Showing posts with label Obituary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obituary. Show all posts

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Don't leave me and go | Manna for your soul

When we leave our families, when our loved ones leave us, separation is painful.



This past week, I lost my son. Well, not a human son, but Snoopy was a son in every other way. He came into my life 2 years ago as a month old pup. Fist-sized, he was love at first sight. The little bundle of fur filled a vacuum in my life. 
He taught me invaluable lessons of love, forgiveness and patience.
He would pine for me, when I was away and shower me with love when I was back. As a pup, he would go through separation anxiety when I was away even for a few hours. Through days of conditional training and incentives, I gradually made him feel secure and less anxious when I was not at home. 

But when I lost him a week ago, I went through excruciating separation anxiety. I shuttered myself from the world. Totally disconnected. I simply couldn't grieve enough. I was consumed with guilt and questions of 'What if..'. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself. 
Many felt the pain I was feeling and then a good friend and fellow blogger said something that rang a bell in me - 'Snoopy came into your life for a reason. What was it?' 
Snoopy came into my life when I was reeling with a failed relationship. People who knew me well, understood how Snoopy filled my emotional needs as a father. 

He was my furry son and for the short time that he was in my life, he changed me in a way that sculpted me forever. 


I realized my shortcomings and my strengths and now as he is no longer with me, I remember the way he would look for me when we would play Hide & Seek, wait for me to wake up so that he could lick me again, wait for me to bathe him so that he could run all through the house and mess himself up, wait to be walked so that he could do his business and then walk me through the neighborhood. 
I still suffer from separation anxiety but I finally understand what the disciples went through when Jesus would tell them about His time to leave. In John 14:15-21, Jesus comforts His disciples by promising to send them the Holy Spirit.

God hasn't forsaken us. We have the Holy Spirit, just the way He promised us. He advocates and champions our cause. He waits for us, when we stray and rejoices when we return to Him. 
We have to trust Him just the way Snoopy would trust me when I would walk him through dark and unknown streets. 

Thankfully, we don't have to feel anxious about our unseen God. The Bible reassures us that no matter what, God is never too far from us. 


Saturday, January 31, 2015

As you liked it - January 2015

Wheee!! So that was the first month of the second half of the second decade of the 'twenty-tens'.

We carried over all the 'Obamania' from the last year because, having Obama and his wife over to witness our Soviet-era military parade and carnival-style floats is the breakthrough of the century. Having the 'most powerful man in the world' as chief guest at our Republic Day parade is the sign of our power. Really?!

Nevermind that Obama lost control of the Senate back home, or that he is now seen as a(nother) lame duck president. When Modi called, he came. We rubbed it into Pakistan's and China's face. We wore our hearts on our sleeves and drooled over his gadgets. And typical of us, we bent over backwards to please our guest. Modi's PDA (Public Display of Affection for the uninitiated), his attire and his speeches only made it look hilariously over-the-top.


Mr O came with his 300 bodyguards, chewed his executive gum, drank his Starbucks and promised us $4 billion in aid (read pre-approved loan). I wonder what the fine print is. And I am pretty sure the crooks at the top have already spent most of it in their minds. 

What can the US give us that we don't have already? How can the US help us with something that they themselves have failed in?

But we did make a huge deal about the civilian nuclear deal. Why? Because the Supreme Commander-in-Chief of the United States of America used his executive powers to do that. WOW! How we love the pomp and glory of titles!
And now since Uncle Sam is giving us nuclear power, we are saved!
We can finally breath easy.
How lucky are we!


Meanwhile, Pradhan Mantri Modiji launched a nationwide online programme to check whether people are using toilets as part of his cleanliness drive. Oh and did I say this already, our streets are still far away from any semblance of cleanliness.
Mr Modi's report card so far has been all fluff and not much else. If you want us to vote for you again, here's how your year ahead should look like. Just saying.

But since the good Mr Modi is still on 'Mode Election', like Alexander the Great, he is still out conquering hearts and votes. This time its Delhi. And who else to fight but Arvind
Kejriwal with Kiran Bedi er.. Kiran Didi. At first glance, it is a lop-sided fight. No prizes for guessing, but the battle is long and the stakes are high and it could turn either way. 

An anti-terror mock drill by Surat Police on Wednesday sparked a controversy after a person posing as a terrorist wore a skull cap suggesting that the terrorists belonged to a particular community. Terrific! Just the motivation the goons at ISI needed.

