Showing posts with label ISIS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ISIS. Show all posts

Friday, January 01, 2016

Ze List v4.0 | Manna for your soul

Yes, it's that time of the year when billions of people around the world, will transcend language, religious faith and borders, to celebrate the end of one year and celebrate the beginning of the next. 

And its time for Ze List.
The world has been changing and so has Ze List. This year, I look at all the ways we survived amidst all the chaos and I hope this serves as a mirror to ourselves and hopefully a way to correct our course for the year ahead.


Our Father..
We clutched at straws of faith for some peace and grace from our heavenly Father.
Since the dawn of time, we have been fighting. 
In the beginning, it was for sustenance and to survive. Today, we fight over perceived hurt and imagined supremacy. 
We fought, killed, plundered. All in His name. Its always a wonderful when we say we are fighting for God, because if someone dares question the supremacy of my God, that qualifies me to eliminate him. After all, nearly all of our religious texts allow us to take an eye for an eye. Do we need a better reason to kill?

Who art in Heaven
We reached out to the heavens, to planets nearby. Our space missions made mammoth strides and we sat back and marveled. It is said traveling, like astronomy, is a humbling activity. It broadens our perspective and makes us realize how puny and futile our thoughts and aspirations are. 
We don't have to search far and wide, because the Heaven of our Father isn't in outer space. It is within you, within each of us. 

Hallowed by Thy name.
Which brings me to why we wanted to kill.
Back in the Middle Ages, Christian armies of the West plundered and decimated populations that didn't share their faith. Ofcourse, they were just doing what was right.
Today, radical Muslims think their brand of Islam should prevail and everyone should be a Muslim. ISIS isn't doing anything that the West hasn't already done in the past. Yet we find this atrocious and alarming. Suddenly, everyone wants to brand Islam evil. Every Muslim is a terrorist and every Christian, the defender of humanity. When did it become evil to be ambitious. 

Thy Kingdom come..
False prophets and doctrines have always tried to predict the apocalypse. The prophets don't want you to read the portion of the Bible that tells us that He will return at a time of His choosing, and at a time when we are most distracted. Major TV networks like God TV have been prophesying the End Times since the last many years. Gullible viewers have been coerced to donate millions because we need to prepare Israel, God's chosen land, for His coming again. I don't have anything against Israel but what about the millions who live in squalid conditions right in our backyards? There are millions who go to bed hungry every single night. There are millions who will die a death that we can prevent within the next 365 days. 

Thy Will be done..
In the many lessons I've learned in the last decade or so, I've realized one truth - We must be obedient to His will, and patient to His purpose.
As sure as we are about the year that just passed, we can be sure that we will all have moments in the year ahead when our obedience and patience will be tested. 
We will have situations that will tempt us to do what we want instead of what He wants. We will have times when we question His purpose and refuse to wait on Him. Today, resolve yourself to be more obedient and patience than the year that just passed.

On earth as it is in heaven.
As creatures that come with an 'Use by' date, we must realize that we will all die a certain death. Not one of us will have immortal lives. Yet, there are people who have walked this earth, whose lives continue to inspire us. People whose lives changed the course of humanity, not by force but by pure inspiration.
So the question here is - What are you doing today that will guarantee you an immortal life? 

Give us this day our daily bread
Many of us are capable of meeting our primary needs of food, clothing and shelter. Yet, as we make our weekend trips to our places of worship, we will drive by people who are less fortunate than us. I find it strange that we are patient enough to sit through a 45 minute discourse on being charitable, compassionate and forgiving yet we can't seem to practice it in our lives everyday. You and I don't pray for our daily bread, but there are people who have been praying for theirs. Are we ready to answer their prayers?

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us
'To err is human, to forgive is divine' is a phrase that gave birth to a more popular modern mutant - 'To err is human, to forgive is not mine'. 
We might chuckle at the humor of this, but there is more truth to this than we'd like to admit. 
Our species has turned in to one large village where we are just itching to fight with someone, anyone who dare bump into us in the wrong way. Many Western countries (and Russia) have been waging multi-billion dollar wars that sprouted out of nothingness and their perceived sense of hurt. 
The Americans and their allies have been fighting wars since the last decade and half and I'm amazed how futile all their technology has been in getting the job done. The Russians haven't seemed to learned any lessons here.
Is this a good time to remind them that we must learn to forgive more eagerly and earnestly today than to sign a truce to end a needless conflict tomorrow?

Lead us not into temptation
Billions got hooked to consumerism. We are tempted to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't care with money that we could have used for better causes. 
My parents come from a major city in the southern Indian State of Kerala, where until about a few years ago, people lived simple lives. Honest and laid-back lives. People didn't worry about credit cards and loans were something that only the under-privileged and the over-ambitious took. 
Today, people worry about not having that SUV if their neighbor already has a sedan. Families flock to over-sized glitzy malls to gawk at designer brands and gobble on food like they haven't eaten in ages. 
Back in Europe and the West, people and their governments have been slipping deeper into a debt that threatens to pull in anyone else who will lend an helping hand. 

