Showing posts with label China. Show all posts
Showing posts with label China. Show all posts

Saturday, August 24, 2013

While you were gone: August 2013 [Part 2 of 3]

This past week, we all took a lungful of air, pinched our noses and took the deep dive. To the rest of the world at the surface, we told - 'Don't wait up, honey'.

First of all, to my Indian readers - Happy Independence day!
Now, could you please stop circulating those email chains that you forward every I-day asking to replace Jana Gana Mana with Vande Mataram? It ain't gonna happen.

It was all in a day's work for our reclusive, reticent Defence Minister. Launching submarines and battleships, then presiding over ones that sank mysteriously. Conspiracy theories flew thick and some played the blame game. But that didn't stop us from gloating, you see. Are we even supposed to believe China is impressed?! Might we remind ourselves how they are picnicking at Arunachal Pradesh? Or maybe we can just put up 'Made In India' posters of our battleships at the border and that will keep them off.
With ships that don't sail, subs that sink to the bottom, planes that won't take off and the ones that do regularly fall off the sky and an army that loves subsidized tipples and the neighbor's wife, it is but a marvel why we have not been wiped off by our neighbors yet.

And like the INS Sindhurakshak, the Rupee sank. Confirmed reports say it hasn't hit the rock bottom of the Marianna Trench, yet. We got thrown out of the trillion dollar club (!!!).
The flip side is, the next time some firang-returned Indian tells you we are just a developing country, you can slap the bejesus out of him/her and tell them 'STFU, we are in the billionaire club'.
The good news is Gold is back up, so you can finally sell all that gold you bought, make a profit and buy that overpriced apartment.


Amidst all the random bullcrap that gets spoken, our opposition did blurt out the inevitable truth- Our economy has taken a time travel and gone back to the future of 1991. Let's all take five and wait for our nation to catch up.

 
Modi was in the news, again. Blah! The guy is turning into the SRK of politics! First he trash-talks the Quiet Head of our Quiet Nation on the I-day and then heads to UK.
Modi is like that acid reflux after eating that roadside biriyani from that pushcart with questionable hygiene. Feel the Feeling!

But don't let the infighting fool you. They know how to unite as well. Against good. Funny thing is we let them unite against the lone sane voice in the wilderness. Is it because we know that they will get away with it or because deep inside we want the same thing as the politicians?

And like a bad smell that clings to you, we had more men raping fewer women. This is what happens when pornstars announce their retirement. Out came the 'Stop Rape Now' placards and part-time protesters. In exactly 2 days, we will have a new scam to talk about. Yay!

Abdul Karim Tunda got bagged, tagged and slapped. Welcome to India.
The annual prisoner release happened. Good! But could someone tell them to stop arresting innocent fishermen in the first place?
Kishtar and tell it. Omar took the bull by the horn. The 'mainlanders' (aka The Rest of Us) didn't like his guts. If you ask me, we need more politicians like Omar.
Andhra boiled. India Shining!

Across the pond, Middle East was on simmer.
First Egypt, then Syria. As thousands were killed in their sleep by chemical weapons, and as Uncle Sam stiffened, one thing is sure - This isn't going to end well.
While the world looks towards the UN (read US) another expensive US-led coalition war in the Middle East has doomsday written all over it.
Hosni is out. Mubbarak, Egypt!

A hop, skip and jump away, The Guardian got screwed. There goes all our perceptions of free speech, eh?!
Norwegian PM swapped clothes and went undercover. But don't let the critics bother you, Mr Manmohan Singh. You just enjoy the rest of your notice period.

Maybe if we agitated and protested as fiercely as Indian politicians fight in parliament, then maybe we will have laws that will stop our men from raping our women, deter misadventures from Pakistan and China won't invade us anymore. Alas, if wishes were candy.

But if you thought we are doomed, take a number and get in line. Japan is at the counter and cashing its chips in, and this might take a while. With a country full of geezers, politicians who don't know what to do (deja vu`) and the mother of all leaks, Japan is soon going to be the black hole that will suck the rest of us in.

Previously I said, Hell hath no fury like a spurned IAS officer.
Correction: Hell hath no fury like a spurned Oprah.
And if you didn't know this already, Area 51 exists. How shocking!
Next Week: We discover God.

In other weird news, surgeons removed a 4" fork from penis of a 70 year old geezer. I could give you 500 MB of funny euphemisms to this piece of gem, but I'll give it a rest.

