Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

Saturday, August 07, 2021

Right Swipe Right

She was a prized catch!

She was a sapiosexual (even when the only books she read were fat law books, beauty magazines, and articles on the internet on 'How to talk to a guy and make him love you').
Like the rest of the people on Tinder, she was looking for a single guy and was against one-night stands or casual sex. Cliched? 
Maybe, but her astute observation revealed the magic sauce was in having the right pictures.

Her Tinder profile boasted of the beautiful person she was, and she had an exciting body that was both curvy and pasty to prove. A few pictures of her last trip to Goa, another image of her sipping on some margarita, a photo of her pouting, and a few other pictures of her showing her ample cleavage, and she's sure the bait was ready to be cast. 

As the requests started pouring in, she didn't realize how exhilarating the attention would be. She was flattered. If the pictures were any indication, it looked like half of the men wanted to court her and do everything humanly possible to win her heart, and the other half of the men were married scumbags who still tried to bed her and 'maintain her.'

Looking back, she realizes this is where the downslide began.

He was an average-looking techie, but it was the bio that snagged her attention. She was hooked line and sinker.
But the eloquence of the words he strung together made her fall in love with him. So she swiped right and crossed her fingers. Probably thinking about the folly of being on the other side of Tinder luck. And then just as suddenly realizing, 'Meh, if he doesn't swipe right on me, then it's his loss.' 

Her talisman of success was based on the foundation of self-worth. Ebbing at times like this when she thought she wasn't enough, but then quickly realizing she is a prized trophy any day. 

She was a successful lawyer. Her female clients chose her for her reputation and didn't mind paying the ₹ 1 lakh fee she charged per hearing. She was known to rip apart faithful, harmless husbands her clients wanted out from their lives. Her clients did no harm, said no evil, yet didn't mind the carnage she would cause. She had the enviable task of being able to choose who she represented, and when she did, the men and their lawyers shuddered. They would not want to cross swords with the one lawyer Legal Era called the 'Divorce Lawyer You Need to Get' in 2019.

They matched!
Her average joe finally swiped right on her. 

'Of course!' She thought.

The poor schmuck didn't know what he was getting into. Yet.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

The 20 minute pain

I've been through my share of heartaches. As has anyone else. I've broken hearts and I've had mine broken too. 

What do you go through when a relationship breaks?
Do you blame yourself? Or do you lash out in anger and plot vengeance?
Do you blame someone else for 'casting their evil eye'? Do you blame yourself for not being capable of carrying a healthy relationship? Or do you accept responsibility and move on?
Do you sigh in relief that the 'care' is over? Or do you feel like the ground beneath your feet has given way?
Do you run in search of the next ruse? Or do you resolve to find peace within?

I've anguished over relationships that didn't turn out the way I thought it would. When things went south, I'd write to myself. I'd sink in the bottomless ocean of loathing, rejection, and emotional pain. And then I get better.

Some studies show emotional pain lasts only for 20 minutes. Anything beyond that is self-inflicted. This seems to be a sweeping statement because that implies we don't suffer scars? 
Just because our emotional scars cannot be seen, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 

Do we have the courage to exit when your expectations aren't the same? Or do we desperately cling on, hoping that the situation will magically heal itself in time?

Do you rebound? Can you learn to truly love that person again?

Countless artists, authors, movie-makers, and poets have made a career out of emotional pain and unrequited love. 

The truth is the pain we feel is inversely proportional to the emotions we've invested in a relationship. 

Hearts are built differently. Some people are less emotional than the most. Their expectations from a relationship differ. So does their pain. 

The mistake we make is expecting the other person to be only as emotional as we are. We are constantly expecting the other person to be on the same page. Our page.

Our emotional scars will take years and the right therapy to heal because we can't put a band-aid on it. Every time you think about the relationship, you poke at that scar. Every time you miss that person, you tear the stitches apart.

I am grateful that I've had all the wonderful moments together. I'm glad we were there for each other during the not so wonderful moments too. I am glad we could do everything out of love and not because we felt obliged. I am glad I got to spend the time I did with you and your parents.

I forgive you and I hope you are able to forgive me. 

Monday, February 29, 2016

My Biggest Regret | Manna for your Soul

Let's see.

I regret not spending more time with my family growing up.
I regret having the fear of failing.
I regret not doing my engineering.
I regret not saying No to people/relationships when I should've I said it.
I regret not standing up for myself.
I regret believing people when they said I was no good.
I regret staying within my comfort zone for too long.
I regret not being a better friend to some people.
I regret not accepting myself for what I am, for too long.
'My Biggest Regrets' list is quite long..

As we strive to make our lives performance-based, we forget that quality and not quantity is what matters.
We rush to fill our days with travails and memories while living paycheck to paycheck, without ever stopping to realize the people in our lives are there not because of what we earn, but inspite it. 

Over the last couple of weeks, I've had an epiphany of sorts. 
Its difficult and socially unacceptable to talk about your regrets, insecurities and weaknesses. 
Many people I've spoken to told me they shared the same list of regrets in their lives too. 
Like me, I know people who have allowed a past relationship traumatize them for far too long. I know people who have not healed past their wounds of betrayal even after years of being apart. I know how it feels because I've allowed people to live on in my heart long after they exited. 

