This past month showed us the power of PR. So if you want to change the world one news reel a time, get into PR. Not into IIPM 2.0. Whatever that means..
Modi is probably the only Indian politician who has mastered PR that works. Last year, with 3D hologram projections, he won the hearts and imaginations of a billion people.
A year later, his government is a monumental disappointment. His fans will insist he is 'getting there', yet we see industrial output shrinking and the economy in animated suspense. But wait! He is still not done with all the travel. 100 more countries to go. Maybe he could check-in to the newest luxury hotel in the Middle East.
The PM who wanted us to Make In India, ended up buying fighter planes from France and saving their industries from shutting down. Incredible just like that!
So what if he trash-talked his opponents (read Congress) while visiting other countries he did manage to mend some fences back home with Didi and later... Amma. Well, he should. Because he wasn't getting any of his bills through the parliament the way things were.
Salman Khan, Bollywood's Enfact Terrible and 'Philanthropist', got convicted in a lawsuit that appeared to take forever. But hey, like most Bollywood blockbusters, there was the happy ending - the High Court over-turned the verdict and set him free! All because he is a good man. What kinda 'good man' throws his driver under the bus? Oh the irony!
Now if that wasn't terrible enough, we had nuggets of pure gold from Bollywood 'celebrities'. Some of who you'd not like to caught dead following online. Now, I am all for free speech and shit, but shouldn't we really punish people for their public bouts of verbal diarrhea?
Oh and Farah Khan Ali, please disconnect your internet connection and throw your phone and computer into the fucking Arabian Sea. You are nothing but a slightly more better looking version of Rakhi Sawant. Dumb as a door-knob, not a blush more, not a gloss less.
Fat Lady Jayalalitha got her clean chit. Sure, when you have a platoon of over-priced lawyers fighting for you, I'd be surprised if she didn't get the acquittal she did.
But hey, if she didn't get away this time, she was ready to hire Harish Salve, the man who 'saved' Salman Khan. Move over Ram Jethmalani, there is a new black-coat in town. Strangely, the Old Man is quiet too. Not surprising though considering how his daughter and son(s) have been up to their sambar-savored throats in lawsuits, it would be like the pot calling the kettle black.
But all this should sound like music to Dawood Ibrahim. Isn't our judiciary wonderful!
Look what the cat dragged in - Rahul Gandhi. All fresh, rejuvenated and brimming with life juice. After a much needed vacation, he hit the road running. Went for the jugular and gave some sterling speeches. That's enough work for one year.
India is perhaps the only democracy in the history of the world where we can have celebrity legislators and part-time politicians who mooch around doing everything else but what they are paid to do.
Hey Rahul, you had your chance. You blew it. You could have done the same things that Modi is doing years ago when the BJP were nothing but a squabbling bunch of senile old men.
Modi, what in the world were you (and your party) doing all these years when you were in the opposition? Being in the opposition doesn't mean you can't still push for reforms, does it? So both of you, shut the fuck up and get down to business.
Screaming blue murder and labeling each-other makes us look like babbling seal lions fighting over a grape.
India's First Son-in-Law Mr Robert Vadra spoke. Let's just say that much, because what he says really doesn't matter. It's nearly always 24 carat crap.
So what if we cannot give our farmers a proper livelihood, or protect our citizens from Maoists, we still had to have that billion dollar fancy war boat.
Indian Railways recently celebrated 162 years of servitude. Just about time to reveal its biggest scam. Let's raise a toast to that!
Ramalinga Raju, Hyderabad's poster boy for IT got 7 years. For someone who ran India's biggest corporate scam, this judgement is a mockery, but who cares.
And you know what else is wonderful, Obama lied to us. Apparently, Osama was 'sold' to the Americans for the bounty on his head. All this and more if investigative journalist Seymour Hersh is to be believed. Predictably, the White House has denied this. Why wouldn't they?! That is probably one of the handful of things O can claim to have achieved during his presidency. With a shade of a year and half left, things seems to be unraveling for Nobel Peace Prize winner and America's first black president.
Locally in many parts of Bangalore, thousands of people lost their homes and offices when the local municipal authority bull-dozed structures that were illegally built on tank and lake beds. I can imagine the plight of those who lost their homes, but bull-dozing them can't fix our ecological mistakes. The government must be proactive to relocate those who have been evicted because none of this would've happened if governmental officials didn't connive with builders who developed and sold this land in the first place. Besides, leaving piles of rubble won't revive the lakes and the job is only half done now. Ironically, the government isn't doing enough to save lakes that are still there. Displacing citizens when elections are still far away isn't a risky move because chances are, we will all forget about this by then.
Talking about elections, the United Kingdom went to polls and Cameron did a 'Modi'. He swept the parliament lock, stock and Scottish barrel.
A Chinese CEO gave his entire staff of 6400 women employees an all-expenses paid trip to France. Good for them! Here are other large-hearted employers who treated their employees out. And then there is this Chinese employer who offered a night with Japanese pornstar Julia Kyoko. Now, who wouldn't want to work their asses out for that?
