit from being deprived of gravity... and breasts would gain more tone and support themselves if no bra was used'. You don't say!

Age seems to have caught up with Facebook. With the declining numbers of people logging in or signing up, Facebook is going through an awkward puberty.

The world celebrated 20 years of the Internet (aka 'free porn') and here's a peep at the world's first website!

We'll have a proper monsoon, sayeth the weatherman. So this is supposed to be good news for farmers, atleast the ones that didn't kill themselves over the past many years. And it looks like even nature is happy that India is going to vote. Both Congress and the BJP will claim that the country got a good monsoon because of them.

IT/BT barons threw their weight behind 14 candidates in India's silicon valley. While I haven't decided who I'll vote for, I was surprised they didn't decide to support a friend who is in the fray - Sridhar Pabbishetty. I've worked with him for several years as part of an NGO and he is perhaps one who has my vote eyes shut. I'd let his actions and his past talk for him and I've always wished we had more people like him in active politics.
So when I read about the National Institute of Political Excellence, a school for Politicians, I am optimistic.


In other good news, cops threw the book at the father of the nine year old that stunned the world, who he drove his dad's million dollar Ferrari. Judging by the State Police's love for money and the fact that they have weak road transport laws, this dad would've weaseled his way out of this case by the time you've read this post.

Sheila of Delhi (not a jawani by any stretch of imagination) accepted protest letters signed by 10 lakh Delhiites against inflated bills and faulty meters. Well, what did you expect when our meters are 'Made in China'?

And in another ingenious way to rip us off, the government decided to take our money and give it back. I would love to meet the wizards who churn out these ideas!
While our national capital has been ripping off her citizens, we do have something to gloat about - we will be creating the largest, most heaviest machine in the planet.


LaLa Land - West Bengal - notched up another headline for the month. Didi found the drama surrounding the Saradha group chit fund too lukewarm for her liking. Solution: She is going to tax you so that she can pay you back. I hear the Nobel committee is considering her for  next year's Economics prize.

Such are the wonderful times that we live in!
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