In closing, Kurshid doesn't know what went wrong with Pakistan and China.
Shinde is shitting in his pants trying to figure out what's going wrong with the law and order in our country.
Anthony can't fix the forces.
Chiddu has no clue what's wrong with the Rupee.
Mr Singh has exhausted his quota of words at his last Independence Day speech.
Anna is away on an all-expenses paid vacation.
This is the story of our times. Mera Bharat Mahan!

But I hope you enjoyed the Perseids meteor shower.


Wednesday, July 31, 2013

While you were away: July 2013 [Part 3 of 3]

When politicians provide us much self-deprecating humor, bloggers like me can't ask for more. I had to wipe the drool off.

China, got a little taste of Pakistan. Unfortunately, the Chinese aren't as great with bombs as their trigger-happy neighbors are. Or he just wanted to screw his life up.
Talking about being trigger-happy, our army decided to unload their ammo at some civilians in the God-forsaken country of J&K. All.Hell.Broke.Lose.

Meanwhile, couple of timezones away, O urged resilience and introspection. The verdict just proves how divided the United States of America really is. While I can definitely say the country has a lot of spirituality, what the community lacks is the togetherness that some of the greater civilizations had. They may have great churches that hold a lot of influence but deep down, they are really not that different from the rest of us.

Obama is visibly struggling to hold the fabric together, but back home, we just got a new State- Telangana.
At the wrong end of 60, India looks older than she really is. Politicians have peddled her like a prized prostitute to the highest bidder over and over again, and then used her to cover up their sins. Telangana can best be compared to impregnating the grandma just so that the husband's affair with the maid servant won't be discovered.. We have no excuse, no reason, no logic. We however have millions of illiterate, gullible people following politicians who are really smart about all the wrong things.
But on the brighter side. we will soon have 50 States. And then we will be known as the United States Of India.

If you thought kids said the zaniest things, you're wrong. Our politicians and businessmen hold that title here.


In what can be categorized as incredibly swift, 6 men who raped a Swiss tourist in March this year, were tried and jailed. None of the other desi victims will see justice. 

Moral of the story: It pays to be Swiss.
A few clicks away, Dubai made a mockery of rape. Who won?!

Shashi Tharoor, former UN diplomat and politician known to suffer from verbal diarrhea spoke: "English has been an asset for India. It is perhaps the only worthwhile thing we gained from the colonial experience. And in a country that is as vast and diverse as ours, it is very good to have a language like English to link us together, to link all parts of the country together where no part feels disadvantaged,". I don't think he knew Telangana was going to happen


In one of the biggest bubbles that popped, the Motor City of America - Detroit, went kaput! Indians felt the ripples and seeing as how have been eyebrow-deep shit for quite a while now, Bangalore isn't too far behind.


Someone must ask the Supreme Court to stop creating laws it can't enforce. Another victim succumbed to an acid attack by a man who was smitten by her. I won't ask that he be killed. I rather have him suffer a slow painful life. I'm inviting email suggestions on ideas I can add to how I will lead India.


China showed off her horsepower. India held another meeting. Great!
A bunch of Paki lunatics aka Clerics banned women from shopping alone. Wonderful! I am beginning to think the clerics actually want to punish men who hate shopping.


Bihar has always been the hillbilly of India. But no more. It's raining gold in Bihar!
While jewelry shops are still making hay while the gold shines, RBI tightened its grip. ARGH!
The most over-rated royal family got a new heir to the throne. Epic Yawn!
All hail the royal pain in the arse- future King George. So when are we going to tell him about Jacintha?

And in news that would prompt an exodus of men, Japanese advertisers decided to advertise their brands on the thighs of women who wore mini-skirts. And here's the immigration guidelines

As our 'underweight' economy continues its downward spiral, our government called on its NRIs to bail the rest of us out. No Strings Attached. How noble! But hey, you can still get a full meal for Rs 12/- plus tips. Politicians tripped over eachother and the rest of us ranted about how out of touch with reality Raj Baboon er.. Babbar is, I think he was just talking about paying $12 for a meal. Honest mistake, you see.
But that's okay. Iran stood up.

Yesteryear hottie and former B-grade Bollywood actress, Mamata Kulkarni showed the rest of us how you'll end up if you don't shape those brows and use that age-defying skin creams. Monster mono-brow alert!

Someone once told - 'It's good when people hate you. It shows they are obsessed about you'. O got 65  letters urging him to not let M in. As if!

