Showing posts with label Middle East. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Middle East. Show all posts

Sunday, June 09, 2013

While I was away. June 2013 [Part 1 / 2]

Okay, so you might have heard this before - India is a land of quirks!

Carrying over from the previous month, Srinivasan gave his laundry list of demands and shuffled his feet long enough until we lost interest in what he and his cronies did and latched on to Raj Kundra.

Sreeshanth placed his bets with God and stopped shaving and Dhoni got an honorable mention. 

And I laughed when Shilpa started complaining about how the media is treating her husband and her. Oh really?! It is the media who made you a 'celebrity'. If it wasn't for the fiasco at 'The Big Brother', you would've have married Viveik Oberoi and changed your name to something equally atrocious.

We don't have to be told our politicians have the combined IQ of a comb. We know that already. But when one Mumbai politician banned the display of bikini-clad mannequins, some of us gasped. Have we become so sex-starved that we get the stiffy just by looking at mannequins now?!


We had some big budget masala movies hitting the theatres. And unless you've been buried, you couldn't have missed the promos of 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani'. While I am tempted to warn you, after reviewing a few tasteless Bollywood movies last year, I decided I'd stop torturing myself. So I still won't tell you how terrible this movie is, but let you make yet another poor choice in your life. 

Ah Aadhaar! India's answer to an unified Civil ID/Social Security number. You have to have one, even if you are just a dog, a chair or a plant. And if you are a lady who loves to walk around without the dupatta, you might have to wear one for the photoshoot. No, don't blame them, they just gave Aadhaar to a dog.

Like the prodigal son, Infosys limped back to its owner. Narayan Murthy and his son Rohan Murty (without the h) took over the reins of the IT bellwether. The rules were conveniently bent and they promised to take home just Re 1 as their annual salary. That's one video each on Airtel, Mr Infosys. While you are at it, why don't you surrender all that high-priced stock too?

After the Great Indian Circus that kept us occupied for the past 3 months, we are back to what our men do best - Rape and Kill.
A young lady died after being splashed acid, a couple of foreigners got raped and one even went missing. So its business as usual.

Another inane (Indian) government agency ruled that we shouldn't be tortured with a lot of ads on TV. Don't these guys have anything better to do


And talking about doing things better, here's a breakup like none other. Don't blame me, I'll simply do a Srinivasan on you.

Indian directory service, JustDial went public and did amazingly well. Poonam Pandhey found a news article in her name, alas it was a summons.


In similar weird news, a man trying to catch ghosts in his house instead caught his wife having sex with his son. Candid Camera!

Last month, we all spoke eloquently about how Angelina's 'selfless' act of emancipation would translate to better awareness. 
None of this will matter to the locals at Fukushima or Jharkhand. To quote a sentence from the movie 'Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift', we 'not just played with fire, but soaked the matches in gasoline'.

Indians love working in the Middle East. Building their monuments and readying their economies for a future when oil will run out. Tempted with fat currency conversion rates, plane-loads of Indians are shipped by unscrupulous travel agents to work as slaves. Their salaries are tax-free, not free. With much of the work completed, there wouldn't be a more painless way to do it than to deport them. This would also ensure they can never crawl their way back here. Swift and clean.

We are famous for titing our tats. We did plenty of that last year. So when China announced it was going to buy a 100 warships, our impotent leaders thought 'Arey yaar! Why don't we also buy a 100 of 'em'. 
There is a difference though - Their economy and industries have been growing phenomenally for the past couple of decades, unlike ours. In all of this, I am reminded of the Malayalam proverb- 'If the goat tries to shit like the elephant, the outcome isn't going to be pretty'.

When the Chinese weren't window shopping, they shoplifted. In elaborately orchestrated cyber attacks on American defense systems, the Chinese stole top secret defense and military documents.

An unwed Chinese mother flushed her new born baby boy down the toilet. My heart goes to the child and I hope that is the last time he sees the sewers in his life. Her mother's motivation to hide the pregnancy and the father's reluctance to care for the woman he impregnated is appalling but something most Indians would identify with.
If they would've done the 69, there wouldn't have been the Baby 59. Just saying.

