Jun 9, 2013

While I was away. June 2013 [Part 1 / 2]

Okay, so you might have heard this before - India is a land of quirks!

Carrying over from the previous month, Srinivasan gave his laundry list of demands and shuffled his feet long enough until we lost interest in what he and his cronies did and latched on to Raj Kundra.

Sreeshanth placed his bets with God and stopped shaving and Dhoni got an honorable mention. 

And I laughed when Shilpa started complaining about how the media is treating her husband and her. Oh really?! It is the media who made you a 'celebrity'. If it wasn't for the fiasco at 'The Big Brother', you would've have married Viveik Oberoi and changed your name to something equally atrocious.

We don't have to be told our politicians have the combined IQ of a comb. We know that already. But when one Mumbai politician banned the display of bikini-clad mannequins, some of us gasped. Have we become so sex-starved that we get the stiffy just by looking at mannequins now?!


We had some big budget masala movies hitting the theatres. And unless you've been buried, you couldn't have missed the promos of 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani'. While I am tempted to warn you, after reviewing a few tasteless Bollywood movies last year, I decided I'd stop torturing myself. So I still won't tell you how terrible this movie is, but let you make yet another poor choice in your life. 

Ah Aadhaar! India's answer to an unified Civil ID/Social Security number. You have to have one, even if you are just a dog, a chair or a plant. And if you are a lady who loves to walk around without the dupatta, you might have to wear one for the photoshoot. No, don't blame them, they just gave Aadhaar to a dog.

Like the prodigal son, Infosys limped back to its owner. Narayan Murthy and his son Rohan Murty (without the h) took over the reins of the IT bellwether. The rules were conveniently bent and they promised to take home just Re 1 as their annual salary. That's one video each on Airtel, Mr Infosys. While you are at it, why don't you surrender all that high-priced stock too?

After the Great Indian Circus that kept us occupied for the past 3 months, we are back to what our men do best - Rape and Kill.
A young lady died after being splashed acid, a couple of foreigners got raped and one even went missing. So its business as usual.

Another inane (Indian) government agency ruled that we shouldn't be tortured with a lot of ads on TV. Don't these guys have anything better to do


And talking about doing things better, here's a breakup like none other. Don't blame me, I'll simply do a Srinivasan on you.

Indian directory service, JustDial went public and did amazingly well. Poonam Pandhey found a news article in her name, alas it was a summons.


In similar weird news, a man trying to catch ghosts in his house instead caught his wife having sex with his son. Candid Camera!

Last month, we all spoke eloquently about how Angelina's 'selfless' act of emancipation would translate to better awareness. 
None of this will matter to the locals at Fukushima or Jharkhand. To quote a sentence from the movie 'Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift', we 'not just played with fire, but soaked the matches in gasoline'.

Indians love working in the Middle East. Building their monuments and readying their economies for a future when oil will run out. Tempted with fat currency conversion rates, plane-loads of Indians are shipped by unscrupulous travel agents to work as slaves. Their salaries are tax-free, not free. With much of the work completed, there wouldn't be a more painless way to do it than to deport them. This would also ensure they can never crawl their way back here. Swift and clean.

We are famous for titing our tats. We did plenty of that last year. So when China announced it was going to buy a 100 warships, our impotent leaders thought 'Arey yaar! Why don't we also buy a 100 of 'em'. 
There is a difference though - Their economy and industries have been growing phenomenally for the past couple of decades, unlike ours. In all of this, I am reminded of the Malayalam proverb- 'If the goat tries to shit like the elephant, the outcome isn't going to be pretty'.

When the Chinese weren't window shopping, they shoplifted. In elaborately orchestrated cyber attacks on American defense systems, the Chinese stole top secret defense and military documents.

An unwed Chinese mother flushed her new born baby boy down the toilet. My heart goes to the child and I hope that is the last time he sees the sewers in his life. Her mother's motivation to hide the pregnancy and the father's reluctance to care for the woman he impregnated is appalling but something most Indians would identify with.
If they would've done the 69, there wouldn't have been the Baby 59. Just saying.

Syria did a North Korea, when it announced a stockpile of weapons from Russia. Great! Just what we needed to tip the scales.
... and North Korea did an Aman Ki Asha. The South and the North decided to reopen the one legacy of peace and unity in the region. 


Putin upgraded. So did Modi. No Surprises, there.
Nawaz spoke and his army shot. Same story.

As I end another rumbustious post, let's have a moment of silence to mourn the tragic death of Jiah Khan, a promising actress and a beautiful woman. While we won't understand what pushed her over the edge, I hope faux celebrities like Shobhaa De would think twice before mutilating her reputation online. Shobhaaaa, that comment was despicable (even by your standards) but we'll return the favor when you die.

Adious!

Jun 1, 2013

The Lessons We Learned

I've had Pilly and Gilly for couple of years now.
While I had my doubts in the beginning, I'd gradually become fond of them.

When I despaired, I'd look at how happy and content they were.
I have spent many many hours watching them groom eachother with love.
Looking at how they would take turns caring for their eggs and later when they would hatch, I used to marvel at how God placed such divine emotions and roles even in the hearts and minds of the littlest creatures.

Today as I do every morning, I woke up and as I greeted them, Pilli didn't move. He was lying in one corner of the cage. Gilli by his side.
Pilli was dead.

They were my children for the 2 and half years that we had them. 
He has fathered about a dozen finches, survived 2 near fatal accidents and was the braveheart.

Pilli loved Gilli, with a passion that only God could understand. Gilli would sometimes chase him around and I'd scold her. Pilli was always the kind of father and husbands that human females would fantasize about. He would let Gilli take bath first, eat first and would groom her first.

Today, as he lay in to the corner, we saw Gilli was distressed. She would sit next to where he was lying down. Chirping, in a way willing him to get up. She wasn't used to him being idle and non-responsive.

To many people who don't have pets that love them, what I'm about to say might sound trite, even ridiculous.
When Pilli died this morning, something inside me died too.
He didn't call me Dad.
All I spent on them was money in buying seeds, toys and taking care of them.
They didn't ask me for 'their' share of money or my love. I gave it as we could.
They didn't speak my language, nor I theirs. But when I was next to them, they knew I loved them.
I never blamed them for chirping as loud as they did, but I'd miss it when they didn't.
They never worked a single minute of their lives, but still had everything they needed.
They never shopped for a single cloth, but were still dressed in the most wonderful way.
They never expected anything from their children, yet they cared for them in the most gentlest way I've seen. 


Gilly has been silent the whole morning. As if in mourning. For all those who say birds have no intelligence and hence can't emote or feel, our feathered children taught me unselfish sacrifice and love. In the tiniest most exquisite way they could.
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