Almost everyone I know archived their regrets until it was too late to undo them.
My dad was one of them. 
He had dreams of traveling to Cyprus, Israel and other places with my mom after his retirement. 
He dreamt of fishing in the backwaters behind our home in Kerala.
He dreamt of having a dog and many more.
He achieved none of them. 
You might know someone who died with regrets in their hearts too. 

How would you feel if you were given a chance to 'Delete' and 'Restart'?
I know I want to. 

I want to say I'm Sorry to everyone I hurt and I want to forgive everyone who hurt me. I just don't want to continue to live with the realization that either of us are hurt. If we can start over, I'd love to.
I want to pursue my dreams and my goals, even when they look like a pipe-dream now.
I want to love the people who care enough to be with me even when I wasn't loving them enough.
I want to start all over again and live a life with people who love me and care for me and who I care about. 
I want to learn how to get out of my comfort zone and say what I need to say when I need to say it. 

Because the death bed will be too uncomfortable to undo everything. 

Sunday, February 07, 2016

The demise of a heart | Manna for your Soul

This is the month of love!

What happens when people fall in love?
Colors are brighter, smells are stronger, fragrances are arousing, mountains become molehills, you get the drift right..

But here's a question most people don't want to ask themselves - What happens when a relationship breaks?
Suddenly you feel a vacuum in your life. Your phone don't feel the same anymore. Its almost like you've died inside. 
You fall back onto habits that comforted you, but realise that nothing is the same again. 
Every bone in your body feels disjointed. Every muscle like a over-stretched rubber-band. 
You want to curl up in the darkest corner of the dankest room in your house and stay there.
You cry out to God asking for peace. Sometimes you just cry.
You want to be alone yet with company just so that you can hear voices other than your own. 
You have chores to do but any effort is simply futile.
You desperately cling onto fading memories of a dead relationship... hoping it would come alive again.
You dissect and analyse every minute of what happened and wish you could undo it. Even if you know that only means sacrificing the reason why you did it in the first place.

You want to cure that throbbing pain somewhere in the nether regions of your heart and intestines. 
Some people would want to drown their pain but like corpses that float back up, memories buoy. 
Most believe time will heal your pain and maybe it will. But what can heal your pain right now?
Prayer can. But like everything else, God cannot be rushed.

Why do relationships break?
People are attracted to each other because of things they share.
In the rare chance that you actually find that someone who fits you like that carefully-knit customized glove, don't let go. If you have found a person so alike you, you'd even have the same tattoo and the same temperaments, pawn away your ego and stay.  
The perspectives are varied, and the journey to the now was different. The dreams could be the same, but the paper to those blueprints are different. 
Your expectations out of each other grow. You expect the other person to be reasonable, patient, forgiving and loving. We want our love to be like in Corinthians 13: 4-8. We earnestly want a love that is perfect. 
Yet how many of us are really patient and hopeful? 
How many of us can claim to not be angered, boastful and trusting?

But the truth is - Human relationships are imperfect. Very few people can claim to be everything we are told to be in Corinthians 13. The only perfect relationship you can ever have is one with God. 
The fact that you are alive and reading this is proof that God loves you more than he/she loved you. 

Pray, even if all you can ask is for yourself. Because He knows you are hurting. 
Pray, even if you are angry at God for what happened. Because He isn't going to be mad at you for being pissed off at Him.
Pray, even if sobs intersperse your sentences. Because He knows the hurt behind those tears.
Pray, for him/her. Ask that they find happiness and peace in their souls. Because no matter why the relationship failed, they are going through every painful ache that you are going through as well. Because they need healing too. Because if you were with them, you wouldn't bear to see their tears, how could you let them grieve when you are not with them? 
Pray for both of yourselves. Because you both need the peace that surpasses all understanding. Because you need to heal.
Pray, because you can't be vengeful. Because it's much more satisfying when you let the person you loved the most go.

Personally, I've always believed in - 'If you love a person, let them go. If they come back, they were yours. If they don't. They never were.' 
My pastor would add - 'Sometimes, you just have to keep the doors to your heart open for a little while longer. And if they don't come back, atleast you know you tried and didn't give up so easily.' 

You could hold yourself back to shield the pain of a future heartbreak, but when the relationship breaks, you will be shattered. 
You may not want to feel exposed, but the truth is - when you are in love, you have already made yourself vulnerable. Because when you are in love, you are letting that person choose to love you as much as they can hurt you. 

My advice: Don't break up. Better still, don't fall in love. 
Romantic relationships are not for people who can feel pain, articulate it and write about it.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The Colors of Life

Isn't falling in love such a wonderful feeling?
This world has such excellent examples of people falling head over heals in love. 

So what makes two people love eachother so intensely?
Can it be chemistry?
Can it be shared likes and dislikes?
Could it be both?

Whatever it is, Love isn't impatient.
Love can be that gentle tug without your heart when you talk or think about that person.

Love isn't selfish. Because you give all you can and expect little in return. 
Love isn't lust, because when you love that person, you could go an entire lifetime, without lusting. 
Love is that soothing tub of warm water when your body is freezing. 

