Showing posts with label Navin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Navin. Show all posts

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Writing the Block

Bang!! Writers Block.

Most of my readers ask me why I write on human emotions and relationships so often.
Made me sit and wonder why most of my posts are almost like an Alanis Morissette song.

Well, to each their own.
What matters in my life are the many relationships that I have shared with different kinds of people.
I have had the pleasure of knowing people who were angels on earth as well as the bitter after taste of being friends with pure evil.

Relationships matter to me. As much as a career would matter to some people.

I have actually spent a fortune on people that I loved. But I cannot live without love.
People that know me through the many years cannot hate me. I may have made the worst mistakes of my life (More than 3 mistakes!!) but my inner circle of friends and soul mates have stuck by me through the pits and crescendos of my life.
Its become so easy to sift out the chaff that all I really need to do is to wait for a couple of years and if that person sticks with me, then I would know that he/she is a keeper for life.

The last 8 years of my life have a rollercoaster of ugly relationships and happy moments. However, through all this, like the proverbial silver lining, I have come through all pretty much unscathed and a lot more wiser.

"But why rant about it??"

Well, because we are all love crazed fools waiting to get addicted. And like all addicts, we foolishly think that we are strong enough to "give up anytime we want".
Yeah right!

If all the love ballads and the Agony Aunt columns are any indication, humans will never realise that falling in love is fraught with danger. You think about it... That's it. You are gone!
Drama Queens, heart aches, jealous tantrums and 'If you love me, you will do this for me's is what you will need to brace yourself for.

So, when you say you are in a relationship, that is like admitting that you have the granade with the pin glued precariously to your thumb. One wrong move and you are misery.

I happen to experience almost first hand what happens when men become the Drama Queen.
A dear friend of mine had what I thought was the most deserving guy, but after months of dating and much love invested, she (my friend) realised that he was the human equivalent of a rodent bastard. It took a restraining order to keep him away.

We fail in love and being nice. The good ones are married and the bad ones are available. They come in those neat tetra packs with the flashy colors and great promise of healthy, happy life.

So while my latest writer's block sucked me dry, I had to sit still and bid my time.

But I am Back.
Almost with a thud. No. Not a thud, maybe a splash. A nice splash.

Relax folks.. Go easy. There's more of me to go around.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Quote unQuote

Every morning you have two choices.
Continue to sleep and dream.
Or wake up and chase your dreams.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Painful Truth-
We cannot beg someone to stay with us forever. We have to accept the painful truth that Love does not give us the license to own person.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Things we loose in life, always have its own way of coming back to us, at the end or towards the end. But it always happens in most unexpected happy ways! Believe in yourself.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Always stay with a sweet smile, Don't get upset for small and silly things.
Remember! Only your loved one can hurt you badly. Forgive and love again.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Every man sees his second mother in his lover and every woman gets her first child in her lover
-William Shakespeare

Lonely hours are the best hours of life. Because its the only time we share our deepest secrets with the most trusted person in the world; Ourselves
-Vaishalli Panchal

I don't know exactly what 'being mature' means, but i think it is when you are finally able to joke about things that once broke your heart badly.
-Vaishalli Panchal

God has said; 'I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee'. So that we may boldly say: "The Lord is my Helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me"
-Heb 13:5-6

When God takes away something from your hands, don't think that He is punishing you. But He is merely emptying your hands for you to receive something much better.
-Monica Kapoor

When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them. And when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

Expression of the face can be seen by everyone. But the depression of the heart can be understood by the one who loves you.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Your sweet time of today is ending. Forget bad incidents, remember the beautiful moments, Refresh your body and mind. Sleep peacefully
-Ramya Peketi

How odd is the logic of the mind?
It seeks to compromise when we are wrong. And it seeks justice when others are wrong.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Someone very close to your heart can break it easily, but its amazing when we still love and care for them, with every broken piece. That's the true test of a relationship.

Even a small dot can stop a big sentence. But a few dots can give a continuity. Don't be depressed by the dot. Every end is the beginning of a new sentence.