But deliver us from evil
ISIS isn't the only evil of our times. ISIS is just the collective expression of millions of people who have suffered from oppressive Western governments. Governments that have discriminated and persecuted Muslims for years, because it was the easiest thing to do. 
Today, Western citizens depend on their governments to protect and deliver them from evil. If results are anything to go by, this is but a false sense of security. 
As Indians in India, we don't need to look beyond our shores to understand what discrimination is. Nearly every person living in India would have faced some form of discrimination in their lives and this is true no matter which country you are in. 
We prefer to be cloaked in a false sense of security, rather than in prayer.

For Thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory
In the last decade or so, millions of people have lost their homes and the livelihood and loved ones, because of wars, man-made conflicts, human disasters and natural calamities. Recent statistics show that there has been a 100% increase in the numbers of refugees, in the year 2015 alone. Governments refused to open their homes and their borders to this exodus of humanity. Countries that were built on immigrants didn't want anything to do with this human crisis. 
These are the same countries who will talk eloquently about compassion and charity. 

For ever and ever..
I don't know about the 'forever' part of my life. I don't know when I will be taken off the shelf because I reached my expiry date. Millions of people who will party to welcome the new year will not survive to party by the end of 2016. Our earth, on the other hand, will outlive and outlast every single one of us. How we treat our earth will reveal our true inner-self. 
Because we can't depend on governments to do our hard work. 
Because unlike us, our politicians won't have to live through the consequences of their decisions. 
Because earth is the only place we can survive on, let's make our stand here and now.

I hope you've all had a wonderful learning experience in the year that just passed and I pray that we all survive to read my post next year. 
Personally, and as always, I have a lot to thank God for this year. 
'Hold the Thought, Get the Point' successfully transitioned into a blog where I write posts on spirituality as opposed to social and political satire. 
While rankings slipped, I am finally glad that I am touching atleast some of you through my interpretation of words in the Bible and I hope to inspire you to touch someone else's life too - in your own unique way.

Amen!


Saturday, April 04, 2015

As you liked it: Feb/Mar 2015

Over the last couple of months, the sheen has begun to fade off Mr Narendra 'Ironman' Modi. 

Rumblings of a defeat began when they lost Uttar Pradesh. Ofcourse, like the well-oiled PR machine that the BJP has metamorphosed into, the upper crust at BJP claimed the loss didn't really matter and the real test was J&K and Delhi. And so they got just about pass marks in J&K and snubbed so badly in Delhi that Modi is still smarting from his loss. And

what does Modi do when he is down? Well, the same thing that most of us do when we are depressed and need a break - Travel! And boy did he travel! He's spent close to ₹ 380 crores ($ 70 mil) in just 10 months. 

From promising to being a party with accountability and transparency, the swift and ruthless way he and loyalists within the party threw Bhushan and  Yadav is familiar territory for the Indian electorate. Arvind Kejriwal, has become the one-trick pony that most Indian politicians are. From Jayalalitha to Mamata B, feeding the electoral masses with lofty promises of free electricity, water and everything else has become the single best way to get to power and then remain there. And if you don't get to deliver them, you can always blame the opposition and dissidents for err.. well opposing. For Kejriwal (and Modi), life has come full circle. 


How dare Obama talk to us about religious tolerance? We are very tolerant towards Hindus and we love to flaunt that. Unlike in the US, where the government thinks it is against the law to even mention Jesus Christ or anything Christian or where Hindus and Muslims are discriminated against. 

Obama, the Holy Bible says 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Amen to that.

About a year ago, when we were still a Congress-run establishment, I had spoken of how a BJP win will embolden a bunch of idiots to saffronise or otherwise claim India is a Hindu nationPrediction fulfilled. I think we need to pay for some history lessons here. It is a

terrible terrible thing when politicians dip their fingers and draw lines based on religion and I can't think of a single instance of when dividing a country based on religion has turned out to be a great thing for its people.

But then, we do have some good news  - Like school principals who publish monthly lists of errant students who didn't pay fees, the BJP published yet another list of Indians (and their companies) who stashed away their billions into tax-havens abroad. Before you go checking if your name is on the list or not, relax. By the time you read this, the taxman would have already spoken to your over-paid Auditor and you can pay a nominal million or so to grease the government's palms and legalize this stash. Why the Congress didn't think of this before beats me! 

But if you don't want to pay this 'fine', fine! Allow me to point the sorry case of Mr Sahara to you. 