So Pakistan stepped up its post-Christmas/pre-Eid/any-time-of-the-year cross border shelling. And unlike previous years, we gave it back. Yeah!
Because our defence minister told our troops to return fire with fire. Excellent Advice! We will never learn our lessons.


Talking about terrorism, the Information and Broadcasting ministry banned live coverage of anti-terror operations. Saves us the interruption from the inane sitcoms and prime-time reality (drama) shows. 

We went into hyper-paranoia mode after our 'intelligence agencies' got 'reliable intel' that (Pakistani) terrorists will attack us. 

But we 'caught' a Pakistani boat off the Mumbai coast and gave it a proper American-style chase. Until they destroyed themselves and the boat. The BJP and the Congress got into a fistcuff of words. Get a room, guys!

Iranian president Hassan Rouhani decided it was time to come out of detention. After years of economic sanctions and trade embargoes, he appealed to the world (read US) to forgive and forget. And seeing how Uncle Sam is in a forgiving mood, things could get better for the Iranians.

Our desi fighter jet, Tejas, moved another step closer to being inducted when it passed the altitude test trials. Good show!

And things started getting hotter under the collar for the First Son-In-Law of India - Robert Vadra, after the Government of Rajasthan canceled several of his land deals in Bikaner. 

Indian Women: You can kill them when they are unborn, molest and rape them after they are born, try and discourage them from living their potential and even disfigure them. But our women are still the strongest when it comes to steely resolve to live

Over a year after Sunanda Pushkar was found dead (in mysterious circumstances!), her famous husband faced the spotlight. After months of (exhaustive!) analysis, it was found that she was killed. Duh! You didn't need all that investigation to say that, I told you that right at the beginning. In India, we are presumed innocent (forever) until proven guilty only when the accused is a powerful person in power. 

I can't believe everyone finds Shashi Tharoor's 'remorse' acceptable while we condemned Dr Talwar and his wife because they couldn't express themselves to our satisfaction. Ofcourse, he has promised full cooperation. Why not?! Shashi is guilty but his clout will ensure he will never ever see the insides of a prison. 

Saina Nehwal lost my respect when she demanded that she be given the Padma Bhushan. I would understand if she said she needed an award for winning the Olympic gold, but all she has done is compete in professional tournaments where she gets to keep the money she wins and now she needs one of India's highest civilian awards for that? The fact that many sympathized with her 'predicament' doesn't make this any more acceptable.

I wonder why we are still wasting precious public money trying to prosecute the two Italian marines for shooting and killing Indian fishermen off the Indian coast when we can simply ask Mrs G to mediate and strike a deal? Womano e Mano.

And Uber looked set for a heap of trouble after an Indian court said it would put the case on fast-track and the victim hired Douglas Wigdor, who is listed as one of the Top 100 lawyers in the US, to fight her case. If the company figured (and rightly so) that we will forget all about this over time, then this is a rude awakening that we won't give up that easily

Cheers to the brave lady who stood up for herself. But I am beginning to think all this rage is not going to heal her. Sure, this is a crime that deserves the most severe punishment, and I am glad she had the wherewithal to confront the system head-on. I am glad we are all talking about it. But that's all we are ever doing. We forget that for every victim we fete and publicize, there are 49 other women who will be raped and won't get to see a glimmer of justice. 
Maybe you can rape-proof yourself?! 
Or is it because our women are sending out these invisible invites to rape them?

And right this moment, a dozen MMS clips are being uploaded to sleazy newsboards online. Yet, this social experiment proves that not everyone will do enough to stop this from happening. 

After the lunatics at RSS cooked up 'Ghar Wapsi', now we have a muslim freako declaring that Islam is the real religion of all human beings. Something tells me we should not let these people breed.

Across the border, a quaint Chinese town of Harbin hosted the International Ice and Snow Festival. Held annually, crowds throng to see an entire theme park made of ice and snow. 

In precisely 15 days, India and the rest of the subcontinent will face East and pray that we get the World Cup. Yes, it's that time of the year when husbands will pawn their unmentionables away to their wives for a chance to watch their country fight tooth and nail for glory at the ICC World Cup. 

So, tell me this - Why do they call it the World Cup when only 16 countries play it? Gah! 
But if you think India is going to win it, you must not be watching the way we have been playing lately. Who are my favorites? Australia and South Africa.
Maybe Poonam Pandey can open the show this time, er Poonam?