Be slow in choosing a friend. And even slower in loosing one. Because friendship is not an opportunity. It is a sweet responsibility.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Most used alphabet is 'a'. It does not appear even once from 1 to 999. It appears for the first time in 1000 and never ends.
'Moral: Success requires patience...'
-Vaishalli Panchal

We cannot take anything alongwith us when we leave this life, except the love of our dear ones. Love the ones we have now.
-Vaishalli Panchal

A mother has strengths that amaze men. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when she feels like screaming, she sings when she feels like crying, cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There's only one thing wrong with her; she sometimes forgets what she is worth.

I can do all things in Christ which strengthens me
-Phil 4:13

It takes several years a seed to become a tree.
A flower takes months to bloom.
So have patience for any beautiful thing to happen in your life
-Vaishalli Panchal

Don't look at the circumstance you face... look to Jesus and don't give up.

No servants, yet a Master.
No degree, yet a Teacher.
No medicines,yet a Healer.
No army, yet a King.
No military battles, yet conquered.
No crime, yet crucified, yet risen.

The Lord is near the broken hearted'. He saves those who have lost all hope.

Crisis is not to make you bitter but better. Tell your problem that your Jesus is much bigger than your problems.

Heb 2:18

If you remain in Me and My Words in you, you will ask for anything you wish and you shall have it.
-John 15:7

When you pray, dont ask for lighter burdnes but stronger backs.

'Call to Me, and I will answer you'.
-Jer 33:3

Wait for the Lord, be strong, take courage and wait for the Lord.

Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears. But the woman who fears the Lord, is to be praised.

Do not fear, for I am with you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and hold you with my victorious hand
-Isaiah 41:10

What is impossible with man, is possible with Me.
-Luke 18:27

I alone know the plans I have for you.
-Jer 29:11

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Delayed, not Denied

Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom, I felt myself sinking.. fathomlessly.
"Thank you for the shovel"

How hard can you fall? How much does it take to break? How much trust can you break?
I practiced 'If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they are yours. If not, they never were'. I truly believed that love should be unconditional.

When our relationship broke down, I tried as much as I could to salvage it.
My Mom, Pastor, friends and colleagues rallied around me, helping me to heal. I did the only thing I knew, I prayed constantly. I prayed that she is able and well and is happy. I also prayed (selfishly) that she comes back to me.
Back to the Drawing board. 
Healing begins within.

When hopes shatter, when emotions run dry, it helps to have an Anchor. An Anchor that will never let you be swept away by the torrents of despair.

I have been blessed with a lot of healing at the right times.
Just when I begin to feel that I am running dry on my hope, I get a complete recharge, filled to the brim, overflowing, pressed down and running over...

2 years ago,  the ground beneath my feet shifted. I held on. I confessed and repented and have reformed since. However, 24 hours ago, the ground beneath my feet crumbled, again.

Fast forward to now, I am relieved and eternally grateful that I survived. Praise be to the Lord. King of Kings. Lord of Lords.

The urge to retaliate is exceptionally strong. But one verse comes to my mind: 'Be Still, for I am your God'. Powerful and Comforting.

My existence here is but a wisp of air. 
All the trauma, the agony and the tribulations are but momentary.
Tribulation builds patience, and Patience builds character.

All Science mumbo jumbo apart, I believe we are all from one matter. From Our Father in Heaven. Unique. No one can forge or duplicate the perfect people that we are within.

He is looking down upon us. 
Just as we would look down upon a bug in the ground. But with all the tenderness towards a new born child. We are more than a bug to Him. We are His. When we hurt, He hurts. When we cry, He cries too. When we repent, He rejoices. What an amazing promise!

Looking down upon us, He waits for us to be still. He waits to give us all that we want. He does not want us to pay for anything He gifts us. All He ever wants from us, is our Love.

Are you ready to love the Giver more than the Gift?

Friday, February 26, 2010

Battle of the Sexes

Women are historically referred to as the 'Fairer Sex' and Men, the 'Weaker Sex'. 
This could be true in more ways than one.
Almost all battles in history have been fought over property or a woman.

A recent study indicated between 50% and 70% of the women polled from among the southern Indian states of Andra Pradesh, Tamil Nadu and Karnataka thought that 'Wife-beating' is acceptable.

Growing up, in a matriarchy society, I have had my Mom, Sister and other Women of the family, fawn and nurture me immensely. Thankfully so too.
Today, I cringe at how women could accept violence as a way of life.
Did the numbers lie? Was it an anomaly? Were the right parameters used?