In other desi Defense news, let's cheer as we fit the newly designed Barak 8 long-range missiles to our destroyers (warships). Designed to track and destroy anti-ship missiles while it is still 70 kms away. As always, Pakistan and China aren't comfortable with this.


And the government ordered a probe against the Coast Guard DIG for claiming to have blown off the Pakistani boat that was intercepted a few weeks ago. #ShootTheMessenger


Our favorite Twiterrati and Mr United Nations guy, Shashi Tharoor got the midnight knock from the coppers. Big Effing Deal! Another palm to be greased and a few more news-reels later, he will walk out of this smelling like roses. Fast-forward a year and he will be walking down the aisle again. Incredible like that!

Goan minister told nurses who were taking part in a strike to be mindful of the darkening effects of the sun. Hell ya! Maybe he should be handing out Garnier sun blocks too.


As much as we love to ban stuff, we are equally allergic to admitting to our own failures. So while Modi has been promoting 'his' Gujarat to the world, perhaps he must also tell the world that there is an epidemic-like situation in the wake of rapid spread of swine flu. The 350+ who have died may have got their ₹ 5000 in compensation (aka the cost to buy their silence) but this is just the kind of apathy that we are famous for.


If you are one of those with deep pockets, a burning desire to see your name in the media and an itching urge to own the now 'infamous' suit that our benevolent 'outsider' PM wore on the Republic day parade, then you could bid and buy it. Being auctioned for charity, this gets our PM valuable brownie points and he will be hoping this will shut the mouth of his critics.


Our former Prime Minister Mr Manmohan 'Theek Hai' Singh got some reprieve when the Supreme Court stayed the government's summons to testify on a Coal Block allocation scam. I can't believe Mr Singh is innocent as much as I can believe he knows how to be assertive.


Modi accomplished yet another coup de maĆ®tre when Sri Lanka signed a nuke deal with India, snubbing China.


In an annual tradition of arresting and then releasing fishermen, Pakistan repatriated 173 Indian prisoners. Hey Pakistan! How about not arresting them in the first place?!

And so, we had 'India's Daughter'. A documentary that looks at how our men are raping women and the system that shields the wrong side.
We shouldn't really have banned the documentary. We should have shown it for free, heck we should have made it mandatory for all channels to show it. That way, we could have seen how shoddy the documentary really was. That way, we could have had a rare glimpse into the depraved mind of a rapist. But No!
We went ahead and banned it. Brilliant! The makers of the documentary couldn't have asked for a better way to advertise it. BBC laughed its way to the bank and millions saw the documentary anyway. Chutzpah!

But that didn't stop or deter our men from raping our daughters. 

Take the instance of a girl who was raped and killed in Rohtak. Her half-eaten corpse was found scavenged by nature after man satisfied his sexual urges.
Or the instance where an elderly nun was gang-raped by men within the confines of her convent.

The arm-chair activists and candle-wielding warriors did a retrospect and realised we failed our women. Gee, you think so?!

The others decided to take the law into their own hands. 

Example 1: A mob of thousands dragged an alleged rapist from his prison cell, beat the shit out of him and paraded his naked torn body through the street in Nagaland. Fist bump yeah! Let's all celebrate over champagne at our new found sense of outrage towards men who victimize the women in our country. This from the land where we saw a teenager whose clothes were ripped off her body under the lights of a dozen cellphones. #MisplacedRage
Example 2: A random group of women practice martial arts and self defense and armed with sticks and spirit will protect women in Delhi. Yes, this is exactly what we need. Desi 'Charlie's Angels' and women vigilante groups to protect the rest of us. 

Abroad, the ISIS continues to outsmart and outwit the smartbombs and unusually smart West. Be-headings and burning continue. Amidst all of this, the West's romance with naming random terrorists (and people it doesn't like) continue. We continue to obsess about 'Jihadi John' while thousands are being displaced and hundreds being killed. Which makes me wonder  - No one is really talking about how the West is producing more jihadis. Not so long time ago, the US (and its stooge across the Atlantic) were feeding us with tall tales of how countries like Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan are breeding grounds for terrorists.
Well, Uncle Sam, so is the Great Kingdom of The Queen and The United States of America! 
Dissent, it seems, starts closer home. 

Another round of plane crashes for you. It might seem like we are having a lot more plane crashes than a few years ago, but I think its just a sign of our times. We are better connected, yet less secure.
 

We had one Thai pilot who saves the lives of hundreds when he crashed his crippled TransAsia plane into a river and another who deliberately killed hundreds abroad when he crashed his Germanwings aircraft into the French Alps. Lufthansa won't have it easy in the months to come. 


In this month's Hypocrite Ahoy!
As is customary for armchair activists nowadays, they created online petitions and hashtags to 'fight for justice'. 

