They want you to forget...

Just as we're digesting the copious quantities of grilled chicken (or whatever it is that vegetarians binge on) and booze, we have news of 'Rape Night' (aka New Year's eve) pouring in.

The media has done a superfragaliciously fantastic job of saying how Bangalore has become the 'Rape Night' capital of India. Politicians with the foot in mouth disease have been caught having their regular bouts of verbal diarrhea. 

Rape, sexual abuse, sodomy, molestation, outraging the modesty of a person. All words that used to shock our conscience and question the path of our society. Now, we barely twitch a nerve. 

This post isn't about my take on rape. This post, however, is about a pattern I've begun to notice.

• Everytime something like this is reported (unreported crimes don't qualify for our fanciful outbursts), we have our frenzied mainstream media doing an awesome job spewing the usual rhetoric, shaping our opinions and branding our victims. The media instead of informing us, appoints itself as our collective conscience, jury, and executioner. 
• Our law enforcement, which should have been the first on the scene, gets caught with its pants down (pun intended), fumbles, stumbles and launches a manhunt/investigation. Some of the more 'foot-in-mouth' diseased in the police brass will release a press statement objectifying women. 
• Caught unawares, our politicians, for the intense need to remain relevant, will make a statement (insert random statement about 'short dresses/skirts/makeup/lifestyle) that will ruffle the manicured feathers of the Woman's Commission. 
• The Woman's Commission will demand the resignation of the said police chief/politician. 
• If the culprit is presumed influential, the cops will bungle up the investigation. Ditto if the victim is poor/not nicely connected/doesn't look like she will be a thorn in the butt in the future/won't make a movie out of the whole shebang. If none of the above, the cops will actually do some average cop-work and arrest the suspects. The media will serve you a hot juicy plate of the 'modus operandi' of the investigation. Down to the last chicken leg. 
• Having read all of this, we - the 'shocked/dismayed yet concerned' citizens will sigh in relief and kick back on our cushioned recliners. All's well that ends well, eh? 

This is the way our media/politicians/law enforcement want. They are banking on our short-term memories about heinous crimes. When crimes like this are reported, it is but a speck in their eyes. An inconsequential bug in their windshields. Nearly all of the agencies involved will try to sneak a potshot at eachother. It's almost like some 40-year-old marriages. You know you hate eachother, but you still need eachother to survive. 
They will move heaven and earth to do just enough to satiate our thirst for salacious details but not enough to curb the crime. They want you to forget.

In an ideal world, the media must be gagged and prevented from whipping up mob justice. 
The media mustn't be allowed to spew opinions. 
Law enforcement should be motivated enough to do whatever it takes to solve crimes like this, and learn how from past crimes. They should let their work speak for themselves. 
Politicians should simply shut the fuck up. Period. 

India being India, we shouldn't expect cops to police (and not be corrupt). 

• How many of you homeowners out here, will give a decent house to single women without setting a gazillion terms and conditions? 
• How many of you parents know where your sons are, who they are with and what they are upto? 
• How many of your parents have encouraged their daughters to learn self-defense courses like Krav Maaga? 
• How many of you men out here will not give a second glance when you see a girl in skirt on the streets?
• How many of you men out here will not download and watch scandalous MMS clips of girls being raped/filmed without their knowledge?
• How many of you women out here know your rights and have reported crimes that happened to you/someone you know?

I have more questions that will make you squirm but you get the drift, right?

But then this is not endemic to India.
Barring the nordic region and a few countries in Europe, I doubt if women are any safer elsewhere. There are more unreported rapes in the West/Middle East/East than what they'd like us to believe. 
In Japan, young women are groped and raped in over-crowded trains on a daily basis. The crime is so popular that they even have a genre ('Rape Train Porn') for it.  
Underage rape is so popular in the US, that it is a billion dollar industry where young girls are dressed in bridal wear for their customers. Blacks and latinos aren't left out in the rape fantasy either. 
We wax eloquently about how strict rape laws are in the ME, but more women (with or without burqas) are raped every single day than in India. And if you have the gall to report, then you can be sure to be thrown in jail. 