Men rave about equality and woman's empowerment, but the moment, Men have a Lady managing them, they plot to malign them.
Many urban Men think it is fashionable to be called a Feminist. Maybe it is, it has a nice ring to it.

Someone once quipped 'Behind every successful Man, there is a successful Woman'.
It is true.
My Dad and my Mom were one of a kind. They were from different spectrums of the same society, met, loved each other so infinitely to marry inspite of all odds and remain married, despite all the pitfalls. My Dad and Mom were an excellent example of how interdependent married couples should be. Sure they were not the richest or the smartest. But they loved eachother and never stopped loving eachother till his last breath. I remember how my Dad was so concerned about his Wife even to his last excruciating breath, that he switched off the lights so that she could catch a nap after spending weeks of sleepless nights.
When she woke up, she saw that he had already passed away, but he had a peaceful smile on his face.
Ofcourse, they had the bitterest fights but love conquers all. It surely did. She stood behind him, always the anchor that kept him grounded. Humble even to be described 'down to earth'.

In me, most of the women I've dated can be termed as the 'Who's Who of Social Crap'. Yet, the reason why I loved them was because I wanted love, the kind of love that my Mom had for my Dad, True Love. Although I could not articulate my need for this love as well as I can now, I was searching for true love. I never got it. Not from any of the half a dozen that I dated.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (Corinthians 13: 4-8)
It took almost a decade for me to realise that it is our Mom and she alone who can give us the love that we crave for.
Yet, we fight. The moment we even smell women's empowerment, we take up arms against them. Maybe, we need to have stronger women who can talk the talk and walk the walk. We need women who can show that they are not second rate citizens. Maybe, we need women who will not use sexual harrasment, dowry, divorce and rape as a tool to get back at Men who are actually good hearted. Maybe, we need Women who know their rights and will enforce them, while still be equable. Maybe we need Women who will stand up for their families and will kick some serious butt when needed.
I know a girl who once explained why Women, who follow Islam strictly are restricted from dancing in the public, showing any skin or even hair.

"If I come and dance in front of men, then what if the men would start desiring me?"

This comment shocked me. But this is surprisingly right too. Men oogle. That is no secret. Men leer and drool at any Women. As kids, we are innocence personified. But as we grow older, we develop emotions that build a wall of mistrust and mutual hatred, loathing, fear and anxiety.

A Lady does not have it easy, mind you. Women are constantly being preyed upon. With so many leery and lustful eyes latched on to you, it would not be surprised if I start getting suspicious and insecure.

Helen of Troy lent her name to posterity by having the face that launched a million ships. But with the majority of the Women in the 21st Century, survival is a constant battle against a million lustful eyes.

When will men realise that we need them as much as they need us. When will men realise that respect starts from the way they look at women, and not when a Bill is tabled? Our Women need us. They need our trust and we need their love and caring compassion. They need our security and respect as much as we need their intelligence and kindness.

Is it not time we made the first move to living a civilized mature society?

And in the battle of the Sexes, true victory is when we gain the unconditional trust and love of our women. The question here is, are Men strong enough to do this?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Emotional Atyachar: The flip side

I didn't catch the movie (Dev D) and was too turned off by the song but when I first heard about Emotional Atyachar, a show on UTV Bindaas, piqued my interest.
This show bears a lot of resemblance with 'Cheaters', a show that used to come on 'Reality TV'.
'Emotional Atyachar' (which means Emotional Trauma, in Hindi) though a very new show, has managed to grab much attention. EA is right up there with 'X Files' on my list of must watch TV shows.

Voyeurism is such a carnal passion. Sensationalized, packaged with a good name and catchy tune you've got a Super hit series.
The concept though similar to 'Cheaters' in the US, is specially adapted for the Indian audiences. It involves one of the person in a active relationship wanting the EA team do a 'Loyalty test' on their significant other. The 'Suspect' is baited with an attractive model/actor ('Undercover Agent') who will test the loyalty of the suspect by feigning physical intimacy.In almost all the shows, the suspect falls for the bait and is finally confronted by the 'Lead'. All hell normally breaks loose. Though the level of violence is not as much as in 'Cheaters', the consequence is pretty much the same.

