Showing posts with label Famous Deaths. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Famous Deaths. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

While I was away... 2014!

Have you ever wondered why seemingly smart people make rules that don't seem to be so smart?
This month our apex bank, Reserve Bank of India, passed a law that said you can only make limited number of free cash withdrawals from ATMs. Defeats the purpose of having such a convenience if you are going to get charged for every withdrawal. This reminds me of the charge fee that Bank of America charged on their credit card holders. Time for an online campaign that could save all of us tons of money.

Talking about banks, cops caught the president of a regional cooperative bank for a Rs100 crore fraud. Beat that!

Modi continued to be the flavor of the season this month. Apparently, vacation's over for the country's highest-paid lazy-bums. Lok Sabha attendance jumped 104%. Finally!

While I still am not his biggest fan and didn't vote for him, I still think he is the smartest and the most promising politician to head the country and it's grossly unfair to question his motives and promises for the Acche Din. We stood by and watched Sonia and her unholy batch of political misfits loot and plunder trillions of dollars of wealth in the last decade. But suddenly we all want instant results. Zapp! Just like thatIf we wanted progress why did we put up with those bunch of nincompoops for the last decade. 

The Gandhi clan are planning a well-deserved vacation after their infamous drubbing. The more I think about the quagmire that is Indian Politics, the more I am convinced we need a limit on the number of political terms a person can occupy the top seat a'la the US.
But not before accusing Modi of stealing their spotlight. I know what you mean. So that was the spotlight? 
And what is with Rahul and his obsession with women's empowerment

Modi on the other hand has been all over the place. Putting out fires at home and building bridges out in his first 100 days as the Prime Servant of India. Pride!

He gave what will be remembered as one of the best Independence Day and the most 'chest-swelling in pride Bharat Mata Ki Jai' speech at the UN.
At the I-Day speech, he scrapped a bunch of redundant laws  and ditched the Planning Commission (which wasn't planning much anyway). He also made quite an impression with his nation-wide televised address to children on Teacher's Day.

Arun Jaitley had a 'foot in mouth' moment as he mocked the now (in)famous December 16 rape. Its a pity and a travesty of justice that we still have politicians that can talk this way

Meanwhile, it was all sour grapes for his political opponents (read Sonia G and Co.). 
Modi made the right noises at Nepal, , Japan and the US. It all summed up pretty well when a Congressman in the US Senate asked an Indian Journalist 'So you had to hold an election to choose this guy over Rahul?!". Take notes, Sonia.
And oh yeah, he also managed to get summons from a little known councilman in the US. Reminds me of a proverb in Malayalam 'No matter how mighty you are, a scorpion sting can still hurt'. But alas, as the Prime Minister, he enjoys immunity. Pray what immunity the Congress has?

The neighbor's house is restless too! It almost appears like Imran Khan can't wait to get married

With local legislative elections in major North Indian States, BJP is back into 'Mode: Election'. Enthused by its recent (and unprecedented) success, BJP appeared confident. Perhaps a little too confident? Because it lost the plot in UP to an old foe. Allegations and accusations flew fast and thick. 

Talking about thick, Amma finally got the 'Go to Jail' card, after 18 long years. The ruffians in Tamil Nadu ran amok. I think she was (quite literally) just the biggest and dumbest fish in the pond. What I am waiting for is Sonia G and her mutant bunch of cronies to be arrested, jailed and forever disqualified from politics. Now that will be epic.

Moving on to World News, threats flew back and forth between Russia and the Rest of the WorldGaza continued to burn Uncle Sam decides to wear the sheriff's badge once again.  The US also determined that it was time to go back in and complete what it should have done decades ago - eliminate terrorism in the Middle East. Why you ask? Well, if there is anything movies like Iron Man has taught you, it is that someone has to buy arms and ammunition from America. Where would the US be if it weren't for all the problems in the Middle East? 

But if you thought the Americans truly wanted peace, you couldn't be more wrong. The US will make all the right noises, do all the posturing and promise us eternal peace but knowing how the Americans have always left things half-done, I doubt if this is the last we've heard about the ISIS. Made up of officers of the former Saddam regime, the ISIS has been on a beheading spree. For the muslim lunatics, everyday is a bakrid.
Like the LTTE and the Al Qaeda, the ISIS is a ruthlessly efficient multi-tiered organisation that is fueled by the same things that makes the Americans drool - Oil. 
Its not that the US can't do the job, but it's just that they don't have the will-power to see through it.  
So in the last fortnight, we've seen how patriot missiles have pounded much of the infrastructure to kingdom com and then there has been expensive gaffes as well. Rookie Iraqi pilots air-dropped arms and supplies meant for the rebels to the militants! Good show. Just what Uncle Sam wanted - More weapons sold! 

