Showing posts with label Malala Yousafzai. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Malala Yousafzai. Show all posts

Sunday, November 17, 2013

While you were gone: October / November 2013

Sonia is retiring. Boo Yaa! 

Okay, so Obama is the flavor of the year.

Not only did he spare us World War 3 but also saved the billions around the world from financial gloom and doom. The Senate voted to raise the debt ceiling and all is fine and dandy again. Until next year. But now, let's drink to O who's shown the initiative to clean up the mess that his white masters created!
The pure genuineness that is America - the nation of consumers. No credit please?!

Obamacare went live. Why shouldn't it?
NSA - Proof that Uncle Sam loves to read your emails. Well, atleast someone should read those awful Nigerian spams.

Beckham and Malala lost out on the Nobel. What baffles me is the choice.
One is a self-centered celebrity who is well past his sell-by date and the other - a girl whose larger than life persona and courage defies fear. The choice must have been clear but obviously, the Nobel committee couldn't care less.

Our politicians are known for their brain farts, but Kejriwal misses Anna. Aww!!
Somehow Anna reminds me of how Stone Cold Steve Austin came and fought McMahon and then vanished in the good ol' days of WWE.

Sushil Sharma, the star of such shows like 'Haan, Mein hu Congress leader'  and 'Honey, I want to tandoor you' got his life back.
The SC in its infinite wisdom decided that Sushil deserves to live. Next!
Lalu was thrown into prison and into 'relative comfort'. Now, this is how your tax rupees get spent.

So if you can't beat it, ban it. Congress moved to ban opinion polls, because they are unscientific. I agree. There never was anything scientific about the Congress.

Andra continued to cook on slow flame but nature poured cold water and then just like that, we didn't care who got what. We all ran with whatever we had and politicians had a field day bragging. O Shaddup!

A tsunami of a smaller scale hit Japan, just off the Miyagi Perfecture. Perfect!
And when nature isn't killing us, we ran amok anyway. Toll: 89.
Nature - 0. Us - 1

And as the CBI continues to drag the Talwars through the drain-pipes and sewers of the justice system, I wonder if Aarushi would've ever wanted her parents to suffer as much as they already have. The more I read, the stronger I believe they are innocent. They just need Jethmalani.

In God's Own Country, Kerala, political activists stoned, nay threw a stone that found its way to the forehead of its Chief Minister. Witty as they are, the opposition quickly announced the fact that the CM didn't require much medical attention proves that he is thick-skinned. Indeed.
And while we are still talking about skin, Malayalam TV celebrity and movie actress Swetha Menon stirred the hornets nest when she filed allegations of sexual harassment against a sitting MP. Endless montages, live debates and sarcastic innuendos later none's the wiser. Just another day in the life of an Indian woman.

Yes, we are an enchanting land. We are safe as long as you're built like a wrestler, well versed in karate, isn't too fussy about your ablations and carry all your money and valuables inside you and don't mind getting gropped everyday.
For westerners who still think Indians travel by elephants and work as professional snake charmers, do attend the Assam Rape festival.
Here's your visa on arrival.
Next on the calendar
- The Great Indian Incest fair.

And while we are working on getting more tourists, we also got an arms-laden ship from the US. So someone missed the memo there.

Air India's Dreamliner lost a belly plate enroute. I read the news and I cracked up laughing. How we haven't had a major disaster yet reinforces my belief in the supernatural, given our dismal safety and maintenance records.
But two gruesome accidents in inter-State Volvo buses and suddenly we are blaming Volvo for our human error and greed. We are like this only.
Talking about greed, no we didn't find any gold. But we got punked real nice!

If you thought spiking a drink was criminal, this young lover forced acid down his [former] girlfriend's throat.
Scene Two. A girl paid the ultimate sacrifice for love.
Back at the Capital, a BSP MP's wife was arrested for torturing and killing her maid servant.
Another State, another rape. Where's the honor in raping your own daughter? Congratulations! We are finally insensitive.