No other emotion in history can be more powerful than to fall in love, desperately. 
While you are falling in love, you also wonder if you are going to get hurt when you hit the ground. True love can however make you land on the ground like a cat.

So is love a lost cause? 
I don't know.
But this I know. Love is that cognitive elixir that can make everyday life a whole lot easier to bear. 

Can we sell bottled love? 
Maybe never. 
Loving a person can be the most noblest and the most fulfilling act a human being can do.

Can we conjure love out of thin air?
Again, no.
Sometimes, you find it and you will live the rest of your lives, wondering why you didn't meet eachother earlier.
And then sometimes, you don't and you will live with a person who is incompatible and has nothing in common.
To find a person who can reciprocate the love you yearn for, is the single greatest goal humans have. 

So what is love?
Love makes you grin a little longer and blush pinker.
Love makes your walk a little more livelier.
Love is that feeling of security and trust.
Love makes you want to go that extra marathon for her.
Love makes everything around you so much better.
Love can shrink distances and let you hold eachother. 
Love can make your heart skip a beat when you are together yet apart.

Take love out of a person and the world will be a cruel place to exist but love can make life that much more colorful.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Stalk 'em

Recently when a close friend of mine was relating to me how her ex was keeping a close tab on her. I was hardly surprised.

That's what most ex'es do.
Atleast the bitter ones.

Orkut was a wonderful thing. Sneaking a peek at the photo albums to see who's been dating who and hoping that they are having a miserable time, even if you are secretly envious about the good time they are really having. Browsing through the scraps to find out who he/she has been writing to and hearing from.

Then came Facebook. Darn those privacy levels. Now, he/she can't see those photo albums and or read those wall posts. So, now you have a stalker who is despicable enough to be rummaging through information (mostly pictures of you) on the internet. However, despite all the privacy online, and with the kind of footprint that we leave online, it is only a matter of time, that you can find some information. Even if it is as mundane as a note about a doctor's visit. "Finally, some new information!"
Well, congratulations, Shortie!

Statistics reveal cyber stalking is prevalent in developing countries like India, where there isn't strict enforcement of rules that protect privacy of an individual online. I know a person who left a malicious yet anonymous comment on google maps against me in the hope that I would toe his line. But being anonymous online is misnomer. A little digging yielded his computer's IP Address, name and postal address. But this is the cost we pay for freedom and free speech.

Relationships are tricky.
The first times are always so beautiful. The first date, the first look, the first shy smile, the first kiss and even the first fight (aka lover's spat). All immortalized. Or until you break up, whichever comes first.

Breakups are a tight rope walk. Long after you unceremoniously dumped him/her, you burn with the innate desire to still be a part of that one person you should have never hurt and cheated upon.
It could be infidelity or simply boredom. Love turns sour faster than you can say 'Sufferin' succotash'. And it's all downhill after this. If you are married, you're headed towards many painful months of counseling (if you are lucky) or a divorce (if you are unlucky). If you are just a couple, you'd still go through all the pangs of a 'divorce'. Mutual friends stop being that. Gifts get returned/donated/burned. The memories of all the places where the both of you went to and 'did' it and all the things you did together suddenly begin to trap you in a vicious cycle of denial, hate, depression and anger. For the lucky few, the transition is nice and easy and the wounds heal.

For as long as humans crave love and value lust, we'll always have partners who cheat and all the trauma that comes along with it. And lecherous men and unrepentant women would want to spy on their former better halves and secretly want them to suffer but I've got three words for you-  
Get a life!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The 'G' Word

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Relationships are hard work.
I doubt anyone would question this, but why is it that many of us plunge into a long term relationship with nothing more than lot of castles in the air and a smile.

If what they say good experience comes from bad judgments is true, then I am sure there are a lot of people who could give much better advice than I.
But my 2 cents here...

Heartbreak is perhaps the worst injury a person can suffer from. More traumatic than broken bones and as helpless as a paraplegic. Yet, we rarely seek God's approval in our dating lifes. We are too busy trying to get intimate to our partners and we forget to seek His blessing and thank Him for the wonderful moments that we share. I've had the wonderful opportunity to experience how powerful God's love can be when we ask His approval. So many Christians think that we are being artificial when we 'seek His approval'. But I for one, don't understand how we as children of the Father should be ashamed of asking for His nod! Of course, He wants us to be happy in love and satisfied with the youth and beauty of our partner. The book of 'Songs of Solomon' is such a brilliant example of how God wants us to be passionate in love and honest in virtue we should be. Ask Him, He is more than happy to let us experience love on earth.

And then again, there is also the next step in a relationship. What starts as a fascination for the other person grows as a obsession and then before you know it, you are neck deep in sin, having thoughts that you ought not and doing things that you must not.
Physical intimacy is nice but where and how you draw the line is what matters the most.

