Showing posts with label Kalmadi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kalmadi. Show all posts

Sunday, July 07, 2013

While I was away : June 2013 [Part 2 / 2]

Spoiler Alert: You are being watched!

The world has changed much since my last post, so let's get started on the wonderful times of our lives.

Let's start by saying Obama is the most powerful man on Earth.

Who said Indians are not tech-savvy? We raise our kids, and they have kids who hack into our computer systems. What do I say?! Heaven must be missing some angels.

Paris, Wacko Jackson's beautiful daughter attempted to kill herself. Whoever said money can buy everything should be dunk in puke.

PRISM. Finally, we know Hollywood is not all fiction.
Our protagonist ran like a headless chicken. Right into the unwelcome hands of unwilling nations. What is ironic are the double standards. Uncle Sam, of freedom and equality; The Rest of the World, of the same. If the US didnt have anything to fear (or hide) why would they hunt down the former NSA contractor like he was a common hacker that he is! What is troubling is how the agency that certified Snowden and the company that hired him failed to do the right levels of background verifications and checks and missed the red flags.

Assange, if you thought India was the safest place for you. We think you lost your marbles after being on the run for so long. Ditto with Snowden.
Ladies, gents or any self-respecting individual will stay the hell out of Bengal as we watch Ms Motormouth run the State (which is already in doldrums) right into the drain.

Another 'celebrity' that ran straight into trouble and out of luck was Mush. He came down to rule and ended up with a headlock from hell. One thing's clear- He aint going anywhere, soon.

Amazon reached India. And somewhere down the line, American businesses felt we were not playing fair. Gee! They went crying to papa.
Maruti shut down their factories, in the face of piling inventories. Touche`.

Kalmadi. You gotta give it up to him. Like Poonam Pandhey, he managed to stay relevant too. If only he had a pair of boobs and some cleavage, he would have never ended this way.

The Kundras got thrown out of the IPL. Srini complained in the uniquely Indian way that we are known for. India won the Champions trophy and we all forgave the Sins of BCCI.
Sreeshanth got bail and lost his wicket. Atleast marriage might straighten the boy out.

Ambani promised to pull another rabbit out of his hat.
And we got to read more letters from Jiah. Great! Poor Poor Suraj.

Pharmas swallowed bitter pills

Mr Singh raked up quite the bill traveling cattle class.

While we won't let our childless couples adopt a child, we could let a pedophile adopt one.
Women were raped (again) in a moving car. Ringing any bells here, SC?

Advani put his foot down and threw a spanner into the spokes. BJP got on their knees and he finally relented.

Nature rewrote some of the mistakes we did in Uttarakhand. What's amazing is how our politicians fought for a piece of the pie. It was angelic to see politicians beat each other up with words and (mis)deeds.In all these, they proved that Indian politicians are both gaseous sycophants and rumbling baboons.

Can we learn some lessons from our tragedies and not repeat disasters?
Maybe we can all take a lesson from the outgoing emir of Qatar.

The Indian economy did the tizzy into the bottomless pit of worries and gold jewelry shops are packing 22 to the dozen.
Oh and the government does not want you to watch any more porn either*.
The message is clear - We are screwed.

We really need to learn to take a hint, when immigration rules tighten, it is time to scrap those plans to go West.

In weirdo world, we'll get to taste breast milk-flavored lollipops soon.
Passengers traveling the domestic airline GoAir will have more eye candy in the future.

Kanye got lampooned as he compared himself to Steve Jobs. Well, I am sure Steve is turning in his iGrave.
Gallivanting across Europe after leaving his heavily pregnant wife, Kim took it like a pro. And then gave birth. Good for her.

While Delhi got a sea port, Dubai is all set to become the city of architectural wonders as it added another feather to its cap with the Cayan Tower.

In the end, this is true - Obama is not the most powerful man in the world. It is the anonymous (wo)man.
It is the men and women who dared-
to tell the truth, to do the most unselfish act, to be the change.

For all those who think America is the most powerful country in the world, they are looking at the wrong continent all together.
China is the new America.

*This rule, like many, is not applicable to politicians.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

While you were gone...

A very dear friend of mine remarked 'Anna is such a distraction'.
Not entirely untrue.

As a nation of people who demand to be entertained all our waking hours, I happened to speak to a few people who'd 'been' to support Anna 'over the weekend'
He was excited and satisfied that he was able to have an eventful weekend!
Well, eventful it is. But what troubles me is how many people are treating this protest as a mere carnival.
The Gandhi topi and the Tricolour dealers are doing the briskest business ever.
Auto-rickshaws are making hay while the sun shines by charging patriotic people double and nearly quadruple the fare.
Ice cream vendors and hawkers are laughing all the way to the bank.
Face painting artists haven't seen so much business since the last IPL match this year.

What started off in the right earnest has now been reduced to a farce.
Surely there is a lot of people visiting areas of demonstration.
There is definitely a lot of people who know what the struggle is about. But five year old kids dressed up as Gandhi with their heads shaved off and bapu glasses?
Give me a break!
I saw red when I spotted three college kids on a bike without a helmet carrying the tricolour, the tip of which was trailing the road.
I bet they are bunking their classes but if supporting Anna was not as fashionable as it is, I'm sure they would have been in a mall or a movie theater ogling at girls in skimpy outfits. Anna is just another reason.

We are filled with people who are hypocritical.
We have people who are impatient with traffic stops. We starting honking the nanosecond the light turns green. Yet we don't mind spending hours on the net/in the bed with your boyfriend/girlfriend, or even at a mall.
We refuse to wear the helmet even if it is meant to protect ourselves and the ones we love.
We don't want to give the underprivileged people in our society a chance at a good life, yet the moment we have a stable job we crib and complain that this isn't enough.
We don't want corrupt leaders, yet we don't mind corrupt managers who will lick and dry their bosses unmentionables to climb up the ladder.
We have people who will chain themselves to protect deforestation, but as soon as it comes to supporting a cause that is nonviolent, they launch into a verbal diarrhea of words.
We are a nation filled with fascinating people!

But thank God for Anna because;
Bollywood has got fresh ideas for its next big patriotic flick.
Sheila Dixit can exhale that the spotlight will not be on her for a while now.
Kalmadi/Raja/Kanimozhi and like scum will be at ease that they are not being prosecuted by a nation that can't multi-task.
Mamataji will make sure that by the time you are back, West Bengal will be replaced by Paschimbanga.
...and if all goes well (for us) Salina Wali Khan will can do a poonam pandey. Deja vu!

Whatever it is, be sure to lock your doors before you leave, because thieves and burglars aren't marching.



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