Showing posts with label Mahesh Bhupati. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mahesh Bhupati. Show all posts

Monday, December 31, 2012

Ze List v2.0 [365/365]

So I finally reached the end of my 2012 Challenge!

Ze List v1.0 was the most read post last year with about 6000 unique readers. Ze List v2.0 hopefully builds on that with my take on what was interesting and what made the cut (or not)


God
We've had incredible ups and downs this year but looking back, I now know the meaning of 'Be still and know that I am God'.

The Great Indian Circus
We had the government and all its cronies do a sequel by sleep-walking through parliament this year. There were plenty of misses and a few hits though no-one can pat themselves on the backs for.

Corruption/Scams
It's all relative. From sports stars to wannabe bimbos, it doesn't look like they learned anything from the last year. Great year for Raja though!

Censorship and the Year of Hacks
The year kicked off pretty bad for folks like me who depend on freedom of speech. Governments everywhere realized it was simply not worth trying to muzzle free speech.

Pranked!
Will be remembered as the year when a ill-conceived prank took its toll.

End of Days
Surprisingly, this year was supposed to be the last. We were not supposed to survive the Apocalypse. But seeing how we did, let's hope dumb-asses like Harold Camping won't spoil us with another doomsday warning.#BrittanicaEncyclopedia #BigBang


Austerity
One of the reasons why I think we all believed 2012 was the end was because of the way many economies in the West unraveled. Austerity is still the dirty word that must not be uttered.

Iran
Continues to be the speck in the eye for the West. When threats didn't work, embargoes did. But frankly, Iran is much too strong and well-built to be cowed down by a bunch of Caucasian bullies.


Bush'ism (noun)
Term given for the unexplained and outrageous insanely things that politicians became famous for saying. 
Synonym: Verbal Diarrhea.
Subject of intense research done by the Centre for Disease Control (CDC). Scientists are hoping to extract blood samples from Obama in the hope that they can create politicians who will be as refined and skilled as the American president.

Sexual Miss Conduct
Children and Indian women got the raw end of the stick (quite literally, too).
While Delhi and other Indian States notched up rapes like it was going out of style, it took just one 'brutal' rape to get us out with our creatively written banners asking for stricter anti-rape laws and legislature. Apparently the only women who are truly safe in Delhi is Sonia and Sheila.
No one wants to talk about the 26 year old mother who was blindfolded and gang-raped for several hours before being dumped in Kolkata. 

'Brutal' and 'Castration' became household words and it was just another year for Incredible India.

Pirates Ahoy!
Two Italian marines on-board an Italian cargo ship shot dead two Indian fishermen. What followed was a sordid tale of how the victim's family fought for a whole lot of money and won. Seeing how sluggish our judicial system works, the marines may have all the time in the world to learn some new Indian languages.

King No More
Bad year for the aviation sector. While Air India got the kiss of life, Kingfisher landed and never took off. Mallya may not be poor but he surely has a strategy. Or has he lost interest in his 5 star airliner?

Famous Deaths
An interesting line up of obituaries this year and with the kind of talent that left us unlucky mortals, I think God is casting for an Epic soon.


Full Tension Release
Our over-paid, under-worked pot-bellied politicians put their time to good use- porn in their palms.

Above the Line
If the govt said you were not poor if you earned more than Rs32/- a month and you laughed at the thought of that, then you'd have died laughing when our conscientious politicians declared that millions moved up the ladder this year.

Sachin
From Master blaster with a bad hair day to Average Joe with shoes of concrete, the greatest batsman cricket has ever seen became a Rajya Sabha member and retired from ODIs. From one source of income to another, he executed a fine knock over the boundaries.


Mamatadi
2012 was truly Didi's year. Or was it?
From being chuddi buddy with the ruling party to being isolated as a failing chief minister of an impoverished Indian State, the transition was complete.

Lyrical Gangsters
So what if the he didn't have the look or the moves, the whole world got obsessed with the horse-rider from the East. Oppan Gangnam Style. 


Natural disasters and Fiscal Cliffs
From Japan to the United States of America, it really didn't matter how rich or powerful they were, nature and money showed who's boss.

Hanging up the Boots
Several high-profile retirements left Indian cricket worse than it was. And oh yeah, let's not forget F1 either.

