Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Biting the Bait [340/365]

Watching the ruling party in action is getting hilarious.
In the 8 years that it was in power, it pretended to sleep, just long enough to sneak out and loot and plunder but seeing how its days are numbered, its trying to make amends. And how!

While I agree it took two American newspapers to do what Aaj Tak and India TV couldn't, it looks like the government machinery has been fed and oiled sufficiently to give a punch or two before it falls.
Among the slew of welfare schemes that were announced, the UPA decided to gift us what we have asking for all these years - FDI in retail.
But with the Congress and its uneasy bed-fellows readying to pass a litmus test in Rajya Sabha, this could be an exercise in futility. We'd probably not live long enough to see the economic benefits of foreign moolah.
Take China for instance, when the authoritarian communist government there decided to open its market to foreign investment, retailers of the world hurrayed in unison. They couldn't wait for a piece of the fat Chinese pie. A decade down the line, major retailers are shutting down stores and consolidating their businesses. One of the common arguments is that they over-estimated their potential and over-stayed their welcome.
Chinese consumers were simply not the same as the Americans back home.

We aren't that different either. From the Chinese.
We love a bargain. But can a videshi Big Bazaar keep us coming back? Maybe we have more discerning consumers here than in China, but I can confidently say that we have not been studied yet.
I support FDI and I think India needs to open her economy up. But we need regulators that must be impartial and prudent.
We cannot be the one stop for developed economies to dump their Grade B products. We should not be allowed to be a capitalist's guinea pig.

But then who's listening to a lone voice?
There's billions at stake here and while Walmart digs into its deep pockets to lobby, I have that distinct feeling that we are being offered as bait.

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Lost my phone... [339/365]

Earlier today:

Tring Tring!
Person on the other end: Hello?!
Me: Hey! Hi. How are you?
Other person: Hello... Who is this?
Me (feeling a little hurt now): This is Navin..
Other person: Who? Navin?
(After a pregnant pause) OOOOOO. Hi! How are you, Navin?
Me: So you didn't even save my number after all these months we've been talking huh?
Other person: Oh no. I lost my phone and all my contacts, you see.
Me: Oh. That happens a lot nowadays (with unmistakeable sarcasm).

I am quite sure most of you are nodding your heads in agreement because you know someone who has either done it or you have done it to someone recently.

While I used to feel genuinely sorry that the other person lost his phone in the most unfortunate way, I have recently started hearing a lot more of this reason to believe there could a mysterious case of mass thefts happening.
How could people not have their phone numbers written down somewhere, especially in this day when you have software backups and all?
How could people not recognize other people by their voices?

You can call me a cruel skeptic but I have my reasons:
People tend to loose their mobile only when they were supposed to contact you with some urgent work but didn't.
People tend to loose their mobiles but they make no effort to email or leave a message on social networking. Incidentally, they would leave a post if they got a promotion and what they ate for breakfast but when they loose their mobiles, that is when you'll have to read their minds.
People know that thefts happen but will never (and I repeat NEVER) write down or memorize numbers. Memorizing 10 digit numbers are passe.
And finally... They'll promise to save your number when you 'finally' call them. Try calling them ini 4 days and they still wouldn't have.

And for all those out there who lost their phones recently and who I haven't called yet, take a number and get in line. I am still in 'A'.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Life without Laugh

We Christians are a joyless lot!

Preoccupied with maintaining our dignity in the eyes of people who we might never ever see again.
A very good friend of mine is so obsessed with complying with Christianity that he hates Social networking, Rock/Rap music and anything that he thinks is 'un'Christian.

There is a typical Indian superstition where you are supposed to believe that if we laugh excessively, then we will weep in agony very soon.
This is an odd attitude, because being joined to God, who gave us such wonderful emotions as Joy and laughter, we in some way imagine that by being joyful, we are being devious.

Outwardly a firm believer, many of us are hollow inside. Namesakes.
Its okay to have fun!

Every family, big and small. Every human, rich and poor. Every creature, young and old expresses joy and happiness in different ways.

But why do Christians always have a 'constipated look' on their faces when it comes to having fun?!
Laughter is a gift of God and His goodness that will carry us through the dark bylanes of life.

Part of the joy that comes to you when you are reborn in Christ is that you learn to rejoice in the Lord.
You learn to wake up with praise on your lips and smile in your eyes.

No matter how bad the past was, you can always be comforted that your future is in your hands. Do you want to be seen as a person who lives in past and waste all the wonderful joy that God wants you to enjoy!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Enlghaish Mangled

All credits for compiling this invaluable piece of literary massacre goes to the patient yet infinitely humorous person who kept an ear and an eye peeled open..

    * I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
    * I am writing the welfare department to say my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?
    * Mrs. Jones had not have any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
    * I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why.
    * I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
    * This is my eight child. What are you going to do about it.
    * Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or drink until he knows.
    * I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
    * In answer to your letter, I have birth to a boy weighing ten pounds: I hope this is satisfactory.
    * I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children; one of which is a mistake as you can see.
    * My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
    * Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
    * You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this make any difference.
    * I have no children as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.
    * In accordance with your instruction, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
    * I want money as quick as I can get, so I have been in bed with doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.

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