If you are one of the millions who hate Yo Yo Honey Singh, take a number and get in line. Cheers to the poetry.

Or if you are one the millions who is addicted to fb, then here's some reason to rejoice: Very soon facebook will launch a work-friendly version where you will be able to network with people within your company. If WhatsApp and mobile facebook wasn't enough..

The All India Bakchod laughed its way into troubled concoction after airing 'The Roast'. Bad move in a country full of miserable, repressed bastards, who will rather watch the effing shit out of a Sunny Leone movie and enjoy the crass below-the-belt, between-the-crouch'comedy' of Kapil Sharma. Sigh! 

Surviving cancer can be a daunting experience. One of the best adverts I've seen lately. Kudos for capturing the emotions so succinctly.

After an amazing stint at the helm of affairs, ISRO Chairman K Radhakrishnan retired. He leaves behind a legacy that can't be forgotten and as Dr Shailesh Nayak takes over, he has his task cut out. 

Further down South, trouble brewed after embattled former Sri Lankan president Mahinda Rajapaksa's country home was raided after a humiliating loss in recent elections. 
Same story, Different zip code.

My prayers go out to the family and friends of the 36 who died in the New Year eve stampede at Shanghai.
Unfortunately, the Chinese authorities' callous approach to the incident only underscores China's poor human rights track record.

Farewell, RK Laxman. One of my favorite cartoonist and illustrator, India won't be the same without your humor. In his honor, all of my posts this year will be titled 'As you liked it..'

A moment of silence to the cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo. 
While I don't condone the violence, I think we are all being very hypocritical. No one has the right to discriminate or mock anyone else's religion. For years now, the West have poked fun at Islam. Sure, it's all fun and games until it hits closer home. Try mocking Jesus or the Pope and the shit will get real. The Muslims are only doing what the Christians did back in the medieval times. What happened in Paris happens in Pakistan and Afghanistan and Iraq and Israel and Syria every day. I don't see people marching in their millions. 


I see Muslims (in India) being discriminated and looked at with contempt and suspicion everyday. Yet they live their lives with as much dignity and pride as they can. 
Everyone should really calm down now.

Some cartoons that you should be seeing.

And finally, here's some eye-candy
Until we meet again..


Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Ze List v3.0

In India, this is the day DJs live for. When clubs and pubs get to charge you outrageous ticket prices for their New Year bash and that time of year when hundreds of thousands of couples will copulate in liquor-fueled stupor. 

When businesses around the world (except in North Korea, Iraq and so on..) salivate at the prospect of making a profit. 


When B-grade (and some A-listers too when the price is right) Bollywood actresses will sashay, gyrate, thrust and jiggle their voluptuous silicon-filled body at C-grade Clubs. 


It's that brief moment in the year when husbands are allowed to drink their silly minds off and wives are allowed to relive their bachelorette days again. 


Its that day of the year when gyms will coax you to make that 'lose weight, get fit' resolution by dangling attractive discounts. And who are we kidding, you'll stop going to the gym in exactly 23 days from now.

Courtesy: Disparition by Bushra Almutawakel

The New Year is here! No matter where you are and what you do, we will all make our resolutions that we will all feign ignorance in a month from now. 


We are back to that time of the year when Lists are in vogue everywhere you see.. And yes, its time for Ze List v3.0.

This year, we again start off with The Master of the Universe..

God

In the midst of storms, He is still the balm we need. You may know Him as Allah, Shiva, Jesus, The Almighty and a million other names, but if there is one thing that I know it is that, there is someone watching over us while we run amok and it aint NSA. Thank you, Abba Father. We owe it all to you.

Kneejerk

No, it isn't about kneeing a jerk, but the way Indians reacted to events around them. 

Case in point: This year it was the Uber cab rape.
Sexual abuse isn't endemic to India. There are only a few nations in the world where women are truly free and safe. Yet, the callous way we dealt with women who were ruthlessly victimized showed us in poor light. From being raped and hung from trees to being branded liars, our women didn't have it easy this year. But if you don't want to be raped, then all you need is this Rape Mantra

Last year our Supreme Court decided it was tinted car windows that caused our women to be raped and decided to ban it. In case you haven't noticed Mr Judge, women are still getting raped in cars with (and without) the sun-tints. 
A few years ago, when Pratibha Murthy was raped and killed, cab drivers were again hung up to dry. Companies that ferried their women to work and back were forced to hire security guards that escorted the women right to their doorstep. 
I don't think we have made a difference because in nearly every rape that happens, our men take advantage of the cracks within the system, yet what happens across India is baffling. Instead of strengthening and enforcing existing rules and ensuring this cannot be repeated, our politicians simply turn off the fire alarm. 