Rape isn't an Indian thing. A lady isn't raped because she is wearing a particular outfit. Just because you don't hear it or see it, doesn't mean it isn't happening. 
In an earlier post, I'd written about how I think rapists must be punished - 

'I don't think hanging him/her will ever work. Death is too swift and too short for these monsters. I want a justice system that will put the guilty through the exact measure of trauma that the victims suffered. In the US, judges are allowed to decide the method and quorum of punishment, which has resulted in many curious verdicts that have both satisfied the victim and reformed the culprit, sometimes. I want rapists to suffer the shame, emotional and physical trauma and the untold agony of their victims. Why do we cover the faces of the guilty, when we love sharing the pictures (and names) of our victims? To rape is a horrible thing to do. And by sentencing them to the noose, aren't we letting them go easy? So this is what I propose - The guilty and his/her family must suffer the fullest extent of shame, their faces publicized, their financial credit ruined, their careers destroyed and be listed as a sex criminal and predator for the rest of their natural lives. Human rights? Unless you've been raped, you won't remotely understand why victims feel their predators don't deserve leniency.'

Men (and women) choose to rape only because they know the odds are stacked against the victim. They know they won't be caught and if they do, they know public memory of them will fade soon. Given the right representation in court, they will be walking free in a few weeks. 
They know they can change their names, move to a new city and start life all over again. 

Because they too want you to forget.

Recommended reading, if you'd like to read more...
Raped by my man
While you were gone... 
No Honor among thieves
Gutless
Acid Love
Good Job, folks!
3 Steps back
A New Low
Do Not Try This At Home
Chopping Block
Half

Of rapes and candle-light vigils [287/365]

In a country where we don't like our women, it is strange that we love to rape them. 
It appears that we don't want them to live a dignified life but as mere instruments of our unbridled lust. We don't want them to work or earn the same jobs that we do, we hate their guts and love to 'share' news of how that girl in your office is sleeping around when she gets ahead in her career.
But the moment you get a lady under you (no pun intended) you begin to think of ways to exploit her trust in you. We want our women to be locked inside the four walls and balconies of our homes. We want them to cook, clean and care of us and our offspring. Oh yeah, we also want them to bear atleast 4 kids who must have your surname and her sweat and tears.

Our ministers are no better. While I won't blame the men since Indian politicians are all of the same sewer, one Haryana minister kicked up dust when she said "I have no hesitation to say that 90% of the girls go with consent. They find criminal-minded people later (who rape them). The girls don't realise that there are 5-10 boys (waiting for them),". Gee, so I guess this means she will be sending her consenting daughters to be raped too. 
This was in reaction to why Haryana has taken over the moniker of rape capital after having 19 reported rapes in 30 days and 8 in the last 4 days.

To be fair, I think the statistics would be barely a fraction of what is really happening. It could be just a case of more victims finding the courage to report than previously. Most states in the north have had the notorious reputation of men who rape and go scot-free. Many women that I've spoken to dread visiting States like Delhi, Mumbai and Kolkatta while women who migrate from the north find the south too demure for their taste.

Unfortunately, crimes against women will forever be one of our enduring legacy unless we learn to treat every single woman as preciously as we ought to treat our mothers and sisters.

Candle-light vigils won't do anymore.

Three steps back [229/365]

Source: http://www.hcs.calpoly.edu/

Today's post is about two women.

The first victim, a 26 year old mother on her way back home was kidnapped in plain sight of a thousand people, bundled into a minivan, blindfolded and gang-raped for several hours until she was 'dumped' at the spot where she was kidnapped. This glorious incident happened in Didi's Kolkata.
The second is that of a 28 year old researcher who was found unconscious in the bed of a male colleague. Although the finger of suspicion points towards the male colleague, the victim refuses to be examined for proof of sexual assault. This happened at IIT Mumbai.

Both are victims of a crime so repulsive that we choose not to do anything about it.
I'm sure we all hate hearing about women getting raped. But we are simply too weak-kneed to do anything about it. Instead of ensuring we punish the guilty as swiftly as possible, the apex court of the country banned all vehicles from using sun-film on their windows. The court's contention was that there were too many women being raped within cars that had their windows darkened by sun-film. Big effing deal. Going by how women are still getting raped, I don't think sun-film was to blame. The bastards now are doing it within the comfort of their bedrooms. Whats next? The Supreme Court will tell us that we are not supposed to have curtains in our bedrooms?