So while we have CEOs tripping over themselves trying to keep their employees happy, can someone give our farmers some TLC too? Driven to suicide because of bad weather (duh!), a vicious credit system and a brutal economy that believes in rewarding the rich, it appears like the larger population has become insensitivity to their plight. After all, we can't really identify with our farmers anymore. We don't mind it when farmers kill themselves in their fields, their homes or from trees. Sure, it is an inconvenient sight, but something we can get over with. It isn't enough to jolt us from our recliners. Self-immolation maybe. But this ain't 1980. We have other Breaking News on news channels now.
A Delhi teen brutally bludgeoned a bus driver to death because of road rage. Egged on by his mother who wanted her son to teach the driver a lesson. Most Indians aren't shocked because nearly everyone of us would have either egged someone on, or seen someone egg someone else on. The driver's family has demanded a compensation of ? 1 crore and a permanent job for the son. Let the negotiations begin.
Next story please.
Its said that the Mona Lisa might be hiding a picture of an alien high-priest. Why do we have to see something supernatural in everything extraordinary?
Right after this, they will be studying why men need to shake it twice.
Pakistan: How do I put it gently?
Former Twin/Estranged Indian Brother/Failed State/Great People Awful Politicians/Safe Haven for Terrorist Scum/Benefactor to aid from 'Developed Nations' to get rid of said Scum/host of RANDI.
Oh yeah. That's what happens when you have the Chinese doing stuff with you. We made such a fuss when the Chinese promised $46 billion but when Modiji went got some of the Chinese moolah, we said - In your face, Pakistan Bbbbuuuurnnnnn
Nepal: A lesson in PR disaster.
Every ounch of goodwill we gained in speed and effort, we lost when we started patting ourselves on our backs. Yes, we couldn't stop gloating at how Modi convened an emergency meeting, sent plane-loads of relief and manpower and moved heaven and earth to help wipe the tears of our Nepali brothers and sisters.
And then we went overboard. Waay overboard. And we wouldn't stop, until they told us to get the hell out.
From pat on the back to the swift kick in the butt, making friends everywhere we go.
Marital Rape. We still can't decide which side we are on. Decisiveness has never been our strengths.
And talking about rape, one of India's original Nirbhay died for the final time after living like a vegetable for 42 years. Aruna Shanbaug, didn't deserve to live a life that her colleagues wanted. She died for the first time 42 years ago when a hospital janitor sodomized her. Her colleagues kept her alive to prove that they can be as defiant as defiant can be. India may have legalized euthanasia since but ironically, we didn't think she deserved mercy anymore. We needed a memorial - Aruna Shanbaug. She finally is in a much better place.
Meanwhile, her rapist has gone on to live a life less ordinary. If you ask me what an ideal punishment would be - Make him watch his wife and every single person in his family lobotomized.
Many young nouveau riche, fully educated, completely fucked-up Indians have been circulating emails and posting statistics on FB comparing rapes in India versus The World. So do you need a medal for that?
So you think we should be sensitized towards women by now? Nah. Rapes whether you are in Washington or Warangal, Oxford or Palakkad, when we violate a woman, it is probably the worst kind of crime we can commit and get away.
A student in Oxford wrote about her rape.
Back in India, we still love to stare at those luscious cleavages of our tourists while flogging the dolphin.
Silk Road creator, Ross Ulbricht was sentenced to life in prison for creating and running an illegal online empire of drugs and guns. If you ask me, I think we need to have geniuses like him serving humanity with forced community service until death. Life is too precious to rot away in prison.
Snapdeal, take notes and thank God you are in India.
In news that can inspire you to move beyond your armchair, read about Arunima Sinha. The former athlete, victim of government apathy and first female amputee to climb the Everest. Bravo!
Yemen went to the dogs the Syria way. Ironically, Saudi Arabia fought back. Not to free the country, but because they hate Iran. Tom never got Jerry after all those years, if you know what I mean.
In this month's DILLIGAF section,
FB is a wonderful place to spend your day. Its a little piece of humanity online - Strangers cussing at eachother, some of them flirting with anything that looks like a woman (or have a pussy), and the others trying to sell anything they can lay their hands on.
I am mighty proud of myself. Correction: I am told that I should be proud of being an Indian. Why, you ask? Well, because a Sikh boy beat the crap out of a white boy who shoved him. Great! This is exactly the kind of violent reputation we need. Ofcourse, you can't see the much circulated video anymore because it has been taken down since. Thank You, Youtube.
Say salaam alaikum to Mia Khalifa. Our Arab cousins got all riled up and banned her and him! Just curious how they 'discovered' her. So ladies and gentlemen, I'll save you all a google search...
The Greenpeace got banned and so did the Ford Foundation. So much for being business-friendly.
Talking about bans, in case you think you can get away eating beef at home. Think again. The great State of Maharasthra now authorizes its policemen to enter your home and investigate you if they suspect you. That escalated fast!
