Monday, July 26, 2021

Chapter 4: Beautiful Love

She sat there.

Blush pink lips in oversized sunglasses. 

Stoic. Annoyed.

She just wanted to get out of there. With him in tow. She didn't want to be caught seen with the man she was secretly in love with.

He was just happy to see her. Couldn't stop staring at those lips he'd only fantasized about. Straining to catch a glimpse of the eyes he would longingly stare at in her pictures. 

She hated that he stared. 

They dreamt of each other. Every day and every night. 

She was his muse. His poetic license.

He was her bold experiment. 

Together they didn't mean much. Apart, they were meaningless. 

The first time her hands brushed off his, she recoiled. The last time - they couldn't let go of each other as they intertwined their hands. Aware that it would be their last.

The first time she was touched, she was repulsed. The last time - they hugged as if they had to, lest life will cease. Aware it would be their last.

They learned to love each other - gently. They were not ravenous. They were simply grown-ups learning to live past traumas. They were both survivors of a life fully lived. 

She didn't know how much he loved her. 

He didn't know how much she's been through. 

Yet, when they loved, they loved each other with a fresh resurgence. 

Both were on uncharted territory. Navigating a sea of debris, some known, some unknown. 

They would fantasize how it was, but neither of them knew what it would become.

After sex, they would simply lie next to each other, as she buried her head in complete embarrassment and utter disbelief that she just came and...

Loving another person is like taking a leap of faith - it's like diving head-first into the pool. Without knowing if you're diving into the shallow or the deep end. 

.... they would simply lie down there next to each other talking.

Love is complicated. It is more than just being hungry for each other's bodies. It is loving the person beneath the scarred body. 

Love is more than just phone sex and craving to fuck hard until she cums. It is knowing she is living the moment with you when you look into her eyes.

Love is when they meet, they forget all the angst of being apart. All the years they lost not making love was in the past.

They used to wonder if it was lust or love. 

All doubts were dispelled as they made love for the first time.

In the moments that lead up to the final rush, the fog in her mind cleared. Like wiping a scribbled blackboard clean with a new duster. 

As she dismounted him, she knew this was it. 

He never knew what hit him. He didn't realize it was not him. Or maybe it was him and all the men who didn't give a damn about her. It was never meant to be. 

But like all the times this happened, it's ok when people mate and not for life. 

As he lay naked next to her clothed body, he wanted to run away. But he stayed. Because he wanted her to have closure. He didn't want to ghost her like how he was ghosted before. 

'I love you' He said.

She looked at him and smiled.

Maybe the sex wasn't great.
Maybe she didn't like my body.
Maybe I came too soon.
Maybe I was underwhelming.
Maybe she doesn't love me.
Maybe it's my body odor.
Maybe she didn't like my length and girth.
Maybe I was too heavy on her.
Maybe she doesn't love me.
Maybe I didn't satisfy her.
Maybe I shouldn't have stopped after we came. 
Maybe I should have kept going like in those movies.
Maybe she doesn't love me.
Maybe I shouldn't have wanted to make love and just held out.
Maybe I shouldn't have been upset with her.
Maybe I said it too soon.

He never heard it back.

As he heard her soft snores, he came closer to hold her tight. Careful not to wake her yet wanting to tell her how much he loves her. Straining to hear her heart's conversations.

He wraps his arms around her waist and hugs her one final time but she snuggles into him on cue. 

For tomorrow - Sure as light shatters darkness - this will be over. But for now, they would wake up cuddled, legs intertwined, lips in kissing distance in a large bed. Both knowing they are safe. Nothing bad could ever happen right now.

He lay awake aware that he will never again be able to share the air she breathes. 

The Love That Lifted

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