Don't leave me and go | Manna for your soul

When we leave our families, when our loved ones leave us, separation is painful.

This past week, I lost my son. Well, not a human son, but Snoopy was a son in every other way. He came into my life 2 years ago as a month old pup. Fist-sized, he was love at first sight. The little bundle of fur filled a vacuum in my life. 
He taught me invaluable lessons of love, forgiveness and patience.
He would pine for me, when I was away and shower me with love when I was back. As a pup, he would go through separation anxiety when I was away even for a few hours. Through days of conditional training and incentives, I gradually made him feel secure and less anxious when I was not at home. 

But when I lost him a week ago, I went through excruciating separation anxiety. I shuttered myself from the world. Totally disconnected. I simply couldn't grieve enough. I was consumed with guilt and questions of 'What if..'. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself. 
Many felt the pain I was feeling and then a good friend and fellow blogger said something that rang a bell in me - 'Snoopy came into your life for a reason. What was it?' 
Snoopy came into my life when I was reeling with a failed relationship. People who knew me well, understood how Snoopy filled my emotional needs as a father. 

He was my furry son and for the short time that he was in my life, he changed me in a way that sculpted me forever. 

I realized my shortcomings and my strengths and now as he is no longer with me, I remember the way he would look for me when we would play Hide & Seek, wait for me to wake up so that he could lick me again, wait for me to bathe him so that he could run all through the house and mess himself up, wait to be walked so that he could do his business and then walk me through the neighborhood. 
I still suffer from separation anxiety but I finally understand what the disciples went through when Jesus would tell them about His time to leave. In John 14:15-21, Jesus comforts His disciples by promising to send them the Holy Spirit.

God hasn't forsaken us. We have the Holy Spirit, just the way He promised us. He advocates and champions our cause. He waits for us, when we stray and rejoices when we return to Him. 
We have to trust Him just the way Snoopy would trust me when I would walk him through dark and unknown streets. 

Thankfully, we don't have to feel anxious about our unseen God. The Bible reassures us that no matter what, God is never too far from us. 

Your sins are forgiven | Manna for your Soul

Have you felt like you've just hit rock-bottom? 
Are you emotionally exhausted?
Do you frequently go through bouts of remorse and regret?

I know how it feels because I used to go through endless cycles of remorse and every time I hit rock-bottom, it looked like I was falling further deeper. Until I was born again to the word of God. 

I'll let you in on some of the secrets - 

• Not everyone is responsible for your problems. We are responsible for the crises in our lives. Relationship crises aside, it is important to realize that we are all very fragile beings. 
• Be aware of whose hospitality you seek, because there could be more than meets the eye (Proverbs 23:7).
• If you are filled with forbidding and anxious thoughts then you will bring despair and gloom. Like looking out of gloom-tinted glasses, everything appears bad. Experts will tell you to fight thoughts with thoughts, but if you want complete healing, try the Word of God (Proverbs 15:15)
• You are not a work in progress. You are not an accident. You are exactly what God says you are. And you have exactly what He says you have. So when someone asks me, 'Have you seen God?' I simply show them a mirror. Because you look and are exactly the way He is.
• Think thoughts that are consistent with what God wants you to think and you will be transformed (Philippians 4:5-8). They have the power to keep you in bondage or liberate you. Your mind is the gateway to your heart. Scientists have proven the power of the mind and successful people around the world have told that if you want to be successful, you need to think like a champion.
• Mat 8:13 says 'It shall be done for you as believed. Spoken or not uttered.'. Seeing is not believing. Believing is believing. Do you believe? Throughout the Bible, we have compelling stories of believers who found favor in the hearts of man and the sight of God only because they believed.
• In Mat 9:29, God also asks us to have that unquenchable desire to be forgiven, more than merely asking for healing. Because like the way Jesus forgave her and healed her from within (in Luke 7 : 48 & 50), God is waiting to forgive you and heal you. If only we confess our sins. And here's a curious translation of a popular phrase in the Bible  - Every time, the Bible says 'in order that', it means to fulfill prophecies, because forgiveness of sins show the authority of God.
• Don't ask for miracles in your life. Because He is already doing what He needs to do to get you what you need. Throughout His earthly ministry, scribes felt He was blasphemous. Yet Jesus knowing their hearts, didn't retaliate but went about performing miracles to fulfill the Messianic signs. 

Every Sunday, we sit at church all solemn and 'sacred', but only God knows what and where our hearts are. 

So while anyone (with the right tools and magic and sleight of hand) can heal and perform miracles, not all can say your sins are forgiven. Only Jesus had the power to heal and the authority to forgive. He is the only proof that everything can become new again.