So this the problem - we have idiots, who have absolutely no intellect or the will to change things the way they are, at the helm of affairs. 

Our patience is wearing thin, we didn't mind the millions that were looted up until our women started getting raped with impunity. 
In case you haven't already read this letter, Mr Modi, here it is. Please read and act on it. Don't ban mobiles and taxi cabs. We don't want nincompoops dictating our women not to wear jeans and tee-shirts. Don't tell us not to kiss or hold hands in public. What we want is you to take a break from all those trips abroad, sit down with the best minds in the country and create a road-map that will ensure our women will walk with their heads held high and without fear (the way Rabindranath Tagore wanted) and then create a powerful judiciary and law-enforcement system that will not spare the perpetrators. Make an example out of the rapists, not out of the victims.

Indian Sports

We did remarkably well at the Glasgow CWG, swooping up enough medals to keep us in the 5th position. Considering the paradigm shift in attitudes in the last couple of years, I wouldn't be surprised if we are in the 3rd place in the next CWG.
From Saina to Deepika, Jwala Gutta to Sarita, this year was replete with Indian women coming out of the kitchens and stepping onto podiums and the limelight in style. Bravo!


Polls
India rocked the vote. En masse.
Moral of the story: Don't screw with us. We might deliver.

AAP

2012: AAP sweeps India
2013: AAP sweeps Delhi
2014: AAP swept away.

Saffron, Ahoy!
The Congress might have seen it coming. C'mon! We all saw it coming
The BJP won. And how! The Congress ran for shelter like roaches when you turn on the light. 
Gently and swiftly, Modi - From being a humble (yet ambitious) tea-seller in a railway station to being the most powerful Indian politician, he became the iPhone of the politicians. From coining interesting catch-phrases like #AccheDin, #SwaccheBharat and #MakeinIndia, the man surely knows how to say what we want to hear. 
Pedal to the metal, Mr Modi, let's walk the talk now.  


Visa On Arrival
Modi went around the world promising first world nations a visa on arrival. Well, Mr Prime Minister, what they need is not a visa on arrival, but security and peace of mind after they've arrived. #RapeCentral.

Congress (aka Sore Loser)
Didn't take it well. Well, what did they expect?! #IndiaShining

Rahul Gandhi

Hit puberty head-on. Was sent back to his Italian 'nanny'. May make guest appearances on an #AccheDin.


Robert Vadra
The richest Son-In-Law in India. The most talented investment manager in the planet - He made millions with just a couple of lakh Rupees. So if you ask me, we need to fete him and not fret him.

'Satyam' Raju
Years after B Ramalinga Raju was caught for massive accounting fraud in the erstwhile Satyam, the Supreme Court got ready to sentence him. In a country where politicians co-habit with businessmen, Raju will be the one that fell between the cracks. 

Sheila Ki Jawani
The former iron lady from Delhi went out of flavor just like that.

Delhi
#RapeCentral became Crime Capital of India.

Shashi Tharoor
Much married and now widowed, this guy has the uncanny ability to stay relevant. While he is celebrated and feted in Kerala, outside of 'God's own country', its easy to see him for what he is. He has a tendency of letting his mouth run away but make no mistake - He is one foxy politician (albeit a slightly highly educated one) with more clout than you and I can imagine. And chances are, he will find his way out of any mess in no time.

Devyani Khobragade
Who?!

Popular (non) Fiction
All the Queen's parrots sang like a canary and out tumbled the skeletons from the cupboard.

Religious Conversions
The last quarter of the year saw the lunatics at RSS organize a 'Ghar Wapsi'(Homecoming) for people who 'went' to other faiths. 
My question here is: Examine the reasons why they switch faiths in the first place?
Religious conversions aren't new in India. We've had foreign invaders convert their 'subjects' for centuries now. When social minorities relent to embrace another religion, they do it only because they were marginalized already. 
Churches and overpaid television evangelists across India and the world continue to coerce and convert the 'unfaithful' with many false promises and pipe-dreams. So while involuntary conversions are always a bad thing, politicians should remember that we already have strong legislature banning it in our Constitution. What was missing is the will-power to enforce it.
These are images that you'll never ever see in the Western media
A more pertinent question is : Have we run out of real issues to fix?