Much can be said about the way the world is today, and about how our perception of 'committed relationships'.
Hollywood and in many ways, Bollywood fantasizes and glamorizes Instant Relationships that spring out thin air. Relationships where boy meets girl, girl tries to play hard to get, boy moves heaven and earth to prove his love to girl, girl marries boy, boy dumps girl and the cycle repeats.
Someone once told me that it is very difficult to find beautiful single women. But I find this untrue, because in an age where you have beauty creams that will allow you to look younger and fairer, shampoos that promise long and strong hair, and its only the depth of your purse that is stopping you from resembling a well dressed mannequin. (Pity they haven't found a way to bottle good sense and a gentle and loving heart yet)
Having witnessed dating disasters and relationship nightmares, I can firmly say that finding a girl who is virtuous is perhaps the most rarest thing. And then along the way, you do meet one and you know she's a keeper.

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

In time, as we mature in a relationship and become more intimate with your partner, it is easy to be sidetracked from the true joy of companionship. Partners who let contempt and familiarity creep in, allow the satan to exploit cracks in the foundation.

As difficult novels and the media romanticize a modern relationships, it is impossible to be a state of constant arousal.
When you don't have God in your relationships and you know that satan is firmly in control when great expectations fail. Satan; the biggest mistake that a couple in love can make.

Like the intro for one of my favorite cartoon shows, The Powerpuff girls,
Add God to your relationship and everything Godly. Minus the temptation of flesh and the lure of lust, and you wont fail.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Writing the Block

Bang!! Writers Block.

Most of my readers ask me why I write on human emotions and relationships so often.
Made me sit and wonder why most of my posts are almost like an Alanis Morissette song.

Well, to each their own.
What matters in my life are the many relationships that I have shared with different kinds of people.
I have had the pleasure of knowing people who were angels on earth as well as the bitter after taste of being friends with pure evil.

Relationships matter to me. As much as a career would matter to some people.

I have actually spent a fortune on people that I loved. But I cannot live without love.
People that know me through the many years cannot hate me. I may have made the worst mistakes of my life (More than 3 mistakes!!) but my inner circle of friends and soul mates have stuck by me through the pits and crescendos of my life.
Its become so easy to sift out the chaff that all I really need to do is to wait for a couple of years and if that person sticks with me, then I would know that he/she is a keeper for life.

The last 8 years of my life have a rollercoaster of ugly relationships and happy moments. However, through all this, like the proverbial silver lining, I have come through all pretty much unscathed and a lot more wiser.

"But why rant about it??"

Well, because we are all love crazed fools waiting to get addicted. And like all addicts, we foolishly think that we are strong enough to "give up anytime we want".
Yeah right!

If all the love ballads and the Agony Aunt columns are any indication, humans will never realise that falling in love is fraught with danger. You think about it... That's it. You are gone!
Drama Queens, heart aches, jealous tantrums and 'If you love me, you will do this for me's is what you will need to brace yourself for.

So, when you say you are in a relationship, that is like admitting that you have the granade with the pin glued precariously to your thumb. One wrong move and you are misery.

I happen to experience almost first hand what happens when men become the Drama Queen.
A dear friend of mine had what I thought was the most deserving guy, but after months of dating and much love invested, she (my friend) realised that he was the human equivalent of a rodent bastard. It took a restraining order to keep him away.

We fail in love and being nice. The good ones are married and the bad ones are available. They come in those neat tetra packs with the flashy colors and great promise of healthy, happy life.

So while my latest writer's block sucked me dry, I had to sit still and bid my time.

But I am Back.
Almost with a thud. No. Not a thud, maybe a splash. A nice splash.

Relax folks.. Go easy. There's more of me to go around.

Monday, April 19, 2010

What's Next?

In the television series, 'The West Wing', the fictional president always ended staff meetings with two words - "Whats next?"
It was his way of signaling that he was finished with the issue at hand and that he was ready to move on to other concerns.
The pressures and responsibilities of life and work in the White House demanded that he not delve on what was in the rear view mirror - he needed to keep his eyes ahead, moving forward to what was next.

In a sense, the apostle Paul had a similar perspective on life. He knew that he had not 'arrived' spiritually and that he had a long way to go in becoming like Christ. What could he do? He could either fixate on the past, with his failures and disappointments, struggles and disputes. Or he could learn from those things and move on to 'What's next?

Many people including me, are guilty of not moving on. We are obsessed with the rear view. We live comparing and fantasizing how things would have been if the past would have been different. Our good memories of our not so good past keeps us from achieving the futures that we are destined to.

I know, I have been a victim of that rear view vision more than once.

Our culture forces us to live by templates of people and situations.

Back in the days when I was a customer care representative, we were doctrined by the mantra 'Treat every call as your first call'. No matter what or how bad your previous call was, that new call is your fresh call. That customer in on the phone now, is a fresh customer, and he/she deserves your care and attention. You could have had a bad day, nasty experience or you might be just plain out angry, but you need to give that customer 100% of yourself'.
Freshers like me, would fist-bump the air in absolute enthusiasm. Treat every call as your first call? No problem.

Its only when we actually get a nasty drunk American on a Friday night speed dialing us screaming obscenities because he is not able to use his Internet, that we hit reality. You are suddenly facing the full fury of that disgruntled consumer. The next customer could be the sweetest grandma with the sweetest voice you've ever heard, but suddenly, your 'Awesome' and 'Have a nice day' is more labored and less cheerful.
Seasoned agents gradually learn to disassociate themselves from disgruntled customers and be upbeat with customers who are excited. They won't mind if a customer uses the choicest insults from the English language, because to them, you are their dart board of all that is keeping them from enjoying their life. But a heartfelt appreciation is always met with a lot of joy and pride.