Syria did a North Korea, when it announced a stockpile of weapons from Russia. Great! Just what we needed to tip the scales.
... and North Korea did an Aman Ki Asha. The South and the North decided to reopen the one legacy of peace and unity in the region. 


Putin upgraded. So did Modi. No Surprises, there.
Nawaz spoke and his army shot. Same story.

As I end another rumbustious post, let's have a moment of silence to mourn the tragic death of Jiah Khan, a promising actress and a beautiful woman. While we won't understand what pushed her over the edge, I hope faux celebrities like Shobhaa De would think twice before mutilating her reputation online. Shobhaaaa, that comment was despicable (even by your standards) but we'll return the favor when you die.

Adious!


Friday, April 20, 2012

Quirks of the day [110/365]

Headlining in the papers today;
And a day later, we are still basking under the glory of Agni 5. No shit.
South Korea tests missiles. In your face, Kim Jr
Mumbai gets its arteries back in action. (Interesting post!)
The Right to Education (RTE) becomes the best news that came out of India in a while.
Gansta chick Simran Sood (pictured) is convicted for her involvement in the murder of a upcoming Bollywood director. Atta girl.
The CBI continues it's raids on officials involved in the Tatra kickback. Sigh!
The cops have no clue who killed young Bangalorean, Monika Srivastava. Deja vu.
Datsun set to enter the Indian car market. Yay!
Across the Atlantic, the big O and Romney are set to give us a recap of 09.
Norwegian nutjob, Breivik testifies that he wanted to behead the exPM.
Chinese sportsmen/women stop eating meat, fearing they will accidentally ingest banned substances. Gee, that gives more meaning to the term 'Chinese food'.
IPL. 'nuff said.
The world prepares to race in restless Bahrain.  
Peace out!




Saturday, March 19, 2011

Oil: You gotta have it!

Part 2

Second of a 4 part series about events that are changing our world


While Japan struggles to grapple with Nature's arm, a couple of clicks away Libya is in a power struggle.

With US as the friendly neighborhood Super-Cop, you can be sure that help is only a revolution away. And it helps if you are in the Middle East, because that's where Uncle Sam refuels.

With half of the ME on the home team, is it any wonder why Bin Laden and his radical bunch of cronies flourish.
Why must the West intervene and almost always decide that War is the only way?


Lucrative weapons sales and Oil aside, the West must realise that they've done business with the very dictators that they are hunting down now. This brings to my mind a line in the George Clooney movie 'The Peacemaker' : 'Are you surprised that the worlds greatest terrorists - the US administration -educated half the world's terrorists ?'
The scriptwriters might have inadvertently stumbled on the single most honest truth in the history of mankind.

The West (read: US) first sell you the weapons, then the training. Then they sell it to the 'rebels' (read: 'New' Clients). They'll put in a fighter jet or two as a bonus Add-on.
The Middle East are a bunch of unruly brats. Correction: Rich unruly brats. However, left to their own short squabbles and longer bonhomie, I believe they can truly mind their own business. They have neither invaded (barring Iraq and Israel) another country or send their troops on guard duty to invade / help invade another country.

The West should leave the Middle east for good. Any intervention only muddles the next problem up so bad that they'd wish they had minded their own business.

Why can't they 'fix' China? Well, that because if China shuts down then Americans might as well fall dead.
Why can't they fix repressive regimes like Sri Lanka or the North Korea?
Apart from the fact that neither of these regimes are major producers of Oil, meddling in these countries would not always guarantee that you'd get the military contracts that keep the governments running. They are careful spenders and choose their 'Vendors' carefully.

They couldn't get to Iran. Well not yet. Hence US in a carefully choreographed move is making sure that all the other dysfunctional countries around is either on the home team or has been blown to smithereens before they arm twist Iran into submission.


The UN sanctions are but a joke. As a rubber stamp for the West, the line between the UN and the US is a blurry one at that.

The US must understand that all the war posturing isn't going to do them any good because someday, they have to get out of all that protective cover they are in. And that's when being an American will begin to suck. (Or has it already?!)

Power is a lousy seductress. She can get you anything at a price. Anything but peace.



The World has slowly but surely become a ticking time bomb. The US with its despotic yet selective urge to control Oil. Good Luck, Rest of the World!


I pray He comes soon.


Jump to the other parts here:
Apocalypse, Freedom, Evil


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