Aug 1, 2017

What Men Want

A very popular juvenile joke tells us that women are unpredictable and their needs are endless and all men want is limited. It's a funny illustration where there is a massive book of What Women Want and a tiny 1-page book for What Men Want. 
Apparently, all men want is sex and beer. 
Wrong.

I want to set the record right because there are so many things a man wants.


Men need validation for everything and from everyone that matters to them. 

They need people in their life to respect and recognize them for the work they do. They crave to be acknowledged and respected. And it shouldn't just be handed to them. They want to be seen to have earned that respect (from people who matter). And suitably renumerated for it.

In relationships, women need to feel the 
love, men need to be reaffirmed of it. Simply put, men need constant reassurance and encouragement in the same way you'd need mile-markers and signposts when navigating to a destination. Men want to know for sure that he is The One, and the Only One in her life. 

From time to time, most men need their egos stroked. Let's face it, they are chivalrous, kind, considerate, and supportive. They need other men (and their women) to respect their authority/abilities. They want to be worthy of their love and trust. Most men need to feel a purpose in their lives. While he loves giving endlessly, he resents being taken for granted (read 'being taken as an ATM when in need'). They also resent being pigeonholed into stereotypes molded by media. 
Most men will put their needs aside for the woman they love and care for. It isn't a sacrifice and isn't always because they want to get into her pants, but an intimate act of infinite love and a cognitive sign of how much he loves her.

Men love symmetry. We are problem-solvers and pattern-seekers. We love it when our women allow us to love and care for them. Nothing soothes us more than the satisfaction of being there for each other. Nothing draws us to her more than the feeling of safety and emotionally security in a well-balanced relationship. 


While he would choose a lady who is physically well-endowed, his passion and love for her would grow only if she is intelligent, feminine, playful, confident yet grounded. Contrary to popular perception, men won't tolerate women who are weak and docile. Damsels in distress are fairy tale fluff. We are attracted to strong, independent and emotionally stable women who inspire us because she has great things going on her own life. We want a woman who has her own purpose other than being in a relationship. We are aroused by women who have a natural aura about herself. We are intrigued by women with a strong personality with a dash of naughty. We want our lady to have her firm head on her capable shoulders. We love it when she lets us our space when we need it. 


Men aren't verbally articulate. Which is where they fail when they have to communicate their needs from a relationship. Give him a paragraph of code, and he'll spot the bug, but when it comes to explaining the 'Why' of our emotions, we are lost for words. While some (except Alan Harper and Ross Geller) fear commitment, most fear the vulnerability of being 'exposed'. But if he chooses to be vulnerable, then that is the highest level of commitment he can express and he expects his lady to reciprocate. We expect our women to express their needs and expectations clearly. Men can't process words the way women can and for this reason, men are repulsed when a lady talks him through things believing that in the multitude of honeyed words she is winning him. Don't evaluate us by our words, but by the measure of our actions. Similarly, it isn't what you say that attracts us. It is who you are within that pulls us to you.  


Not all men are lovers of fellatio. Many are generous givers. 

Not all men love violent porn and video games. Many are tender and passionate lovers to their partners and have a lot more creative pass-times. 
Many men hate violent aggression and cringe at the thought of hurting another human being. 
Not all men are skirt-chasers and beer-lovers. So many respect women and are teetotallers. 
So, as you see, we just want to be understood, respected, rewarded and recognized for what we do and who we are. Both at home, with women in our life, and at the workplace. 

And for all these reasons and more (much like how women aren't complicated), men have layers to their personality and are intriguing yet easy to understand. 
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