Mar 18, 2014

The Colors of Life

Isn't falling in love such a wonderful feeling?
This world has such excellent examples of people falling head over heals in love. 

So what makes two people love eachother so intensely?
Can it be chemistry?
Can it be shared likes and dislikes?
Could it be both?

Whatever it is, Love isn't impatient.
Love can be that gentle tug without your heart when you talk or think about that person.

Love isn't selfish. Because you give all you can and expect little in return. 
Love isn't lust, because when you love that person, you could go an entire lifetime, without lusting. 
Love is that soothing tub of warm water when your body is freezing. 

No other emotion in history can be more powerful than to fall in love, desperately. 
While you are falling in love, you also wonder if you are going to get hurt when you hit the ground. True love can however make you land on the ground like a cat.

So is love a lost cause? 
I don't know.
But this I know. Love is that cognitive elixir that can make everyday life a whole lot easier to bear. 

Can we sell bottled love? 
Maybe never. 
Loving a person can be the most noblest and the most fulfilling act a human being can do.

Can we conjure love out of thin air?
Again, no.
Sometimes, you find it and you will live the rest of your lives, wondering why you didn't meet eachother earlier.
And then sometimes, you don't and you will live with a person who is incompatible and has nothing in common.
To find a person who can reciprocate the love you yearn for, is the single greatest goal humans have. 

So what is love?
Love makes you grin a little longer and blush pinker.
Love makes your walk a little more livelier.
Love is that feeling of security and trust.
Love makes you want to go that extra marathon for her.
Love makes everything around you so much better.
Love can shrink distances and let you hold eachother. 
Love can make your heart skip a beat when you are together yet apart.

Take love out of a person and the world will be a cruel place to exist but love can make life that much more colorful.

Mar 9, 2014

Raped by My Man

Two decades ago, when I was raped by a man while vacationing in Kerala, I didn't know what I'd do.
My family didn't take it seriously and brushed it aside. They thought I was lying. 

I was raped twice after that. 

For many years since then, I lived with the abnormal fear and mistrust of strangers. I suffered at school - was bullied right through high school. I hated and tortured my body and held myself responsible for what some guy did to me. I craved for love, ended up in relationships that had no trust and it affected me in as many ways it would have affected a woman.

While my wounds have healed since then, when I hear about abuses against women, I question how much of that goes unreported.
For every rape outside of a relationship that does get reported, there are 100's of wives who are being raped by their husbands that goes under the radar.

The perpetrator will enjoy his 3 minutes of sexual domination and roll off to his side of the bed, and sleep.
Shocked, in pain and still trying to grasp what just happened, she isn't going to sleep tonight or for the next couple of nights either.
He may see the sadness of what she is going through next morning, and apologize. On his knees, maybe. Until she nods a half smile. Probably a special romantic dinner or a surprise gift hoping that she will have magically forgotten the brutality of his actions the night before.
The wife is now thoroughly confused. She knows that he loves her. He knows it wasn't a mistake. She hopes it won't happen again, and he now knows he can buy her silence. 
He now has a wife who he can play out his rape fantasies.
The wife won't 'snitch' on their otherwise picture-perfect marriage.
To save her husband's integrity? To save herself from ridicule and shame?
She won't snitch not because she refuses to believe the man who she once adored is now her pimp and her unpaying client.

Because she thinks he owns her by virtue of being married.
The husband deserves to ravage her body because she promised herself to be loyal and understanding through sickness and health until death do they part.

 
Because she hopes that this will pass? 'This could be just a 'one-off' '
Sure! Every crime is just a 'one-off' to its victim.
Of all the crimes we have perpetuated, sexual abuse is one that is the most brutal, most cowardly and yet the most invisible.


But then why would a husband want to rape his wife?
She is married to him after all. Isn't she?
He is probably the only man she will ever be intimate to, so why he want to turn something that should remain so sacred and intimate to something that will forever traumatize her?
Could it be a mistake or an error in judgement on the husband's part? I wonder why we don't do equally good things in error too - like pledge to donate your eye, or write your wealth to the truly poor and needy.


But aren't we the culprits?
Our parents, their parents and their parent's parents have always perpetuated the idea of a husband's sexual dominance within a marriage. Girls are supposed to be docile and mute and willing givers of sex anytime he desires. In a case of art imitating real life, there were a lot of South Indian movies in the last Century which would invariably have a scene where the husbands rape their wives, and the wife would put up with it because she is the Bharati Naari.
But then this is not just India. Across Asia and Africa, centuries of gender discrimination has conditioned women to believe they are always a pedestal lower than men.


Why we haven't passed legislation to encourage victims to report and discourage husbands from this, is beyond me.
Sure, homosexual sex can land you in jail but if you are raped by your man, the law looks away.


March 8th. International Women's day.
When we celebrate women so eloquently, we forget the millions who silently endure unspeakable pain and untold guilt.

Thankfully, times are changing and our women are growing up. When I hear of wives who came out of abusive marriages, I do a fist bump and I hope we hear of more women who will learn to stand up against abuse. Everywhere.

Sources: 

Domestic Violence against Women
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...