ISRO
From launching cutting-edge space satellites to being the only country in the world to put a martian satellite in orbit in its maiden effort, ISRO put us on the map in style.
Next: A manned space mission.

And oh yeah, bunch of hypocrites complained at how we could have used that money to build toilets and stuff. 
Advice: Please go watch Linga and Chennai Express and have a Happy New Year.

Baba Baba Black Sheep
Our sordid affair with seedy godmen continued. After Nithyanand and Ramdev, its Rampal who was in the news this year.

ISIS
Yop, you guessed it right. Out of the ashes of Al Qaeda, like a Phoenix rose IS. Makes the Taliban look like kinder-garden copsThe US took it upon themselves to step in.
They killed, mutilated and plundered with disregard. If you're reading this, you are far far away from the areas being sanitized by the 'coalition of the willing'.  

Boko Haram
Reduced the population at Gamboru Ngala. Kidnapped and held 276 girls hostage. People who perpetrate these kind of crimes must be stoned to death.

Khmer Rouge
The Khmer Rouge Tribunal found Nuon Chea and Khieu Samphan guilty of crimes against humanity and are sentenced to life imprisonment. While justice delayed is justice denied, I hope this sets a precedent to future cases of war crimes and crimes against humanity


Israel
Went overboard. 
Ukraine/Iraq/Assam/Syria/Afghanistan/Egypt/Pakistan/Sydney
Disillusioned citizens took up arms and the law into their hands. Violence spilled over from the last year and we lost thousands of innocent people to overzealous religious goons.
Why does the world erupt in anger when bunch of bastards attack and kill 100s of school children in Peshawar but remain silent when the same happens in AssamFirst come, first served?

Where was Malala when this happened?
Will her Nobel Prize inspire parents to send their children to schools again?


Malala
Continued to be the flavor of the year after getting one half of the Nobel Peace Prize. Enroute to being the rich author and future Benazir Bhutto. Epic waste!

Aitzaz Hasan
Didn't write bestsellers. Didn't get the Nobel prize. Didn't get shot in the head. Died a hero.

eCommerce

Billion dollar companies began fighting for the billion dollar pie - India.

Low Cost Airlines 

So talking about low cost airlines, Kingfisher Airlines breathed its last. Malya will live to regret his arrogance. SpiceJet ran out of spices. Temporarily.
Air Asia flew in and muddied the pond a little more. It was a year of tickets that were cheaper than a Happy Meal at McDonald's.

Rajnikanth/SRK/Deepika

Ouch! That hurt!
Three 'Superstars'. Three words: Terrible Terrible Movies. 
Like love-struck teenagers, we still watched their atrocious movies and then complained about it. 
Advice: Please retire/act in equally crappy television serials.
True everywhere else too..

Sarita Devi
Unlikely entry into Ze List. If she was an American boxer, she would have been the highest-paid celebrity by now and South Korea would have been nuked. 
She isn't, so the Koreans will live to die another day.

Ebola
Not another fancy schmazy phone from Apple. Just another reminder that we shouldn't mess with Nature.

Supreme Court
Woke up and in a flurry of the pen banned/changed a couple of things this past year. Meh!

Jayalalithaaaa
20 years later, the court found her guilty of amassing wealth beyond her known means. Duh! 
She was fined Rs100 crores. She would've paid her gang of lawyers more than that to fight her case already. Ram Jethmalani ko jai!

Mamata Di
I hope she's saving up for a rainy day, because with the way she has been running the government in West Bengal, this will be the last time she'll be in power. 

Subroto 
So the Sahara Chief is still stuck in jail like that stubborn piece of grime that refuses to go down the bathroom drain. Out of favor, out of flavor.

Spain Ola!
King Juan Carlos I of Spain abdicated in favor of his son, who was crowned King Felipe VI.

Vatican

The Pope was busy canonizing and beatifying cardinals and past Popes this year. 

MV Sewol 
The South Korean ferry capsized and sunk killing 304 people (mostly school children).

Airplane!

