Feb 29, 2016

My Biggest Regret | Manna for your Soul

Let's see.

I regret not spending more time with my family growing up.
I regret having the fear of failing.
I regret not doing my engineering.
I regret not saying No to people/relationships when I should've I said it.
I regret not standing up for myself.
I regret believing people when they said I was no good.
I regret staying within my comfort zone for too long.
I regret not being a better friend to some people.
I regret not accepting myself for what I am, for too long.
'My Biggest Regrets' list is quite long..

As we strive to make our lives performance-based, we forget that quality and not quantity is what matters.
We rush to fill our days with travails and memories while living paycheck to paycheck, without ever stopping to realize the people in our lives are there not because of what we earn, but inspite it. 

Over the last couple of weeks, I've had an epiphany of sorts. 
Its difficult and socially unacceptable to talk about your regrets, insecurities and weaknesses. 
Many people I've spoken to told me they shared the same list of regrets in their lives too. 
Like me, I know people who have allowed a past relationship traumatize them for far too long. I know people who have not healed past their wounds of betrayal even after years of being apart. I know how it feels because I've allowed people to live on in my heart long after they exited. 

Almost everyone I know archived their regrets until it was too late to undo them.
My dad was one of them. 
He had dreams of traveling to Cyprus, Israel and other places with my mom after his retirement. 
He dreamt of fishing in the backwaters behind our home in Kerala.
He dreamt of having a dog and many more.
He achieved none of them. 
You might know someone who died with regrets in their hearts too. 

How would you feel if you were given a chance to 'Delete' and 'Restart'?
I know I want to. 

I want to say I'm Sorry to everyone I hurt and I want to forgive everyone who hurt me. I just don't want to continue to live with the realization that either of us are hurt. If we can start over, I'd love to.
I want to pursue my dreams and my goals, even when they look like a pipe-dream now.
I want to love the people who care enough to be with me even when I wasn't loving them enough.
I want to start all over again and live a life with people who love me and care for me and who I care about. 
I want to learn how to get out of my comfort zone and say what I need to say when I need to say it. 

Because the death bed will be too uncomfortable to undo everything. 
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