Showing posts with label BCCI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BCCI. Show all posts

Sunday, June 09, 2013

While I was away. June 2013 [Part 1 / 2]

Okay, so you might have heard this before - India is a land of quirks!

Carrying over from the previous month, Srinivasan gave his laundry list of demands and shuffled his feet long enough until we lost interest in what he and his cronies did and latched on to Raj Kundra.

Sreeshanth placed his bets with God and stopped shaving and Dhoni got an honorable mention. 

And I laughed when Shilpa started complaining about how the media is treating her husband and her. Oh really?! It is the media who made you a 'celebrity'. If it wasn't for the fiasco at 'The Big Brother', you would've have married Viveik Oberoi and changed your name to something equally atrocious.

We don't have to be told our politicians have the combined IQ of a comb. We know that already. But when one Mumbai politician banned the display of bikini-clad mannequins, some of us gasped. Have we become so sex-starved that we get the stiffy just by looking at mannequins now?!


We had some big budget masala movies hitting the theatres. And unless you've been buried, you couldn't have missed the promos of 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani'. While I am tempted to warn you, after reviewing a few tasteless Bollywood movies last year, I decided I'd stop torturing myself. So I still won't tell you how terrible this movie is, but let you make yet another poor choice in your life. 

Ah Aadhaar! India's answer to an unified Civil ID/Social Security number. You have to have one, even if you are just a dog, a chair or a plant. And if you are a lady who loves to walk around without the dupatta, you might have to wear one for the photoshoot. No, don't blame them, they just gave Aadhaar to a dog.

Like the prodigal son, Infosys limped back to its owner. Narayan Murthy and his son Rohan Murty (without the h) took over the reins of the IT bellwether. The rules were conveniently bent and they promised to take home just Re 1 as their annual salary. That's one video each on Airtel, Mr Infosys. While you are at it, why don't you surrender all that high-priced stock too?

After the Great Indian Circus that kept us occupied for the past 3 months, we are back to what our men do best - Rape and Kill.
A young lady died after being splashed acid, a couple of foreigners got raped and one even went missing. So its business as usual.

Another inane (Indian) government agency ruled that we shouldn't be tortured with a lot of ads on TV. Don't these guys have anything better to do


And talking about doing things better, here's a breakup like none other. Don't blame me, I'll simply do a Srinivasan on you.

Indian directory service, JustDial went public and did amazingly well. Poonam Pandhey found a news article in her name, alas it was a summons.


In similar weird news, a man trying to catch ghosts in his house instead caught his wife having sex with his son. Candid Camera!

Last month, we all spoke eloquently about how Angelina's 'selfless' act of emancipation would translate to better awareness. 
None of this will matter to the locals at Fukushima or Jharkhand. To quote a sentence from the movie 'Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift', we 'not just played with fire, but soaked the matches in gasoline'.

Indians love working in the Middle East. Building their monuments and readying their economies for a future when oil will run out. Tempted with fat currency conversion rates, plane-loads of Indians are shipped by unscrupulous travel agents to work as slaves. Their salaries are tax-free, not free. With much of the work completed, there wouldn't be a more painless way to do it than to deport them. This would also ensure they can never crawl their way back here. Swift and clean.

We are famous for titing our tats. We did plenty of that last year. So when China announced it was going to buy a 100 warships, our impotent leaders thought 'Arey yaar! Why don't we also buy a 100 of 'em'. 
There is a difference though - Their economy and industries have been growing phenomenally for the past couple of decades, unlike ours. In all of this, I am reminded of the Malayalam proverb- 'If the goat tries to shit like the elephant, the outcome isn't going to be pretty'.

When the Chinese weren't window shopping, they shoplifted. In elaborately orchestrated cyber attacks on American defense systems, the Chinese stole top secret defense and military documents.

An unwed Chinese mother flushed her new born baby boy down the toilet. My heart goes to the child and I hope that is the last time he sees the sewers in his life. Her mother's motivation to hide the pregnancy and the father's reluctance to care for the woman he impregnated is appalling but something most Indians would identify with.
If they would've done the 69, there wouldn't have been the Baby 59. Just saying.

Syria did a North Korea, when it announced a stockpile of weapons from Russia. Great! Just what we needed to tip the scales.
... and North Korea did an Aman Ki Asha. The South and the North decided to reopen the one legacy of peace and unity in the region. 


Putin upgraded. So did Modi. No Surprises, there.
Nawaz spoke and his army shot. Same story.

