Showing posts with label Sahara. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sahara. Show all posts

Sunday, May 11, 2014

While you were gone, that's how the cookie crumbled in April 2014 [Part 1]

Pause Life. The biggest political event in the planet is taking place.

Our politicians had their regular bout of verbal diarrhea. Mulayam Singh helpfully pointed out that rapists should not be hung because boys will be boys. Gee! I wish they'd just buy a car or something and not rape women, but whatever.

This was the season, many of our leaders got slapped, slippered and painted. 

Azam Khan forgot his insanity pills and determined that Kargil martyrs were Muslims. Next year, we'll pack him off to Biggg Brother. Let's see how he will handle all the racism there.

Bad news for those hard working Bangladeshis doing jobs that you and I won't touch with a barge pole - If Modi comes to the throne, they better start packing up. 

Manmohanji was in the news for all the wrong reasons. AgainThis time a former Media Adviser released a book 'The Accidental Prime Minister' that told us pretty much all that I've been telling you all along. 
His half brother (sounds like Harry Potter) joined the BJP. Can someone please tell me how effective an 'half-brother' will be? Will he be only half as silent? 

Finally, Vadra is the flavor of the season. My Advice, Vadraji: Get out of India, pronto.

AAP conveniently missed LGBT reforms in its manifesto. What gives Kejriwal?

With more stardust than before, this election was the perfect time to watch your favorite out of job movie stars in person. Loyal constituents decided to press themselves and Nagma got the touch.

As we make headlines and break records, let's choose the lesser evil and hope to God that we survive the next 10 years. 

But if you are one of the millions who didn't vote, then STFU and watch IPL. The only sports event where you'll see Russian and Croatian cheerleaders wearing leggings underneath gaudy skirts waving the shit out of pom poms. 

And while we are still talking about them, can someone please pay the Royal Challengers Bangalore cheerleaders a little extra? The way they have to do their odd pelvic gyrations every time Chris Gayle hits the ball into the next zipcode, they deserve the extra pay.

But the season didn't start as cheerfully. India lost the ICC Twenty20 championship to Srilanka rather meekly. 

The way Chennai SuperKings have been playing the league matches, it looks like Srini Saar has not been paying the players enough. What's up, Srini?
If you ask me, I'd say - legalize betting. All this hullabaloo about betting is like asking children not to copy in an open-book test. Not.Gonna.Happen.

Across the pond, studies showed 1700 American teens are becoming mothers every week. Durex clearly isn't doing its job. Maybe they need to conduct free hysterectomy procedures?

A bomb killed 23 in Islamabad and a knife wielding student stabbed 20 students in the US. Didn't even make it to the headlines here.
One dirty bomb kills 1 in Chennai. Suddenly everyone loses their mind.

The SC handed down the death penalty to the 3 bastards who partook of the rapes in Shakthi Mills, Mumbai last year. You want to know who else the SC doesn't want to live? The Rajiv Gandhi assassins. The Fat Lady proposed, SC disposed

Oh but there was a fair bit of sunshine too. Apparently, with the added incentive of polls round the corner, the SC ruled that the government must recognize the 'third gender'. Bobby Darling, I hear, is very happy.

The business conglomerate Sahara was asked to deposit Rs 10,000 cr as bail if they want their rags-to-riches boss out of prison. Last we heard, they have about Rs 5000 cr ready cash money and wanted time for the rest. Blah! The SC behaved like a truant warlord and said: 'No part payment. Get the 10k now or stay in prison'. 

Mush seems to be really lucky nowadays. What, after losing the elections, surviving a major heart attack, he seemed to have lived through yet another assassination attempt. Charmed Life, I say!

Talking about penny-wise, pound foolish, American car major GM decided to save $1 per car instead of changing the design of a critical car component that resulted in 13 deaths. See, this is why the Indians will always remain the kings (and queens) of thrift.

Heading to Brazil? Want to cheap place to stay? Try the 'Tower of David'.

Right on the heels of namma Microsoft CEO, we now have another local boy from Manipal become the Nokia CEO. So after Jaguar Land Rover, Microsoft and now Nokia, we are all set to take over the world.

Need ideas on home-improvement? Take cues from a local BJP minister who just spent Rs2 crore of our money decorating his ministerial bungalow with 15 split air conditioners, porcelain for the shit-pot and various other gadgets that will make Bill Gate's home look like a low cost garage.