Thousands of people took to the streets and vandalized government property when a popular IAS officer was found hanging in his apartment complex in Bangalore. Noble! #DKRavi

An American policeman who brutally attacked and left an Indian man, who was visiting his son in the US, found kinship and we all raised our candles and voices against racism. Great!

Calling all hypocrites: Spare a hash-tag for Chandrabose too. The middle-aged security guard who was run over and brutally killed in broad daylight, details of which will make Salman Khan blush and Uday Hussein gush with pride. 
The culprit: Beedi tycoon and multi-millionaire Muhammed Nisham
The reason: The guard took a little longer to open the gates to let him in. Apparently, Mr Nisham is no stranger to breaking the law. He has a dozen or more cases against him in Kerala and Karnataka. His last high-profile brush with the law involved when he let his 9 year old son take the family Ferrari and Range Rover out for a spin. The foolhardy bastard and proud papa that he is, he shot and uploaded a video of this outing online and bang! All outrage and nothing else happened. This case is just another bug in the windshield that is Nisham's life. It's going to take a couple of lakhs but he (like most other Indians in his league) will come out of this smelling fresh, sporting a salt and pepper beard. Easy Queasy.

We, probably are the biggest hypocrites in the planet because we think our Muslims are 'Pakistanis', North East Indians are 'chinkies', South Indians 'Madrasis' and our North Indians 'Biharis'. But when a German professor thinks all Indian men are rapists, all I hear is 'How could they do this to us?'

In this month's DILLIGAF section,
  • A WhatsApp picture of a male student lying on the laps of 4 other girl students got the college and the students into hot sambar. Apparently, the moral brigade's spidey sense was sent tingling and they didn't leave a stone unturned in pounding sense into everyone around. 
  • Meanwhile a video of a nude woman dancing atop a desk in a police station in Paraguay sparked calls for an investigation. See, if this was in Bangalore / Kerala / Mumbai / Kolkata or Anywhere else in North India, the moral brigade would have burned that district out of the map
  • But if you are a woman in Saudi Arabia, here's another thing you should be careful about: Don't let your steam off on WhatsApp. It could land you trouble like this young lady discovered.
  • We had Rakhi Sawant declaring her undying love for Virat Kohli. This is called Optimism. I think she stands a better chance with Bobby Darling. Now that is a match made in heaven. She is a certified nut-job and Bobby Darling, well is,  Bobby Darling.
  • After winning yet another term into office, Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu got a stern yet sugar-coated threat from Uncle Sam. 
  • A hidden cam in a clothing store landed Fab India in fab trouble, after Union HRD minister Irani Smriti discovered the camera in a ladies trial room. Ms Smriti, we understand you are outraged but this isn't new. Google for hidden camera MMS and you'll be inundated with videos of women who have been recorded changing their clothes, having sex, answering nature's call and every possible act that a voyeur could ask for. If you really want to rid the society of this scourge, then delve into the reasons why men do this in millions of stores/homes and workplaces.  Or you could say DILLIGAF.
  • And if you are a Hindu mother, and you thought BJP MP Sakshi Maharaj was right when he said you should achieve your quota of producing 4 children each, then relax. RSS pipsqueak Mohan Bhagwat has rebuffed the order. You can continue to produce as many as you want. If you ask me, our Hindu leaders are secretly envious of Muslim families that believe in large families, but they won't be caught dead admitting it. Hypocrisy, anyone?
  • We want western tourists to come and spend their dollars and rubles here. But don't party. And if you party, we will pull out our camcorders and record you for our personal titillation. Incredible India!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the super-rich 'Crusaders of Christ'.

Saving the best for last, 

Indian Cricket - Ah yes, that one sport our quasi-sporting nation encourages, embraces and worships. With the Cricket World Cup that had about a dozen teams battled out. Yes, I'll call it a battle even though it resembled more like a bully storming through some scrawny kids in a playground.
The Indian team, decided to stay back in Australia after a disastrous tour there. Good point. No reason to come to India after a debacle like that, right? And so they went into the tournament as former Champions and current under-dogs (read Write-Offs). They play a few matches against low-rung teams like Pakistan and such and win! That's right! They won! They really did win! Hurray! And they reach the semi-finals and that's where they meet the only team that really mattered  - Australia. Well by now we, loyal Indian cricket fans, have all but forgotten the disastrous India Tour of Australia 2014-15 and decided to book the entire stadium in Sydney. Yes, because we are that forgiving! 
India stood still. Not a single patriotic Indian (except for the ones protecting our porous borders) stirred. And India went to the crease first. And the top order fell fast and frequent like dominos on speed. 
Maybe we had to remind them that this was the do or die match. 
Maybe we had to remind them that this was a one-dayer and not a test. 
Maybe we had to remind ourselves that they aren't as good as we are told to believe. 
Did you even see the scorecard? Barring the Captain, none of the others scored above 50 runs. Compare that to the Aussies and you'll begin to see why we are just a mediocre team with an exceptional PR team. 
Back home, next-gen fans began to console themselves and their cricketing idols that this is okay. 'You are allowed to lose', they said, 'after winning so many matches, we are okay with you losing'. How benevolent of us! 
Reminds me of how I used to score 100/100 in drawing, arts & craft, moral science and PT but if I didn't score 60 and above in Math, Science and other subjects, it didn't matter how I did in anything else, would it? Ditto. 
But we still got a scapegoat to blame  - Enter Anushka Sharma. Bad choice or Wrong timing or both? Maybe we lost because Poonam Pandhey didn't offer to strip this time. Thank God its over just in time for IPL.  

