Showing posts with label Florence Gonsalves. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Florence Gonsalves. Show all posts

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Living the Live-in


Woke up to a heated discussion on a popular News channel.
'Is Live-in a Sin?'
As predicted, 4 quasi experts plus the Anchor engaged in bitter battle for the sake of their nation.

The root of this heated debate is a recent Supreme Court judgment terming 'Live-in relationships and premarital sex legal'. The court contended that since Krishna and Radha of Mythology lived in, it is legal and hence Indian. Since when did the highest court of our Nation, start quoting Mythology.

Nonetheless, I bet all those teenagers and 20 somethings are celebrating with wild romps in their beds since.

Religion and Mythology are very often used as crutches when authorities lack the will to do the right thing at the right time.

But this decision shocked me.
Of all the major religions in the world, none of them advocate premarital sex.

Personally, I feel sex is more than the carnal and lust filled moments of passion. It is about 2 adults coming together to show their love for each other. It is about 'making love' work.

Modern media have sensationalized sex, to such a tantalizing point of no return that some of them are simply soft porn. Men and women are encouraged and tempted to experiment. Peer pressure does not make things easy. The Media glorifies Sex and Promiscuity. Hollywood rules the roost, Bollywood is catching up, TV channels use them to increase TRPs.

Though living in appears to be straddling the best of both worlds, I still believe in the sacrament of marriage. I wouldn't have it any other way.

While I still think it is possible for a man and a woman to live under a roof without any sexual relationship, are we so prudish to think that a live-in couple who profess their love for each to abstain from premarital sex? If the love was true, they would have rather married each other.

There could be many reasons why a couple in love decide to live in. Convenience and a fairly economical way of managing the household is a primary reason. But put sex outside of marriage and you have just opened a pandora's box of social ills.

Unintended pregnancies, abortions, sense of failure, intense feeling of vengeance and the vicious cycle just goes on.

I know a certain girl who lived in with her boyfriend who professed undying love for her that would last an eternity. She believed him. They took an apartment together. Had sex, got pregnant and his promise of eternity ran out. He dumped her, would not respond to her emails or calls. He changed his number. Bitter and disillusioned, she is juggling boyfriends just to overcome her growing sense of insecurity. She knows where she went wrong, but is too scared to admit it lest the world ridicule her.

Safe Sex is a myth. The psychological, physical and emotional scars that women, in particular go through take a lifetime to heal.

Live in, but do so only when circumstances disallow you to marry.

When a couple in love starts to live in, there is a lot of anticipation and optimism. Our body plots against us too. Endorphins block our ability to look beyond love.

The truth is love does wear out. We wake up to bad morning breath and body odor. We open our eyes to crusted lip corners and pillows with our drool.

But the fact is, that is when we need to make love work. More often than not, we believe that love is about talking sweet nothings for many hours, telling things that we know the other person loves to hear. But the real trouble begins when you start living in with a person only to realize that the person you loved is not the person he/she is.

Legalizing premarital sex is akin to allowing Men to exploit Women under the guise of love.

The women in the live-in relationship have a lot at stake; their chastity, their safety and well being. Most of the time, men who live-in see this as an opportunity for regular sex sans all the responsibility that a marriage would bring.

If only we removed that gene inside us that would stop us from cheating the person we profess to love abundantly and unconditionally...
If only we could respect our lover's body and soul just the way God does...
If only we saw making love as the physical act of a cognitive emotion and not just humping...

That would be the day that we can finally say, we are Humans. That is when we can truly understand why having sex is not the same as 'making love'. That is when we can truly understand how marrying can be many times more fulfilling than a many night stand.


Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Virtuous Women maketh Progressive Societies

Its that time of the year when the newspapers are brimming with feminism.
March 8th : 'International Woman's day'
Woman in India can be anything but international or have a 'Day' to themselves.

It is said that a Society can be judged by the kind of headlines that come in their newspapers.

Today's paper was no different. Infact I loved the irony. We had 70% of the pages devoted to celebrating women and then a bunch of well heeled, designer wearing, globetrotting, Page-3 celebrities extolling values like Education, Career and Sex. Sex? True, the 5 women didn't mind women having premarital sex as long as you are discrete and safe!
Call me old fashioned, but I was sufficiently shocked to stop reading the article any further.
But Sex sells! And if 5 'celebrity socialites' recommend promiscuity, what can I say about that girl who walked out of her husband's house, lived with her boyfriend, got knocked up and dumped? You go Girl!

Buried amidst all the feminist clutter and the brouhaha of female power in today's India, a particular 7 inch article caught my eye. A scandal that involved a spiritual Guru and a leading regional movie actress. Ofcourse, the Guru has vehemently denied it and alleged that this is the attempt of commoners to tarnish him and his organization. But the actress, perhaps out of guilt or pure stupidity, tried to commit suicide. Does the suicide mean she is indeed guilty?


When the reporters move on and the Headlines fade away, the victim is still left bleeding, wounded by hungry reporters who like vampire bats, latched on till they got the complete dirt and when they were done, left a wound that is difficult to clot.
I am not a feminist in the conventional sense but as a commoner, and with the 3 decades of existence, can confidently say that Women in India are still a neglected yet exotic lot.

Western influences have allowed greater freedom of expression.
Advertisements that tell you that a fair skinned woman is smarter, sexier and luckier.
TV Soaps have stereotyped Indian women.

While premarital sex was frowned upon just a shade of a decade ago, now, we have quasi role models advocating (premarital) sex as a symbol of freedom.
Like most issues that are  forgotten, 'she' is an item that sells. 'She' is our object of lust. 'She' could have been empowered had we learned to take care of 'her needs' rather than 'our wants'.

I have always had that sniggering feeling inside me, we are desperately trying to ape the West. But like how we learn the slang in the new language before learning the good words, we are aping the weekend habits of the West, while forgetting to imitate the weekday ethics of the Developed world.
People in the West work upto 50 hours a week and produce results that matter.
The West respect their women by not only framing rules that are women friendly but by enforcing them too.
In more ways than one, we are a few generations behind the West. Promiscuity, Public Displays of affection and Media induced frenzy about Celebrations are not Indian. Not that I am against them, but all these celebrations are so commercialized? What do celebrations like these accomplish? Besides shopping discounts and eloquent articles advocating love, friendship and vanity, is there a meaningful change happening to the lady in the street?

Virtuous Wives, Blessed Mothers, Brave Women... that is what our societies need.

In 2 weeks, when all the hoopla dies down, women in India will wake up to the harsh reality that it is a Man's world in India.

Until then, our Women are busy shopping till they drop!


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