Meanwhile, the Pakistani Electricity Board cracked the whips and even the Pakistani PM is sweating bullets. Moral: Pay your bills on time.

The IOC put up their hands in exasperation and declared how the Olympic preparations in Rio are the worst in history. Surely, they haven't seen Kalmadiji at work.

In other news, remember to change your passwords. A computer genius inadvertently released a bug (appropriately named #Heartburn) that created a trapdoor that made countless secure webpages vulnerable giving a hacker the chance to steal invaluable data. See, that's why you should tattoo all your passwords.

Ramesh Agrawal. Green Nobel prize winner and true Hero. No selfies. No one knows.

After what seemed like an eternity, the Indian LCA went supersonic. Bah!
Toyota made history by recalling 6.4 million vehicles globally. So much for Japanese quality

IT workers in France can not refuse to answer their boss's phone call and emails after 6 pm. Now, that's one rule I wish we had here in India

Literary epic 'To Kill a Mockingbird' went online and viral. 'Nuff said.


The legendary Sherpas boycotted Everest after several of their colleagues died in a mishap that could have been prevented. 
In similar news, Srilanka deported a Brit just because she had a tattoo of Buddha. 

The Google Car logged 1000 miles of safe driving. But give it to Salman Khan and he will still kill pedestrians. Its all about BeingHuman, after all.

If you thought its only Indian politicians who can't keep their mouths shut and their penises in place, take heart. Vladimir Zhironovsky, a Kremlin stooge and first-rate buffoon has been caught ordering his aides to violently rape a pregnant scribe. Mulayamji, please take note.

We all switched off the lights and made more babies on the World Earth Day on the 22nd April.
Talking about earth, if you have been hoping for a good monsoon this season, give it up. El Nino hereo

2 States, a movie based on a novel by the same name by Chetan Bhagat, hit the theaters and captured the hearts and the imagination of our young intercontinental lovers. Whilst the book has oodles of sex and sleaze, I think the movie was subtle, but can someone please tell me how we can launch into a well choreographed group dance in the middle of a geeky college? My Rating: 7. 

The US has its presidential libraries, we have the dilapidated MPLAD bus stops, Pakistan has the Lal Masjid's Osama Bin Laden library. Isn't our world perfect?

Meanwhile in Iran, a grief-stricken mother chose to slap his son's killer, forgive him and spare him the noose. RESPECT!
And it was revealed that the CIA uses excessive and unnecessary force on its prisoners. Who knew?

Over 200 Nigerian girls were kidnapped and later converted to Islam. OBL must be running out of virgins in paradise.

In other tragic news, a South Korean ferry that sunk while carrying school-children on a picnic. With over 284 missing and 4 dead, this tragedy of epic proportions could have been prevented. Shame!

In 'Google The Shit out of ..' section, Google the shit out of  *drum rolls, please* Vijay Seshadri. Pulitzer winning poet and namma boy. Fully Pride
In 'Folks you have to watch out for...!' section, look out for Jia Ruhan. Talented, young and QC'ed by Beijing, she is set to rock your world.

No, this was not all. I just ran out of time
Stay tuned for Part Duo. 


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Take your pick [347/365]

When the Supreme Court ordered the Indian business conglomerate to pay $3 billion back to investors it raised fraudulently, we knew this wouldn't end well. A few days ago, the Court ruled that the group must deposit whatever remained out of the payout with the country stock market regulatory.

What astounds me is the magnitude of the payout. I doubt if the 'investors' will ever get their money back. I suspect the government intentions and the court's urgency in getting the company to kneel before it. While I definitely know that Sahara has sullied its reputation amongst poor and middle-class investors, I think this is a sign of a much larger scam. Its just the tip of an iceberg.

We all know how companies that have favored major political parties have grown over the years. Reliance is a wonderful example of the importance of knowing the right people at the top. Closer scrutiny into its business practices will open a Pandora's box that none of us really want. In a country like ours, I can't imagine of a single company who would've resisted the urge to 'do favors'.

Corporate scams are never new and in a year from now, no one will remember this. Sahara would've have tightened its purse strings and we will move on to the next big scandal. While it does please the ears that we have the ground to grow, what continues to worry me is how many of our companies are unregulated.
Special Economic Zones across the country have seen the like of Oracle, Intel, IBM and Microsoft driving productivity and churning creativity almost like slave masters in buildings that may never pass local municipal building regulations let alone corporate sensibilities.