Indian Badminton - Saina climbed to the top of the Badminton world which was dominated by the nimble Chinese. She was ranked # 1 even though she lost to Carolina Marin in the All England Series. Climbing to the top of the rankings is no mean effort, and what we lack in consistency we make up in sheer numbers and good PR. Star Sports has been looping a series appropriately titled 'Saina's climb to the top'. Great! She'll use this to demand she be awarded the Bharat Ratna this year.


And in closing, here's a story (with some modifications) that has been doing the rounds since the last many years


Original Story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool

and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.


NDTV, BBC, CNN , Asianet show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
  • Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
  • Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
  • Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities.
  • The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper
  • CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
  • Railway minister allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
  • Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act'[POTAGA] , with effect from the beginning of the winter..
  • Education minister makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.
  • The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.
  • Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
  • Railway minister calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
  • CPM calls it 'Revolutionary Resurgence of Downtrodden'
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley, 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India.
And that's why India is still a developing country...!!

And finally, here's Deepika Padukone with yet another rant on behalf of women everywhere (yawn). Apparently, the lass is bent upon staying relevant whether she has movies or not. Can someone please tell her to STFU.



Thursday, August 07, 2014

And that's the way the cookie crumbled, in July Twenty14... [Part Two]

Guess who's getting lucky? Thats right, at Rs 8 lakhs a night, estranged wife of Hrithik
Roshan, designer Sussanne Khan demanded Rs 400 crores ($ 654 million) as alimony.
With the way vegetable prices have been soaring, I am pretty sure she needs that kind of money to survive.

iPhone wannabe Chinese smartphone Xioami stormed the Indian marketplace and took a flipkart. Sold Out!
From humble beginnings as a startup in Bangalore, Flipkart has come a long way. Now based out of Singapore, it got $ 1 billion in additional funding. The very next day, Amazon announced it is pumping in $ 2 billion into its etail business in India. Sure, etail is still in its infancy here but have they bitten off more than they can chew?

In more aviation news, there were some more close shaves and near misses. Good year for Nat Geo 'Air Crash Investigation'.
Call it superstition or a lame attempt to reinvent itself, after a spate of high profile disasters Malaysia Airlines will now rechristen itself and seek new investors. 
In other disaster news, a massive landslide buried an entire village and if it wasn't for an alert bus driver, we would have been digging out corpses by now. The culprit? Rampant deforestation and soil erosion. Sadly none of this will shock any of us any more.

Afghanistan accused Pakistan of stoking violence. Who knew?!
ISIS hoisted its flag in Kashmir. Great! Another butt to kick.
Boko Haram tied up with Dawood Ibrahim and made good logistics sense.
A Japanese girl in Tokyo was arrested after she killed and fed on her classmate. Brings more meaning to the term - Peer Bonding.

Jane Goodall, known for her decades long work amongst chimps and great apes, predicted the apes will go extinct if we continue to poach and encroach. 

On the heels of the 'emotional contagion' experiment FB did on its users, OKCupid tweaked it's users data and preferences to test how potential partners would react. There goes my faith in the system.
And cementing my belief in the obvious, a research showed that the longer you remain on FB, the more depressed you get. Finally!!!

'Vijay Malya is an accidental defaulter and not a willful defaulter' Sayeth UCO, one of the bank who lend his now-defunct airline 1000s of crores as loan. 
Air India had an eventful month this month, when it launched flights on the Delhi-Moscow route for the first time in 15 years. 

VR Bhat, a freelance writer and a self-proclaimed RSS worker was sued for slandering a woman on FB. Quote UnQuote 'Women against Sanatana Dharma must be raped', he is the kind of scum that we don't need.
Dozens of factories that dumped their sewage in to the Ganges were ordered to be shut down. The first step towards cleaning up Hinduism's holiest river.

The Costa Concordia was finally towed away for dismantling and further east, children who survived the South Korean ferry crash testified against the captain and crew of the ferry.

