While you were gone: August 2013 [Part 3 of 3]

Okay, folks. Stock up on food and water and say your prayers. This could be it.

We love gossip, correction - We love listening to those juicy bits. Towards that effort, we read news of how our most recently famous rapists spent their day after violating the photo-journalist and her male co-worker. One thing is sure, none of the rapists will be punished in a way that deserves their crime. 

While I've said this countless times before, our justice system needs an overhaul.
By sentencing the lone juve in the now infamous Delhi gang-rape for a paltry 3 years, I wonder how this will deter future rapists. Oh and by the way, our government has no more money for the Nirbhaya fund. How 'bout that!

Over the past couple of months, I've come to believe that we can't punish a person enough for his/her crimes committed here on earth or can we?

But as the cry for sterner punishment gathers momentum, I hope the SC will find it within themselves to ensure punishment is proportional to crimes. The only hurdle though is the government. Seeing as how the government does not want to let the judiciary grow to bite it in its balls, allowing the SC to link punishment with quorum of the crime will mean out-of-favor politicians get screwed too. But I digress.

While I do want the guilty punished, I don't want the death penalty for any of the rapists. Hear me out.
I don't think hanging him/her will ever work. Death is too swift and too short for these monsters. I want a justice system that will put the guilty through the exact measure of trauma that the victims suffered. In the US, judges are allowed to decide the method and quorum of punishment, which has resulted in many curious verdicts that have both satisfied the victim and reformed the culprit, sometimes. I want rapists to suffer the shame, emotional and physical trauma and the untold agony of their victims. Why do we cover the faces of the guilty, when we love sharing the pictures (and names) of our victims? To rape is a horrible thing to do. And by sentencing them to the noose, aren't we letting them go easy?
So this is what I propose - The guilty and his/her family must suffer the fullest extent of shame, their faces publicized, their financial credit ruined, their careers destroyed and be listed as a sex criminal and predator for the rest of their natural lives. Human rights? Unless you've been raped, you won't remotely understand why victims feel their predators don't deserve leniency.

Juvenile Justice? I recently read a poll that listed Melbourne at the top of the most liveable city in the world. Its citizens felt safe, secure and happy.
And then a couple of days later, I read about a 10 year old girl who raped a 6 year old boy. The girl was promptly packed off to jail for 3 days and is now standing trial. I'll let those who oppose juvenile justice marinate in this for a while.

Over to politics, Jagan - Hero of the masses, closet Billionaire, went on indefinite strike over Telangana. Once upon a time, Anna went on an indefinite fast too. Now, he just visits touristy places in the US.

SC spoke 'No more beacons for VIPs', yet we had to sacrifice on the Whistle-blower Act. Atleast we got Bhatkal, eh? Some victory.

Several years ago, when I lost my driver's license, I visited the issuing RTO. After 3 hours of 'searching', I was told my file is missing. Not one to let go, I slipped Rs 50 to the attendant and they found my file in 5 minutes flat. Just like that!
So when our government reported several files were missing, that is the same shit as 'the dog ate my homework'.

In other inane political news, Sonia and her cronies passed the Food Security Bill and the Land Acquisition Bill. Sonia fainted in parliament (could be a sign from the heavens), Vadra become a 'small' farmer and politicians in Karnataka are working up the mayonnaise while at office.

With fingers on their triggers, Syria is on a tag team match with the US and its allies of the willing. And oh, if you wondered what they meant by that, then its countries that prostrate themselves before Uncle Sam.
On the Syrian side, we have Iran, Russia and China. Heavyweights that can pin America down on any given day.
Uncle Sam said - 'They've used chemical weapons'. Gee! Haven't you heard that before?! But hey! For countries that don't learn shit from earlier misadventures in Iraq and Afghanistan, and from movies like Black Hawk Down, history will (in the words of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson) layeth the smacketh down.

So maybe, now could an excellent time for Obama to listen to his people. The same people who voted him to power on a wafer thin margin, believing in his many promises.
Americans: Do you actually think there is anything like a limited strike? If anything you shouldn't let your president make you believe you can come out of this smelling like roses.
Iran and Russia will not take this lightly. As Uncle Sam steps into much camel-shit, another conflict in the Middle East will be the beginning of the End.

Balmer announced his retirement. Wall St. jumped like an eager pup. Curb your enthusiasm, guys!

Google is building its own cars. But we'll need the Mars rover for our roads.

A bunch of Hindu pilgrims thought they could just flag down a train by standing in the track. This would have been roadrunner cartoon funny if it weren't for the sheer human tragedy.

Loved one died recently? Don't hurry with the funeral.

Bradley wants to become a woman. See! This is what happens when you leak secrets. Snowden, you might want to clarify your stand on this.

'Ass'aram Babu has been accused of raping a minor. Wait! This shit happening again?! I just hope he doesn't say he is sterile like some of those other yogis regularly do.

Watching cartoons is bad. Bugs Bunny will be filing a lawsuit soon.

Anil Ambani suffered from selective memory loss. Why he doesn't forget the PIN codes for his ATM cards baffles me.

And tomorrow is payday? Cherish every rupee you get. It isn't going to last long.