If only we trust Jesus for our needs, he is not only ready to meet but exceed our physical and spiritual needs. Are you?

Overflowing.. [296/365]

Source: swordsharpeners.blogspot.com

Give and you will receive.

Luke 6:38

Your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room, running over and poured into your lap. While some might argue that the amount you give will determine the amount you get back, I say, the attitude with which you give will determine how much you get back.

A decade ago, I met an incredibly resilient yet very poor lady. Shortly after she was born, she had juvenile diabetes and began to loose her vision. When she was 10 years old, a quack at a medical facility near her home botched up a surgery and he ended up snipping the nerves to her eyes. She has been blind ever since. Add to that, her family has tried exploiting her condition and when they had enough, they abandoned her. Now 67, she lived all these years on government welfare. When I met her, she had a PCO (Public Call Office aka Phone Booth) and that was sufficient for her hostel fees and food. A couple of years ago, she was allotted a land 19 kms outside Bangalore by the government and they told her to do the rest. It took her 6 years to build a house with one room, one toilet and one kitchen. They don't have running water but got electricity just a few months ago. Her benefactors have helped her in measures. Some by donating a couple of thousands and others by giving construction material.
In the past few months, her health has deteriorated to such a degree that she is unable to run the phone booth. Recently, she suffered a wound that became gangrenous. Unfortunately, the hospital that she visited wouldn't treat her for free. While there were hospitals that would treat her for free, she still needed money for a long-term medical care.
I had to help. We decided to raise Rs 15000/- (about $270). I put the cause forward to my tight-knit church prayer group and we decided to raise money through a fund-raiser.
After weeks of planning and campaigning, I had my first fund-raiser last week. We sold breakfast to hungry church-goers and we'd just made Rs 15000 !
I won't claim success or any form of victory but I can say this fund-raiser brought all of us together in a way that only goodness and kindness can. It was a huge testament to how caring people really are.

I learned a valuable lesson too. I have been ignoring my obligation to the lesser fortunate for way too long now. While we were earning 7 figure salaries, we thought less of giving and passing on His blessings and more on how we could increase our standard of living. We all do. We have been ignoring that silent voice asking for our help and this instance taught us the importance of giving. 

Often when we think of generosity we usually think of giving money. This isn't always the case, and we can be more generous with so much more. We can donate our possessions, time or relationships.

We often thought we would not be able to buy what we wanted if we gave away. We'd always procrastinate but it would never happen. Our wants and needs were endless. Try ignoring that feeling inside you that says you will lose too much when you give too much. It's incredible what comes back to you in return when you freely give.

Three weeks ago, when we wanted to raise Rs 15000, we thought it was a huge amount. But when people came together for the cause, God enabled us to raise that money. How many times have you thought you won't get anything in return? If you've thought that, take heart. You will - Pressed down, running over, shaken together and poured into your lap.

That's credible! [14/365]

I hate credit cards and don't keep any.
But many years ago, I had up to seven cards for myself. And I kept myself clean. I knew that I shouldn't max it out and I rarely did.
Using it occasionally so that I could keep the banks happy while making sure I made the payments on time. I'd never spent more than a tenth of what I earned a month.

I knew my credit was clean when my bank gave me a per-approved platinum card. I couldn't even buy platinum jewelry but I already had a platinum credit card! I was ecstatic.
Gradually as the excitement died down, the card started leaving an imprint in my wallet. I was barely using it.

Then came my ex. Coming from a small town that had just one ATM, meeting a guy with a platinum card (capable of buying platinum jewelry) and three gold cards was like hitting a gold mine. In under a year, she had me max out all my cards and I owed money to the banks. It shattered my credit rating and I wondered how I could let something like this happen to me.

Sin has the same MO.
It allows you think that you are in control. Allows you to play safe for a while and just when you think you could make no mistake, bam! you are out of the ring. Ding Ding Ding!

In 1 Peter 2:11-21, we see how God cautions us, warning us that we will need to restrain ourselves lest we forget our roots. It is often said that a good name is hard to keep, a bad name is easy to get, and I subscribe to this.
In the pursuit of money and lust, I've known men and women who have fallen for the wrong partners and have slid down the wrong paths. They do realize that they have come down a path that have mutated themselves beyond recognition, but they are too naive to understand that our God is ever-forgiving. Their shame and pride stops them from ever repenting or asking for forgiveness.