And for anyone who said Indians don't have a iota of humor, a Mumbai restaurant showed it off in style. More power to satirists, I say.


You have to love Ireland! They hate abortions. But Godless marriages? Sure, mate!
Meanwhile, Modi and Rahul are turning into the Obama and Romney of India. Only worse. While it is almost sure one of the two demons will get to rule us (and probably ban this blog) in the future, that is where the similarities end. Neither of them have credentials worthy of being called a Statesman. They are both corrupt beyond comparison, have the unmistakeable scent of blood on their hands and lack the IQ or the imagination to guide us.

Almost on cue, India saw another disaster - Thousands of impoverished school children died after eating mid-day meals that were poisoned. Politicians pointed fingers at each other and eventually found a scapegoat. A week into the tragedy, everyone's forgotten about the plight of thousands of parents who lost the apple of their eyes.

And we latched on to Amartya Sen. Poor chap bit off more than he could chew. Whats a Nobel Laurette gotta do to be respected in his own country, huh? Our dirty-as-the-sewer-rat politicians flicked their forked tongues and Amartya regretted the day he woke up and decided to say all that he said.

Durga Shakti Nagpal, lifted the skirts of ugly Indian politicians. Hell hath no fury like the scorn of the spurned IAS officer.

Dell didn't get the deal. What bothers me is why Micheal Dell would want to take it private to restructure?

Snowden did a cameo and it looks like it might be a long rough Russian winter for the former NSA hacker. Merry Christmas, Snow(den)!

Poonam Pandhey got her first movie. Finally! Take my advice and spare yourself the torture. There is much better porn online. Don't google for it either or she might even say that she is the most googled actress in the world. Epic Fail!


Saturday, July 20, 2013

While you were away: July 2013 (Part 2 of 3)

Confession time!
We, Indians, have a unique way to whitewashing our sins - We simply rename our cities.
Bombay became Mumbai, Calcutta - Kolkata, Madras - Chennai, Bangalore - Bengaluru.
What was wrong with the original names? But when cities change their names, their airports follow suit. The Bengaluru International Airport became .... (drum rolls)... (wait for it)....  Bengaluru Nadaprabhu Kempegowda International Airport. Even its acronym is a mouthful.
So why do we love Indianizing our cities so much? Because 60 odd years after we fought the British off, we still don't have a soul that is truly ours. We copy and paste ideas and solutions from the West (and sometimes from the East) and end up with crap that we didn't sign up for.

BJP's Prime Ministerial candidate Mr Modi compared his situation to how helpless he can be when he is backseat of a car that runs over a 'son of a dog'. Well, Mr Modi, my questions are as follows:

  • As a Chief Minister, what the effing hell were you doing in the backseat? Not taking a nap, I hope
  • Muslims! What the heck are you all doing? He just referred to you as 'sons of dogs'.
If he was anywhere in the Middle East, we would have presided over his public hanging last Friday. But he isn't and we love forgiving just as we love haggling for bargains. So we decided to settle for a lawsuit instead. I am surprised only one person in a billion thought of filing one.
I honestly dread the day when Modi will be in power, or in the backseat of the car (called India). He will drive right over the sons of dogs, cows, and chickens like nothing ever happened. Collateral damage, anyone?


Ottavio Quattrochi died. I am pretty sure he and Rajiv are having a massive chuckle right now. Ahh! the ones that got away.

Infy showed first signs of recovery. That said, the company has lost a lot of ground but better late than never!

The Justice system failed logic and a million Americans as George Zimmerman went scot-free in the murder trial of Trayvon Martin. The fact remains that loss is irreplaceable. Unfortunately, this also opened a pandora's box wide open. While I don't know the intricate details of the incident, I can also say trial by popular uprising can also be fatal. Many previous cases of the innocent being incarcerated often for decades before the actual suspect was charged must be a lesson that we all must learn.

We have our Pakistan/China, the US has Russia, Koreas have each other and Israel has Iran. If Iran is closer to a nuclear bomb, that is because you have one yourself and you have been crapping on their plates for a very long time now. Muslims, Christians and Jews have a lot of common history. We rever the same ancestors, have similar religious practices and yet we are at each other throats.

That brings me to China. Our government, in all its wisdom, decided to add half a lakh soldiers along the Indo-China border. We can't afford to feed our poor millions but 50,000 troops? Great, just what we all needed!
More troops = More of our tax rupees down the drain.