And Poonam. Personally, I am amazed how you beat millions of other sperms to the egg. You are without a shadow of a doubt, the most shallow, stupid 'sell-a-brity' India has known. I highly recommend you sign up for Mars One and get the hell out of here.

Saving the best for last, Miley Cyrus grew up, and how! On second thoughts, I'm not so surprised, because she lost it when she put up a song announcing her exit from Twitter. As if!

While you were away : July 2013 (Part 1 of 3)

The past week saw much chatter.

Uncle Sam grew restless as Vladimir's Russia kept its best poker face.
Neither US nor Russia can afford sparking a conflict that will end the human race. So while Snowden is living out his 'Terminal' life, we can only hope that everyone goes home happy.
The Americans proved just how diplomatically powerful it is when as many as 21 countries said 'No thank you' to his asylum requests. Although he did manage to get proposed !!!

Why he didn't just walk into an Ecuadorian Embassy in the US just baffles me. Maybe, he should have just gone to Pakistan. The only place on earth where the scum of the universe can live undetected. Or maybe he can walk out wearing a cowboy hat and no one will notice ?

Enter Sir Ravindra Jadeja. 'Pick someone of your own size, Uncle Sam'.

And talking about picking up fights, I've gotta hand it to Modi. His remark made me think to myself - 'No, it wasn't a car running over a puppy, it was more like a truck running over roadkill.' 

Future Mrs Snowden?

Well, atleast he is consistent; in that he does not want to apologize. How many of you have the feeling of deja-vu?! The many south Indians that I've spoken to are already dreading the way India will do an Asiana Airlines in a few months or when Modi comes to power (whichever is earlier).

Got problems getting an ID card? You can maybe pick a clue from 'Jack and Jane Doe' who had 20.

Eminem came full circle. After rapping lyrics that smacked of violence and sexism during his active singing career, he now faces the prospect of having his daughter date a young man who was brought up listening to his music. Maybe we should send him a framed placard with the 8 simple rules but I still think Eminem is a wonderful person. Having been through all that he did, he still gave a good life to his daughter. Not something many others in showbiz can claim credit to. Full marks for that!

I'm just waiting to see how Kim is going to raise her child. Looking at her glorious track record at the relationship department, it's true when they say Kim and a door knob are alike. They all get a turn. But I'll still finish this post faster than Kim's marriage.

Back home, Congress managed to push the Food Bill. No, it's not the kind of bill you dread paying at that overly exorbitant hotel, but the Food Act. Its obvious Congress is burning the midnight oil before the 12th standard board exams, but its worth a shot, eh?!

The Rupee did the whoopee and started pinching everyone. Well, the good news is you may still be able to buy the Nano.
The SC reached puberty and kicked the politicians where it hurt the most. It ruled that a conviction will disqualify a politician from public office. Next week: IQ.

Nature struck. Again. No surprises. Soon, we'll hear of more disaster relief fund requests, if you know what I mean.
Egypt plunged into crisis. Standing ovation to their persistence.
It will take us several decades to get to where the Egyptians are today.
We are too complacent to fight. Too comfortable to bother. Too numb to move.

Thirteen bombs went off at Mahabodhi. Why do we allow this to repeat? For answer, refer to paragraph above. 
Our politicians will repeat their rhetoric. We will bring our placards out. In a few weeks, we'll all have new things to worry about.

Andy Murray struck gold. And so did our athletes. With nine medals, we stood sixth! The expression - One in a billion -  is SO true!

Eight months after Jyothi died, the juve who was the most cruel will be sentenced. Now, I don't know what the family is going through but this I know - Whatever verdict the court gives cannot and will not extinguish the torment nor wipe away the stain of his crime. Not in this life, nor in the afterlife.
Our men notched up a few more gang-rapes, as usual. 

eCommerce got a fillip as Flipkart got a $300 million top-up from its investors. Let's hope they were right on the money.

The past week also saw some really thought-provoking movies - The best of which was the intense biopic 'Bhaag Milkha Bhaag'. One movie that I will want to watch and review on my blog soon.

And for those nostalgic about their college days, you have 'Sixteen'. Maybe I could convince myself to watch that too?

And if you think it was not possible, our industrial production shrunk by 1.6% !! I'll let you marinate in that thought.

Malala spoke. The world sat up and listened. How a selfless child like that survived all this while in a God-forsaken country like Pakistan is a miracle in itself. Malala is proof that humanity is not a lost cause.

I've got dibs on the front seat.

While I was gone... Part 2/2 [March 2013]

Picking up from where we left, here's the second installment of that wonderfully hot month of March.

totally unrelated picture...