Wasn't a good year for airlines. The MH370 went missing shortly after take-off, and hasn't been found yet. 
Another Malaysian Airlines MH17 was shot down in Ukraine killing all onboard. 
Air Algérie Flight 5017 crashed in Mali, again, killing all 116 people on board.
An Air Asia flight from Indonesia crashed midway to Singapore. Preliminary investigations revealed the pilots didn't follow standard weather checks pre-flight. 

Irom Sharmila
Was released, and promptly re-arrested. Touche`

Oscar Pistoris



...Got the finger! What a waste of good talent.

Ice Bucket
What a novel way to see people wet themselves! My personal favorite was the way Poonam Pandhey did it.


Hackers Galore!
We all got to see free smut and dirt cheap Hollywood movies. How good are we!

Selfies

We took more selfies of ourselves than all the pictures ever taken since the beginning of time, made it to the dictionary and even made a song and dance about it... #SelfObsessed #Selfie

FIFA

The world's favorite ball-game played out in grandeur. 
Germany waltzed out with the cup.

Shiv Sena

From being in power for decades to being routed out of oblivion, life has come full circle.

Times of India

Its not always that a 'leading' newspaper gets an entry into the Ze List, but TOI did it in style this year. From newspapers that weigh half a kilo because of the pages of adverts in them to glorifying cleavage just because a bored photojournalist wanted his daily scoop, TOI did it all this year.

Michael Schumacher
After being in a medically-induced coma for several months, he finally appears to be back. Let's hope the racing legend makes a complete recovery soon.

Snowden

Continues to be the speck in Uncle Sam's eye.

Cuba
US-Cuban relationships thawed! The best thing to happen this year.

Russia
Was ranked 2nd in The Economist's 2014 Crony-Capitalism index. With the way the Russian economy has been crumbling, this could be the sinkhole that will take the world down

Polio-free India
A symbol of what we can achieve when we make our minds up. 

Ambassador Out!

The iconic Indian car (and the best taxi in the world) rolled into the sunset. 

IPL
A year after an organized betting ring was busted, India Cements CEO and CSK owner Srinivasan continued to wield a strangle-hold over BCCI and ICC. 

Elton John
The flamboyant British singer married his long-term partner David Furnish. 
Three Cheers to the couple!

KimK
So The Kardashian is back in news this year and how! 
Beginning with a 'leaked' sex-tape, a reality show, a 'made-for-tv' marriage, an inter-racial marriage and now this, Kim is proof that you don't need too many skills to stay relevant. 

Miley Cyrus
From a Disney princess to a Free spirited young lady, she matured real fast. In full glorious view. This year was less about the music too.

It's Black, It's White..
While Uncle Sam is out policing the world, trouble brewed at home. With the killing of an unarmed black teenager and the subsequent acquittal of the white police-officer by the courts, the nation exploded. 
Decades of festering racism rose to the top and suddenly we felt proud of our unity. 

Global Warming
With the IPCC  (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change) warning that we are headed to "severe, pervasive and irreversible" damage from global emissions of CO2, maybe it's time for us to sit up and take notice.

Rosetta

The Rosetta spacecraft's Philae probe successfully lands on Comet 67P, the first time in history that a spacecraft has landed on such an object.

People We'll Miss
Sir Richard Attenborough
Khushwant Singh
Robin Williams
Nadine Gordimer 
Zohra Sehgal
Mae Young
Shirley Temple
Joan Rivers
Magda Olivero
Marinho Chagas
Ruby Dee
Ariel Sharon
Sid Caesar
B. K. S. Iyengar
Archie


Monday, December 09, 2013

While you were gone: November / December 2013

'Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country' - JFK.
RIP Madiba

After years of unabated corruption and an economy that is going south faster than Obama's ratings, our unemployed but immensely talented youngsters are finally taking things into their hands.

ATM heists are passe. We now have our youngsters preying on people using the ATM. Earlier this month, a 'well-built young man..' attacked a bank manager when she was using her bank's ATM. She sustained severe head trauma when he attacked her with a machete. He later robbed her and escaped. Last heard, he is still at large. What surprises me are the following -

  1. How is it that CCTV cameras are not monitored real-time?
  2. How is it that we can't nab the culprit? Are we that incompetent? Or are we that impotent?
At the wake of this atrocity, the cops in Bangalore did what they normally do when they have a situation they have no idea how to grapple - Shut Down. Thousands of ATMs across the city shuttered and if you wanted to withdraw money, you were screwed.
But then, unlike bars and discos, ATMs are not something you can keep shuttered. So they opened. And we are none the wiser. ATMs still don't have guards and the ones that have, are senile old men on the wrong side of 60 and can't wield a gun, let alone fire one.
Happy International Men's day, anyone?

