Jul 31, 2013

While you were away: July 2013 [Part 3 of 3]

When politicians provide us much self-deprecating humor, bloggers like me can't ask for more. I had to wipe the drool off.

China, got a little taste of Pakistan. Unfortunately, the Chinese aren't as great with bombs as their trigger-happy neighbors are. Or he just wanted to screw his life up.
Talking about being trigger-happy, our army decided to unload their ammo at some civilians in the God-forsaken country of J&K. All.Hell.Broke.Lose.

Meanwhile, couple of timezones away, O urged resilience and introspection. The verdict just proves how divided the United States of America really is. While I can definitely say the country has a lot of spirituality, what the community lacks is the togetherness that some of the greater civilizations had. They may have great churches that hold a lot of influence but deep down, they are really not that different from the rest of us.

Obama is visibly struggling to hold the fabric together, but back home, we just got a new State- Telangana.
At the wrong end of 60, India looks older than she really is. Politicians have peddled her like a prized prostitute to the highest bidder over and over again, and then used her to cover up their sins. Telangana can best be compared to impregnating the grandma just so that the husband's affair with the maid servant won't be discovered.. We have no excuse, no reason, no logic. We however have millions of illiterate, gullible people following politicians who are really smart about all the wrong things.
But on the brighter side. we will soon have 50 States. And then we will be known as the United States Of India.

If you thought kids said the zaniest things, you're wrong. Our politicians and businessmen hold that title here.


In what can be categorized as incredibly swift, 6 men who raped a Swiss tourist in March this year, were tried and jailed. None of the other desi victims will see justice. 

Moral of the story: It pays to be Swiss.
A few clicks away, Dubai made a mockery of rape. Who won?!

Shashi Tharoor, former UN diplomat and politician known to suffer from verbal diarrhea spoke: "English has been an asset for India. It is perhaps the only worthwhile thing we gained from the colonial experience. And in a country that is as vast and diverse as ours, it is very good to have a language like English to link us together, to link all parts of the country together where no part feels disadvantaged,". I don't think he knew Telangana was going to happen


In one of the biggest bubbles that popped, the Motor City of America - Detroit, went kaput! Indians felt the ripples and seeing as how have been eyebrow-deep shit for quite a while now, Bangalore isn't too far behind.


Someone must ask the Supreme Court to stop creating laws it can't enforce. Another victim succumbed to an acid attack by a man who was smitten by her. I won't ask that he be killed. I rather have him suffer a slow painful life. I'm inviting email suggestions on ideas I can add to how I will lead India.


China showed off her horsepower. India held another meeting. Great!
A bunch of Paki lunatics aka Clerics banned women from shopping alone. Wonderful! I am beginning to think the clerics actually want to punish men who hate shopping.


Bihar has always been the hillbilly of India. But no more. It's raining gold in Bihar!
While jewelry shops are still making hay while the gold shines, RBI tightened its grip. ARGH!
The most over-rated royal family got a new heir to the throne. Epic Yawn!
All hail the royal pain in the arse- future King George. So when are we going to tell him about Jacintha?

And in news that would prompt an exodus of men, Japanese advertisers decided to advertise their brands on the thighs of women who wore mini-skirts. And here's the immigration guidelines

As our 'underweight' economy continues its downward spiral, our government called on its NRIs to bail the rest of us out. No Strings Attached. How noble! But hey, you can still get a full meal for Rs 12/- plus tips. Politicians tripped over eachother and the rest of us ranted about how out of touch with reality Raj Baboon er.. Babbar is, I think he was just talking about paying $12 for a meal. Honest mistake, you see.
But that's okay. Iran stood up.

Yesteryear hottie and former B-grade Bollywood actress, Mamata Kulkarni showed the rest of us how you'll end up if you don't shape those brows and use that age-defying skin creams. Monster mono-brow alert!

Someone once told - 'It's good when people hate you. It shows they are obsessed about you'. O got 65  letters urging him to not let M in. As if!

And for anyone who said Indians don't have a iota of humor, a Mumbai restaurant showed it off in style. More power to satirists, I say.


You have to love Ireland! They hate abortions. But Godless marriages? Sure, mate!
Meanwhile, Modi and Rahul are turning into the Obama and Romney of India. Only worse. While it is almost sure one of the two demons will get to rule us (and probably ban this blog) in the future, that is where the similarities end. Neither of them have credentials worthy of being called a Statesman. They are both corrupt beyond comparison, have the unmistakeable scent of blood on their hands and lack the IQ or the imagination to guide us.

Almost on cue, India saw another disaster - Thousands of impoverished school children died after eating mid-day meals that were poisoned. Politicians pointed fingers at each other and eventually found a scapegoat. A week into the tragedy, everyone's forgotten about the plight of thousands of parents who lost the apple of their eyes.

And we latched on to Amartya Sen. Poor chap bit off more than he could chew. Whats a Nobel Laurette gotta do to be respected in his own country, huh? Our dirty-as-the-sewer-rat politicians flicked their forked tongues and Amartya regretted the day he woke up and decided to say all that he said.

Durga Shakti Nagpal, lifted the skirts of ugly Indian politicians. Hell hath no fury like the scorn of the spurned IAS officer.

Dell didn't get the deal. What bothers me is why Micheal Dell would want to take it private to restructure?

Snowden did a cameo and it looks like it might be a long rough Russian winter for the former NSA hacker. Merry Christmas, Snow(den)!

Poonam Pandhey got her first movie. Finally! Take my advice and spare yourself the torture. There is much better porn online. Don't google for it either or she might even say that she is the most googled actress in the world. Epic Fail!
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