Kerala - God's Own Country. We might have the lowest school dropout rates, but forbidden sex is still our Achilles heel. The Suryanelli Sex Scandal, an unfortunate yet pertinent remainder of our countryman's sordid story of orgies and gang-rapes reared its ugly head again. But then this scandal is not new. We have such innovative names to our sex scandals. Our most popular jokes are centered around the breasts and nipples. Our best comedy shows show men ogling at the sweeper/maid when she is sweeping the floor wearing just a blouse with plunging necklines and cleavage in cinemascope. The land where male tutorial teachers often flirt and have sexual relationships with their girl students.
Many years after the abuse, the victim and her family is still trying to wake up from the nightmare. They have moved towns, sold nearly everything they had, tried to change identities and desperately start life afresh. But no! Only convicted felons are allowed to reinvent their lives. I am ashamed to think of people who still hound them for juicy tidbits of information. They want to know if she enjoyed the surprise sex. Neighbors revile them like the plague, and the rich and powerful have victimized them. What's surprising is how none of this surprised me. I expected my countrymen to do this to her. I expected our politicians to call her a prostitute. I expected the prime accused and the dozens of co-accused to go on the lam. I can never expect the lady or her family to get justice. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what we do to our women. We peddle them and then react with utter shock and surprise when we are accused. Can it be a coincidence that some of our biggest politicians and a popular comedian have been accused in sex scandals themselves. Surely not.

Earlier this year, as the victim opened the Pandora's box, tongues wagged and heads started rolling. Let's hope this year brings closure to the young lady.

Another lady that celebrated a momentous year was Mrs G. After 15 years on top, she finally got nostalgic. Wonderful timing, I say. Considering how her party has fared under her watch, she does not have much to gloat about. Infact Mrs G talking about the party's success is like Queen Elizabeth celebrating how she has brought prosperity to the British Empire. Yet, this was a good time for the greatest show of sycophancy in a democracy as our media elevated her renunciation of power almost to the level of sainthood. Argh!
While Rahul might be the splitting image of his father, he might be running into rough seas with his 'corporate' style. While any person in their right unmediated mind will be able to see through this charade, I wonder how much longer we have to endure The Family.

Behind every woman is a man who wishes he married her

Uncle Sam wagged his tail and promised to stand guard against the Axis of Evil. I am curious to know how any of this expenditure can help with the fiscal cuts that were supposed to clip the wings of its out of control defense budget. This shortly after N. Korea trained its guns on Uncle Sam. Korea? Sure, bring it on. Italy? No way. Can we have Iron Man, please?

The castration placards came out as another lady was raped in a moving bus by 3 men. How's the victim doing? No Idea. Deja-vu.
And a British lady lept out of her hotel room to escape an attempt to rape. I don't think she is going to be a glowing ambassador for Incredible India after this. The hotel owner and an accomplice was rounded up.
The accused will have meals and accommodation paid for by our tax rupees and be out before her physical wounds heal.
The six bastards who raped the Swiss confessed. Gee! What else did you expect? Its either this or No Money, if you know what I mean.
The CJI lamented how public sentiment against the juvenile was unfortunate. I see! Do you have a daughter of rapeable age, Mr CJI?
While I won't campaign for death, I would definitely want to campaign for stronger enforcement of tougher anti-abuse laws. Is that too much to ask?

And in news that will make our rapists feel good, a victim of a date-rape in Ohio testified she didn't remember anything that happened to her. If you ask, this is not surprising. America's promiscuity is no longer a secret. Her children have consensual sex as young as 9 and rainbow parties and sorority date rapes are a weekend past-time. Just Google for College Group Sex and you'd be amazed at how many videos there are.

Not the real thing..

Our poly-ticks spoke out against their favorite scapegoat - Dr Manmohan Singh. I am pretty sure he will need a lifetime of counseling when he is booted out next year.
Talking about terms, the ruling government in our western twin (not Britain, but Pakistan) completed its five year term in full. Its been that long?
It seems like just yesterday when Musharraf came over, had tea with our PM and invaded Kashmir. Kudos to them for even making it this far, because honestly, if we went through all that they did, we would have personally made sure Mrs G and her government was thrown out of the country, like how the Pakistanis do to their out of flavor politicians.
Like a drunk rolling on a bed infested with bedbugs, the Congress cozied up to Didi. Touche`
Modi sharpened his pitchfork and we mustn't stop talking about 2002. Even if the EU does.

In an shining example of how totally irrelevant and of how much time our young virile journos have in their hands (not to be taken literally), we had to read and listen to hours of 'Breaking News' on whether SRK and Piggy Chops have taken that crucial next step in their relationship. Gosh!
SRK? Seriously?! He is married, has two kids, is hired to dance for jigs and has been making awful movies for a few years.
Piggy? She is young, oozes sensuality, unmarried (that we know of) and can make any Indian male go (moderately) weak in the knees.
Why Piggy? Why? I'd understand how you want to marry like Aishwarya and retire rich. Throw a stone out the window and you'll get a dozen single, dashing, young and salaried men to marry you.  But please don't marry that old man.

Wiki sneezed and parodied Sir Ravindra Jadeja. Sir Sachin awaits his turn.
Talking about parodies, creative juices spilled and Ford fired.

Poonam bathing and praying..

In other 'major' news, apun Munnabhai is finally going back to prison. Off came the gloves and superficial faux celebrities, some Page 9'ers and even a former lawmaker engaged in the very Indian tradition of sycophancy campaigning for clemency.  Amidst all the brouhaha, Kalnayak agreed to go back to prison. Well, the boy sure has matured, hasn't he?