As I end another rumbustious post, let's have a moment of silence to mourn the tragic death of Jiah Khan, a promising actress and a beautiful woman. While we won't understand what pushed her over the edge, I hope faux celebrities like Shobhaa De would think twice before mutilating her reputation online. Shobhaaaa, that comment was despicable (even by your standards) but we'll return the favor when you die.

Adious!


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Games Men Play [136/365]

Men need crutches. Men need religion.
In India, Cricket makes for a lousy crutch.
In a sport that is played by a dozen countries, it would seem easy to excel. It should be easy to resist the lure to cheat. Sigh!
Indian cricket has always been mediocre. Driven by corporate greed and short shelf-life, players who break into the big league find it hard to resist the lure of million dollar betting scams.
And just in time. A day after a national television sting on a bunch of players in the IPL, Indian cricket's governing body BCCI seems to be reading statements from it's time-tested book of PR responses.

Predictably, there will be an inquiry commission. Suspects will be framed, arrested and released. Allegations will fly. Denials will follow and the whole scam will have a shorter public memory than that of a housefly.
And until the next scam all the players will go back living a life less ordinary.
This is the mystery of our religion. We know our gods are less than perfect. Yet, we'd rather let them be than regret worshiping them.
The Poster boy of Indian betting Source: AFP

Among the many things that ail our public conscience our endorsement of sports-persons who sully the spirit of sport is what makes us look bad. We know what

needs to be done to punish temptation. It's been done before, but the fact that we have newbies indulging in this sin is a dangerous trend. In the corporate

world, when freshers who start a career indulge in unethical behavior, the employee is terminated and made an example of.
In public life, however, there will be an inquiry and an acquittal.
No matter what.


Sunday, February 05, 2012

Dawn of sense [35/365]

Today's newspapers should have come with a warning for Cricket lovers and amorous Muslim men in India:
Make sure you sit down before you read any further.

Sahara, the real estate conglomerate who has been sponsoring the over rated, under performing, uber rich Indian cricket team for well over a decade now, finally decided to pull the plug and the rug from underneath the BCCI. (The delightful news here)
What took them so long?
Sahara in one swift move has turned the tables on the most influential cricketing board in the planet. Now cricket in India has always been The sport to follow. But with the current debacle Down Under and a team with more senior citizens (aka Veterans) than in the government, I wonder if any company would want to take a bet and decide to sponsor the team on any of its fully paid vacations abroad and around the country. The company statement was more of an emotional plea than anything else.
While it is easy to see the economics of money in sport, I'd make more sense if the sponsor would have a say on the performance of it's beneficiaries. Like in any corporate today, the consistent performer should be rewarded better than a fair weather, good pitch hitter. But I guess that could be asking for too much especially the way they are playing. But then the question I would like to ask is, why are the players spending more time and effort selling themselves on screen if they cannot win a match? Well, I may not be a cricket buff (or would hate to describe myself one) but all those million dollar paychecks that our cricketers get simply does not make sense. At all.
Overall, a bad day for the Indian Cricket board.

And the day was not looking any better for Muslim men either.
A historic judgement was to be passed by Muslim scholars in India. No more triple talaq. (Shocking news here)
For the uninitiated, Muslim men are allowed to keep up to four wives under the Sharia law. But allowed to marry only one, obviously because the law recognizes that the man cannot care and do justice to more than one wife. Smart!
Why? Well, the reason is hardly spiritual. After years of bloody wars that left many nations with a skewed sex ratio, entire societies were left with more widows and spinsters than eligible men. Islamic countries encouraged their men to take more wives in to solve this supply & demand dilemma. Women on the other hand, are prohibited from having more than one husband.
And if you thought men had all the aces in choosing a wife for himself, then you haven't heard about the divorce yet.
Muslim men can divorce his wife just by uttering the talaq thrice. You won't even need a witness and in countries where polygamy is actively encouraged, the husband may not even need to wait for a period of time before uttering the third talaq.
But now with the landmark decision to disallow the triple talaq, I am guessing some of the most important arguments will be about how this law will restrict the freedom of a Muslim man. The women will be lucky to get any representation at all. While polygamy can be a good thing for certain societies, I still think that is more of an exception than the rule.
(Recommended Read here)

While we still wait to see how BCCI will bend over backwards to accommodate it's strongest sponsor, or if the law prohibiting the triple talaq will be passed and enforced as a law, this is certainly the beginning of the end.


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