At the other end of the spectrum, we see fair weather believers who give up their beliefs just because they suffer persecution.
Again, God have never promised you a bed of roses that have it's thorns removed. He has cautioned us, several times, in the form of parables and as documented evidences of staunch believers like Paul, Peter, Abraham, Joseph and Job who have held firm to their faith inspite of the huge challenges that they went through.

Finally, fight the good fight. End your race with your head held high. Keep the belief.

Love thy Neighbor... Dirty his doorstep

If there is one advice that I have struggled with is 'Love thy neighbor'.
For an advice that is so simple yet in many ways the easiest way to resolve all conflicts, to love your neighbor is so difficult.
My neighbor is such fine example in my defence.
A family of 1, the lady of the house has a very simple way of screwing my mornings. She simply soaks my morning newspaper while washing her 4 yards of porch! And no, it didn't rain.
She allows all the dirt to flow so that along with the morning paper, I also get the muck.

Clever, I must say.
Vengeance had crossed my mind a billion times and it is so much easier to hurt back. But that is what Satan always wants us to do. Thoughts like: 'Why should we do any less?' 'I must show her who's boss' 'Two can play this game'
But what happens when we hurt back?
A few weeks ago, when I had the chance to go to court for urgent personal errand, I realised that there were tons of people there too. It's an ocean of humanity!Why are there so many people litigating and squabbling? 

Ofcourse the attorneys are laughing their way to the banks.
But if only we could set aside the temptation to retaliate.

All said and much done, it is difficult to not remember how hurt we got. It is like when you get an itch, you have to scratch yourself to satisfy it. And until you do, that itch grows to huge proportions that every thing else is less significant. We are led to believe that by retaliating our oppressor would feel cowered by our might,  would understand that we only hurt back because they hurt us first, and would probably hope that they do not retaliate back. Tall Wishes, young man! Because soon you are the oppressor.
We get drawn into a silly circle of revenge, vengeance and before you know it, you are the greater monster of the two.

I'm not going to wish for world peace and that poverty be wiped off the face of the earth. That's for beauty contestants to say at beauty pageants.
But I do hope that we learn to forgive one person a day.
Do one good deed to one stranger a day.
Give a little more goodness than you get atleast once a day.
Learn to step into the shoes of atleast one person you encounter and say a kind word, a day.

Smile!

And, on the brighter side, if you start loving your neighbor, you won't have to love your enemies, because you won't have any!
But in the meanwhile, I am still drying the soggy wet newspaper before I can read it.

Lord of the Angels and Mosquitoes

As I sat down to pray, SWAT

With a swift thud of my palm, I killed a mosquito.

And then as I sat scrapping out the mangled remains of whatever that survived and its diet of my blood off my palm, I wondered if God had decided that it's time on earth was up.

Matthew 10:29-30 says 'Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without the Father.
But the very hairs of your head are all numbered' 

I have often wondered what it means when a loved one suddenly dies.

Is it God's will that the person dies? And the questions get more painful if the person died young and at the peak of his life, leaving a trail of forever grieving family and friends.

Did He wantonly punish the person by snuffing out a young soul?

It is common to see complete strangers console the grieving kin by quoting the Scriptures. They prefer to lay the the tragedy on God. Some Priests do the same too. God is a convenient scapegoat after all.

We get the picture of a don who is sitting in his throne snapping fingers, signing execution orders against the good guys and supporting and celebrating with the bad guys? Something like a perpetual 'Mogambo'.

Sounds a little too kitschy but I know that this is definitely as far away from the truth as the East is from the West.

My picture of God:

He is yes, sitting at His Throne. But He aint dishing out termination notices against the good guys.

Matter of fact, He isn't even 'killing' the bad guys.

He is waiting, watching patiently wanting the bad guys to confess and repent and the good guys to continue to be a shining example, making sure that they don't fall for the zillion temptations themselves.

To know God in the most intimate way, just as you would read a biography of a famous person, we must read, understand and apply The Bible in our lives.

Find out what God says about himself (Exodus 34:6-7). Then find out what the writers say about Him and His remarkable attributes.(Psalm 19:1-4; Romans 1:16-20; 1John 4:8-10).

Finally take a look at the amazing things God has done (Gen 1:1, 14:10-31; John 3:16)

He is the God of the most awe inspiring fact of life and of the most annoying pest in the world.

He has never caused pain, even though His most prized creation; Us, did.

He never avenges. He waits. He lets us make the right choice so that we can feel proud that we followed the right path instead of forcing the path on us.

Get to know God. He is our God, our Lord, our Rock and Redeemer.

He is not on your tail counting your minutes down. He is carrying you on His shoulder.

God Bless!!

When memories come rushing by..