India promised the US a larger pie of its multi-billion dollar defence budget. Back home, we have been making huge strides in technology ourselves. We test-fired the Akash and even left one of our live missiles unguarded at a South Korean port for 10 whole months! Pakistan, please note.
And the US 'killed' a secret experimental hypersonic weapon that can reach targets anywhere in the world within 30 minutes. Gulp!

Meanwhile, a commuter plane crashed in an highway in Tehran and an Indigo aircraft caught fire while landing.
In more tidbits of news about the ill-fated Malaysian Airways MH370, recent findings suggests that the aircraft may have turned south-bound earlier than presumed, which now means the search areas will widen. Meanwhile, families of the victims have announced a massive reward for anybody with valuable information on this aircraft and its passengers & crew.
And we had an unidentified plane in Mumbai.
After coaxing and encouraging India's space agency to set higher goals and achieve better, ISRO made us all proud by being the first and only country to put a satellite in Martian orbit in its first attempt. Working on a shoe-string budget (which incidentally cost less than the Hollywood movie Gravity), we did the impossible. Now, the hypocrite among us will complain about the money we had to spend on an interplanetary mission when we still have to sort out the mess back home, here's the answer - a mission like this proves that we have the technology and the engineering capability to achieve excellence. Technology lessons learnt from space missions and Formula One and the 'God Particle' experiments have helped us make huge strides in inventing and improving everyday technology. Besides, to be the only country to be able to do this in its first attempt is simply awe-inspiring. 

In this month's 'Let's give a moment of silence' section, Hollywood lost 3 of its legends. 
Sir Richard Attenborough, who needs no description. 
Robin Williams, lost the his battle to depression and killed himself. And Lauren Bacall
May God give their loved ones the grace to find peace with this loss.

In home news, get ready to be scammed the next time you visit a local mall/grocer in Bangalore, because your wallet is about to get a lot lighter. 
And if you have trouble reaching the cops the old-fashioned way, try tweeting your troubles. It worked for this gentleman.

India's greatest symbol of non-cooperation after Gandhi, Irom Sharmila, was released from prison. The celebration was short-lived because she was arrested again. Decades after we won our freedom through peace non-cooperation in style, I am amazed at how petrified and paranoid we are about letting others practice it.

And much to the joy of Modi and the chagrin of Sonia G, Congress puppet and disgraced former Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit resigned as the Governor of Kerala. Saved us a whole lot of drama, if you ask me

With the holiday season upon us, and spurred by the insane discounts of it's deep-pocketed rivals in the last couple of months, Air India announced tickets at
Rs 100. And true to the reputation of most government websites, the AI website crashed soon after Rs100 offer: 

With the way his former colleagues have been writing 'tell-all' books, I doubt if Manmohan Singh is enjoying his quiet sunset years with books. 

Apple's mantra is 'If you can't outsell them, ban them'. Thankfully, the courts didn't agree with this. 

In 'Weird enough to be News' news,
Read about some hard love in Erotic Erosion
UP rapists to walk free.
After famously supporting Indian cricket, Poonam Pandhey cheered for FIFA and did the Ice Bucket challenge. I'd like to b*tchslap the idiot who nominated her in the first place.
Diageo Board appoints Malya as Chairman with one caveat: He must clear the wilful defaulter tag to stay in the position. Checkmate! I bet he didn't see this coming.
Pistoris (aka The Blade Runner) was convicted of culpable homicide and will be sentenced. And that's how the world lost an otherwise gifted athlete. 
Hundreds of coal blocks that were illegally auctioned by the previous Congress-led coalition government were cancelled because of gross violations of rules. And the plot just got thicker here..

The world had no shortage of smut this past month, when a hacker stole 1000s of (nude) selfies of Hollywood actresses from Apple's iCloud. Lessons learnt?
One of India's 'leading' national newspaper, Times of India rehashed a photograph of Deepika Padukone and ran looped video montages of her cleavage to reveal her 'inner strength' on Twitter. To saute insult to injury, TOI even complimented her cleavage.
What followed was pure anarchy. Hell hath no fury like a scorn of a Bollywood actress! 
Poonam Pandhey must be really upset everyone snubbed her ample and overflowing 'inner strength'.

In 'Things you need to watch out for' section, 
Modi put his weight behind the RuPay. Way to Go!
Watch out for ebola. With recent studies showing how the virus has already mutated atleast once, things are suddenly getting out of hand. Thousands have already died in the outbreak and with the way India's (and most of the developing countries') medical infrastructure is grossly under-prepared for a crisis like this, we cannot afford to slip. Do whatever it takes to spread the awareness and stop this epidemic.
We also got a first peep into what could be new traffic rules
Watch out for yet another over-hyped Indian blockbuster starring Rajnikanth. 
Pakistan arrested the gunmen who attacked Malala. Knowing how unstable the country is, I think the prisons are the safest places to be. 

I'd previously posted a video documentary on how young girls are trafficked from the impoverished North East. This news only proves that there are a lot of people who do the utterly thankless job of making sure women have the right to a dignified life. 