We all go through that phase in our life, when unpleasant situations stun us.
How many of you, have tried loving a person, only to be rejected, just because that person was too stuck up on his/her ex? The ex would have moved on, but you are still in love? Maybe its love or maybe its just that we want to hang on to fragments of past life.

The song 'What if' sung by Kate Winslet comes to my mind.

What if he stayed with me?
What if we got married?
What if I didn't break up with him?
What if I wasn't impulsive?
What if I stood up for myself?

How many times have you yearned for a former lover even when you knew for sure that 'it's over'?
How many times have you blocked out that new girl/guy out of your life, just because you were still in love with your ex, who is never coming back?
How many times have you thought that all men/women are like your ex? And that you are going to end up with the same fate?

The culture today, propagated by media teaches us that if a guy falls in love with another girl anytime within 1 year of his breakup, that he is a philanderer.
But if a girl does so, then she was the hapless victim of the philanderer/circumstances.

We are quick to judge and rarely give the other our sincerest ear.
If God judged us by all that we did, I don't think we should ever stop praying. And I don't think all the prayers will even get you to the pearly gates.

We should learn to move ahead inspite of what we have gone through, what we might have been or who we have been with.
For those who have been rejected or rejected other people, I plead that we learn to accept the fact that people are different, situations are different and people move on, its just that we stand still.

Move on...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

When the beauty fades ...

Love fails and beauty fades...
This touched me because many times, when couples are dating themselves they fail to see the pitfalls and red flags.
You could be in love with a person who is an absolute pole apart from what you are, but all the pheromones in the planet cannot give you a happy marriage.
But what happens when a successful long distance relationship breaks up and you are left wounded?
Ordinarily, it shouldn't be as traumatic as a relationship between 2 people who lived in close quarters.
But I know a couple who was in a long distance relationship.
There was a lot of connection, love and no end to the promises to be with each other.
But there was the slip between the cup and the lip.
Promises were made to move heaven and earth and all else in between. But when the time to act came, all were conveniently brushed under the rug of societal obligations.
I respect the girl who chose to fulfill her parents' wishes over the guy she knew only for a year. If only we had more virtuous women, could we overcome the many evils of our society today.
What started as ordinary emails being exchanged blossomed into something incredible.
What was incredible ended with a lot of trauma. Both of them suffered. All the guy did was fall in love with a girl that he had never seen, but felt a million times through the many hours of phone calls they shared. But when she broke the news, all that he did was to stay silent though within him he was shattering into a million pieces. Not once, but a million times every minute of every day.

That guy was Me.

When I heard her tell me, I hung up and cried, until the pillow was soaked.
Then turned over the pillow and cried until my eyes ached, until my voice cracked and the pillow soaked.
That's when a dear friend of mine expressed his sympathy and encouraged me to grieve. "But in 3 days, you will get up. figure out what you want to do with your life and move ahead."
At the moment, I thought he was being too optimistic. 3 days?! No way. Though it was just a year of relationship, I knew things would never be the same again.
But in 3 days, after hundreds of sessions crying and many many hours of grieving, I woke up and realized that I didn't feel quite as bad as I felt on the first day. Little by little despite the agony of being dumped for the 2nd time, my emotional and spiritual condition improved significantly. I knew that I died to my old reality and was reborn to a new Me.

I guess it has to do with the Death, Burial and Resurrection.

I recently met a friend who stuck with me, through the toughest and most excruciating part of my breakup. She didn't take the moral high horse by blaming either of us, but allowed me to retrospect and heal.
The trauma of a bitter breakup still fresh in my heart, I decided to insulate myself from plunging into a rebound relationship.

Not very long ago, I heard the story of a couple who were getting married.
Very much in love, as all couples are, the love struck pair look at each other ready to orate their well written vows to each other.
The pastor stops them. He tells them to trash the pieces of paper and to look at each others hands and tell each other how much they mean to each other from one heart to another.

This is what ails our marriages. In a society that glamorizes sex and promiscuity, we plunge into a marriage with as much frivolity as a kid in a toy store, but fail to understand that what we do with our hands is what keeps a marriage moving and no amount of physical attraction or tall promises can salvage a marriage.
No big fat weddings for me, because I would rather prefer to marry a woman, who respects herself just as much as she would respect me.
A relationship that is build on mutual trust and inherent understanding, where we don't need to talk to be heard, when a mere nod, look and a touch would do.
A bond where we are not conceited but implicit and honest.
Every man sees his second mother in his lover and every woman gets her first child in her lover
    -William Shakespeare
Having been love-deprived all my adult life, I have craved to be with a lady who would be a mother, lover, confidante, closest friend and most passionate wife. I've seen you, I've loved you.

When the party is over... the crowd moves on... when your age catches up with you... when the body gives up and mind gets rusted.
Love, Trust and Communication is all that you'll need.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Love and Loss..

