Showing posts with label SRK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SRK. Show all posts

Sunday, August 11, 2013

While you were gone: August 2013 [Part 1 of 3]

The past week, politicians felt foolish.
I said 'Go with the feeling'.

A 22 year old JNU student did a Freddy Krueger and killed himself. And that's how urban legends are born, thank you.

And it looks like one of my wishes came true! Smarting from the accounting frauds at Satyam a few years ago, the government finally signed into law The Companies Act, 2012, which makes it mandatory for companies among other things to be involved in Corporate CSR. Now, the real work should be in the details. The Act should specify who and what could be the benefactors of this largesse.

If you thought you've achieved everything in life after you've settled into that expensive new home that you will be slogging your butts off to pay the mortgages for the next 20 years, think again. This family left their home and returned to find a pile of rubble. No earthquake this. All in a day's work for land sharks and petty politicians.

Snowden settled into Russia. O said Snowden is no patriot and cancelled his meeting with Putin. How mature!
Okay, so he promised more transparency into such surveillance, but that was not what he originally said, was it? By defending his government's classified programs to monitor people and their communications, he has inadvertently eroded much of the goodwill and trust that his people and his allies had on his country. The truth could be that common Americans are either too terrified or too busy to bother. But let's face it - 20 years after the Cold War, Russia is still that speck in Uncle Sam's eye.

Iran got a new puppet. While Mr Rouhani has a lot on his plate, one thing is sure - Its all uphill from here.

Indians (the ones who didn't have much else to fight about) still fought over Durga like a bunch of hyenas. She got the support from her fellow bureaucrats.The SC spoke. Mrs G put in a word. But I think this is ironic on so many levels mainly because she is named after a Hindu goddess. Brush aside all the noise, it is clear to see how all of this is just a diversionary tactic, a sleight of hand that will cover up other scams  that happen. Khemka, anyone?

Doctors revolted. For a profession that promises to serve selflessly, I am surprised why we are even allowing them to protest.

A few years ago, when I was flying to Srilanka, a co-passenger next to me was filling up the transit form when he had to mention which port he was going to disembark at. He paused for a few seconds, and then wrote 'Airport'. Well, obviously he didn't expect to land at a seaport, or was he just referring to some of our Indian airports that become flooded? After Delhi, it was Kochi.

While some of Micromax's ads peddle the Canvas smartphones, the owners of the company are living the credo when they were caught bribing. Say it with me, folks - You Can Do Anything!

For better or worse, Yahoo has decided to shed its skin. Maybe they should set they inflated egos aside and sell themselves to Microsoft already.

And in the main byte of the week, Indian soldiers got ambushed and killed (yet again) by terrorists and men in Pakistani army clothes (WOW!).
India: 'This is unacceptable'. Pakistan shuddered.
Our Defense Minister suffered from verbal diarrhea and ended up with more spoiled fish-moilee curry than he could've imagined. The Opposition pounced on shortie like NFL players trying to block the touchdown. Antony ate humble pie. Apology accepted and everyone went home a happy man.
To the question- When are we going to grow some balls and retaliate, the answer is - When hell freezes over and decides to ban chicken tikka masala from its menu.

Our politicians are intellectually and politically impotent to strike when the iron is hot. And I have a theory (albeit a borrowed one) about why -
When a country like ours (nuclear armed yada yada) strikes first, it loses its morality and pity factor. Unlike the US, no matter how right we are we are too scared to be 'in the bad books'. Instead what we love doing is wait for our neighbors to strike us and strike us hard so that we can enjoy the outpouring of support, both financially and logistically, that our NRIs and the West are known for. Surely, a first strike will hurt but the rush of support that we will end up getting is something that our neighbors are wary of.
So as long as Pakistan fires a few thousand shells, kills a couple of soldiers here and there and doesn't wipe the Deccan Plateau clean, they know it will be okay with us.

But just in case you were wallowing in self-pity and remorse, Mr PM reminded us that we are one of 6 countries in the world that is capable of destroying other countries. Enter INS Arihant. Mr Singh finished his quota of words for the month of August and shall not speak until September. Theek Hai.

'Dawood Ibrahim is not in Pakistan'. Yeah, and I suck at English.
Hafiz Saeed wished India Eid Mubbarak in his special little way. We shuddered. Now, imagine if he actually comes marching towards Delhi.

Bad year for the Kardhashians? Actually not. Any news is good news for a lady (and siblings) whose only claim to fame is a 'leaked' sex tape and 'made for TV' marriage.

Buy your Samsung Galaxy phones while they are still around. Judging by the way, Apple has been hunting Samsung down, I think we are heading towards Armageddon. Or you could simply switch.