One of the greatest irony in India today is how our courts (and society) believes marital rape is okay but pre-marital consensual sex is rape. Today, 1000s of women use this legal sword to make sure the men they are having sex with, will marry them.
Case in point: Union Railway Minister and former Karnataka Chief Minister DV Sadanand's son was served with a lawsuit after his (ex) girlfriend accused him of raping her after promising to marry her. 

What I can't understand is, 
One- why would she wait this long before she files the case, and 
Two - What does she expect to achieve from this? Notoriety? Maybe. Does she expect him to marry her and live the life of the privileged political bahu? I don't think so.

In another instance of our double-standards, we all pounced on Swetha Basu when she was busted in a prostitution ring. While I can't support her for the decisions she's made, I applaud her for the courage she's shown to be honest and come clean. Bravo!

And then we have more brave-hearts than we'd like to admit. Enter Sarita Devi. Indian Boxer. Stung like a bee, yet took the high road. While the International boxing federation AIBA let her off with a slap in the wrist, I hope this doesn't snuff out the flame inside her. I admit I didn't know much about her until this happened, but when this did, I googled for and watched the recording of the match and saw how wrong the referee was. Nepotism in sport (or anything else for that matter) isn't new and as Indians we resign ourselves to this fact of living. We could all argue till we are blue around the gills about the right way to have fought this injustice. But the truth is - she did what she had to do, because it mattered to her. She sacrificed her time away from her new born and her family for her career. She lost the match. To us, she is just another medal statistic. For Sarita, this is the fruit of her toil snatched away. The metal on the medal doesn't matter. The validation does. 

In a few years from now, and in future matches, we will look out for Sarita. Because we know she is passionate about what she does.

Since my last post and now, the Scots have debated and finally decided to stay within the United Kingdom. The Brits let out a huge collective sigh of relief. It was a close call though. 

Saving the best for last, here's an interesting statistic: Between the time you woke up today and the time you drag your tired body (and mind) back to bed, 92 Indian women were raped.
Today it was some random lady/girl/child. You don't know her. You'll probably never cross paths with her. Today this is just a statistic for you. 
Tomorrow it could be your mother/sister/wife/daughter/girlfriend.
I'll let that sink in.

GoodBye.


Friday, August 01, 2014

And that's the way the cookie crumbled, in July Twenty14... [Part One]

It feels like December 2012 all over again. 
Bangalore - formerly Pensioner's Paradise, Garden City and the City where violent sexual crime used to be rare is now anything but a Paradise, has more over-flowing gutters than gardens and where young children and women are being raped almost everyday. 

And this has riled up the armchair activists like sharks on a feeding frenzy. Enough is Enough! Stop talking! 
Recently on Quora, I read a question which wondered why men in Bangalore are better towards women than the men in the North. You must be kidding me!
Will one-stop Crisis centers for rape victims help? Tough to say. Even as I write this, more than 50 women would have been raped and chances are none of the perpetrators will be punished. 

Them geniuses at the Women and Child's welfare committee decided that banning mobile phones in colleges will be enough to stop rapes. My advice to them: Don't breed, please!
But if you are breeding, please produce some girls. We are running short of girls and the dwindling numbers have now reached 'emergency proportions'. On the flip side, it isn't looking good for the survivors either

Moving on to matters that won't ruffle the manicured feathers of placard-holding pseudo activists, the Met. dept announced that Monsoons will be the lowest in 52 years and a private agency declared drought. No shit!! With the way we have been chopping down those trees, I'd be surprised if we didn't face the consequences. 
Our civic authorities helpfully pointed out that we have been wasting 42% of our drinking water. 

Remember the gigantic oath-taking ceremony that our honorable new PM took in May? Well, the government spent 17.60 lakhs for it. A small price to pay for the 'acche din'.

Talking about prices, Modi came out with his maiden 'pro-reform' budget and the industry swooned, politicians had a case of sour grapes and ordinary non-smokers cheered! Biggest gainers: ITC! 
For starters, you get to save more of the peanuts you'll earn under 80c and PPF (Public Provident Fund). and Indira Vikas Patrika makes a return now. 
Good News: Unlike the previous governments, there won't be any more loan waivers for farmers who can't and won't pay and a renewed focus on infrastructure. YAY!

Every other politician cried blue murder and the Congress said it was just a copy-paste job. Well, Mr Congressman, if it was an exact replica of your budget, then why are you complaining? Arvind Kejriwal managed to get his 10 seconds of glory too. 

The US has been cozying up to Modi under the blankets and by the time you read this, Obama has sent the Welcome wagon

But petrochemical major Reliance seems to be squirming with discomfort after the government refused to revise and hike prices of gas from the Krishna Godavari basin and when GAIL was told to not pay RIL Much gas was passed.