Were you ever in a relationship where you felt like you gave up too soon?
Have you ever been in a relationship that you knew was a dead end but regretted breaking up?

We give up too soon and too easily.
Humans are driven by love. We are constantly looking for affection and acceptance from others. But we often deny that person who truly loves us in our selfish pursuit of love.

Infidelity in relationships doesn't happen because we love the other person any less, but because there is a new recipient of all that love. There is a new person that we have trained our eyes on.

Some relationships are convenient escapes from reality and act like vacation homes that you head to when you want a break from the mundane grid of daily life.
Yet some other meet your physical needs, while starving you emotionally and spiritually.
Some relationships start with a lot of odds against them, develop into a strange coexistence of logic and reason.
The luckier relationships start platonic, and develop into something really beautiful. Weddings happen.

Marriages however can be tough, for most this is where the honeymoon ends. Real life begins here. Graduating from the Lover-boy to a Family-man is uphill pedaling.
The Wife takes it easier, for her it's just a new surname.
He will need to earn for the family. He becomes a one woman man, like it or not.
Probably, nature programmed the homosapien man to be monogamous.

However the Wife now ends up living with a Lover that does not shower all the love that he once showered. She is stuck with making his house. She needs to cook and clean after the Husband. 'Where did I make the mistake?' .. 'Is he not in love with me anymore?' ... 'Did he ever love me?'
Questions that the husband will need to answer real quick. But unfortunately these are questions that a man does not know how to answer without being hurt. While he grapples with these potent questions, the Wife takes his visible confusion and trauma as answers that complicates their once beautiful marriage.

They marry the man they love, hoping that they would change and become that New and Improved Man of their Dreams.
Men marry the woman they love, hoping that the woman will never stop giving him the 'emotional orgasm' that he experienced when courting.

Disappointment awaits both of them
Women fantasize so much on the wedding that they forget they have a marriage to live.
Men don't improve. Correction, men do improve, but improvement in men ends with potty training.

All relationships are hard work.
All our lives, we are tied with that common cognitive bond of emotion and duty.
From the cradle to the grave, we carry a lifetime of bonding. Some that will bring us immense peace and satisfaction and some the exact opposite

I remember a couple who once lived in with each other. They had a relationship of convenience. The guy's sexual and culinary needs were met and the girl's shelter and clothing needs satisfied. Why would they ever need to break up? Most men fantasize about relationships like this, but somewhere down the line they broke up. The girl grew distant and the guy could not take much more of her cold shoulder. They split but years later, he is still pining for her. He only wishes that he should have shut his mouth although he knows that she would have never satisfied his emotional needs.

If only we could look inwards, deep inwards, and plug that 'God shaped hole' in our soul, would we be able to fathom the unfailing love of True Love.
While our society gently slides and shimmy its way to greater depravity and spiritual vacuum, are we forgetting how transient our lives on earth are?
All the arrogance, infidelity and sex in this world cannot save nor satisfy you when your time to go comes.
All the pretty flowers and glowing eulogy wouldn't make a difference to you in death, if you didn't bother to make a positive difference in your relationships when you were alive.

All love on earth is transient and expires, and no matter how much that girl or guy might have professed to have loved you.. the only love that is true and tested is the love that our God showers on us. Your lover may not know all about you, but the Lord who knows all about you, even the really dirty stuff, loves you with a passion that none can match.
While lovers talk the talk, its only our Lord who talks the talk and walks the walk.

Look Within, Love Heavenwards. You can never get disappointed because you know that no matter who you are with and regardless of how much he/she professes to love you, you will have The Love that lasts.. unto eternity.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Quote unQuote

Every morning you have two choices.
Continue to sleep and dream.
Or wake up and chase your dreams.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Painful Truth-
We cannot beg someone to stay with us forever. We have to accept the painful truth that Love does not give us the license to own person.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Things we loose in life, always have its own way of coming back to us, at the end or towards the end. But it always happens in most unexpected happy ways! Believe in yourself.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Always stay with a sweet smile, Don't get upset for small and silly things.
Remember! Only your loved one can hurt you badly. Forgive and love again.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Every man sees his second mother in his lover and every woman gets her first child in her lover
-William Shakespeare

Lonely hours are the best hours of life. Because its the only time we share our deepest secrets with the most trusted person in the world; Ourselves
-Vaishalli Panchal

I don't know exactly what 'being mature' means, but i think it is when you are finally able to joke about things that once broke your heart badly.
-Vaishalli Panchal

God has said; 'I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee'. So that we may boldly say: "The Lord is my Helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me"
-Heb 13:5-6

When God takes away something from your hands, don't think that He is punishing you. But He is merely emptying your hands for you to receive something much better.
-Monica Kapoor

When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them. And when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

Expression of the face can be seen by everyone. But the depression of the heart can be understood by the one who loves you.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Your sweet time of today is ending. Forget bad incidents, remember the beautiful moments, Refresh your body and mind. Sleep peacefully
-Ramya Peketi

How odd is the logic of the mind?
It seeks to compromise when we are wrong. And it seeks justice when others are wrong.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Someone very close to your heart can break it easily, but its amazing when we still love and care for them, with every broken piece. That's the true test of a relationship.

