Jul 14, 2018

The 20 minute pain

I've been through my share of heartaches. As has anyone else. I've broken hearts and I've had mine broken too. 

What do you go through when a relationship breaks?
Do you blame yourself? Or do you lash out in anger and plot vengeance?
Do you blame someone else for 'casting their evil eye'? Do you blame yourself for not being capable of carrying a healthy relationship? Or do you accept responsibility and move on?
Do you sigh in relief that the 'care' is over? Or do you feel like the ground beneath your feet has given way?
Do you run in search of the next ruse? Or do you resolve to find peace within?


I've anguished over relationships that didn't turn out the way I thought it would. When things went south, I'd write to myself. I'd sink in the bottomless ocean of loathing, rejection, and emotional pain. And then I get better.

Some studies show emotional pain lasts only for 20 minutes. Anything beyond that is self-inflicted. This seems to be a sweeping statement because that implies we don't suffer scars? 
Just because our emotional scars cannot be seen, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 

Do we have the courage to exit when your expectations aren't the same? Or do we desperately cling on, hoping that the situation will magically heal itself in time?

Do you rebound? Can you learn to truly love that person again?


Countless artists, authors, movie-makers, and poets have made a career out of emotional pain and unrequited love. 

The truth is the pain we feel is inversely proportional to the emotions we've invested in a relationship. 

Hearts are built differently. Some people are less emotional than the most. Their expectations from a relationship differ. So does their pain. 

The mistake we make is expecting the other person to be only as emotional as we are. We are constantly expecting the other person to be on the same page. Our page.

Our emotional scars will take years and the right therapy to heal because we can't put a band-aid on it. Every time you think about the relationship, you poke at that scar. Every time you miss that person, you tear the stitches apart.

I am grateful that I've had all the wonderful moments together. I'm glad we were there for each other during the not so wonderful moments too. I am glad we could do everything out of love and not because we felt obliged. I am glad I got to spend the time I did with you and your parents.

I forgive you and I hope you are able to forgive me. 
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