Sin has the charms of a seductress. This is as true now as it was a billion years ago as it will be in a million years from now. I have been cheated upon a couple of times, but what really lingers are the thoughts "Why is this happening to me?" and 'What went wrong?"
You figure out the answers to these and you've cracked an age old code for a joyful relationship.

Infidelity in relationships are so common yet, you never think this could happen to you. It is like one of those diseases (like AIDS) where you feel it would happen only to people of a certain demography or lifestyle. You could not be more wrong than a chimpanzee in an Alaskan ice berg. All it takes is one wrong step, one misplaced act, one thoughtless word and one ruthless lie. And if this happens in a marriage, then you are heading towards a divorce unless you overhaul your lives in a massive way. 

My Dad, as I was growing up, used to ask me to cut the grass when we were visiting our home in India so that I could go out and play with my friends. How I used to curse all the grass and weeds and wish I could just vacuum them up like the dust on the carpet. How I used to envy the other kids who didn't have to do all this to earn some play time. Now, I was clever (or I thought I was). I used to just cut the tall blades of the grass just till its roots. This was quicker. 'Man, I am a genius!!'
But come next morning, the damn grass has grown up again. 'Darn! What are they eating?'
Dad's play time condition stood. Unwavering, I went about 'pruning' it again. Day 3, same thing. I decided enough is enough and admitted defeat to my Dad. With all the loving and patient hug that only a Dad can give, he told me that every time I cut the grass, I am leaving the roots in there. 'As long as the roots are in there, you are not getting rid of the problem. Take the roots away, and you won't have a problem.' Why didn't he just say this before?, I thought. I haven't had a problem with the grass since.

Sin is very similar. In a fit of realization, we often cut the visible part of the sinful habit or behavior but leave the roots in us. Over time, we let it grow, eventually realizing that we are back in square one. Whatever be our sin of choice, over time we give up and resign to the thought that we are no good for God and that we might as well, enjoy the sin. Wrong again. God does love us. And He is giving us a chance to admit defeat to Him and ask him for guidance. I can hear Him tell me exactly what my Dad told me, 'Pull the sin by its roots and you will not have a problem again'.

I had my sin and I am sure all of you have yours. I had mine for over a decade and a half. I tried every possible method known to man to overcome it, but it was pointless. In a world which teaches you, 'If you can't fight it, join it', I joined forces with my sin and reveled in it. Contrary to the joy that I thought I would enjoy, I was raked by relentless thoughts of guilt, anger, frustration and utter hopelessness.
My latest relationship was an eye opener. I realized that I had to uproot my sins. A pilgrimage to the Divine Retreat Centre, Challakudy helped me exorcise my demons. 

As any addict would testify, you cannot change what you do not accept. The relief and the joy that I have to know that I am free from addictions is incredible. 
Every morning is a joy. Every hour away from the addiction is another hour spent in His Grace.

Unfortunately, I had to wade through a lot of emotional atyachar myself to get through to the other end. I lost several years of my life trying to grapple with the addiction and the many relationships that failed. All is not lost. The old age adage 'Better late than never..' ironically stands tested here. 

Been there, done that, worn the T Shirt.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Bucket List (a.k.a '100 Things to do before I die' List)

Thanks for coming here.

This post has been moved to


Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Take a Hike...

Close to a decade ago, when I started working,  I have worked right through the night and the day (and mind you, I did enjoy doing that) but several illnesses  and a failed relationship later, I realised that life is not all about meeting targets and achieving workplace success. 
Thankfully, I have migrated to a stage of life where I have decided I need to strike a balance between work and home and slow down, occasionally stopping to smell the flowers and gawk at the Awesomeness of God.
Some simply don't take the clue.

I've always wanted to bond with my family better and my Mom was really the expressive kind of person. She dislikes public (or private) displays of affection, and for some reason that really held me back. I thought she had a barrier against me. But the truth is, she was and still is an incredible person. I miss her. I love her intensely. I intend to make up for the all the lost time, by traveling to see her more often this year.

Though I haven't traveled much, I love traveling alone and I intend to trek and cycle Northern India sometime in the middle of this year. Hopefully and God willing, I should have fun doing all this! 

Want to wrap up this year with another Tour of Nilgiris (and maybe a visit to the Andamans)

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