Even a small dot can stop a big sentence. But a few dots can give a continuity. Don't be depressed by the dot. Every end is the beginning of a new sentence.

Be slow in choosing a friend. And even slower in loosing one. Because friendship is not an opportunity. It is a sweet responsibility.
-Vaishalli Panchal

Most used alphabet is 'a'. It does not appear even once from 1 to 999. It appears for the first time in 1000 and never ends.
'Moral: Success requires patience...'
-Vaishalli Panchal

We cannot take anything alongwith us when we leave this life, except the love of our dear ones. Love the ones we have now.
-Vaishalli Panchal

A mother has strengths that amaze men. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when she feels like screaming, she sings when she feels like crying, cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There's only one thing wrong with her; she sometimes forgets what she is worth.

I can do all things in Christ which strengthens me
-Phil 4:13

It takes several years a seed to become a tree.
A flower takes months to bloom.
So have patience for any beautiful thing to happen in your life
-Vaishalli Panchal

Don't look at the circumstance you face... look to Jesus and don't give up.

No servants, yet a Master.
No degree, yet a Teacher.
No medicines,yet a Healer.
No army, yet a King.
No military battles, yet conquered.
No crime, yet crucified, yet risen.

The Lord is near the broken hearted'. He saves those who have lost all hope.

Crisis is not to make you bitter but better. Tell your problem that your Jesus is much bigger than your problems.

Heb 2:18

If you remain in Me and My Words in you, you will ask for anything you wish and you shall have it.
-John 15:7

When you pray, dont ask for lighter burdnes but stronger backs.

'Call to Me, and I will answer you'.
-Jer 33:3

Wait for the Lord, be strong, take courage and wait for the Lord.

Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears. But the woman who fears the Lord, is to be praised.

Do not fear, for I am with you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and hold you with my victorious hand
-Isaiah 41:10

What is impossible with man, is possible with Me.
-Luke 18:27

I alone know the plans I have for you.
-Jer 29:11

Monday, April 05, 2010

When memories come rushing by..

Recently I read an article which confirmed my worst suspicions.
'Words do hurt'

The article in question apparently quotes a scientific study that probably spent hundreds and thousands of dollars to prove how certain words do make our brains to react in a certain way. Duh!

Do you ever wonder why scientists are researchers are always proving the most mundane fact of life?
Who sanctions all the funds for these studies? What is the point? Are we any bit the more wiser or saner?
Does this study mean we will be happier and shield ourselves from all the painful words/places/memories?
Neither did I.

We have all gone through a lot of hurt. We are human, after all.
Which one among us would not have been in a hurtful relationship.
I have been in relationships where I have been both the victim and the villain.

Come to think of it, I have been in committed relationships for the past 6 years with women who have given a lot of love in their own unique ways. But with a lot of love, comes the scope of a lot of hurt.

Wounded hearts. Contrary to popular wisdom, time does not heal your wound but just keeps you in a drug induced pain-free state of mind. Lot of people choose not to look at their wounds and like how you inevitably bump just that wound when you least expect it, there comes that word, thought or act that rips open the wound.
You could have been wounded by offensive things that other people say or do to hurt us, by our own sinful behavior or by a calamity that overwhelming.

A wound to our heart never heals with time.
I've had fits of depression and I know lots of people who have struggled with physical, mental and spiritual symptoms of inner wounds.
Often the first response is to back away from the situation to allow time for healing. They often turn inward and brood over their hurt. The hurt gradually grows to be a festering sore just waiting for that unfortunate word, act or memory and out comes all the anger, bitterness, hate, revenge and fear. The rejection that they then receive brings more hurt. This is a vicious cycle.
Yet other people respond by balancing hurt with anger and revenge or by trying to protect themselves from further hurt to allow time for healing. As much as it seems, this never leads to true healing. As they enter into relationship, the wound hardens their heart and we receive more hurt.

True healing begins with God in your heart and your lives.

Throughout the Scriptures, in both the Old and the New Testament, we see our Lord's intense love for us.
God cares about your broken heart, wants to heal it and is waiting for us to let Him do the healing.
Jesus suffered the most excruciating death on the cross because it was His desire to heal us of the wound that the first human brought to Earth.
However, we must allow Him control, because He cannot change what He does not control.
Fair deal, I say.

The process starts by making a list of your hurts, starting with the greatest first.
Ask God to cleanse your heart of all anger, bitterness, lust, revenge, hate and inability to forgive.
Picture the experience in your mind and then picture Jesus suffering the same hurt and sin for you at the Cross.
His resurrection meant forgiveness and mercy for your sins.

Just as surely that the Lord can heal your wounded heart, He can also give you a tender heart that will be sensitive to the hurts of others.
He who is Omnipotent can change that which was meant for evil into good.

I had my Damascus road experience roughly two years ago.
God started healing me the moment, I asked Him to take control of my life.
When we have the reins of our life in our hands, we are capricious. There are some of us have learnt how to surrender ourselves to God, some others to the world and then some others a convenient combination of the two. However, what we forget is that we can never serve 2 masters, while being loyal to both. There will be a time when you will need to choose between the two.