Israel was in the cross-hairs again. When will we all accept the fact that blaming Israel isn't going to change anything?
But what changed was - We cancelled the VIP helicopter deal. Big Effing Deal!
O knew that his healthcare website would crash. So tell me this. Is there ANYTHING that he hasn't been briefed on?

And if you were in the Subcontinent, you wouldn't have missed the All India All Hail Sachin bhajjan. And in the great Indian tradition of sycophancy, we tripped over eachother to award Sachin the Bharat Ratna. Seriously!
Next year, the Nobel prize.
But wait, Vishwanath Anand lost to Carlson in a rather tame match. Maybe we must stone his house and ask him to retire.

In our 'Crime This Month' section, we have Jyothi's parents raised a petition to have the juve tried under harsher laws. The SC appears to relent too. Don't hold your breath, though.
Tehelka honcho Tarun Tejpal did a Phaneesh Murthy. Epic mistake.
And out tumbled the skeletons. Some really old. How can we condone 'victims' who make a complaint years after the incident?
Across the Atlantic, Rajat Gupta challenged his $13.9 million fine.
Back home, the Talwars paid the ultimate prize for being what they were - Persistent and unrelenting. Never mind the fact that the CBI once told them they were not even suspects, the SC sentenced them to life in prison. Read 'em and weep, fellas.
And Oh! In a few years, we can also watch their ordeal in 30 mm. And why not. It has all the ingredients for a potboiler - Murder, mystery, sex, incompetent authorities, determined (stone-faced) protagonists and a trial by the people.

Pratibha Patel, arguably the worst excuse for a President, returned all official gifts that she got during her infamous tenure at the Rastrapathi Bhavan. What took her so long?

CobraPost did another sting and this time, unearthed an ugly network of IT companies willing to cultivate the social network for the right price. So that explains a lot of things now.
Bitcoin prices surged past the $1000 mark. Yay!
An enterprising Chinese thief sent 11 handwritten pages of phone numbers from an iPhone that he stole to its owner. Respect!
Scotland will finally be an independent country.
And talking about scot-free, Assange may not face any charges in America. If you ask me, Snowden looks more attractive now.
Uncle Sam, the international moral cop, flexed its muscles against China.
Everytime I think about America's diplomacy with the Orient, I remember 'Beijing 2008', a provocative painting which has been the subject of much discussion.


And the people of 'by-two coffee' went gaga when Starbucks opened its signature store in Bangalore. Okay, can we all settle down, please? Blah!
Delhi and 3 other States went to the polls and the AAP and the BJP packed off the Congress in a reply fitting a stray dog waiting to be euthanized. No offense, Priyanka.

In Bollywood news, Sanjay Leela Bhansali proved that even he can make puke colorful.
Ram Leela is the most expensive (and the longest) anti-dandruff/soft-porn/anti-gun propaganda that struggles to sell the Romeo Juliet story. That the couple kill eachother in the end is the only semblance to the 'adaptation'.
The 'romance' resembles lust, carnal lust. Surely, SLB wanted to capitalize on the real-life chemistry and he sure did. But knowing how Deepika is a gold-digger, this is one (more) on-screen chemistry she will regret in the future.
And Priyanka? She really needed the cash, I guess.
Ranveer, you've got potential. Take our advice and don't waste it!
So SLB, I'd give your 'magnum opus' a generous 1 out of 10 and that's only because you've obviously spent millions on sets. Read a more detailed review of Ram Leela by our guest blogger and movie buff Suparna here.

And so its December! The month of lists.
Stay tuned for 'Ze List 3.0'


Sunday, June 09, 2013

While I was away. June 2013 [Part 1 / 2]

Okay, so you might have heard this before - India is a land of quirks!

Carrying over from the previous month, Srinivasan gave his laundry list of demands and shuffled his feet long enough until we lost interest in what he and his cronies did and latched on to Raj Kundra.

Sreeshanth placed his bets with God and stopped shaving and Dhoni got an honorable mention. 