BJP seems to be cracking the whip and in this month's 'I'm the Boss' news, Modi has warned his MPs that they are not supposed to bunk parliament

While we have an extremely fickle-minded bunch of politicians, they sure do know how to unite when it's payback time

Politicians Beware!
Amit Shah - a close confidante of Modi and a guy who doesn't really get along with politicians on the other side of the fence got elevated to become Modi's right hand, and whistle-blower IAS officer Ashok Khemka is set to have a PMO role. Did someone say 'sweet revenge'?

Our favorite 'foot-in-mouth' former Supreme Court judge Markandey Katju stirred the hornet's nest by saying that politicians interfered with judicial appointments during the UPA regime. Now Mr Katju, tell us something we didn't know. 


And that's why Mr Natwar Singh, a former Sonia Gandhi confidante and 'chuddy-dost' wrote a book on Mrs G. This is what is called 'skeletons springing out of a cupboard'. Considering how the sales of these books are through the roof, I think this is just the tip of the ice-berg. 

Look out for more juice as Mrs G has announced that she will write a book too. Good year for Indian fiction.

A hop, skip and a jump away, Trinamool Congress MP Tapas Pal had a case of verbal diarrhea.  Well, see this is precisely the reason why I think everyone in the party has lost their marbles. They are on their way out a'la the UPA.

Meanwhile, the Scum of Maharasthra Shiv Shena got some reel-time this month when they were caught on camera force-feeding a Muslim caterer. Denial followed by an apology

In yet another aviation disaster, a Malaysian Airlines passenger jet MH-17 was shot down by Ukrainian rebels using Russian SAM. All hell broke loose
Putin flipped flopped and finally flapped.
Across the world, a small passenger plane making a second landing attempt in stormy weather crashed at an airport on a small Taiwanese island late Wednesday, killing 51 people and injuring seven

But in slightly more cheerful aviation news, Air India crash-landed safely in Newark, after it developed technical issues shortly after take-off. And it won't matter to us that he saved 100s of lives and he will be forgotten soon.
Meanwhile, a Chinese airline tested in-flight WiFi. They may be the butt of cheap jokes, but they are still way ahead in innovation. 

Hollywood may like to portray otherwise but after fighting marathon battles that they don't seem to be winning, the Americans are now frustrated and fatigued

In FIFA, Neymar got kicked out. Literally. And Germany trashed the bejesus out of Brazil.
Ultimately, Germany faced Argentina and walked away with the World Cup. Not because the better team won (clearly Messi can only do so much) but because the Germans never blinked. The lonely goal that gave the Cup away couldn't have been possible if the Argentinian goalkeeper wasn't distracted for that exact second. 

Facebook announced the launch of 'Mentions', an exclusive app for people in public spotlight. I can actually see how this is going to feed on the ego and flagging self-esteem of our many celebrities, but who cares. 

Maria Sharapova didn't know who the short curly-haired former cricketer was and Indians were shocked. This from a nation of idiots who let their kabbadi, hockey and football stars fend for themselves. Bastards!

Talking about Cricket, Dhoni was lampooned by the stiff-upper lipped British press after he stood by the allegations against James Anderson in the ongoing series in Britain. Gee!
So while we were getting our butts handed to us on a platter in England, across the border in Glasgow, with 15 Gold medals, we stood a proud 5th. Bolt stole the show with a gold at
4x100 mtr relay race. He could have raked up quite a controversy but his sportsmanship is something we could all learn from.

In this month's 'I wonder why?!' section
Having lobbied for more rights up until the last year, India awed and shocked everyone when she vetoed a landmark WTO agreement which could spell disaster for the regulatory organization.

The Americans saw another round of a mass shootout in Houston. Sometimes, I wonder why the Arabs spend billions of dollars training to kill Americans. Maybe they should just let them buy more guns and kill themselves. Why the government won't rein in the powerful gun industry is a simple question of economics and will-power.
Nuclear talks with the Iranians failed. AgainWe all know the Iranians have the nukes, why can't we just leave it that way?
Eventually, I have a feeling that it won't be humans who will kill us. Nature can do the Shift+DEL even better.
Until then, we'll have unscrupulous businesses sell expired meat to fast-food conglomerates like McDonalds and KFC in China and kill thousands. 

In more Beiber trouble, neighbors in the upscale Beverly Hills complained of excessive noise from the Canadian pop star. If only he remained the cute and adorable brat that was. Sigh!

IIT- Mumbai had a feline visitor who refused to leave. The students, ofcourse took to twitter for comic relief. Well, let's hope the big cat gets a 7 point something.
And a Rhino poacher in South Africa got 77 years in prison, in what could be the harshest sentence against a poacher anywhere. If you ask me, he needs to do 77 years of community service and not prison time.

Srilanka apologized for an embarrassing article that created an uproar in Tamil Nadu. 

Reliance India made its footprint count when it bought Network18, a media conglomerate that spans news and entertainment. With a history of suppressing or being biased, this could spell doom in a nation where freedom or speech is still a myth and channels sell endless montages about the mundane and mindless entertainment 24 hours a day.