And here's a peep into the Madhouse called Tamil Nadu. 

Australia had a washout and we all forgot about Dhoni's sins.
More work for Sunny, dahlings! There is something to learn from all this. While porn-stars like Sunny are trying to make a mark in mainstream media, we have 'no-good' wannabes like Poonam trying to make a mark in mainstream pornography. Call it reverse brain drain or anything you want, but Sunny made it rich because she looks good. Women like Poonam and Sherlyn have the most hideous antisymmetric faces I've ever seen. Pity we still can't repair a face like that. 

See you all next month, folks!

While I was gone... [February 2013]

So it appears that childhood is indeed the best time of your life, if you are an Indian man, that is. You can rape, confine, pillage and plumb a rod up her vagina or down her throat and no one can throw the book at you. Ahh! that golden age of juvenile innocence so beautifully protected by the high-priests of our noble country. Why would any boy want to hurry through childhood anymore?
While there were lone screams to lower the juvenile age, by the time I'm writing this post, those voices were nothing more than a whimper.
The 'Delhi gang-rape' mega-serial started and the five bastards pleaded 'not guilty'. In the words of Judge Dread 'I knew you'd say that'.
Jyothi's male friend, who was attacked himself, testified against the 6 bastards.
If you ask me, I think 'Delhi gang rape' must be included in the next edition of the Oxford Dictionary for 'Any incident that creates an illusion of change and revolution but does absolutely nothing'.

But I wouldn't blame them for the sudden swing. We had our American Born Confused Desi, Ms Sunny Leone, the object of every Indian male's pride and titillation, tweet that rape was not a crime but just surprise sex. I am quite sure every person who read this tweet would have had images of Sunny buck naked, with her legs spread wide open, getting drilled in places I cannot mention here, while moaning 'Oh yeeeeah... c'mon... give it to me.... ahhh...yesssssss'. Too late to deny this, so wipe that drool off the corner of your mouth.

Waiting for some 'surprise sex'

Sunny didn't realize how we hung onto her (tweets) and deleted the statement but the damage was already done. Her former tweet was picked up and millions of people who had nothing else to write, re-tweeted it. She went about accusing and threatening everyone who accused her of having said this. Big mistake, sweet-cheeks. The rest as they say is history.
I can't imagine how any woman can say this. But then I can also imagine how happy Sunny will really be if she gets raped. That would be her darkest fantasies cumming true, so yes, when we see the statement from her perspective, we shouldn't really trouble her too much. What we must do is welcome her with open arms (and nothing else, mind you) and let her live a normal life in Delhi. Chances are, she will live a full-filled life then and we can continue to enjoy her movies.

In other rapes around the country that made us more blink, a 40 year old man raped his neighbor. Now, what's stopping the law from hanging the middle aged bastard? Oh yeah, he is Didi's land.
And while we are at it, can someone please tell our rapists that they are not supposed to sentence their victims to death?

In happier times...

We showed everyone the speed at which we can crawl when the government got a report out in top speed. And that is about all the good news I have for you today. The report didn't criminalize marital rapes. So that just about saved the asses of about 60% of the husbands who rape and otherwise brutalize their wives. Keeping with our traditions, we all got our multilingual, multicolored placards out and the opposition (well, they are supposed to oppose, aren't they?) opposed. The government defended the ordnance quote-unquote 'there was an urgent need for this law'. Really?! You just realized that now?? 
Our cities are so unsafe that not even Chinese women, who are otherwise used to the perverts in China, are unsafe. China gave a diplomatic tight slap when it demanded India ensure safety of their women. Can it get any worse? 
Let's hope this ordnance brings relief to former victims too. And there was some glimmer of hope  and an online campaign. Ironically, we don't seem to be the only country grappling with heinous crimes against women. South Africans mourned the deaths of a 17 year old girl who suffered at the hands of the same brand of bastards and the murder of Oscar 'the blade runner' Pistorius's girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. 

We all forgot about the sinking economy, which the BJP was very kind enough to remind. Gee! Thank you, Mr BJP!
And suddenly everyone has started warming up to the PM-in-waiting. What a suck-up! But the Congress didn't really like it. Grow up, guys!

Talking about urgent need of laws, where was the long arm of the law when Muslim men threatened to rape the girls of 'Pragaash' if they don't stop singing? What the Eff is the problem with us? We profess the need to protect our women and we keep our fingers on our lips when they are threatened by a bunch of effing bastards, who in my opinion should really be hunted down and killed.

As if Bad News Bobby wasn't giving us enough to worry about, a top nuclear scientist from our estranged twin declared their nukes were unsafe. While this could have been really bad news, both of us can be happy that Indians are not as trigger happy as the Americans. And I guess it is also because the Pakis will have to first decipher their Chinese manuals before they can launch them.
But when Zardari and son moved into a bullet proof home, it's time the mere mortals begin to worry.

Shilpa Shetty, former B grade Bollywood wannabe and current hmm.. well, its hard to tell what she is good at. But that didn't deter the young at heart oldie Suresh Kalmadi, from the CWG fame and a guy who's got selective short-term memory, from having his wish fulfilled. Naughty boy!

