Jan 31, 2015

As you liked it - January 2015

Wheee!! So that was the first month of the second half of the second decade of the 'twenty-tens'.

We carried over all the 'Obamania' from the last year because, having Obama and his wife over to witness our Soviet-era military parade and carnival-style floats is the breakthrough of the century. Having the 'most powerful man in the world' as chief guest at our Republic Day parade is the sign of our power. Really?!

Nevermind that Obama lost control of the Senate back home, or that he is now seen as a(nother) lame duck president. When Modi called, he came. We rubbed it into Pakistan's and China's face. We wore our hearts on our sleeves and drooled over his gadgets. And typical of us, we bent over backwards to please our guest. Modi's PDA (Public Display of Affection for the uninitiated), his attire and his speeches only made it look hilariously over-the-top.


Mr O came with his 300 bodyguards, chewed his executive gum, drank his Starbucks and promised us $4 billion in aid (read pre-approved loan). I wonder what the fine print is. And I am pretty sure the crooks at the top have already spent most of it in their minds. 

What can the US give us that we don't have already? How can the US help us with something that they themselves have failed in?

But we did make a huge deal about the civilian nuclear deal. Why? Because the Supreme Commander-in-Chief of the United States of America used his executive powers to do that. WOW! How we love the pomp and glory of titles!
And now since Uncle Sam is giving us nuclear power, we are saved!
We can finally breath easy.
How lucky are we!


Meanwhile, Pradhan Mantri Modiji launched a nationwide online programme to check whether people are using toilets as part of his cleanliness drive. Oh and did I say this already, our streets are still far away from any semblance of cleanliness.
Mr Modi's report card so far has been all fluff and not much else. If you want us to vote for you again, here's how your year ahead should look like. Just saying.

But since the good Mr Modi is still on 'Mode Election', like Alexander the Great, he is still out conquering hearts and votes. This time its Delhi. And who else to fight but Arvind
Kejriwal with Kiran Bedi er.. Kiran Didi. At first glance, it is a lop-sided fight. No prizes for guessing, but the battle is long and the stakes are high and it could turn either way. 

An anti-terror mock drill by Surat Police on Wednesday sparked a controversy after a person posing as a terrorist wore a skull cap suggesting that the terrorists belonged to a particular community. Terrific! Just the motivation the goons at ISI needed.

So Pakistan stepped up its post-Christmas/pre-Eid/any-time-of-the-year cross border shelling. And unlike previous years, we gave it back. Yeah!
Because our defence minister told our troops to return fire with fire. Excellent Advice! We will never learn our lessons.


Talking about terrorism, the Information and Broadcasting ministry banned live coverage of anti-terror operations. Saves us the interruption from the inane sitcoms and prime-time reality (drama) shows. 

We went into hyper-paranoia mode after our 'intelligence agencies' got 'reliable intel' that (Pakistani) terrorists will attack us. 

But we 'caught' a Pakistani boat off the Mumbai coast and gave it a proper American-style chase. Until they destroyed themselves and the boat. The BJP and the Congress got into a fistcuff of words. Get a room, guys!

Iranian president Hassan Rouhani decided it was time to come out of detention. After years of economic sanctions and trade embargoes, he appealed to the world (read US) to forgive and forget. And seeing how Uncle Sam is in a forgiving mood, things could get better for the Iranians.

Our desi fighter jet, Tejas, moved another step closer to being inducted when it passed the altitude test trials. Good show!

And things started getting hotter under the collar for the First Son-In-Law of India - Robert Vadra, after the Government of Rajasthan canceled several of his land deals in Bikaner. 

Indian Women: You can kill them when they are unborn, molest and rape them after they are born, try and discourage them from living their potential and even disfigure them. But our women are still the strongest when it comes to steely resolve to live

Over a year after Sunanda Pushkar was found dead (in mysterious circumstances!), her famous husband faced the spotlight. After months of (exhaustive!) analysis, it was found that she was killed. Duh! You didn't need all that investigation to say that, I told you that right at the beginning. In India, we are presumed innocent (forever) until proven guilty only when the accused is a powerful person in power. 

I can't believe everyone finds Shashi Tharoor's 'remorse' acceptable while we condemned Dr Talwar and his wife because they couldn't express themselves to our satisfaction. Ofcourse, he has promised full cooperation. Why not?! Shashi is guilty but his clout will ensure he will never ever see the insides of a prison. 