In the event when the rape is obvious, the stigma that follows is humungous. You are seen as a facilitator of another man's lust and never a victim of a crime. You dressed provocatively and spoke loosely. He was simply following all the 'cues' that you were throwing out to him. You are the dispensable part of our lives. We need you to give birth to our sons. That's all.

In a couple of decades and when it is too late, we will realize that, perhaps, we should have protected you better. Respected you a little more and provided for you a little more.

Suggested Reading:

Protecting yourself from date rapes 

Do not try this at home [94/365]

NOTE: This post might contain sections that might offend your sensibility. 

Reader discretion is advised.

In a matriarchal society like Kerala, rapes were (note the tense) a rarity. Women were the more respected among the gender. One of the most oft heard rhetorical statement meant to put any adventurous man into shame was - 'Don't you have mothers and sisters in your family?'

But that was in the past.
Back from one of my trips to Kerala, I could see the difference. Politicians are public enemies of the young women.
Bus stations and roads are fair ground for gropers who lurk. I've heard stories of middle-aged married women who were groped in buses and were passed lewd comments and gestures while passing them on the street.
Ofcourse these men do have mothers, sisters and wives.

Source: CreativeCommons

Off all the women who I know has been preyed upon and victimized by ruthless men, Furuta Junko's is the one that stands out in my mind as the epitome of what men are capable of.

Furuto is a school girl who became a victim of cultural violence.
Abducted on her way to work by four teenagers and brutally raped in the most unimaginable way until she died of the torture 44 days later. (Read about the torture here)

Why did Furuka unwittingly spur on the boys into torturing her more?
Why didn't the perpetrators display any signs of remorse or conscience?
Why were the parents and neighbors silent and unwitting spectators to such a crime?
And more importantly why didn't the justice system deliver?

We cannot really blame the perpetrators nor the victim of what happened.
I believe Japan's deep rooted cultural references influenced a crime this grotesque.

One of the perpetrators were a low level yakuza leader.
The Yakuza, the Japanese mob, was and is still highly feared and respected, depending on who you ask. With the government unwilling to step in to curb the influence, the yakuza grew. Much of how the yakuza grew in power and might is also one of the reason why Japan is extremely resilient. In the years following the devastating nuclear attack that ended the WW2, the yakuza made sure that the people got their lives up and running.

During the ordeal, Furuka was gang raped by hundreds of men, was beaten and her teenaged body ravaged in unimaginable ways. Ways that I've only seen and heard happening during wartime. Why?
The answers lie in the most unlikeliest places - Porn.
In Japanese porn, like porn anywhere else, the girl is often a teenager.
But unlike porn in the West, the girls in the Japanese porn are portrayed as weak, timid and scared yet silently and secretly wanting a good 'session'. The lady will always put up a fight, request to be left alone and in peace, yet give in to the man's physical dominance. The lady is forced to strip often in full view of a dozen or more men watching her. What follows is a good measure of foreplay, if it can be termed that. The lady will be forced to masturbate herself while the men proceed to insert dildos, vibrators of every color, size and intensity inside her vagina. Some of the movies will even display extreme bondage and S&M. Apparently S&M movies are a wild rage in the Orient. The women in these movies often take part in group sex with as many as 50 men, all of whom will ejaculate inside her. Through the entire ordeal (which can take an hour or so) the lady will moan, cry and sob in 'pretend' pain (many of the performers have even perfected the art of faking a moan and to quiver in pleasure as the man ejaculates inside her). What is unmistakable is the degree (and the similarities) of the violence that the men inflict on the woman.