Luke 4:18-19 says:
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
      because he has anointed me
      to preach good news to the poor.
   He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
      and recovery of sight for the blind,
   to release the oppressed,
    to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Lets all be messengers of the Good News.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Socializing the Net

Social media should improve your life, not become your life!
Patrick Driessen
Of all the different roles that the Internet played, Social Networking gripped popular imagination in a vice.
A term that has entered the lexicon of many boardroom debates and pantry gossips, social networking is an equalizer. It enabled people who were shy in real life, become virtual extroverts.
Tracing its evolution, the earliest entrant; Orkut used to be my kind of networking, because it was simple, no fuss and very uncluttered. Privacy and rampant misuse was a major concern, but it has cleaned itself up pretty nice.
Its much younger cousin Facebook, was in comparison much more cluttered and confusing. It took a very long time for me to get it round my head.

But I soon realized that like in any thing else, Facebook picked up from where Orkut left.
They had improved security, privacy levels that could be customized and the newer avatar of the site is a lot less cluttered than its predecessor. 
Orkut sparked the fire, but FB (as Facebook is popularly known) fanned it into a phenomena. 

Twitter, Linkedin, MySpace and the such have only cashed into a concept that makes you believe that social networking is as essential as the air you breathe.
I could testify on how profoundly Social Networking has changed my life, but what is more disconcerting is how people are spending more time socializing online than before.
Scrapping, twittering and tagging has become acceptable ways of showing recognition amongst the young and not so young. 
Why don't we just visit our friends or, take the moment to visit people who are less fortunate more often?
Social nuances and etiquette can never be substituted for that 'gift' you give online.

Fights go online too!
I've seen people change their relationship status from 'committed' to 'single' to prove a point and maybe wash the proverbial dirty laundry in full view of your 'buddies'.
Technology has certainly made a lot of lives easier and world is only a wall post, scrap or a tweet away, but where does that leave the good ol' days of letter writing.

Social Networking thrives on our collective love of watching other people live their lives. 
We love Voyeurism. We love to know what is happening, and unconsciously we are constantly vying for more attention. 
We want our 15 posts of fame and we are ready to do anything for it.
But is all this Networking really helping us?
Personally, I believe it does not foster ties with the same warmth and cordiality as when we meet a person face to face. I would prefer talking with a person sans the avatar.
Social Networking has its dark underbelly too, where employers are increasingly turning to popular sites likes Facebook while screening prospective employees. 
Insignificant requests and inundating news feeds end up eating up quality time that could have otherwise helped solidify personal contacts.

Unabated use of technology leads to it's misuse and unless we learn to restrain ourselves and understand that Social Networking is just an aid and not the purpose to live we will continue to see our friends addicted to farming melons, tweeting sweet nothings and scraping their love out.
When the Television was invented, it was said, it will kill the Radio star. I don't think it did. 
Over time, I think it just made the Radio more creative.

Sure, Social Networking has come a long way from the baby steps it took and does allow ties that are weak to strengthen over time besides enabling hitherto hidden opportunities to come our way, however unless we exercise discretion and practice common sense in using this wonderful tool of modern interaction, the day is not too far when we choose Social Networking instead of social living.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Delayed, not Denied

Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom, I felt myself sinking.. fathomlessly.
"Thank you for the shovel"

How hard can you fall? How much does it take to break? How much trust can you break?
I practiced 'If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they are yours. If not, they never were'. I truly believed that love should be unconditional.

When our relationship broke down, I tried as much as I could to salvage it.
My Mom, Pastor, friends and colleagues rallied around me, helping me to heal. I did the only thing I knew, I prayed constantly. I prayed that she is able and well and is happy. I also prayed (selfishly) that she comes back to me.
Back to the Drawing board. 
Healing begins within.

When hopes shatter, when emotions run dry, it helps to have an Anchor. An Anchor that will never let you be swept away by the torrents of despair.

I have been blessed with a lot of healing at the right times.
Just when I begin to feel that I am running dry on my hope, I get a complete recharge, filled to the brim, overflowing, pressed down and running over...

2 years ago,  the ground beneath my feet shifted. I held on. I confessed and repented and have reformed since. However, 24 hours ago, the ground beneath my feet crumbled, again.

Fast forward to now, I am relieved and eternally grateful that I survived. Praise be to the Lord. King of Kings. Lord of Lords.

The urge to retaliate is exceptionally strong. But one verse comes to my mind: 'Be Still, for I am your God'. Powerful and Comforting.

My existence here is but a wisp of air. 
All the trauma, the agony and the tribulations are but momentary.
Tribulation builds patience, and Patience builds character.

All Science mumbo jumbo apart, I believe we are all from one matter. From Our Father in Heaven. Unique. No one can forge or duplicate the perfect people that we are within.

He is looking down upon us. 
Just as we would look down upon a bug in the ground. But with all the tenderness towards a new born child. We are more than a bug to Him. We are His. When we hurt, He hurts. When we cry, He cries too. When we repent, He rejoices. What an amazing promise!

Looking down upon us, He waits for us to be still. He waits to give us all that we want. He does not want us to pay for anything He gifts us. All He ever wants from us, is our Love.

Are you ready to love the Giver more than the Gift?

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