For want of a better cause to fight, PETA launched another attack on Mrs Kardashian for swimming with the dolphins in Mexico. 

Israel has been pounding the falafel out of Gaza. Now, we all know whose side the US is on, but do we really know the truth behind this conflict? Israel has been following a rule of intentional disinformation and government-sponsored propaganda to stifle and throttle the Palestinians and control the way everyone outside of the Arabian peninsula see their conflict. Now, Israel is no saint and neither is Palestine. 
But to a question - Can it be so hard for a nation to live peaceably with their neighbors? The answer lies in the will of the its politicians to be peaceful. Historically Israel has portrayed itself as the wounded nation surrounded by enemies and as a Christian, I know how the scriptures are replete with God's promise to protect a nation that is hounded. But Israel's strategy of wounding the enemy but not killing them is what keeps the world (read US) entertained and sympathetic with the Israeli 'cause'. With over a 1000 killed in a fortnight, this is a travesty of justice no matter who is on your side. The Palestinians captured an Israeli soldier and knowing how capture of its soldier affects them, this is both an Israeli weakness and the Palestinian strength. 

In 'Interesting News of the month' section, a 17 year old turkish girl was declared as the 'World's tallest female' by the Guinness Records committee.
The NY Museum of Natural History, made famous by the Ben Stiller 'A Night at the Museum' movies will host an adult sleepover on the 1st of August. 

Outraged over ongoing allegations of unauthorized snooping, Germany expelled top US diplomats. See, now this is something that Indians and rest of the world will never have the balls to do. 

In this month's 'We have money to burn' section, 
India paid up her dues to Iran and decided to wean herself off the sweet stuff. 
Air India got a very expensive shot in the arm - Rs 6500 crore expensive and tied up with Star Alliance . Much brouhaha followed.

VIP Samadhis (glorified tombs) costs us Rs 8 crores/year to maintain. Much ado about nothing!

Mamata Di gave away Rs 8 lakhs as festival bonus to its civil servants and Telangana (the wealthier twin of Andhra) roped in Sania Mirza as its brand ambassador and we all took to the streets! It looks like we are still hurt that she went and married the neighbor's son when we had 10 eligible bachelors in the family. The fact that she still chooses to play for us is patriotic enough. I can name 50 politicians who aren't 1% as patriotic as this lady who plays every match even if she knows she will lose it. 


Dubai launched the world's largest shopping mall which will also have an indoor theme park.
Looks like Dubai is getting to be the place to be if you have the money to burn..

But if you have kids or a strange fetish for Harry Potter, be sure to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter which opened at Universal Studios, Osaka, Japan.

In a relief to millions of husbands who are harassed by unscrupulous wives, the Supreme Court ruled that the police cannot arrest husbands when a dowry case is filed. Seeing as how women would file the 498a and other frivolous cases at the drop of their marital tiara, this judgement rankled the Women's organizations but the men let out a collective sigh of relief. The apex court went one step ahead and declared that women who file a frivolous case against the husband will be criminally punished if found untrue. Now, that's called justice!

At times when we are trying to rein in runaway inflation and when tomatoes cost Rs 50/kilo, the government declared hoarding of essential food will be considered a non-bailable offense. This should strike the right amount of fear in the hearts of those unscrupulous businessmen. 

Bad guys, watch out! SEBI is on a prowl.
Byrraju Ramalinga Raju (aka The man who did the Enron to Satyam) and 4 others were fined Rs 1849 crores and banned from doing any business for terms ranging from 4 to 14 years by the market regulator.
The SEBI cracked the whip with Subrata Roy and told him to do business while in custody. Screwed!

Across the pond, Pistorious was diagnosed with split personality in the trial where he is accused of intentionally murdering his paralegal girlfriend in their tony villa last year. If convicted, the 'Blade-runner' could spent a substantial amount of his life behind bars. Whatever it is, this is the end of his running days. 

In similar news, the forensic pathologist who examined Sunanda Pushkar, wife of high-flying twitterati Shashi Tharoor, testified that her death was highly suspicious and that he has been coerced to fudge her death certificate. If you ask me, I'll always known it is Shashi. If we can pass judge Aarushi's parents the way we have because of the way they are, I think we can do the same to Shashi too. I think I've seen food stay fresh longer than Shashi's remorse at his 'dear' wife's death.

In this month's 'Let's give a moment of silence' section, 
Almost 10 years after it made a splash, Orkut will be given a quiet burial in September. 
Zohra Sehgal, the grand old lady of Bollywood, changed her earthly address. Respect!
21 people died in one of the worst metro accidents in Russian history. 
And Archie is dead too. RIP!