In 'Weird enough to be News' news, 
  • An uptown bar in London conducted a pheromone party where participants could find their partner by sniffing 3 day old sweaty tee-shirts. No big deal. Indians in India have the pheromone parties every morning and evening when they use public transportation.
  • A Brazilian artist made dresses out of unused condoms. Thank God he chose the unused condoms!
  • After killing off Archie, the upcoming 26th season of the animation series Simpsons will see a major character being 'killed off'.
  • Bill Clinton got punked! By Indian government officials. The officials masqueraded a student from a better school as a child of the government school in Uttar Pradesh that his foundation supports. 
  • An Austrian priest was furious after he found out his church was used as a location for a porn film. The things pastors have to go through for us!
  • Want to have a threesome? Download 3nder, an app that allows you to locate that eager beaver for your romp. 
  • After kicking out every major business in the last few years, Mamatadi has gone to Singapore to convince industrialists to open shop in Bengal. Ha Ha!
  • Sikh basketball players where thrown out of the FIBA championship in China. Somehow the Chinese still manage to rub us the wrong way every now and then, huh?
  • Locally known as 'End of the World', a giant crater in the middle of nowhere in Siberia baffled scientists. Maybe the Americans could search for oil there but I digress.
Papa Mulayam poured out some ancient wisdom. Rapes are no big deal, until it strikes a lady in your family.

Honda fresh after the box-office hits of its City and Amaze introduced the Mobilio. Considering how slick Honda has always been with their product promotions, this could give Toyota, Maruti and Tata a run for their money. 
On the other end of the price spectrum, Porsche announced the launch of their luxury SUV - the Macan at Rs 1.11 crores. Sussanne, you can buy it.

In this month's 'Let's give a moment of silence' section, 
South African writer and winner of the 1991 Nobel Prize for Literature Nadine Gordimer passed away. 

In truly incredible news of selfless love, a Muslim husband in Uttar Pradesh donated his kidney to his wife. Against the wishes of his parents. 

Guess who is giving the Pride of our Nation, Sunny Leone, sleepless nights? No, not who you thought, but I like the way you think
Its Dana Vana. Like a moth to a flame, phirangis are drawn to Bollywood. 

Watch out for Ebola. Without a vaccine or a cure in sight, this virus has always been the most potent immunodeficient viruses in the world now. With a mortality rate of almost 90%, this is one virus that can become a epidemic really fast. Read more about the virus here.


Ok ladies, have you ever envied how we men can pee standing up? Do you dread using those crusted discolored Indian toilets? Well, worry no more. Introducing Pee-buddy. An unique use  and throw contraption that will help women pee standing up. 
Next Week: How to fart like a man.

Meanwhile, Harley Davidson decided to outsource production of all its bikes to India. The last frontier!

And in good news to those who remember their vehicle's mileage better than their partner's birthdays, Petrol will be less dearer by Rs 1.09/litre.

India's Foreign Minister, Sushma Swaraj, told the US Secretary of State John Kerry that we won't tolerate any more snooping. Maybe we should ask Snowden for more help

Adieus Good People of the World! See you all next month.


Thursday, July 24, 2014

And that's the way the cookie crumbled, in June Twenty14...

Thirty days into a new era of governance, Narendra Modi is finally showing who is boss. 

Predictably, he has won lot of admirers and a few enemies too. Now, I admit I wasn't too much of an admirer of him either but if he is half as effective as he is serious about the 'acche din' promise, then we are just getting started! 
The availability of affordable food grains has always been an Achilles heel for Indian politicians. The Food law that prohibits hoarding and the new legislation that protects Whistleblowers are steps in the right direction.

With the general budget a month away, the Rail budget came out. For those who can't understand why this is important, the Indian Railways is the world's largest employer. Its infrastructure and manpower is larger than most med-sized countries. It moves more people in a day than the entire population of some European countries. Over the past several years, successive politicians have milked the railways cow for their own benefits. From a corporation that actually made revenue, it is now on the verge of bankruptcy

So this year, fares were hiked, rolled back and then hiked back. Some freebies, lots of promising stuff. Overall, a budget that could turn the sagging fortunes of the milch cow.

The ruling party promised to supply free electricity in 5 years. Now, all this sounds very familiar because whether we get it or not, they are going to use these promises in 4 and a half years again.

Senior BJP Minister and former Chief Minister Gopinath Munde died in a tragic car accident. Union Road and Safety minister Nitin Gadkari promised sweeping changes in road safety. Good for you!

Union Health Minister, Dr Harsh Vardhan, said something that rattled many. 'Wear values instead of condoms'. Makes sense if you understand where its coming from, but is the dear doctor saying it is wrong to experiment? Will he ask his children to not wear condoms when its time to talk about the birds and bees? Now, I don't have anything against abstinence but how about those who are in same-sex relationships? What really gets my goose is when supposedly secular politicians become moral preachers sermonizing religion and culture. Not happening. Hey Doc! Why don't you look into the big city garbage that has been pilling up in towns around India.