And talking about feeding the poor, we managed to feed couple hundred of our kids insecticides. Suddenly we cried hoarse and demanded that the largest Mid-day meal program in the world be scrapped. Really?!

Nelson Mandela hit 95. Happy for him! I hope he is blissfully unaware of the way people are fighting over his corpse. Happy International Mandela Day, Mr Mandela!
 

Paypal sneezed and made an ordinary Joe the richest man in history. I definitely hope HSBC sneezes in my direction and makes me one too. And no, I won't pay off the national debt, I'll just buy the BCCI.

So, folks. Those were the headlines. The rest of this post is just a boring repeat of what has been happening for a while now.
Putin toyed with Snowden, a little more. The man without a country has several fighting for him.
India is struggling to keep atleast the Rupee well-fed.

Keep those smiles in place. That could be the only thing you have that won't be taxed.
See you all in 10 days.


Sunday, July 07, 2013

While I was away : June 2013 [Part 2 / 2]

Spoiler Alert: You are being watched!

The world has changed much since my last post, so let's get started on the wonderful times of our lives.

Let's start by saying Obama is the most powerful man on Earth.

Who said Indians are not tech-savvy? We raise our kids, and they have kids who hack into our computer systems. What do I say?! Heaven must be missing some angels.

Paris, Wacko Jackson's beautiful daughter attempted to kill herself. Whoever said money can buy everything should be dunk in puke.

PRISM. Finally, we know Hollywood is not all fiction.
Our protagonist ran like a headless chicken. Right into the unwelcome hands of unwilling nations. What is ironic are the double standards. Uncle Sam, of freedom and equality; The Rest of the World, of the same. If the US didnt have anything to fear (or hide) why would they hunt down the former NSA contractor like he was a common hacker that he is! What is troubling is how the agency that certified Snowden and the company that hired him failed to do the right levels of background verifications and checks and missed the red flags.

Assange, if you thought India was the safest place for you. We think you lost your marbles after being on the run for so long. Ditto with Snowden.
Ladies, gents or any self-respecting individual will stay the hell out of Bengal as we watch Ms Motormouth run the State (which is already in doldrums) right into the drain.

Another 'celebrity' that ran straight into trouble and out of luck was Mush. He came down to rule and ended up with a headlock from hell. One thing's clear- He aint going anywhere, soon.

Amazon reached India. And somewhere down the line, American businesses felt we were not playing fair. Gee! They went crying to papa.
Maruti shut down their factories, in the face of piling inventories. Touche`.

Kalmadi. You gotta give it up to him. Like Poonam Pandhey, he managed to stay relevant too. If only he had a pair of boobs and some cleavage, he would have never ended this way.

The Kundras got thrown out of the IPL. Srini complained in the uniquely Indian way that we are known for. India won the Champions trophy and we all forgave the Sins of BCCI.
Sreeshanth got bail and lost his wicket. Atleast marriage might straighten the boy out.

Ambani promised to pull another rabbit out of his hat.
And we got to read more letters from Jiah. Great! Poor Poor Suraj.

Pharmas swallowed bitter pills

Mr Singh raked up quite the bill traveling cattle class.

While we won't let our childless couples adopt a child, we could let a pedophile adopt one.
Women were raped (again) in a moving car. Ringing any bells here, SC?

Advani put his foot down and threw a spanner into the spokes. BJP got on their knees and he finally relented.

Nature rewrote some of the mistakes we did in Uttarakhand. What's amazing is how our politicians fought for a piece of the pie. It was angelic to see politicians beat each other up with words and (mis)deeds.In all these, they proved that Indian politicians are both gaseous sycophants and rumbling baboons.

Can we learn some lessons from our tragedies and not repeat disasters?
Maybe we can all take a lesson from the outgoing emir of Qatar.

The Indian economy did the tizzy into the bottomless pit of worries and gold jewelry shops are packing 22 to the dozen.
Oh and the government does not want you to watch any more porn either*.
The message is clear - We are screwed.

We really need to learn to take a hint, when immigration rules tighten, it is time to scrap those plans to go West.

In weirdo world, we'll get to taste breast milk-flavored lollipops soon.
Passengers traveling the domestic airline GoAir will have more eye candy in the future.

Kanye got lampooned as he compared himself to Steve Jobs. Well, I am sure Steve is turning in his iGrave.
Gallivanting across Europe after leaving his heavily pregnant wife, Kim took it like a pro. And then gave birth. Good for her.