We Indians (me included) often complain at how inefficiently slow we are when it comes to developing a military equipment. And while we bask in the glory of the shame we heap on ourselves, Uncle Sam tells us how they are just as bad. The F35 Joint Strike fighter has been under development for over 20 years and will start limited trial flights soon. 
Projected to cost over $1 billion dollars a pop, I think they may have bitten off a little more than they can chew this time. 

In this month's 'Watch Out!' section, 
Be sure to watch Hercules, Dwyane The Rock Johnson sparkles and Irina Shayk strips.
... and for Part Two of And that's the cookie crumbled in July Twenty14.


Tuesday, April 30, 2013

While I was gone... Part 3/3 [April 2013]

The human mind is a wonderful tool! 
There are some who use it to do wonderful things and then there are others who don't know what to do with it.
But there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't sell it for the right price. Shakuntala Devi, the 'human computer' and 'fortune teller of movie stars, kings and presidents' passed away the past fortnight.


While I won't doubt her genius, what used to bother me is how she would put out kitschy ads in the local newspapers offering to reveal your future with a prior appointment. The tiny advt used to have a photograph of her younger days. Much younger days. The advt would compel prospective fortune seekers to hurry because she would be here 'only for a few days'. 

I remember thinking 'Where is she always rushing to?'
She was always a child prodigy but all she really did was write a few books and read palms for a living. What a utter waste of such genius!

So while we are still mourning over the dead math genius/astrologer, Americans rolled their sleeves up for another dig at Michael Jackson. With billions at stake, this could be the 'trial of the year'. OJ Simpson, take notes.

Pooja Bhatt confirmed our most salacious suspicions - She is indeed responsible for Sunny Leone's foray into Bollywood. Speaking along the lines of how aghast she is with the way her countryman are raping women and young toddlers, she vented out her fury. Well, I believe when politicians and shallow people in the movie industry start paying lip service, and when we take them seriously, we sink to a new low. 

  And so Sunny seems to be flavor of young India and this blog because she has been replacing 'mainstream' actress faster than some of her 'moves'.

An anonymous Indian cow had to suffer the ignominy of being gang-raped and stabbed. I can only imagine the agony she went through in her last moments. The agony of being tied down in a compromising position with two men humping it. 

Peta! Where art thou
And this had to happen in a country that worships the ground cows walk/sit/idle/feed/poop/pee on! 

How did the cops decide Rs 2000 was just the right amount to buy the victim's silence? Ofcourse the cops have denied any attempts of hush-ups. Did any of you actually think they would say 'Yes, we are guilty of bribing'? 

But then there are cops with itchy palms and trigger-happy fingers, with a propensity to slap the shit out of unruly protestors. Must we suspend those cops or expect ourselves to behave in a way that befits us?  Watching the footage, which looped in an endless montage, I am reminded how Gandhi's brand of nonviolence no longer exists. 

Do you really think these protesters care about the 5 year old?
These protesters are there for their 15 minutes of fame. And she surely got her pound of flesh too.
They will go back to their jobs/colleges in a day or two. They will add this to their CVs when they apply to universities abroad. And that will be the last we will hear of these protesters.
The victims will go back to their homes and their families, struggle with poor health and low self-esteem for the rest of their natural lives. That is if they don't die/kill themselves already. The very society that 'fought' for them will shun them. No amount of dowry will convince a future groom to take a wife that has been 'dirtied'. Corporates will never hire them because of their 'baggage'. Eventually they will all die a silent shameful death.

In the meanwhile, we will 'honor' our victims with names like Nirbhaya and Gudiya. But none of this can mask our collective hatred against women. Right from the time we know its a girl until its time to 'sell her off'.

If you thought your daughter was safe attending her friend's birthday, think again!
If you thought sending your daughter to a school will help, how naive are you!

If you think your nightmare is over, maybe its just started. Your predator would have just filmed you for future reference.
In the past 2 weeks, half a dozen other toddlers got raped and one of them even had her throat slit.
I am beginning to wonder if it is some kind of a disease that is making our men rape women. While I've said it earlier how I think it is the deluge of violent porn that is available for free that could be 'giving ideas' to our young virile men, I doubt if this is the only reason. 
We shouldn't ban porn. Infact porn is healthy when consumed in the right measure. Would you ban Bollywood for the sheer amount of skin? That is like saying watching Rocky is going to make us take up boxing.

How can we fix the responsibility of the evils of our unpreparedness on showbiz?
But ofcourse you will need to ban Aishwarya for her highly questionable acting skills.


Occasional headlines like 'Man held for sexual assualt...' humors me.
Where was he held? I ask myself.
How long before the court acquits him because the cops refused to file a case or botched up the FIR/investigation?
Will the court suggest that he marry his victim? 