Guest Posts
I saw my ratings soar thanks to enthusiastic guest bloggers who wrote for me this year. One of my most popular guest blogger was AJ whose posts got about 5000+ hits. Thanks to you all!


Free Ads
A fairness cream for down under caused such a furore and tons of free publicity.
Honey Singh was thrown from relative obscurity to outright (in)famy with his 'Balatkar' lyrics.

Vidya Balan
She showed us how grit and sheer determination can bring success. What a Kahaani!

Indian Olympics
From winning our largest haul of Olympic medals to being kicked out from the IOC, we came full circle. Touche`

Aarushi
India lost an Aarushi about 4 years ago. Her parents are still paying the price for asking who did it.

Pakistan
From loosing terrorists to loosing face, our western neighbor had a pretty busy year.


Facebook
Touted as one of the biggest IPO launches this year, FB fell flat on its face. Made for a great Kodak moment though. #Facepalm.

Unsung Heroes
'Hold the Thought, Get the Point' featured some unlikely heroes that you won't hear, will never see and would probably forget very soon. They made the list because of their sheer grit, dedication and character.

Fuel
This section will probably be repeated in every single list of every single year. This year India saw the steepest increase and some token decrease in its prices. Suddenly cycling and walking looks like a better option.

Sunny Leone
She came. We came.
'nuff said.

SRK
With an obsession for attention, SRK cartwheeled himself into my List a second year in a row. #IPL5.



SMJ
Aamir Khan's Sathya Maye Jayathe placed a mirror in front of us and we were forced to take a long hard look at ourselves.

Avengers
One of the most anticipated Superhero movies made us all laugh, fight and believe in the supremacy of American vengeance.

Vicky Donor
Surprise package. Literally and otherwise.

Indian Presidential elections
Probably the first time, anyone ever fought to have their (wo)man at the Rastrapathi Bhavan. Predictably, logic took a back seat and Pranab bailed himself out from a sinking ship. Nice move!

US Presidential elections
Fodder for standup comedians and couch potatoes. No prizes for guessing who won.

Woof Wolf!
Pinky & Pascal Mazurier. Names that many have forgotten by now, became the unwitting victims of vengeful partners who took advantage of the quagmire called the Indian Justice system.

Of Money plants and Mud
Time and Outlook got at eachother's throat for calling their respective leaders a lame duck. Each saw their rating soar and we forgot who won.

Mass Shootings
We saw a new kind of jihadi.

From crazy lunatics firing into a packed theatre to socially-inept children killing other children, 2012 was all about ducking the bullets. #GunControl

Kasab Khatum
After years of fattening him up, we finally slaughtered him. Indians celebrated.

Naked Royals
Just three words: Pasty White Skin.

Bangalore Trash
We wanted our government to act on our trash. Not because we cared for the environment but because we had see (and smell) our trash every single moment of every single day for months.

Apple
From winning a billion dollar lawsuit against Samsung to unveiling new gadgets, Apple did it all.

Julian Assange
When all else failed, he simply walked into the Ecuadorian embassy. Now why didn't he do that earlier?!

Of spoiled sons and sons-in-laws...
This year, we heard (a lot more) about the famous sons and sons-in-laws.

...and wayward Generals and TV hosts
While Jimmy Savile was spared the embarrassment, Gen. David Petraeus was caught with his pants down. 


You've been flashed!
If libdubs were a rage, the past year saw plenty of flash mobs taking bystanders by surprise. Corporates and NGOs took to flash mobs like a duck to water to spread their message and brought a little bit of Bollywood into their lives.

Abort!
The untimely death of an Indian dentist in Ireland ignited the debate supporting abortion in exceptional cases. What good is religion when it can't save precious human life?


Have a great year ahead!


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

You're Grounded! [263/365]

Revenge is a bitch.
About a month after they returned empty-handed, Hesh and Bopanna was handed a ban for the next two years. On the wrong side of 30 this ban has effectively ended Hesh national career.

Predictably, Hesh has protested. He claims that the nation got to hear only one side of the story and he was never given a chance to explain.
But honestly, Hesh, what did you expect?
We are a nation that has invented cruel ways of getting back at those who cross our paths. While I think this is a silly way to punish a national sporting hero, I do feel he deserved to be punished for the way he pulled the strings so close to the Oly.