And I laughed when Shilpa started complaining about how the media is treating her husband and her. Oh really?! It is the media who made you a 'celebrity'. If it wasn't for the fiasco at 'The Big Brother', you would've have married Viveik Oberoi and changed your name to something equally atrocious.

We don't have to be told our politicians have the combined IQ of a comb. We know that already. But when one Mumbai politician banned the display of bikini-clad mannequins, some of us gasped. Have we become so sex-starved that we get the stiffy just by looking at mannequins now?!


We had some big budget masala movies hitting the theatres. And unless you've been buried, you couldn't have missed the promos of 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani'. While I am tempted to warn you, after reviewing a few tasteless Bollywood movies last year, I decided I'd stop torturing myself. So I still won't tell you how terrible this movie is, but let you make yet another poor choice in your life. 

Ah Aadhaar! India's answer to an unified Civil ID/Social Security number. You have to have one, even if you are just a dog, a chair or a plant. And if you are a lady who loves to walk around without the dupatta, you might have to wear one for the photoshoot. No, don't blame them, they just gave Aadhaar to a dog.

Like the prodigal son, Infosys limped back to its owner. Narayan Murthy and his son Rohan Murty (without the h) took over the reins of the IT bellwether. The rules were conveniently bent and they promised to take home just Re 1 as their annual salary. That's one video each on Airtel, Mr Infosys. While you are at it, why don't you surrender all that high-priced stock too?

After the Great Indian Circus that kept us occupied for the past 3 months, we are back to what our men do best - Rape and Kill.
A young lady died after being splashed acid, a couple of foreigners got raped and one even went missing. So its business as usual.

Another inane (Indian) government agency ruled that we shouldn't be tortured with a lot of ads on TV. Don't these guys have anything better to do


And talking about doing things better, here's a breakup like none other. Don't blame me, I'll simply do a Srinivasan on you.

Indian directory service, JustDial went public and did amazingly well. Poonam Pandhey found a news article in her name, alas it was a summons.


In similar weird news, a man trying to catch ghosts in his house instead caught his wife having sex with his son. Candid Camera!

Last month, we all spoke eloquently about how Angelina's 'selfless' act of emancipation would translate to better awareness. 
None of this will matter to the locals at Fukushima or Jharkhand. To quote a sentence from the movie 'Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift', we 'not just played with fire, but soaked the matches in gasoline'.

Indians love working in the Middle East. Building their monuments and readying their economies for a future when oil will run out. Tempted with fat currency conversion rates, plane-loads of Indians are shipped by unscrupulous travel agents to work as slaves. Their salaries are tax-free, not free. With much of the work completed, there wouldn't be a more painless way to do it than to deport them. This would also ensure they can never crawl their way back here. Swift and clean.

We are famous for titing our tats. We did plenty of that last year. So when China announced it was going to buy a 100 warships, our impotent leaders thought 'Arey yaar! Why don't we also buy a 100 of 'em'. 
There is a difference though - Their economy and industries have been growing phenomenally for the past couple of decades, unlike ours. In all of this, I am reminded of the Malayalam proverb- 'If the goat tries to shit like the elephant, the outcome isn't going to be pretty'.

When the Chinese weren't window shopping, they shoplifted. In elaborately orchestrated cyber attacks on American defense systems, the Chinese stole top secret defense and military documents.

An unwed Chinese mother flushed her new born baby boy down the toilet. My heart goes to the child and I hope that is the last time he sees the sewers in his life. Her mother's motivation to hide the pregnancy and the father's reluctance to care for the woman he impregnated is appalling but something most Indians would identify with.
If they would've done the 69, there wouldn't have been the Baby 59. Just saying.

Syria did a North Korea, when it announced a stockpile of weapons from Russia. Great! Just what we needed to tip the scales.
... and North Korea did an Aman Ki Asha. The South and the North decided to reopen the one legacy of peace and unity in the region. 


Putin upgraded. So did Modi. No Surprises, there.
Nawaz spoke and his army shot. Same story.

As I end another rumbustious post, let's have a moment of silence to mourn the tragic death of Jiah Khan, a promising actress and a beautiful woman. While we won't understand what pushed her over the edge, I hope faux celebrities like Shobhaa De would think twice before mutilating her reputation online. Shobhaaaa, that comment was despicable (even by your standards) but we'll return the favor when you die.

Adious!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...