While Delhi got a sea port, Dubai is all set to become the city of architectural wonders as it added another feather to its cap with the Cayan Tower.

In the end, this is true - Obama is not the most powerful man in the world. It is the anonymous (wo)man.
It is the men and women who dared-
to tell the truth, to do the most unselfish act, to be the change.

For all those who think America is the most powerful country in the world, they are looking at the wrong continent all together.
China is the new America.

*This rule, like many, is not applicable to politicians.


Sunday, May 19, 2013

While I was celebrating... May 2013 [1/2]

I'm nuts about May!!
I think it's because growing up, that was when my summer vacations started. And for a boy who loved getting covered in mud and the sheer thrill of adventure, May was the month.


This was also the month of some of the craziest and insaneiest things we did.
After marathons and walk-a-thons, some of us decided we needed to shag a lot and many of us used our hands and imaginations to good use in Philly. Now, to save you the trouble of searching, I've researched and found that the world record for the longest session is held by a Japanese guy who imagined his girlfriend, family, friends and co-workers to keep him stimulated for 9 hours and 58 minutes. Family?! Yew
And Porn got a healthy thumbs up too! Researchers in the Netherlands (?!) claim that porn is positive. Really?! Why don't we have studies like that in India?


In other weird news from across the planet, Jacko's problems simply refuse to die and a school in Washington closed today due to great weather.
The UN threw its weight on repealing the much maligned AFSPA in Kashmir and the North East. One of the reasons why our army will get away with this is because the huge majority of us are unaware of the atrocities the army commits in the name of peace.

Talking about peace, Americans want their government to keep their noses off Syria. The two-year long conflict has divided the Middle East and threatens the fragile peace in the region. So while most Americans are oblivious to the crisis in the Middle East, they still want to keep Modi out.



North Korea sentenced an American to 15 years hard labor, fired a few missiles and now everyone 'thinks' they could have long-range missiles that could eventually reach the great continent of North America. 

Meanwhile, America signed a deal with Australia to sell several squadrons of F-35s and modified versions of the Super Hornets. Sigh!
Now, tell me something - How can a country that fails on every infrastructure parameter manage to create nuclear submarines?


So while Uncle Sam is eager to layeth the smackdown on ruffians in their backyard, we are trying to sit pretty and pretend the Chinese incursion didn't happen. Oh, the irony! Our flag meetings and 'coercive diplomacy', or the lack of it, wasn't going to affect the Chinese outcome. They won a bloodless coup when they capitalized on the perfect time to pitch their tents in our lawn. Our paralyzed government sang its last swan song, our intelligence agencies tied itself in a knot and unlike the military leaders in countries around us, our armed forces are impotent and mere stooges of our corrupt politicians
The Chinese came, stayed for as long as they pleased and left when they wanted. All our bellicose rhetoric and empty posturing only made us look like utter buffoons. Not Mohammed Ali, Mr Foreign Minister.
Even their dailies lampooned our inaction.

The Supreme Court called the CBI, the government's parrot. While we all sighed in fake relief, the PM and his council of ministers took offense. Now, repeat after me- 'Oh Yeah!'

Israel struck out and the world looked the other way
Google touched a few raw nerves when it recognized Palestine as an independent nation and some of our text books gave Arunachal Pradesh to China. In your face, Rest of the World!

Down south, we made our political aspirants sweat it out . Eventually, we made sure we spoke (and got rewarded for it) and when the ballots were counted, the ruling party crumbled and the lesser evil rose to power. The celebrations lasted an entire week and the bubbly flowed freer than water. Alas, it is now time to walk the talk.


Meanwhile, our western neighbor got a new head and we all celebrated the novelty. Promises were made and will be broken.

It has been proven that elections can cause loose talk. The Congress-led UPA government have suddenly developed amnesia and appear to be talking utter trash. Well, seeing as how they have looted us for a decade, I think it is only fair they allow their compatriots from the other side of the fence to loot us for a few years too.


Some of us took the law into our hands when a 14 year old girl was gang-raped in LaLa Land. Not surprising because Didi wasn't really inspiring confidence in anyone with her brand of mickey mouse governance.


India isn't known for her choice of politicians, so when our honorable minister, Mr Manmohan Singh starting shuffling his feet in the mud, it was time for Mrs G to take control.