While the chorus to 'Hang the Bastards' have reached a crescendo, I wish all of us would just take a moment, sit down and think like matured adults and not with our entrails. I've said this once before and I'll say this again - Violence (verbal and physical) against women is bad. Equally bad is violence against men. That said, when a woman is violated, it degrades her. More than you and I can possibly imagine. Historically, women have always been placed several pedestals lower than men. Mothers ingrain the belief in their daughters that they are supposed to be nothing more than baby vending machines. Men- Sex machines.
When we hear about how a lady was raped, we take it lightly. We talk about it at forums where free lunch will be served, tea parties, office pantries and at dining rooms. A rape scene used to bring in the audience until a few movies ago.
In our self-righteous eagerness to inflict swift justice upon men who don't conform to our ideals, we want to hang the men who wander off unwritten lines of social propriety. We are right in wanting change. But let's not let the blood rush to our heads. Especially when we know how mob justice and public sentiment have sent the wrong people to the gallows. A classic example of how the wrong people were convicted is the gruesome rape and murder of Debbie Sue Carter. Let's allow the law and science to do what is right atleast now. Arm-twisting has never worked.

All this rhetoric is but empty noise when we choose to drive by an accident victim lying in a pool of blood as it happened in Jaipur. Our hypocrisy underlines how we have absolutely no humanity left in us.


Sushil Shinde, comic relief and overall foot-in-mouth politician delivered yet another gem - We cannot and should not expect our cops to take responsibility and resign.  

No, No, Sushil saab, why on earth would we want to expect anything from you?
Why we haven't prosecuted these SOBs yet boggles me.


Ambani became the butt of a million jokes when the government decided to provide Z plus security to the industrialist. Never-mind that the cops are not able to stop (or prosecute) the men from raping women and toddlers, never-mind we don't take terrorist threats against the country, we have to protect our billionaires. Sure, he could be paying for them, but then he could have got himself a private army if he really wanted to. Isn't that what 'normal' billionaires do?

In India, breast implants have always been a surreptitious cottage industry. Unlike our South Asian counterparts, our women are well endowed. Yet some of our flat-chested women are victims of sniggers and 'mosquito-bite' jokes. So when boob jobs go bust (no pun intended), it can truly be traumatic. 

In a race to catch the culprits or hang the ones they can lay their hands on, Bangalore cops arrested three individuals they suspect planned and executed the attack. This could be the start of a long and emotional trial that won't deter future attackers.

In the meanwhile, our sister from the other side of the pond managed to nab not only the suspects of the attack but also the body of a missing Indian who was the victim of overzealous armchair activists. For all those who complain how we are unprepared, the speed and efficiency at which the Boston police acted is amazing and something we need to learn from. The FBI wasn't unprepared. They did receive credible information about the suspects years before the attack. The brothers were put under surveillance and when nothing was found, the case was shelved. Yet when the attack did happen, Obama spoke what he meant and meant what he spoke. The way citizens and the law enforcement came together to 'hunt' down the suspects will surely make the next radical/loony fanatic think twice before they blow anything up. This is what we need. We need action. Definitive action.
 


Descendents of the Arakkal family, erstwhile rulers of the Malabar coast, laid a joint claim for Rs 5000 crores from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. That's a lot of coconut oil and Malabar fish fry, if you know what I mean.
 
If a picture speaks a thousand words, a billboard our army put up spoke many more. Armies around the world have never been known to be friendly to its civilians. Our army has been notorious of raping and killing innocent women and to think such an army would like you to join them just so that you may have a girl who may grow up to be a struggling Bollywood starlet, is not just preposterous but an insult to the victims and their families. But wait a minute, wasn't Gul Panag molested by a dozen men herself?!

And yes, after many years of selling cheap goods and cheaper labor, the Chinese finally invaded us. Our PM gulped. China has stationed her well-oiled fighting machine and we are sitting ducks. And what do we do? We hold flag meetings and send our foot-in-mouth foreign minister for a vacation there. We are very soft people, you see.


We can't win a war with China, won't fight with Pakistan, will sneak a vote against Sri Lanka , threaten the Mauritians and throw out the Bangladeshis. So that leaves us with the Nepalese and the Tibetans. Quite a coalition, I must say! 

I bet the Chinese know how our posturing will amount to naught. All they need to do is wait for our politicians to do the job.  Infact give the Congress/UPA another term in office and they will ensure their ministers cut India into 'fun-size' chunks for themselves.

Uncle Sam says Syria used chemical weapons. He wants to punish Syria. Really?! So what did the coalition use in the first Gulf War? Anyone who would have seen the scale of destruction that the first 'War made for the Networks' unleashed would have testified at the massacre their 'smart-bombs' and 'advanced weaponry' caused. Gulf War Syndrome, anybody?
So now when the Middle East is cautious about letting the Americans attack Syria, it is with much reason. Successive American governments have nurtured regimes when it suited them and cut them down to size when it didn't.