Recently I read an article which confirmed my worst suspicions.
'Words do hurt'

The article in question apparently quotes a scientific study that probably spent hundreds and thousands of dollars to prove how certain words do make our brains to react in a certain way. Duh!

Do you ever wonder why scientists are researchers are always proving the most mundane fact of life?
Who sanctions all the funds for these studies? What is the point? Are we any bit the more wiser or saner?
Does this study mean we will be happier and shield ourselves from all the painful words/places/memories?
Neither did I.

We have all gone through a lot of hurt. We are human, after all.
Which one among us would not have been in a hurtful relationship.
I have been in relationships where I have been both the victim and the villain.

Come to think of it, I have been in committed relationships for the past 6 years with women who have given a lot of love in their own unique ways. But with a lot of love, comes the scope of a lot of hurt.

Wounded hearts. Contrary to popular wisdom, time does not heal your wound but just keeps you in a drug induced pain-free state of mind. Lot of people choose not to look at their wounds and like how you inevitably bump just that wound when you least expect it, there comes that word, thought or act that rips open the wound.
You could have been wounded by offensive things that other people say or do to hurt us, by our own sinful behavior or by a calamity that overwhelming.

A wound to our heart never heals with time.
I've had fits of depression and I know lots of people who have struggled with physical, mental and spiritual symptoms of inner wounds.
Often the first response is to back away from the situation to allow time for healing. They often turn inward and brood over their hurt. The hurt gradually grows to be a festering sore just waiting for that unfortunate word, act or memory and out comes all the anger, bitterness, hate, revenge and fear. The rejection that they then receive brings more hurt. This is a vicious cycle.
Yet other people respond by balancing hurt with anger and revenge or by trying to protect themselves from further hurt to allow time for healing. As much as it seems, this never leads to true healing. As they enter into relationship, the wound hardens their heart and we receive more hurt.

True healing begins with God in your heart and your lives.

Throughout the Scriptures, in both the Old and the New Testament, we see our Lord's intense love for us.
God cares about your broken heart, wants to heal it and is waiting for us to let Him do the healing.
Jesus suffered the most excruciating death on the cross because it was His desire to heal us of the wound that the first human brought to Earth.
However, we must allow Him control, because He cannot change what He does not control.
Fair deal, I say.

The process starts by making a list of your hurts, starting with the greatest first.
Ask God to cleanse your heart of all anger, bitterness, lust, revenge, hate and inability to forgive.
Picture the experience in your mind and then picture Jesus suffering the same hurt and sin for you at the Cross.
His resurrection meant forgiveness and mercy for your sins.

Just as surely that the Lord can heal your wounded heart, He can also give you a tender heart that will be sensitive to the hurts of others.
He who is Omnipotent can change that which was meant for evil into good.

I had my Damascus road experience roughly two years ago.
God started healing me the moment, I asked Him to take control of my life.
When we have the reins of our life in our hands, we are capricious. There are some of us have learnt how to surrender ourselves to God, some others to the world and then some others a convenient combination of the two. However, what we forget is that we can never serve 2 masters, while being loyal to both. There will be a time when you will need to choose between the two.

Luke 4:18-19 says:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
      because he has anointed me
      to preach good news to the poor.
   He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
      and recovery of sight for the blind,
   to release the oppressed,
    to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Lets all be messengers of the Good News.

Let he who is without sin...

Catholics are a worried lot nowadays.

In scandals that are rocking the highest echelons of the 'purest' form of Christianity with repercussions that could shake the faith of a million.

Rev. Lawrence C Murphy, who is at the center of the latest scandal is accused of molesting hundreds of deaf boys at a School for deaf in Wisconsin.

What rattles the victims more is that Pope Benedict XVI, formerly Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger had received letters about Murphy in 1996 which mentioned that the deaf community "needed a healing response from the Church". The Vatican sat on the case, deliberated but by the time, Murphy died, he died a priest.

The victims are outraged.
They wanted the tainted priest jailed and punished for his sins. And I believe the anguish is genuine.

As a young boy, I have been molested several times over a period of 4 years, and have lived with the agony, shame and trauma. I find it hard to trust people off hand and can't forgive easily either.

Sin is global. Forgiveness is Universal.

Victims of sexual abuse seldom forgive. Child Abuse is particularly traumatic, because the victim is unaware of what is happening to him/her, is incapable of defending themselves and is filled with the shame and hatred after the act.
I remember how I filthy I felt after I was raped as a 11 year old. I spat on my hands and my body to get rid of the smell. My mom didn't believe me when I told her I was raped. I've had nightmares for many years after that. I didn't know what I did wrong to warrant some stranger to take me home and rape me. I felt intense guilt for having gone to that playground that day.
For years after that, I would abuse myself physically to get rid of the guilt. I have grappled with trust and phobias.