We did a Sarabjit when a Pakistani prisoner was brutally killed. India said all the right things, again. Our politicians gained political mileage and Pakistan issued a travel advisory to all its citizens traveling in India. And I thought to myself, 'so does that travel advisory also apply to their citizens who've come to kill innocent Indians too?'
Now, can we have the rest of Sarabjit, please?

While most celebrities in showbiz are reluctant to step away from the limelight, Leonardo DiCaprio announced he is taking a break while still at the top of his game. Admirable!

So it is an open secret that Apple and Samsung love to fight with each other, but Nokia said it. Switch


Like a hyena following the scent of rotting meat, Priya Rai is now set to titillate the world's largest democracy. Bring it on!


Johnson & Johnson's has struggled with many of their baby products in the US for a while, but it faced the authorities' wrath when it was using ethylene oxide - a substance used to produce industrial chemicals and to sterilize medical equipment - to kill bacteria in its baby powder and had not conducted mandatory tests to make sure there were no remaining traces in the powder. Shame!


In sporting news, Abhinav Bindra convinced the International Olympic Committee (IOC) to take its prodigal son back. And how!

The latest edition of IPL was spicier than a Chicken Tikka masala. Starting from Farah Khan's Jumpin' Japak to  the revelation of spot-fixing. Now, I bet Sreeshanth didn't see this coming when he did a Lalit Modi on twitter as IPL 6 began but I've always felt the KKR win last year was just a flash in the pan.

While Sreeshanth & Co is guilty beyond doubt, how many of you think he is just the fall guy? So that explains how he built a palatial bungalow even though he has played so little. Old man Katju, I hear is preparing his 'Pardon Sreeshanth' petition even as I write this post.

Apathy knew no bounds either. Doctors in the City of Oranges, Nagpur, refused to provide timely treatment to teenager who was 'brutally' raped by her stepdad.
Five deaf and mute orphans were raped and 2 jawans got 10 years hard labor. Simply great!

In the words of the 'Mask'.. Somebody stop me!


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Letters from the other side [232/365]

The past couple of weeks have been the hardest on Indian minorities.
First the carnage in Assam and now the North eastern community in Karnataka.

My previous post on what I thought about this carnage got me a lot of responses via email. Most of them were angry at what was happening, but nearly all of them agreed that this was possible only because we are a society that is too weak to punish.

Today, as our newspapers declared how the hateful messages and videos originated at Pakistan. I thought 'How convenient!'
Why should we believe the politicians when they say the material is from Pakistan?
Could it not have originated from any of our other neighbor(s)?

Politicians, on either side, have always prodded us to fight each-other. Like a bloodied pair of fighting cocks, we have always been told to fight each-other to death.

I would like the government to release irrefutable proof that the material originated in Pakistan. And then I would like our country to demand our neighbor to extradite them or else. But knowing how our netas are a bunch of lily-levered oldies, I doubt if the perpetrators will feel the Indian noose.
On the other hand, let's assume that the material didn't originate from Pakistan. Where else could it come from? Assuming how China has been fighting for our land and knowing how good they are with copying stuff, I wouldn't be surprised if they had a role in this.

But then, it would not have been extraterrestrial at all. We have enough scumbags available locally with know-how to copy and morph a bunch of videos.
Blaming the Pakistanis has become far too easy now.


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Freeze! [115/365]

source: The Telegraph
It's just April and we've got a full deck of exciting things happening.
While it appears like we'll have a full show at the Olympics which is just 100 days away, we are already having a race of another kind happening. An Arms race.

So, India decided to go ahead with a missile that can reach any part of China.
China, being the cry baby it is, first declares the missile is nothing compared to the ones it has but later declares the missile could actually go further than it was announced.
Predictably Pakistan, not used to being ignored by both India and China, has test fired it's own 'India missile', a modified version of the Shaheen. (Read the explosive news here)

If the threat of a nuclear war was not frightening, this would have been the stuff of standup comedians.
Pakistan was the target of our fear and hate psychosis until a few years ago. And then we tested our nukes, intimidating our western neighbor. All we wanted, was to scare the Pakis just enough to keep them on the edge but not push them over that they attack us. But they did and when the world reacted in aghast against Pakistan, we achieved our first moral victory. Our victory at the battlefield mattered less. Gradually, we lost our interest in Pakistan and trained our bofors at another troublesome neighbor - China.
For many years, and since the latest Indo Sino war, China has been restructuring itself. She has been quietly yet consistently growing. Organically and otherwise. Into an economy that the world cannot live without. Today, over 80% of everything manufactured or processed is Made In China. They build 15 fully equipped cities in a year while we struggle with a over-bridge for 10. I know I sound cynic but the proof is in the pudding.
Our government fumbles with every single infrastructure project and corruption is so deep rooted that it's slowly desensitized us.