Kingfisher Airlines posted 'yet' another loss. Duh! Its not like they were the Apple of the skies anyway.
Iran launched its own version of the 5th generation fighter. Commendable!
They managed to create one inspite of the incredible odds (read The entire West) against them and we have been trying to work on one for the past 20 years. Surely, it would have been easier if we would've just greased the palms of a few Italians/Indians, huh? Caught with its hand in the cookie jar, and even as the government has promised to cancel all tainted deals, foreign leaders are queuing up to make a fast buck. From one scam to another, our government looks like a drunk swaying through the corridors of power.

Eygpt! Again. Gosh! 
Syria, from a country that as picturesque as it was, it has now turned into a battlefield. The light at the end of the tunnel is as distant as it was 2 years ago but no-ones the wiser.

O continued to press for tougher gun laws. Keep up the good work, Mr Prez! Don't let this die like your other reforms.

While O was trying to save lives, our Prez seems to have found a penchant to hang. Afzal Guru was finally hung and India broke into a sweat. Perhaps it could have been the manner in which he was hung or perhaps it was way for the Congress to earn a quick brownie point before they are rooted out of power next year.

Wrestling was thrown out of the Olympics  and India and the World erupted. So that's six less medals for India.

Russia got a glimpse of how the End will come, when God decided to throw a short pitch. Half the world gasped in awe and fear. Indian politicians and businessmen barely flinched. Only a meteor strike over Switzerland can make them sweat.

Hyderabad had it bad. Couple of questions:

• Why must people die to make a statement?
• What the eff is the government doing?

And IIPM showed how it is a sore looser. 
It had the government block about 100 sites, included a few of its own, that spoke the truth about the fraud that is IIPM. Hey Arindam! I think IIPM is the biggest sign of corporate fraud that can happen in India. I dare you to block my post. Thankfully, our hackers returned the favor and hacked his site too. Score!

That's All, Folks!
Good Night and God Bless!

While I was away.... [January 2013]

After two fabulous months of hibernation, I finally managed to dust the cobwebs off my home laptop. Plenty has happened and much of it did hit the sweet spot on the fan.

For those who came in (late), here's a round-up of all that made news and was quietly and promptly swept under our over-priced fake Indian rug.

We indulged in our national pastime - Rape. Number of the bastards who were caught, castrated and chopped in mini sizes - Zilch!
But let that piece of bad news not deter the patriot in you. In consolation prizes, men were arrested and her story was (re)told for global consumption and facebook 'Likes'.
Some of them even got some unwelcome fame.
Some women were spared the agony of living in an apathetic society when their rapists did them a favor and killed them.
The deafening sounds of silence barely a month after Jyothi was 'brutally' raped suddenly reminded us of why India will always remain just another 'developing' country. When the time came the shameless bastards, some of who wanted to be hanged because of their guilt, now wanted a trial outside Delhi to prove their innocence. APPLAUSE!

Now, you may ask where is all the titillation for so much rape? Well, some of our Indian couples were glad to provide the source. While I haven't seen the video yet, I am sure that is the last time they are going to be excited about having sex! But then not all men wanted free sex from the street, some of them actually paid (serious) money to rape. Which got me wondering, couldn't he just have visited a sex worker instead?

While we didn't have much luck chopping our rapists, some women were (un)lucky enough to be served the benefit. I wonder if this will lead to our suitcase-wallahs loosing out on precious business!

Our neighbor snuck in, fired a few shots to test our defenses and left. Some with a little more baggage than we could tolerate. The usual rhetoric from Delhi, our netas flexed their biceps (or the lack of it) and The Sardar put in a word or two as well.
And talking about politicians talking with their over-sized feet in their paan-streaked mouth, we had the 'oldie in chuddi' RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat trying to put the bar back in Bharat. Bravo! Can we have him extradited to hmm... Mexico or something?
And joining him will be the Motormouth from the East - Ms Mamata B. She made investors dance to her tunes and then ate humblecrappie.

Locally, KissAsser er.. Kingfisher Airlines tried to spread its wings. So while Didi was making investors dance to her tunes, the only dance Mallya will be doing is the tightrope variety. With the large group of investors growing impatient, it is just a matter of months when Kingfisher will be a distant memory. Thank God I kept those sparkling Kingfisher-branded spoons and forks they used to serve inflight as souvenirs.
In other national news, Anna (Hazare) changed the name of his mo(ve)ment. Let's hope the change of name leads to change of fortunes too.

Onto our International news segment, O aimed his gun at the ... er gun lobby.
And that was that. While American politicians are not really that different from the politicians we breed here, this could be the start of something big in the distant future. Reeling as they have been with a spate of gun-related violence, Americans have suddenly realized that shooting is not as much fun as watching it on screen.

The world's biggest liar, Lance Armstrong apologized and finally confessed. And we got to watch Oprah tear apart the former cycling champion like a rag caught in a derailleur. In technicolor. 

Oprah laughed her way to the bank as her ratings soared and Lance wished he could dig a hole as massive as his lie and curl and die in it.

The world's biggest passenger jet was grounded when the smallest of its component malfunctioned and the suddenly the airline industry was left wondering if size did matter.