Chennai Express.
Couple of things are clear-
SRK is on his way out. And how!
Deepika really needed the money because I don't know why else she would still be acting.
And the makers of this movie might have really hated the pair. In the 2 plus hours that you are trapped in the theater, you are wondering what atrocity SRK and Deepika could have done to Rohit Shetty and Co. that he deliberately wanted to screw them both. And they actually smiled through the promotions?!
Deepika, let me give you the same sane advice I gave Ms Leone. Get into an acting class. Date a rising star and get married. Stop acting. It isn't working for us.
If we ever had anything like the Razzies, Chennai Express would sweep all the categories unanimously. Absolute and Total Trash. Avoid it like the bubonic plague.

Salman K became the most searched celebrity online. Take that, Poonam Pandhey.
Paying tribute to our ideals of beauty and wanton materialism, we crowned the best dressed celebrities. Take a bow!

And here's something else to chew on- Our national bird, CBI didn't break free and for good reason. Hindi is not our national language and Hockey is not our national game. Aren't we great!

'When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro'  - Hunter S. Thompson.


Thursday, May 31, 2012

May'ed out [151/365]

Ah, so May is always a special month for me.
As a preschooler, I remember how I'd sit with my 'Kwality Street' chocolate box every morning until my birthday.

While the world celebrated the first anni, I have this distinct feeling that Osama didn't get his 99 virgins when he was gunned down and given off as fish feed. I hear his plane crashed into the tall towers of Hades.

FB fell flat. Period.

Didi in the news again. This time she wants a interest-free loan and her choice for Prez. I'm beginning to believe Didi actually wakes up every morning and plans ways to screw her allies.
Is there not going to be an end to this?
What the hell are the 'intellectuals' doing?

Raja ban gaya free man.
Our politicians for want of real non-issues squabbled over a bunch of satirical cartoons that were drawn half a century ago.

Aamir Khan debuts on the small screen with Satyamay Jayathe. The nation sits up and takes notice. Master stroke!

The Supreme Court orders a ban on sun films on all four-wheeler vehicles across India. Difficult to understand why the apex court in the country had to make such a decision which makes very little sense.

IPL and SRK. Nuff said.

All in all, this was an exciting month and one that won't be forgotten in a hurry.


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Review: G.ONE to the D.OGS

Now, I love movies. May not be a movie buff and I won't care to know who is the sound technician or the art director of a movie, but I certainly enjoy movies. I am quite opiniated when it comes to reviewing movies and I am mostly right when it comes to judging movies. Touche`

So, what kind of movies do I watch? 
Well, all movies are fair game. 

So starting this week, I'll review one movie that I watched.
Michael Jackson in neon?!

And this week, it's Ra.One at the slaughter house.

You must be either dead or buried alive to have missed all the hype and paid excitement about the most expensive bollywood movie to date - Ra.one
Now, this is going to be really nasty but I must admit I was once a strong Shah Rukh Khan (simply known as SRK) fan. But those were the good ol days, when we would see him only in good movies and less advertisements.
And then the good king of la-la land decided he was not been seen enough.

Fast forward a few years and now it is impossible to miss an advt that has his grimacing face or his famous stutter in a normal human day.
While I cannot help but applaud how he has realized his dream of being the face of every possible product/service that can be sold in India, why must we be subject to his Utopia?

So what if he has minus one fan to his billions, SRK is proud to be the arrogant, sore loser and indifferent bollywood star who is on hire for dancing and hosting your next wedding party.

Ra.One, his magnum opus was hyped so much that I'd expected the movie to bomb pretty badly. And I hate it when my predictions come true.
His incredibly well lubricated PR machine made sure that all you saw on any channel was an advt about Ra.One. But alas, not all the money in the world can really make up for awful visual effects, cold as dead fish storyline or actors who parade through the movie like many zombies on prozac. The movie lacks any of the pizazz of an Hollywood flick and is at best choppy and a snooze fest. Thank god for the air-conditioned multiplexes.
Surely, Ra.One will be able to get all its costs back in a few days, if it hasn't already. But would I recommend that you watch it? I don't think so.
Although the movie does have some big names, the entire plot looks contrived and very kitschy. Too many songs? Definitely.
If you are fan of any of the big stars in the movie, you will be disappointed at the pace the movie goes through. Pained even.
If you are big fan of special effects, sorry, there isn't much in here for you either. Surely, this movie does show that FX in Indian cinema is coming of age, but to a generation that has been breast fed on Star Wars and Superman movies, some of the FX scenes in this movies are painful to swallow.
As I finished the movie, I could not decide which I felt stronger. Violated or relieved. 
Violated, because of the visual and emotional mess that I had to endure.
Relieved, because I could finally put all the hype behind me and start a new life tomorrow.

My Rating: 4

What does the ratings mean?
0-4  : Not worth your presence in the same zip code as the TV/Theatre.
5-7  : Err... the movie is pretty, but it's definitely missing something. A storyline, that is.
8-10: 'Drop-the-dishes, stop-the-sex, jaw-dropping, that-is-incredible' 2 hours of movie experience


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