So if you can't reach them, scare them.
Enter Agni 5. (Read my earlier post commemorating death)

But here's what I'm thinking.
Why do we need to annihilate a country that we can stand to gain a lot, if only we are friendly.
We needed 5 versions of a missile before we could build one that could reach all of China?! What did the first four versions reach? Srilanka? Andamans?

If you ask me, I think the Pakis had the missile a long while now. It's just taken them some time to translate the Chinese manuals.
Why Pakistan still finds India a threat is something I find disconcerting. With all the thaw that has been happening between the nations, a missile test like this puts a freeze on our bonhomie. Maybe we could test our 'Pakistan missile' again. Just to remind them that we already have a missile that can reach any spot in Pakistan.

What are we trying to achieve with all these missiles?
Intimidation is one of them.
While both the countries have showed how they can push each other's buttons really well, I think it's time we stop all this posturing.
Deep down, we desire to live together.
When we are the same culturally, geographically and ethnically, why can't we learn to live together as well?
We may not be able to beat China alone, but together we can achieve a super- economy that is unbeatable.

Perhaps our political fathers have been frightened at the prospect of having us work in harmony. Maybe they just want to keep our twin away.
And a missile is a wonderful way to do that.


Thursday, April 19, 2012

Playing with Fire [109/365]

Mera Bharat Mahaan.

India is a land of public contrasts and private quirks.
We are not the most literate but have the most active media in the world.
Over 50% of our population live in villages and a similar ratio in poverty, yet our cities are bursting at the seams.
Our govt silos are overflowing with food grains, yet millions will go to bed hungry tonight. And every night.
We have one of the best interstate highways, yet nearly all our cities have roads that are miserable to drive on.
Mumbai has Asia's largest slum, and the world's most expensive home.
We have antiquated fleets Sukhoi and Mirages that fall from the sky even without a bullet fired, yet we have a million dollar Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.
Our Army chief tells us that we are sitting ducks, yet we are on the largest spending spree in the planet.

Agni 5, our latest boy's toy. 
While I agree we need to have a reliable defense shield, I wonder if the millions of people earning less than Rs 32 a day will agree to their cash strapped government building a missile that will cost a couple of billion a pop.
But what I can't understand is where are all the lovers of humanity? All those people who carped and complained about how obscene Antilia is in the midst of Daravi.
I remember how we smirked and whispered a conspiracy of hatred about the ludicrous display of wealth when the F1 track was built.

But, don't get me wrong, I have the most respect towards our soldiers who fight against all odds. Even the ones we stack against them.
I salute the brave hearts who patrol inhospitable places like Saichen and Kargil round the clock. We owe you a lifetime of gratitude.


But is having a missile really going to cure our insecurity? I don't think so.
Besides igniting an arms race in an already fragile world that is armed to the teeth, a missile with a fiery name is not going to do squat for our economy.
If our government really wants to make our borders secure, they need to start equipping our ground forces and air combat units with better weapons. With the kind of antiquated guns and sub-par equipment they currently fight with, it is a miracle we have not been invaded yet.

In a nation that is fighting Maoists and Naxals from within, does it really make sense when we spend billions on arms trying to defend itself from external threats?
If you ask me, what we need is not another missile to target China, but one that will target every corrupt politician in our country.

Quick question, Mr Politician, who is funding all this?


Sunday, March 04, 2012

Blundering amongst the Himalayas- Prelude [63/365]

As an Indian, China holds a very unique relationship in our hearts.
Never a buddy, not an enemy yet.
While India's relationship with China has thawed in the last decade or so, behind all the bonhomie and diplomacy lies an uneasy truth of deception and corruption.

Of all the wars that India has fought, the crushing Indo Sino war is India's Vietnam. And being a huge fan of 'war novels', it is only recently I was introduced to a 'Himalayan Blunder', a non-fiction account by Brigadier John Dalvi, who fought and was captured by the Chinese as a POW.
A gripping book just by the description, I am waiting to read the book so that I can review it.

In the meanwhile, read about the book here.


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