And if you were wondering what Lady Justice and our elected representatives are doing when they are not passing silly bans and pillaging our country, they are checking out the latest movies. Why they even managed to get Kamal Hassan lots of free publicity when they banned his movie Vishwaroopam. Eventually everyone got a little of what they wanted and he joined Oprah at the bank.

Phew! And that was just the first month!
Happy New Year to me!

Half [2/365]

Its been half a month since Jyothi was brutally raped, assaulted and left for dead.

One of the reasons why her rapists were unlucky was the timing of the attack.
They didn't count on the fact that half of India was on vacation and hence idle, and had plenty of time to read sensationalist newspaper reports, watch high-pitched TV anchors, prepare placards, set social networking on fire and protest. Self-appointed representatives of the victim held meetings with whoever was willing to let them rant.

So in the meanwhile, here's a round-up of all the shit that's being hitting the fan in the last 20 days.
We saw India's bravest girl battling for life..
Did we really have to shift a critically injured victim half-way across Asia?
The entire operation smacked of the typical 'pass the buck' mentality that we are reknown for.
Her death and the blitzkrieg cremation smacked of a coverup. And the PM broke his silence. Theek Hai?
Jyothi's family grieved. 

Quick questions here:
Can the government airlift every victim to better facilities abroad?
Will they take the moral and financial responsibility for every rape that happens?

And while all this happened, we pounced like a pack of pigs over the name of the victim. Does it really matter?
But the accused got no counsel. Big Effing Deal.
It turns out that we are a bleedy effing bunch of cowards and voyeurs who'd rather watch and stare at the victim than get help.
...and the blame game continued.

In a moment of sheer brilliance, the government announced they would prepare a database of convicted rapists. But seeing how everything in India can be bought or manipulated at a price, a system like this can be abused. The loopholes need to be plugged before being put to test.

In a free society, citizens must be encouraged to protest and this right must be fiercely enforced. While not every crime is a result of governmental ineptitude, what bothers me is how the government reacts to peaceful protests. Lathi-charging and tear gasing them only stacks the odds against them.

But it looks like the bad news just keeps coming. Another victim killed herself after cops refused to take her complaint and book the rapists. As the story unfolds, heads will roll.
Another lady was gang-raped by sick er... six men in Didi's Bengal.  Seeing how Didi deals with bad news, we can be confident that we won't hear as much as a peep come out.
For rapists in Pune, it was business as usual.
Victims killing themselves, getting gang-raped again..
 .. of all ages, castes and creed.
And while we sat, the rest of the world spoke the unspeakable truth about Rape and Sexual crimes.
Way to go, India!

Our politicians had the usual bout of verbal diarrhea. We got some gyan on mini skirts, limits they were not supposed to cross, not supposed to happen, not supposed to be, and even verdicts from dicks.

Some pertinent observation were made by our very honorable Supreme Court and literary geniuses.
Rape norms. No pun intended. I am surprised how the SC isn't bothered about how banning dark sun-films in vehicles didn't really reduce the number of rapes.
Justice may not be served, but it sure is funny.

And the media got some respite from all the excitement at Delhi when Mr Modi won his third consecutive term which could be his launchpad to his first Prime Ministerial career.
Like a pack of hungry hyenas, the BJP has begun salivating at the prospect of winning the elections.
And so it appears like greed does not have any limits. Not all the billions that his Mom stashed away could be enough for Bilawal as he launched his own political career. Yay!

Sunny Leone titillated us for a moment by announcing the launch of a career of good roles. Oh yeah! We know what that means now, don't we Sunny dahling?

Another shooting in the US. And we are not even talking about the Hollywood kinds anymore.
Nothing much has changed!

Never Again! [364/365]

I started this day with the shattering news of the death of Delhi gang-rape victim.

Yesterday, a friend posted a picture that had gone viral by now- the picture of Damini (aka Nirbhaya, Amaanat). An unfortunate victim of our lust and disregard.

It was a collage of a young woman with a bandaged head, bruised eyes, visibly battered with tubes coming out of her mouth. Some of the pictures had the face blurred out to conceal her identity.

Then I saw another picture that claimed to be the victim's real identity. And a third and a fourth. It was interesting to see how each of the picture had a caption to convince its reader of its authenticity.

I can understand how strong the urge is to see the face of a girl that the nation is crying about, but I cannot understand why we would want to spread stolen pictures of young women and add a heart-wrenching message to it.
There could be a few angles to it.

Either the perpetrators of this collage think we are gullible enough to believe this is the girl and we need to emote and share the image to a thousand others or this is the sick joke of a demented population of men (and women) who think it is okay to reveal the identity of the victim if that would get the government moving. These are the same bastards who also blur faces of their exes and upload their nude pictures online. The same ones who created panic and hysteria a few months ago.

Either way you look at it, the very act of doing this to extract every ounce of sympathy is fraught with danger. The smart alecs might have inadvertently destroyed the life of some random girl who may never have been raped. Will her (future) boyfriend/husband ever believe her anymore?

Have we not ruined enough women already?
As the nation says 'Never Again', I laugh at the irony of that phrase.