In our Monthly National Rape and Abuse against Women section (sic), an Indian teenager killed herself because a guy she met online posted morphed pictures of themselves in a fake profile. What did the guy gain by this? This could have been just an innocent attempt to arm-twist her into a relationship, but now that she is gone, I am wondering how much of a future he has himself.
Elsewhere a 15 year old Mumbaiite was gang-raped by 5 of her friends and a 22 year old was raped in a moving car by a guy she met online. 
A wife in the northern State of Madhya Pradesh was gang raped by her husband and 10 other men and when a mother in Manipur resisted rape, she got her head blown off.
What the fu*k is wrong with these animals?
The silver lining is that we will soon have regular criminal courts for juvies accused in heinous crimes. 

While Modi has asked his ministers to not make a fool of themselves ala the UPA, Mister Digvijay 'Diggy' Singh opened his mouth long enough to say 'Rahul is not a ruler, but just a fighter against injustice'. Yeah right! I can't believe they think we still believe that kind of crap anymore.
And the AAP unraveled like a broom without the handle. Touche!

In yet another instance of corporate muscling, infrastructure conglomerate Jindals were found grabbing land worth millions in the northern State of Chattisgarh. Shame Story!

China pulled its 'Arunchal Pradesh card' again. Chinese maps showed the north-eastern State as its own. Smart! India fumed and made all the right noises. Same Story.
Guess who else we are mad at? Russia. Yup, we are upset Russia is selling MI-35 tanks to Pakistan. That's right! Making friends everywhere we go.

In other news, buildings in Chennai and Delhi came tumbling down. We may not hear a lot of this but with the way the construction industry depends on sand illegally dredged from our dying riverbeds, this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Like the mining mafia which has been selling our country piecemeal, the sand mafia is single-handedly responsible for the poor quality of millions of buildings in the country now.

And I watched the latest outing of Optimus Prime & Co.
Transformers: Age of Extinction, is a 6 on my rating for a lot of reasons. While the technical finesse is there for you to see, I found the plot forgetful. I was yawning listening to the one-liners. While previous outings did have a lot of inane one-liners, I still found the storyline believable. I don't miss Shia Labeouf's character, but Megan Fox? Yes, I think she was one of the reasons why the first two installments in this franchise was the runaway success it was. Transformers without Megan is like Pretty Woman without Julia Roberts. 
Mark Wahlberg is endearing and as always he is a delight to watch. The CGI action sequences are top notch. Should you watch it? Yes, if you are a die-hard fan of the franchise and Mark Wahlberg. But don't go expecting meaty performances from any of the human characters in the movie. 

Shortly after winning a monumental task of being recognized, transgenders got the chance to walk with their heads held high again. The prestigious Fergusson college in the western city of Pune officially allowed transgenders to enroll. Let's raise a toast to the Pride!

In sporting news, Brazil was unready, but hosted FIFA anyway. Truly the World's greatest sport, played by over 200 countries, big and small, rich and poor, kept most of the world awake, entertained and on the edge of their seats. Suarez did a Mike Tyson on Italy's Giorgio Chellini and got banned. I guess Girogio isn't going to be too thumped about getting a hickie anytime soon, eh?! But I simply enjoyed the way Suarez sat clutching his canines. Did his shoulder hurt your canines, Suarez?

But it wasn't all serious biting and stuff, Playboy bunny Patricia Jordane promised a Poonam Pandhey. And so did Marlen Doll. Saved you a  google search..
Messi sparkled.


Are you one of those people who have a problem with tobacco and alcohol companies surrogate sponsoring mainstream events? Well, I hate it when companies like ITC (Indian Tobacco Co.) sponsor school and collegiate events and companies like UB (United Breweries), McDowells and Fosters market soda and music CDs. Well, someone seems to have broken the silence and the Central Board of Secondary Education (CBSE), one of India's premier edicational board, ordered that affiliated schools and institutions cannot allow such companies sponsor or support events anymore. About time.

And talking about dawning realization, the US has declared the founder of JuD, Hafiz a terrorist and froze all his assets. 
Guess who else got their assets in trouble. Mrs G and her buffoon son, got a summons from the Delhi HC to laundering money through National Herald. And did I hear someone say - skeletons come tumbling down..

Like the rest of Middle East, Iraq broke out in a boil. But why Iraq? Well, let me break it down for you. No matter how much oil anyone else has, the quality of crude oil is what makes the rest of the world and the great nation of American drool. With ISIS and the Al Qeada controlling much of Iraq and Syria, we are looking at days when we no longer have the reins in our hands. Indian nurses became innocent pawns. The government flexed a muscle and send one of its battleships to the region and managed to get the hostages back. Good Show!