Employees are treated with as much disdain as the roaches in the kitchen.
So what exactly is our country's corporate mission? To penalize every company that does not grease the ministerial hands?
Or is it to let the ones who do, survive and flourish?

Take your pick.


Monday, September 03, 2012

Hamara Sahara [247/365]

'My brains'            SOURCE: Reuters.in
So what if our government is running around like a headless chicken, atleast our Supreme Court has reached puberty.

In one of the biggest financial blows to a corporate group, the SC has ordered two companies within the Sahara group to pay back Rs 24,029 crores (about $3billion) to 2.21 crore investors within three months. With 15% simple interest per annum. Ka-ching!

One of the biggest in terms of financial penalty levied, a judgement like this is something that makes you sit up and wonder.
While many are wondering if this could mean the death of a 'rags to riches' conglomerate spanning infrastructure, power, retail, sports and hospitality, there are some who think this is a measure that was necessary albeit a little delayed.

Moments after the verdict was announced, the Sahara group released a press release that sought to soothe and comfort frazzled investors. In a poorly worded statement that reeked of bad penmanship it said,  “Sahara is the most honest custodian of your money and by the grace of God, we are so healthy that there cannot be even one day delay in any payment commitment of Sahara”. If you ask me, this statement and full page response that appeared on all national newspapers sounded like it came off the mouth off of a village uncle. Its wikipedia page has no mention of this judgement and is a poor attempt at advertising themselves.

Our regulatory boards have grappled with financial irregularities with Indian companies for a couple of years now. While Sahara attempts to cough up 35% of its revenue over the next couple of months, a more important issue will be how verdicts like this will make life tough for honest companies trying to woo investors.


Sunday, February 05, 2012

Dawn of sense [35/365]

Today's newspapers should have come with a warning for Cricket lovers and amorous Muslim men in India:
Make sure you sit down before you read any further.

Sahara, the real estate conglomerate who has been sponsoring the over rated, under performing, uber rich Indian cricket team for well over a decade now, finally decided to pull the plug and the rug from underneath the BCCI. (The delightful news here)
What took them so long?
Sahara in one swift move has turned the tables on the most influential cricketing board in the planet. Now cricket in India has always been The sport to follow. But with the current debacle Down Under and a team with more senior citizens (aka Veterans) than in the government, I wonder if any company would want to take a bet and decide to sponsor the team on any of its fully paid vacations abroad and around the country. The company statement was more of an emotional plea than anything else.
While it is easy to see the economics of money in sport, I'd make more sense if the sponsor would have a say on the performance of it's beneficiaries. Like in any corporate today, the consistent performer should be rewarded better than a fair weather, good pitch hitter. But I guess that could be asking for too much especially the way they are playing. But then the question I would like to ask is, why are the players spending more time and effort selling themselves on screen if they cannot win a match? Well, I may not be a cricket buff (or would hate to describe myself one) but all those million dollar paychecks that our cricketers get simply does not make sense. At all.
Overall, a bad day for the Indian Cricket board.

And the day was not looking any better for Muslim men either.
A historic judgement was to be passed by Muslim scholars in India. No more triple talaq. (Shocking news here)
For the uninitiated, Muslim men are allowed to keep up to four wives under the Sharia law. But allowed to marry only one, obviously because the law recognizes that the man cannot care and do justice to more than one wife. Smart!
Why? Well, the reason is hardly spiritual. After years of bloody wars that left many nations with a skewed sex ratio, entire societies were left with more widows and spinsters than eligible men. Islamic countries encouraged their men to take more wives in to solve this supply & demand dilemma. Women on the other hand, are prohibited from having more than one husband.
And if you thought men had all the aces in choosing a wife for himself, then you haven't heard about the divorce yet.
Muslim men can divorce his wife just by uttering the talaq thrice. You won't even need a witness and in countries where polygamy is actively encouraged, the husband may not even need to wait for a period of time before uttering the third talaq.
But now with the landmark decision to disallow the triple talaq, I am guessing some of the most important arguments will be about how this law will restrict the freedom of a Muslim man. The women will be lucky to get any representation at all. While polygamy can be a good thing for certain societies, I still think that is more of an exception than the rule.
(Recommended Read here)

While we still wait to see how BCCI will bend over backwards to accommodate it's strongest sponsor, or if the law prohibiting the triple talaq will be passed and enforced as a law, this is certainly the beginning of the end.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...