Kya Maal hai yaar? [363/365]

Two days ago, the victim of the Delhi gang-rape was airlifted to a hospital in Singapore.

As news reports come in, we are told that she has irreparable brain injury and has suffered cardiac problems while on-board.

While she may never know the rage that we are demonstrating on the streets, I doubt if any of that will ever matter to her.
Am I a pessimist? No. I hope to God that women everywhere will one day be able to walk free without the fear that men will harm her or her family.

Do I think we need a mental overhaul of how we treat women? Yes. A couple of days ago, when searching for images on the now infamous prime ministerial gaffe for my post, I typed in 'Theek Hai' and hit Search. What I got was a few dozen pictures of Manmohan Singh. I also got a picture of a young Indian girl striking a pose with a caption that read 'Size-theek-hai-na1.jpg. maal hi mAAL'. The image links to a webpage with dozens of pictures of young women who probably never know that their pictures have been uploaded with sleazy comments for public consumption.

This is not the only website with images like this. We have hundreds of sites that willingly host images of young women whose vengeful boyfriends have uploaded. Almost all them have captioned like 'Slutty bit*h reveals her c**t' and such. Nearly all of them allow you to see the images only if you click on 'I am over 18' link but then there's nothing stopping teenagers with raging hormones under 18 from accessing the site either.

Our young protesters will go back to college in a few days time. The online petitions will die out. Gradually our media will move on to cover newer 'Breaking News'. The horror of what happened in Delhi will continue. We need a revolution to end this hypocrisy. 

We don't need be like China. But we do need a conscience that feels pain and won't give up.

We owe it to ourselves to treat our women with respect.
We owe it to them to ensure that we don't misuse their trust on us.

Dented and Painted [362/365]

Source: Shovonc's blog

Abhijit Mukherjee, his only claim to fame was that he is Pranab's son. Today, by virtue of a typical bout of 'verbal diarrhea' that affects Indian politicians, he is trending on social media.

While I agree to his description of protesters in Delhi and elsewhere, he crossed the fine-line of what not to say when he termed the women - 'highly dented and painted'.

More than a year ago when Team Anna took India by storm, millions joined his ragtag team of 'freedom fighters' and civil society champions, thousands lampooned the movement and laughed at the audacity of his vision.

We became intoxicated at the prospect of global recognition by hoping to imitate the Arab Spring.

One of the major reasons why I believe Anna failed is because he failed to make us feel the pinch that we had long become insensitive to. Unlike the times when Gandhi fought, we are living in a comfortable bubble. We don't want to be hounded and hunted for wanting to change.

When the 23 year old paramedic was brutally raped and left for dead by a deserted road, I wonder how many of us would have passed her by without helping.
The news of the brutal rape barely got any coverage in a leading newspaper down south on the 16th December. 
While the protests prove that we are not insensitive to the brutality that we read (yet), the fact that we allowed such a crime happen is evidence that we have cultivated men to rape and women to blame the victims for 'exposing' themselves to the crime.

We might hold candle light vigils and destroy government property but we are still Ugly Indians who will not hesitate to judge women.

Abhijit quickly tendered an unconditional apology that was 'not meant to hurt any particular section or any particular sentiment...'. Where do we get such contrite statements from?
Why do we tolerate such politicians any more?
If we expect our celebrities to behave in a way that befits our society, isn't it time we expect our elected representatives to be held responsible and accountable for what they say and do?

For a country that known as Bharat Mata, we sure have a sordid reputation with women.

Theek Hai? [360/365]

What does a critically acclaimed statesman and one of the best minds of the nation have in common with all the other semi-educated, completely corrupt, socially inept elected representatives? Verbal diarrhea.

Today, Mr Manmohan Singh became the butt of a million jokes when his off-hand comment was inadvertently transmitted by the national broadcaster - Doordarshan.

He uttered the word 'Theek Hai' (loosely translated into 'Is this ok?') after delivering a minute long speech asking the nation to maintain peace after many days of public anger against sexual crimes.

While I admit I was surprised a man of his stature would show such disregard to something as grave as the issue he intends to solve, I think this remark will go straight into the Wall of Shame of Politicians who talk with their over-sized foot in their mouth.

Twitter and social media was ablaze with the phrase. The phrase revealed what most Indians suspected all along - The fact that no one in power really gives a crap for what we want.

The damage was done and while heads will roll for broadcasting the unintended gaffe, the nation surged with fresh anger against the remark. If the PM and his puppet master thought this speech would have pacified the millions, what it ended up being is a PR disaster.

Unfortunately this remark also proves what most outsiders have long thought about Indians- the 'anything goes' attitude that we are infamous for. While we are seething with righteous anger, I question those who have placed themselves on the moral high horse.
How many times have we gone out of our way to help someone without a selfish reason?
How many of you have done what is right even when it was not the most convenient thing to do?
The silence will be deafening.

In a strange quirky way, his remark is eponymous of what every Indian thinks, feels and believes by.
So what if that girl was brutally raped?
She is just a statistic and by this time next year, her family will still mourn her loss and we would have long forgotten the fight.
Sub chalta hai, theek hai?