Saina Nehwal lost my respect when she demanded that she be given the Padma Bhushan. I would understand if she said she needed an award for winning the Olympic gold, but all she has done is compete in professional tournaments where she gets to keep the money she wins and now she needs one of India's highest civilian awards for that? The fact that many sympathized with her 'predicament' doesn't make this any more acceptable.

I wonder why we are still wasting precious public money trying to prosecute the two Italian marines for shooting and killing Indian fishermen off the Indian coast when we can simply ask Mrs G to mediate and strike a deal? Womano e Mano.

And Uber looked set for a heap of trouble after an Indian court said it would put the case on fast-track and the victim hired Douglas Wigdor, who is listed as one of the Top 100 lawyers in the US, to fight her case. If the company figured (and rightly so) that we will forget all about this over time, then this is a rude awakening that we won't give up that easily

Cheers to the brave lady who stood up for herself. But I am beginning to think all this rage is not going to heal her. Sure, this is a crime that deserves the most severe punishment, and I am glad she had the wherewithal to confront the system head-on. I am glad we are all talking about it. But that's all we are ever doing. We forget that for every victim we fete and publicize, there are 49 other women who will be raped and won't get to see a glimmer of justice. 
Maybe you can rape-proof yourself?! 
Or is it because our women are sending out these invisible invites to rape them?

And right this moment, a dozen MMS clips are being uploaded to sleazy newsboards online. Yet, this social experiment proves that not everyone will do enough to stop this from happening. 

After the lunatics at RSS cooked up 'Ghar Wapsi', now we have a muslim freako declaring that Islam is the real religion of all human beings. Something tells me we should not let these people breed.

Across the border, a quaint Chinese town of Harbin hosted the International Ice and Snow Festival. Held annually, crowds throng to see an entire theme park made of ice and snow. 

In precisely 15 days, India and the rest of the subcontinent will face East and pray that we get the World Cup. Yes, it's that time of the year when husbands will pawn their unmentionables away to their wives for a chance to watch their country fight tooth and nail for glory at the ICC World Cup. 

So, tell me this - Why do they call it the World Cup when only 16 countries play it? Gah! 
But if you think India is going to win it, you must not be watching the way we have been playing lately. Who are my favorites? Australia and South Africa.
Maybe Poonam Pandey can open the show this time, er Poonam?

If you are one of the millions who hate Yo Yo Honey Singh, take a number and get in line. Cheers to the poetry.

Or if you are one the millions who is addicted to fb, then here's some reason to rejoice: Very soon facebook will launch a work-friendly version where you will be able to network with people within your company. If WhatsApp and mobile facebook wasn't enough..

The All India Bakchod laughed its way into troubled concoction after airing 'The Roast'. Bad move in a country full of miserable, repressed bastards, who will rather watch the effing shit out of a Sunny Leone movie and enjoy the crass below-the-belt, between-the-crouch'comedy' of Kapil Sharma. Sigh! 

Surviving cancer can be a daunting experience. One of the best adverts I've seen lately. Kudos for capturing the emotions so succinctly.

After an amazing stint at the helm of affairs, ISRO Chairman K Radhakrishnan retired. He leaves behind a legacy that can't be forgotten and as Dr Shailesh Nayak takes over, he has his task cut out. 

Further down South, trouble brewed after embattled former Sri Lankan president Mahinda Rajapaksa's country home was raided after a humiliating loss in recent elections. 
Same story, Different zip code.

My prayers go out to the family and friends of the 36 who died in the New Year eve stampede at Shanghai.
Unfortunately, the Chinese authorities' callous approach to the incident only underscores China's poor human rights track record.

Farewell, RK Laxman. One of my favorite cartoonist and illustrator, India won't be the same without your humor. In his honor, all of my posts this year will be titled 'As you liked it..'

A moment of silence to the cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo. 
While I don't condone the violence, I think we are all being very hypocritical. No one has the right to discriminate or mock anyone else's religion. For years now, the West have poked fun at Islam. Sure, it's all fun and games until it hits closer home. Try mocking Jesus or the Pope and the shit will get real. The Muslims are only doing what the Christians did back in the medieval times. What happened in Paris happens in Pakistan and Afghanistan and Iraq and Israel and Syria every day. I don't see people marching in their millions. 


I see Muslims (in India) being discriminated and looked at with contempt and suspicion everyday. Yet they live their lives with as much dignity and pride as they can. 
Everyone should really calm down now.

Some cartoons that you should be seeing.

And finally, here's some eye-candy
Until we meet again..
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