When you're chosen to play for your country, it is expected that you set aside personal preferences, big and small, aside and play for the country. You're expected to be one big happy team. Protest if you should but think of the repercussions when you return. And when you're playing for your country, you play to win glory for your country and not for yourself. Hesh is a terrific pro-circuit player and having played at the top for many years, he commands the respect that he has been given.
However, Hesh erred greatly when he demanded to be paired with his choice of a partner in the doubles and made the AITA look like an idiot. After days of hectic negotiations, AITA finally gave in. He got his way and we were promised a medal. That was in the past. Today, Hesh's national career is virtually over. After holding the AITA in gunpoint in plain sight of the entire world, I'm feeling a profound sense of relief after he and his Oly doubles partner has been handed the ban. Bravo!

Pinching my ears..

Today, reading Hesh's 'side of the story' I'm reminded of the phrase 'The dog ate the food, bit the child and still wants to bark'.
He's going to sue AITA. He's complaining of 'dirty politics'. Dirty politics isn't really new but surprisingly, we didn't hear him complain when he was being rolled out the red carpet, did we?

If you ask me, Lee should have been banned too. He pulled his strings too but probably escaped the wrath only because he was smart enough to wait. Lee laid the bait and Hesh walked into it hook, line and sinker. Sania was the crab that strayed too close.

Hesh, shame on you, dude. You don't deserve to untie the straps of Girish!


Thursday, August 09, 2012

Stop kissing the medal! [222/365]

So India bettered its past records at the Oly and got herself 4 medals.
And this is no mean achievement, I say.

While the Games are still on, nearly all of our 'largest Indian contingent ever' has returned. The shopping bags have been unpacked and the souvenirs distributed, it's time for our Olympians to take a well deserved break. Some more than the others.

I can't help notice how we still don't have world class track and field athletes, martial artists, gymnasts or swimmers. And its not like we have gold medalists in every other sport. Its just a bronze for crying out loud. Now, don't get me wrong. I agree that we did our 'level best' but that level apparently isn't enough. How can a tennis pair who won a grand slam not even qualify for the semi-finals?

I am no armchair activist or a couch potato and I fully comprehend the determination and effort that goes into training for an event like the Olympics. What I lament about is how our brightest medal hopefuls failed miserably. I wonder what Lee and Hesh have to say about the miserable defeat they were served. Sania is a choke artist. She's never performed in a singles in memory. The only matches she ever came close to winning was in mixed doubles. Strange!
Our hockey team suffered their worst defeat in their games history. And to think that we won the gold in consecutive Games until a few years ago. It looks like the team has long lost its mojo.

But in all fairness, some of our underdogs performed and how! The most inspirational were Saina and Mary Kom. What we lack in numbers, we certainly make up in spirit. 
Its also good to know that we are winning medals for our mothers and our fathers who 'brought us upto this level'. When did we stop 'playing for the honor of the country'?
Its also good that our bronze and silver medalists are getting a welcome fit for a Roman warrior. They deserved it. 
Its also good that our politicians are going to trip over each other declaring 9 digit rewards and insanely large tracts of prime land for free. This will be the start of yet another race, from pillar to post, to get these rewards. 
Its good that our sports minister has promised senior level job posts for each of our medalists. Finally, they will be underpaid government servants who must accept bribes and other 'favors'.

Alright, now can you please stop kissing the medals?


Saturday, June 30, 2012

Been there, June that [182/365]

exactly, my reaction too!
So another month has rolled past.
Another month on that much needed sabbatical..

It has been a wonderful month for the scribes and looking at the sheer volume of newsreel wasted on controversies, it looks like we are right in the eye of the storm.

Lee got his pound of flesh and Hesh, the spoils of war. Sania became bait. Predictably she complained, but well, what else did she expect?
Pinky got fingered. In every sense of the word. The Asiad gold medalist was accused by her live-in partner and everyone (for their 15 minutes of fame) of being a man. S(he) raped her. In a culture where we frown and snigger at transvestites, this was gold. She was paraded through half a dozen nursing homes, and hospitals, made to strip and subjected to every atrocity known to Indians. God bless her. For a individual to go through this and survive takes nerves of steel.

Not to be undone, Fitch lowered India's credit rating and a G20 poll listed India as the 'Worst place for a woman'. Duh!
Our cops decided to play moral teachers and went on a spree raiding night clubs and discotheques. Scantily clad, half naked bodies of PYTs covering just their faces were shown on prime time television and national media. Hot news!