And in news from Pakistan, Sarabjit Singh, who has been lingering in their jails, was brutally attacked and left for dead


Our PM has condemned the attack.
If it is any consolation, Sarabjit's family has been able to see his final moments on earth. If it is any consolation, Pakistan has provided an entire ICU that has been guarded by a contingent of police. If it is any consolation, Pakistan has arrested the prisoners who did this to Sarabjit. If it is any consolation, this attack happened in the one place where he was supposed to be safe . The sad part is none of this can be any consolation to a country who spent a couple of crores feting and then hanging Kasab. Sarabjit may be brain dead but will it matter any more to Pakistan?
The culprits are already in prison. This is just double jeopardy.
India wants Pakistan to 'seriously' consider his immediate release. Right! Like they are going to shudder in their kurtas and give in to our 'demands'. Not happening!

India has been called the Asian Superpower. The only superpower that we have is the ability to plunder, rape and procreate.

Earlier this month, the earth shook and people died. This time however, our buildings fell apart by themselves. I bet none of those who visited the hospital in Bhopal would have thought they would die but that's the way things worked.
In Bangladesh, hundreds of workers at a factory that made cheap clothes for our western cousins died when the building collapsed like a house of cards. As I am writing this post, the building owner was arrested as he was trying to flee to India. Really?! Of all the places in this earth, to think he believed India could provide refuge to a Bangladeshi?

In other disasters, Sivakasi had their annual fire accident and a dozen people died. People started talking about worker safety. For a country that can't protect its children, how can we protect workers any better?
Fire broke out at a missile test range lab in Northern India. As I read the headline, I had visions of the chaos at Skynet ala Terminator.

In other inane news of the fortnight, Akhilesh refused to address Harvard to protest how one of his ministers were given the SRK treatment at the Logan International Airport. Seriously, Akhilesh refusing to speak at Harvard is like Rakhi Sawant refusing to attend the Oscars. Does it really matter?

Sonam Kapoor, daughter of Anil Kapoor and whose only claim to fame is her obscene collection of handbags, flashed much skin at one of those dime-a-dozen fashion shows. As the brand ambassador of LO'Real Paris, she showed off in minimal makeup and even less clothes.

Auto maker Bajaj, became the target of much ridicule and contempt when it announced its quadricycle project. Curiously, Tata was most vocal. Why not? After creating the world's cheapest car, competition is not something they want.


Adlabs Imagica, dubbed India's answer to Disneyland opened its doors to a nation that has every thing else.
 
Former American president Bush Jr inaugurated his library. So what kind of books would one of the dumbest American president have in his library?

Stating the obvious, our scientists finally concluded that God does play a role in restoring sanity to the mind. Its like one of those MasterCard advertisements-
Cost of hiring scientists that had nothing better to do - $ 500,000.
Cost of experiments to find out what can cure insanity - $ 6 million.
Realization that God does heal the body and mind - Priceless!

A fifteen year old study declared that the bra is a false necessity. Male scientists who had nothing better to do but to find a legitimate way to stare at breasts arrived at the conclusion that 'the breasts do not benefit from being deprived of gravity... and breasts would gain more tone and support themselves if no bra was used'. You don't say!

Age seems to have caught up with Facebook. With the declining numbers of people logging in or signing up, Facebook is going through an awkward puberty.

The world celebrated 20 years of the Internet (aka 'free porn') and here's a peep at the world's first website!

We'll have a proper monsoon, sayeth the weatherman. So this is supposed to be good news for farmers, atleast the ones that didn't kill themselves over the past many years. And it looks like even nature is happy that India is going to vote. Both Congress and the BJP will claim that the country got a good monsoon because of them.

IT/BT barons threw their weight behind 14 candidates in India's silicon valley. While I haven't decided who I'll vote for, I was surprised they didn't decide to support a friend who is in the fray - Sridhar Pabbishetty. I've worked with him for several years as part of an NGO and he is perhaps one who has my vote eyes shut. I'd let his actions and his past talk for him and I've always wished we had more people like him in active politics.
So when I read about the National Institute of Political Excellence, a school for Politicians, I am optimistic.


In other good news, cops threw the book at the father of the nine year old that stunned the world, who he drove his dad's million dollar Ferrari. Judging by the State Police's love for money and the fact that they have weak road transport laws, this dad would've weaseled his way out of this case by the time you've read this post.

Sheila of Delhi (not a jawani by any stretch of imagination) accepted protest letters signed by 10 lakh Delhiites against inflated bills and faulty meters. Well, what did you expect when our meters are 'Made in China'?

And in another ingenious way to rip us off, the government decided to take our money and give it back. I would love to meet the wizards who churn out these ideas!
While our national capital has been ripping off her citizens, we do have something to gloat about - we will be creating the largest, most heaviest machine in the planet.


LaLa Land - West Bengal - notched up another headline for the month. Didi found the drama surrounding the Saradha group chit fund too lukewarm for her liking. Solution: She is going to tax you so that she can pay you back. I hear the Nobel committee is considering her for  next year's Economics prize.

Such are the wonderful times that we live in!


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