And we are many things, but rational? No, being the emotional idiots that we are now famous for, the last fortnight or so has been one big bhajjan for the god of cricket, who famously said he will not retire any time soon just a few months ago.
And thus a nation of foolhardy fools dove head first into the heady pool of sycophancy and our retailers, wholesalers and every swine in between decided to partake of this mind-numbingly boggling event in world history.
That Viswanath Anand loses to Magnus Carlsen or whether Dipika breaks into the top 3 will never matter to us.

Iran appears to be finding favor with the US. And this could be good or bad news, depending on who you ask. Personally, I think their peace is important because that means cheaper fuel bills for us.
Syria, on the other hand, is a gone case.

In this month's 'I have billions to spend' moments,
ISRO notched another brownie point after launching MOM. Your uncle couldn't have done it cheaper.
INS Sunayna
was commissioned. Won't change a thing with Pakistan. Doesn't matter to the Chinese. Now can you stop wasting my tax rupees, please?
Modi is going to build the world's largest statue of Sardar Patel. Note to all those cynical Indians who mocked Ambani for building Antila with his own money: Please protest.

And as I draw to the fag end of yet another post, here are some nuggets of wisdom:
Keep the thumping interesting with these golden rules

And our actresses do say the darnedest things

And the Bollywood cash registers had iffy month. Besharam was an embarrassment and don't even get me started on Krissh 3. Can someone please tell them that they suck.
I've never been a fan of either but I think Krissh 3 is the most atrocious non-porn, non-SRK movie that is running in theaters today.

Story of our times. 
Keep those mails coming. See you all next month!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

While you were away : July 2013 (Part 1 of 3)

The past week saw much chatter.

Uncle Sam grew restless as Vladimir's Russia kept its best poker face.
Neither US nor Russia can afford sparking a conflict that will end the human race. So while Snowden is living out his 'Terminal' life, we can only hope that everyone goes home happy.
The Americans proved just how diplomatically powerful it is when as many as 21 countries said 'No thank you' to his asylum requests. Although he did manage to get proposed !!!

Why he didn't just walk into an Ecuadorian Embassy in the US just baffles me. Maybe, he should have just gone to Pakistan. The only place on earth where the scum of the universe can live undetected. Or maybe he can walk out wearing a cowboy hat and no one will notice ?

Enter Sir Ravindra Jadeja
'Pick someone of your own size, Uncle Sam'.

And talking about picking up fights, I've gotta hand it to Modi. His remark made me think to myself - 'No, it wasn't a car running over a puppy, it was more like a truck running over roadkill.' 

Future Mrs Snowden?
Well, atleast he is consistent; in that he does not want to apologize. How many of you have the feeling of deja-vu?! The many south Indians that I've spoken to are already dreading the way India will do an Asiana Airlines in a few months or when Modi comes to power (whichever is earlier).

Got problems getting an ID card? You can maybe pick a clue from 'Jack and Jane Doe' who had 20.

Eminem came full circle. After rapping lyrics that smacked of violence and sexism during his active singing career, he now faces the prospect of having his daughter date a young man who was brought up listening to his music. Maybe we should send him a framed placard with the 8 simple rules but I still think Eminem is a wonderful person. Having been through all that he did, he still gave a good life to his daughter. Not something many others in showbiz can claim credit to. Full marks for that!

I'm just waiting to see how Kim is going to raise her child. Looking at her glorious track record at the relationship department, it's true when they say Kim and a door knob are alike. They all get a turn. But I'll still finish this post faster than Kim's marriage.

Back home, Congress managed to push the Food Bill. No, it's not the kind of bill you dread paying at that overly exorbitant hotel, but the Food Act. Its obvious Congress is burning the midnight oil before the 12th standard board exams, but its worth a shot, eh?!

The Rupee did the whoopee and started pinching everyone. Well, the good news is you may still be able to buy the Nano.
The SC reached puberty and kicked the politicians where it hurt the most. It ruled that a conviction will disqualify a politician from public office. Next week: IQ.