Pascal  Mazurier, a french consulate official, was accused by his Indian wife of raping their 3 year old daughter. What followed was many days of sensationalism and then the anti-climax- the DNA didnt match the sample on the child's private area. The last we heard was that the wife praising the husband and seeking privacy and respect for the family during this time. Well, if you ask me, lady, when you went to the press throwing about allegations, you signed off your death warrant. If you ask me, I think you are a gold-digger and you simply wanted to make sure you got a good 'deal' (aka alimony). But again, I would love to be proved wrong and I wish the guilty be punished.
Talking about child abuse, the Supreme court ruled that any kind of abuse towards children be treated differently from abuse towards adults. What took us so long to realize this? Isn't it natural to punish those to abuse children in a way that will affect them for life? I so wish my mother listened to me when I told her that a man raped me when I was just 11. But again, this is the problem with Indian parents. They simply don't know when to listen, and how to react. I am neither supporting nor accusing Mrs Pascal. But I think when her daughter first complained, she should have paid attention and brought this to the notice of the authorities then and not waited for a full year. 

Bollywood celebrated. Period.
President Pratibha Patil in a final act of grace, pardoned a dead man. Thank God, the Indian prez is just a nominal figure of the constitution or we may have had to suffer the ignominy of having another 'Bush'.

And while still on the topic of elections, Eygpt got their first democratically elected president after about three decades- the Muslim Brotherhood elect -Morsi. As he steps into the shoes of Mubbarak, lets hope he leads the most populous African nation into prosperity.

Here's to a great July!
Hic Hic Hurray!


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Born naked. Living Horny

Making her Parents mighty proud!
Two Weeks ago, a nondescript model googled herself (like many other self obsessed nincompoops do) only to find that she is not what she thought she was- Famous.

That's when in a bolt of creative (or absolutely mundane) thought inspired her to announce to India and the world about her plans to strip for the Indian Cricket team if they win the World Cup.

Well, Poonam Pandey, Bravo! Well done. How inspiring! How original! How so Indian!

Well, the Indian team may have had women who would've been a guzillion times hotter, smarter strip and do other favors for them (in private) a thousand times already.

So they could have clearly not fallen for this. But a billion other men in India and some thousands around the world would have salivated at the tantalizing thought! They may have already made plans to watch it in YouTube and Torrents!

However, as fate would have it India did win the World Cup. Not for the country but for Sachin. But nonetheless, we won. Fair and square.

'Where the hell is Poonam Pandey?' The day after, FB was ablaze. All those elaborate plans to watch the smuggled clips of a naked lady gone down the drain. If there ever was a dampener to all the excitement, her no show was it.

You got your 15 minutes or more, of fame. But few pivotal questions, Ms Pandey.

How did you imagine our Cricket team needed a certain B grade Calender girl like you to strip to perform?
If Cricket was your passion, why didn't you strip in the last World Cups?
And finally, any reason why you chose Cricket and not Tennis? Where incidentally, Leander and Mahesh did win their Doubles and is placed World number 1. Well, they played for India and not for themselves or each other.

In a country where Cricket and Bollywood unite people in a way where religion and a million plus gods couldn't, you, Ms Pandey said the right thing. Or like the locals would say; "Ekdum first class choice"

But little did you know we would win and you'd have to make lame ass excuses to why you wouldn't want to strip. Smart move.

Well, it is easy to bet against a team when the team has been performing badly for decades. She never knew India would win, after all they hadn't won in decades. PP didn't expect India to win either.

We won! And in the first few hours after we won, none of us thought of you. None of us even remembered you. It was our victory and our moment in glory. We partied, we danced and we savored our win.
While you went into hiding and wished you could've turned back time.
But you've earned a nation's contempt and a million dollars worth of PR for free.

2 weeks on, you are still giving us reasons why you said you'll strip and (indirectly) how it is your birth right. So you were born nude. So you've made the men (with the exception of a few) of an entire nation drool and the women cringe in pity at your PR stunt. But you'll forever go down in history as the first (probably not the last) bimbo who promised to strip and never showed up.

Nudity is not vulgarity, says Ms PeePee.
Thats only if you're shedding it for your husband/boyfriend or in your case, a Producer/Director.

Bring It On.


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