Epic Fail! [356/365]

Yay! So the world didn't really end and we all get to die another day.
Here's hoping that the Martyr of National Shame: Nirbhaya gets to recover from her injuries.
I'll be back tomorrow after I've unpacked my End Times survival kit.

Enjoy the rest of your day, folks!

No honor among thieves [354/365]

Incredible India!

A 23 year old paramedic student was 'brutally' raped and is fighting for her life and suddenly every Indian has become the judge, jury and executioner.

'Hang them!' 'Castrate the Bastards' yell the placards.
Some others want the rapists to be diced into 3 or more pieces.
It is said that five of the six who were remanded to the infamous Tihar jail were assaulted by fellow prisoners who detest rapists. So this might explain why our ministers where given special cells during their stints there.

Quick Question:
Exactly when did we start dishing out judgements to the guilty?

The only way to deter future rapists (including the ones who'd have raped a women by the time I finish this post) is to make sure that the crime hits them at the root of their existence.
Men rape because they want to assert their authority over women. They want to remind women of 'her place' in society- That of a victim.
They rape because it's easier to force their penis into a vulnerable vagina than to win her love and devotion.
Men rape because they know their prey will almost never report them to authorities.
They rape because they know that they won't get convicted and even if they are convicted, they will be free in a few years.

Most importantly, they rape because they know we don't care for our women.

Our young men and women are braving water cannons and tear gases because it is fashionable to be seen. After all, we have all been inspired by images of the Arab Spring and erstwhile Corruption Quit India struggles. Will our protesting men stop their parents from demanding and accepting dowries?
Will our indignant women be bold enough to marry without a dowry?

What would castration achieve?
How would a public hanging curb crime against women?

Studies in animals have proven that castration won't really curb a male's sexual appetite.
If public execution curbed crimes, then Saudi Arabia would have been the safest place on earth.

So what could really work?
It is important to understand the inner ruthlessness of a rapist.
Strip away the visage, all rapists are unbelievably passive, impotent and cowardly. They wouldn't stand out of a crowd and they don't look villainous. Psychologically submissive, they are people that you would meet and forget.
Besides the thrill of achieving dominance over a woman's body, rapists bask in the glory of being (in)famous.
Besides the crucial act of convicting rapists expeditiously, rapists must be registered as 'convicted sex offenders' and closely monitored for the rest of their natural lives. Much like credit ratings, their criminal background must be an important factor with future employers, associates, creditors and spouses. They must be made responsible for the living expenses of the victim and her family for the rest of his life.
Convicted rapists and their families should be marginalized and made to experience every bit of the fear, trauma and pain that the victims and their families face.

By engaging the government violently, we are neither enabling an already paralyzed governing structure to heal nor creating a revolution of change for women. We are simply repeating what Team Anna did a couple of months ago - Arm twist the government to act. I wonder how arm-twisting somebody to do what you want could be productive.

Our young women and men will protest today. Their pictures will appear on newspapers and TVs.
Tomorrow, they go back to their offices and will work as meek slaves to a society driven by men.
Our men will go back to their wives, girlfriends and significant others and demand sex.
And they will all brag about how they marched for a cause for the next couple of months.

As a man whose partner is now petrified to open the doors and windows when alone, I demand action.

I want the government to sit down and think how they can fix this once and for all. For a government that mustered courage to pass the FDI as fast as it did, I ask that you take a reasonable length of time deliberating, but act.
Take our collective voice of rage as a feedback and not as a criticism. Don't let the fact that you might loose the next elections bother you. That will happen nevertheless.
This can't go on forever. We need our women as much as you want to stay in power.

The time to act is now.

Truth or Dare [353/365]

I've seen protests around the world, have been in the midst of an international conflict once upon a time and even participated in a protest march.

While it appears that our world has suddenly become very volatile, what amuses me the way we protest in India.

We hate to admit that we have double standards. When political parties announce a nation-wide bandh and cripple our economy, we complain. When liquor-fueled hooligans destroy public property we become furious arm-chair activists.
When politicians take out a march in a show of strength and solidarity, we sit in our cars and fume.

In the past couple of hours, I've received atleast two dozen messages that exhort me to protest against the inhuman and 'brutal' rape of the 23 year old paramedical student in Delhi. I am either supposed to assemble for a protest march or (for the lazy arm-chair activists) sign the petition letter that will be duly submitted to the Prime Minister and President of India.
At last count, ten thousands have signed the petition and an equal amount have been protesting against the crime.

And then what?

The problem is Us.
We are all very upset at that way she has been brutally raped.
What about the 1000's of other women who were raped just this year? No one wants to remember the victims of yesteryears anyway.
Why all this emotion?
Why did we have to wait until now?
Isn't every crime against women (sexual or otherwise) 'brutal'?

Our hypocrisy is what does us in.
We have such eloquent examples of love and adoration but we still hate our women. Right from the time the seeds are sown, she fights.

So today, as the national capital burns, our peaceful protesters are not so peaceful after all. Lathis and water canons have been used and tear gas dispersed.
The question here is:
If protesting is a constitutional right and the cause is just, why is the government so scared about a bunch of peaceful protesters?