Nature struck. Again. No surprises. Soon, we'll hear of more disaster relief fund requests, if you know what I mean.
Egypt plunged into crisis. Standing ovation to their persistence.
It will take us several decades to get to where the Egyptians are today.
We are too complacent to fight. Too comfortable to bother. Too numb to move.

Thirteen bombs went off at Mahabodhi. Why do we allow this to repeat? For answer, refer to paragraph above

Our politicians will repeat their rhetoric. We will bring our placards out. In a few weeks, we'll all have new things to worry about.

Andy Murray struck gold. And so did our athletes. With nine medals, we stood sixth! The expression - One in a billion -  is SO true!

Eight months after Jyothi died, the juve who was the most cruel will be sentenced. Now, I don't know what the family is going through but this I know - Whatever verdict the court gives cannot and will not extinguish the torment nor wipe away the stain of his crime. Not in this life, nor in the afterlife.
Our men notched up a few more gang-rapes, as usual. 

eCommerce got a fillip as Flipkart got a $300 million top-up from its investors. Let's hope they were right on the money.

The past week also saw some really thought-provoking movies - The best of which was the intense biopic 'Bhaag Milkha Bhaag'. One movie that I will want to watch and review on my blog soon.

And for those nostalgic about their college days, you have 'Sixteen'. Maybe I could convince myself to watch that too?

And if you think it was not possible, our industrial production shrunk by 1.6% !! I'll let you marinate in that thought.

Malala spoke. The world sat up and listened. How a selfless child like that survived all this while in a God-forsaken country like Pakistan is a miracle in itself. Malala is proof that humanity is not a lost cause.

I've got dibs on the front seat.

Monday, October 15, 2012

All about Malala [290/365]

Last week, the EU got the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts in stabilizing the world economy by bailing out the lazy south.
In the meanwhile, a young 14 year old girl in Swat, Pakistan got shot in the head and neck working for the cause of girl children in her country.
So what is wrong with this picture here?

While the Nobel Foundation have been in the spotlight in the past couple of years for their choices of awardees, their choice for the peace prize this year will definitely be the most controversial. Malala Yousafzai, a political activist and educational rights activist, had been writing a blog for BBC under a pseudonym. At a time when the Taliban imposed their radical version of conservative Islam and ordered that girls should not be educated, Malala's blogs were bone-chilling. They spoke of the first-hand terror and fear that women and young girls go through every moment.

Her activism is the stuff of Bollywood blockbusters and mythical warrior princesses. Inspite of open threats, Malala encouraged by her dad, Ziauddin Yousafzai, trudged on. She inspired hundreds of girls to fight for their right to education and eventually paid for it when Taliban gunmen shot her in her school bus. 

What followed was worldwide outrage, and surprisingly most of it from within Pakistan. While the government spoke in veiled tones, Muslim clerics and ordinary Pakistanis were outraged. The Taliban were mighty proud that they shot the young defenseless girl but with support and encouragement that this incident has caused, I doubt if they really achieved their goal. On the contrary, they may have alienated clerics who would have otherwise helped them turn Pakistan into the dark-ages.

Ironically, we have been really silent over this. I haven't seen any candle light vigils or solidarity marches for our stricken neighbor. But that could be because we have our hands full committing heinous crimes against our own women. Our men are one blowjob short of an orgasm and going by the rate that we have been raping our women, with female infanticide and mortality being what it is, with dowry deaths increasing and our strange penchant for the male child, I estimate that we will run out of fresh women to rape in about five - ten years. Rapists please note

Malala, I hear is slowly recovering but I wonder how this will change her life for ever. Will she be a vegetable for the rest of her life or will she have to live in fear until she dies? Whatever the outcome, I hope the fear that she has experienced, the forces that she fought and the pain that she will go through will open the eyes of ruthless tyrants everywhere. I hope the effort that she put finally bears fruit.

We're sorry we didn't think you deserved the Nobel Peace Prize.

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