As an adult, when I had to visit the locality near that playground I panicked. Memories of the act came rushing back. I vowed to never be back. I wished if I could ask that man why he did that to me, I would have asked him why he took away my innocence. I would have liked to have him behind bars. I wanted closure.

A decade later, I recall the trauma when I read reports about child abuse in the Church. Bibliographically, the Church is the Body of Christ. It is a living monument of how vast and encompassing God's love.

He wants us to live a simpler life. A life that looks up to Him in prayer, humility and gratitude.

Somewhere down the line, the Church has fallen. As guardians of our faith, the priests have fallen. Deep into a sin that defiles something that is supposed to cleanse.

2000 years ago, in the 33 years of His Life, Jesus encompassed love, forgiveness and mercy. He came to earth, to save the sinner. He dined with the sinner, Forgave the adulterer and Had mercy on all who didn't deserve it.

A placard that a lady recently held up as part of the protest read, 'If Jesus was here today, He would be with the victims'. Noble thought. But we are all missing the point. Jesus would have had mercy. He would have wanted us to have mercy on the sinners among us too, just the way He had on the Roman guards who crucified Him. Knowing that they were crucifying a Man who committed no sin, did they ever flinch? Not one stopped the crucifixion. Though Jesus cried out in pain, though He cried droplets of blood and bled water, His compassion and ability to forgive converted the heartless guards into staunch followers of Christianity.

Today, amidst all the cries to persecute the Vatican, all I can hear are a lot of people who have taken the moral high ground much like the scribes and pharisees who brought a woman who was caught red handed, to test Him. They ofcourse didn't really bring her because they were ridding the society of all evil, they just wanted to know how liberal He was in matters of the law of God. Reading their minds, and knowing their hearts perfectly well, He asked the truly righteous and sinless among them to throw the first stone in condemnation. Not one came forward. None could claim to have not sinned. He didn't condemn the woman either but forgave her, and asked her to "sin no more", lest she burn in hell.
Where were the men who committed adultery with her?

I notice it is equally easy to take the moral high horse now. We have self proclaimed guru's and moral policemen who choose to accuse the 'guilty' and endorse the 'righteous'.

'Judge not and you shall be judged by the same yardstick..'
If we were to let God judge us for all the sins and transgressions that we committed, the world would have been a nature reserve with none of us here.

He forgave all our sins.
Imagine the magnitude of the compassion!

By coming down to earth, taking the form of a baby, born in a the lowest form in the most humblest of locations to parents with royal lineage but modest living. Living through trials and temptations for 30 years when He could have easily 'made an entrance' with Angels and Archangels. He could have easily wiped away the people who mocked and ridiculed Him with a thought, but He persevered. He toiled and did things the hard way. He died the harshest way a man could. Yet, He had nothing but the greatest of compassion and love for all of us. He didn't die so that we can have something to fill into the 'Religion' field in forms. He died to pay for all our sins for all time to come. For all the sins of all the people for the last 2000 years and until He comes again. He died so that we can all say: "I am forgiven". He lives because we are not forgotten. He lives because we have an eternity to look forward to.

If as our Creator, who yearns for us to come back to Him and repent for the mess that we do, He is infinitely merciful, why can't we as mere cohabitants of this momentary life, learn to forgive people who falter.

It is not as if sexual immorality and sin didn't exist, it did. But He chose not to wipe us out of the face of the earth, because we are meant to look up to Him. Because we are meant to forgive and love. Jesus came, not because He had less work to do up in Heaven, but because He was on a mission to save us from hell. If we as humans feel obliged to return a favor that another person does, why are we so hesitant to forgive when another sins?

He could have certainly flooded the earth and snuffed out all life. He did that once but His grief of having destroyed something He created with His unending Love and His deep desire to see all His children come back to Heaven keeps us here.

When are we going to look inward? When are we going to see the planks in our eyes before offering to lift the speck of another's eye?

Being called a Christian, a Muslim or a Hindu is meaningless if we don't practice Universal Love and Forgiveness.

While it is true that we need closure, I doubt if true closure will ever come from seeing the perpetrator behind bars. I learnt that you will be able to forgive only when surrender your pain and trauma in humility and forgiving the person(s).

For the rest, 'let he who is without sin, cast the first stone...'
Go ahead forgive that person who sinned against you today, you owe Him.