Tuesday, March 07, 2017

I love you, but...

Do you love me?

Four words that can drive people in relationships crazy with anticipation.
To ask a person you are very fond of this question is just so nerve-racking. 
You aren't sure if that person loves you the way you love. You aren't sure if the love is real. You want to believe the connection is eternal and true. 

Has it ever happened to you that you get restless without that 'someone'? You know you are having the time of your life but you feel pulled towards that special 'someone'? 
Like that 'someone' is home to you?

Someone recently asked me - What do you fear most in life?
I pondered for a bit and answered - 'Love'
He had a perplexed look on his face. 

'Actually, it's not that I fear love. I love a lot of things in my life. I love what I do for a living. I love how I am compassionate, caring and sensitive. I love the inexplicable joy of traveling, I love the fact that I can reach out to thousands of people with mere words. I love beaches and mountains. I love the fact that I am spiritual and purposeful. I love my friends. So, yes. I love a lot of things. 

But what I do fear is - falling in love so deeply with that one special person that I end up investing my emotions, my time, my love, my self into theirs, only to discover they don't feel the same about me. To me, that is the greatest way to kill the soul of a heart. That's how people die before they die. You know you are breathing but nothing you can do can resuscitate you. The scariest part of falling in love is you never know if you are falling for the wrong person. And by the time you realize that it's too late.'

But how do I define love? 
Love is when you care about someone in a way that confounds rational thought. Love is when you want them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you. Love is when you give up praying for that person to be with you and begin to ask God to
make them as happy as they can be, that she finds someone that will treat her with love and respect that she so deserves. (Bruce Almighty, 2003)
And when you love this way, you don't stop. Ever.

Love is an unconditional commitment where you do things that are unusual, anomalous and irrational, yet you know you are bringing a smile on her face. 
For love makes you do things, and you know you can’t be mad at them for a long time.

To love others, you must love yourself. Love is action. It isn't transient. You need to make love work every single day. If you love someone you do things that translate into action. It could be the trivial act or a generous thought. It could be a message in the middle of your day or a call when she is feeling down. When you successfully communicate how you feel via your actions that you care for the other person, that's when you show you love her.

You know you love that person when you accept her for the way she burps, and can't imagine a day without her tonsil stones, warts and all.

People pretend in front of everyone... there are 2 people you don't pretend in front of... Yourself and God, but then there is the third one - Your partner. 
You shouldn't have to pretend in front of her.
She doesn't have to have the same beliefs as mine... but she needs to respect mine as I will respect hers. 
When you feel there isn't space for somebody else. When you can't take your eyes off her, when you would fight and argue with her and then can't party without her and then you realize - She is the one.

Does it matter if your partner tells you the 'L' word?
Many times today, that phrase has been abused and over-used. Saying "I love you." to someone is wonderful. But it's just words, meaningless words if those words are not backed up by deeds that demonstrate your love.

Finally, romance is captivating, mesmerizing, and fundamentally chemistry. It is when we have butterflies in our stomach. It could be butterflies everytime we meet. But it is when we let each other be who we are without fear of censure. Love is not wanting the other to become a clone or a puppet of ourselves. 

When I was in a new relationship, I'd write poems to serenade her. But then as the relationship matured, I realized my love was more than rhythmic grammar and verbs. It transcended beyond anything I could say or transcribe into poetic words. Love was what I was made of and kept me alive.
And you know you are in love when you sleep in the serene calmness by the mere thought of that person.

Now, that's what love is!

A special shoutout to Neiha, Sangeetha, Ram and an army of friends who helped me with their perspectives. You folks did an awesome job articulating emotions into words!

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