While many of us will not like to admit this, this is not something endemic only to Japan.
Coincidentally, many 'desi' MMS's and much of the amateur porn that circulate the internet today is a very grim reminder of the amount of violence, perversion and voyeurism in the society today. Many young men who watch such clips and movies are addicted to the notion that women enjoy being violently raped. They are addicted to the idea of having an orgy with a single woman. While some of them will never rape a lady, most of them who have the means and the time will do the deed. Judging by the number of posts and kind of comments within adult forums, raping a girl (teen) or a lady and taking a video of you doing it is highly expected if you want to be a raging stud online.
As a result, pictures of cleavage, navel and nipples of unsuspecting women are flooding the internet in a way that was unimaginable just a few years ago. Clips from hidden cameras at hotel rooms, changing rooms, shower rooms are a common place online. On a recent visit to Goa, my wife found a hidden camera in a changing room at a very popular bikini showroom. When we pointed this out to the female shop assistant, she was nonchalant and brushed it off as a non incident. The voyeur turns into the perpetrator and the cycle continues.

In a circle where the real becomes reel and vice versa, men are recording what they do, how they do it and who they are doing it with, with less impunity and more bravado. Forums have posts boasting the frequency of updates ('daily updates', some declare),  the date, time and place of the act.

In the west, as people become more aware and vocal against such incidents, corporations and individuals have been working towards correcting our tendency to imitate art (pun intended). In one of the most eloquent instances of how one corporation has been making a mark, the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has been running a campaign for many years warning, coercing and encouraging viewers and fans to not attempt any of the stunts or fights they see on the show at home, school or anywhere. And it's worked. Statistics show that violence imitating the WWE fights have come down in many parts of America. Many Adult movie producers and performers encourage safe sex and discourage sexual violence. While sorority date rapes and drunk orgies will still continue, many youngsters are more careful about what happens and when than a couple of years ago if the current Spring breaks are any indication. The wet TShirt competition and spontaneous public displays of sexuality are less popular than until a few years ago.

While no one's advocating absolute abstinence, the balance of society fails when men and boys try what they see on TV, in movies and on the internet on women no matter who you are.

Recommended Read:
Devoid of Morals

Happy New Year!

The 52nd week of a year is always the most anticipated week.

I particularly enjoy reading the 'lists'. Of the new rich, of famous deaths, of milestones and unfortunate natural calamities and man-made disasters. The top 10 and the bottom 20. 
The creme de la creme of everything that matters and of everything that doesn't.

The time of the year when you retrospect on all that you did and didn't accomplish. 
A time when you look forward to a much better year ahead nevermind if you have been trailing behind with a crappy year already.
A time when everyone is euphoric and pessimistic at the same time. 

But what I really love are the frenzied commercials for new year's eve parties and the outrageous prices for couple tickets (with unlimited beverages and food, of course). Ranging from the modest (Rs1499/-) to the insane (Rs 24999/-), these parties promise you fire-breathers from the Orient, belly dancers from the Middle East, the hottest DJ's from the West and exotic themed parties.

I've been to two of these parties with a former girlfriend who'd hop parties and clubs like it was going out of style. On one of my visits to a new year's eve party, I recall the astronomical price of the tickets (at Rs 4999/-, it was a bomb 8 years ago). Being one of the most expensive parties does have it's advantages - it keeps the riff raff out. 
Off the 300 or so that came to the party, nearly all the women who came to the party were dressed in their finest, skimpiest party wear. A snip here or a tug there and the entire garment would have come off. Of course, you'd definitely want the attire to fall off when you are drunk and ready for some 'enchanting moments' with a person you'd normally not even get to second base. And second base they did. Over the course of the night, I saw nearly every couple in varying degrees of undressing and making merry in a way that you'd otherwise only see in a porn. Many of the women were carried off by their burly 'boyfriends' in the wee hours of the morning. 
Some were still naked and lying in a corner. Inebriated,  raped and oblivious.
What a wonderful way to ring in the new year!
And that was the last time I ever been to one of the eve parties.


What is about the New year and Christmas that makes people want to drink and make merry? I find it obnoxious that people associate Christmas and the New Year with partying and unfettered crapulence.

Surely, celebrate, drink to good health, prosperity and peace. 
But this time of the year should really be about reflecting on what we need to do to achieve our goals in the year to come. 

After all, goals are not self-fulfilling. 
Only prophesies are.