American cruiser manufacturer Harley Davidson announced it would build an electric cruiser. Codenamed Project Livewire, this could one of the most anticipated launches from the iconic brand.

So do you have a drinking problem? Well, so does a 2 year old Chinese infant, nicknamed 'Little Winebibber'. Cute ain't he?

For all those who OCD with cleanliness, here's something that you will begin to love - nanotech spray that will keep your clothes and shoes looking like new. Fresh!

Website to watch out for: Kickstarter. 
I've previously written about how a group of underprivileged girls from Mumbai managed to raise money for a library for other children in their community. 
And if you want to see the world, logon to Travolta, a travel planning site that allows you to travel for free.

Eygpt sentenced 3 journos to 7 years in prison for doing what they are paid to do. Dark day for freedom, as usual.
Talking about freedom, Sudanese Christian Miriam Yahia was detained at the airport when she and her husband were trying to leave after being jailed for her faith.

And for all those who enjoy a careless fling, a study by NYU have revealed that casual sex is a good thing.

Single guys rejoin! Sultry goddess Nargis Fakri is single again. Now, drool

Continuing its tradition of giving back to the world, Tesla released its patented electric car designs and technology to the world. For free. Edison, eat your shorts.

Saina won the Australian Open, in style. Maria Sharapova made critics who wrote her off humblepie at the French Open.

Don't you just love it when you realise you were the unwitting guinea pig in an elaborate experiment! Facebook sure didn't think it was inappropriate to conduct a secretive 'emotional contagion' on thousands of its users. See, now that's why I quit FB, I rather let politicians manipulate and steal my tax Rupees than some random business conglomerate online.
FB went offline for 30 whole minutes, and productivity soared across the world. I know of atleast one person who didn't know what to do with those 30 minutes of no FB! If you ask me, I think we need more of these outages. #facebookdown.

ISRO, an example of how much Indians can do in the face of impossible challenges from the West, made history by launching 5 satellites at once. In your face, Uncle Sam.

Audi won their 13th Le Mans tour this month. Game Over!

Chen Guangbiao, self made millionaire and pompous philanthropist, made another grand announcement of charity. Too bad the Most Charismatic Philanthropist can't buy humility and common-sense.

Five children were rescued in a nationwide campaign against pedophiles running a child porn network. So while Japan has banned child pornography, Manga will stay

An Austrian lady who decided to sun-bathe in clear view of motorists created a mini pile-up. Now, thats something most men wouldn't have any problems with.

Signs that Indians are a bunch of prudes and closet erotica aficionados, online sales of sex products are going through the roof. Even in smaller towns! Rock on the Hard On!

King Juan Carlos of Spain abdicated to make way for his son Fellipe VI. 

Rajat Gupta lost the appeal against the $13.9 million fine for insider trading and will serve his prison term. See, now if he was in India, we would have forgotten about him and he could have walked free by now.

Three decades after building the Indian dream, the last of the founders exited Infosys. Vishaal Sikka took the reins over as the first non-founder CEO in the company's history. Let's hope this turns the fortunes of the IT major around.

When Air Asia kicked off a price war, other domestic players tripped over eachother to get a piece of the pie. In an industry where the profits are slim, I wonder how long airline companies can afford to run when they can barely crawl


Machli, the 18 year old Bengal tigress made famous by Nat Geo and Discovery, will be immortalized when she dies. It was announced that taxidermists will preserve her skin and fur for public display. Considering how we are unable to save our natural resources and existing museum artifacts from vandals and nature, it should be interesting to see how much of the tax-payers money gets to go down the drain this time.

Weather continued to show who's boss flattening towns in Pilger and Nebraska. But in NY, food that would have otherwise ended up in landfills were put to good use.

In other good news, F1 legend Michael Schumacher was revived from his medically-induced coma and was transferred to Switzerland for further recovery. Get well, soon Schumi!

Priety Zinta milked her former beau Ness Wadia in full glorious view. Bollywood, which normally has a lot to say for everything under the sun, stayed mum this time

Snowden, the refugee US can't wait to hate, appealed for an extension to stay in Russia. Seeing as how Putin loves to rub Uncle Sam's nuts in salt, he might just get that extension.

Light Moments of the Month:
All India Bakchod (AIB) spoofed Indians who fly. 
Must watch video: Check out the 'Seatbelt Crew' - Eunuchs giving safety tips at a traffic stop. Epic!

In 'Silly Bans of the Month', Russian politician Oleg Mekheyev banned high heels. Really?!
Football was banned in Nigeria, after Boko Haram declared it to be sport that corrupts. Too bad they cannot kidnap a football and convert it to Islam.

With tragedies and miracles, mindless violence and selfless sacrifices, from sporting heros who stooped to conquer to mindless politicians to struggled to reach, June has truly been a wonderful month of surprises. 

The glass is only half full!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...