And finally, if you thought that deo/damn cold soda/music CD/club glasses/energy drink/car/dirty off-roader/puny scooter/all-powerful bike could get you laid or that women were just waiting to have hot steamy sex with you, you need to stop watching Splitsvilla and watch this before its banned.
All hail the power of PR!
Modi is probably the only Indian politician who has mastered PR that works. Last year, with 3D hologram projections, he won the hearts and imaginations of a billion people.
A year later, his government is a monumental disappointment. His fans will insist he is 'getting there', yet we see industrial output shrinking and the economy in animated suspense. But wait! He is still not done with all the travel. 100 more countries to go. Maybe he could check-in to the newest luxury hotel in the Middle East.
The PM who wanted us to Make In India, ended up buying fighter planes from France and saving their industries from shutting down. Incredible just like that!
So what if he trash-talked his opponents (read Congress) while visiting other countries he did manage to mend some fences back home with Didi and later... Amma. Well, he should. Because he wasn't getting any of his bills through the parliament the way things were.
Salman Khan, Bollywood's Enfact Terrible and 'Philanthropist', got convicted in a lawsuit that appeared to take forever. But hey, like most Bollywood blockbusters, there was the happy ending - the High Court over-turned the verdict and set him free! All because he is a good man. What kinda 'good man' throws his driver under the bus? Oh the irony!
Now if that wasn't terrible enough, we had nuggets of pure gold from Bollywood 'celebrities'. Some of who you'd not like to caught dead following online. Now, I am all for free speech and shit, but shouldn't we really punish people for their public bouts of verbal diarrhea?
Oh and Farah Khan Ali, please disconnect your internet connection and throw your phone and computer into the fucking Arabian Sea. You are nothing but a slightly more better looking version of Rakhi Sawant. Dumb as a door-knob, not a blush more, not a gloss less.
Fat Lady Jayalalitha got her clean chit. Sure, when you have a platoon of over-priced lawyers fighting for you, I'd be surprised if she didn't get the acquittal she did.
But hey, if she didn't get away this time, she was ready to hire Harish Salve, the man who 'saved' Salman Khan. Move over Ram Jethmalani, there is a new black-coat in town. Strangely, the Old Man is quiet too. Not surprising though considering how his daughter and son(s) have been up to their sambar-savored throats in lawsuits, it would be like the pot calling the kettle black.
But all this should sound like music to Dawood Ibrahim. Isn't our judiciary wonderful!
Look what the cat dragged in - Rahul Gandhi. All fresh, rejuvenated and brimming with life juice. After a much needed vacation, he hit the road running. Went for the jugular and gave some sterling speeches. That's enough work for one year.
India is perhaps the only democracy in the history of the world where we can have celebrity legislators and part-time politicians who mooch around doing everything else but what they are paid to do.
Hey Rahul, you had your chance. You blew it. You could have done the same things that Modi is doing years ago when the BJP were nothing but a squabbling bunch of senile old men.
Modi, what in the world were you (and your party) doing all these years when you were in the opposition? Being in the opposition doesn't mean you can't still push for reforms, does it? So both of you, shut the fuck up and get down to business.
Screaming blue murder and labeling each-other makes us look like babbling seal lions fighting over a grape.
India's First Son-in-Law Mr Robert Vadra spoke. Let's just say that much, because what he says really doesn't matter. It's nearly always 24 carat crap.
So what if we cannot give our farmers a proper livelihood, or protect our citizens from Maoists, we still had to have that billion dollar fancy war boat.
Indian Railways recently celebrated 162 years of servitude. Just about time to reveal its biggest scam. Let's raise a toast to that!
Ramalinga Raju, Hyderabad's poster boy for IT got 7 years. For someone who ran India's biggest corporate scam, this judgement is a mockery, but who cares.
Delhi entered another state of suspended animation. No Surprise. We have Mr Kejriwal back as the Chief of the Toon (er Goon) Squad. The self-proclaimed anarchist and papa of corrupt daughter probably wants to govern for a little longer than he did the last time, but looking at the way things have been going I don't think he'll make it to full term this time either.. Who cares about the farmers, anyway?
And you know what else is wonderful, Obama lied to us. Apparently, Osama was 'sold' to the Americans for the bounty on his head. All this and more if investigative journalist Seymour Hersh is to be believed. Predictably, the White House has denied this. Why wouldn't they?! That is probably one of the handful of things O can claim to have achieved during his presidency. With a shade of a year and half left, things seems to be unraveling for Nobel Peace Prize winner and America's first black president.
Locally in many parts of Bangalore, thousands of people lost their homes and offices when the local municipal authority bull-dozed structures that were illegally built on tank and lake beds. I can imagine the plight of those who lost their homes, but bull-dozing them can't fix our ecological mistakes. The government must be proactive to relocate those who have been evicted because none of this would've happened if governmental officials didn't connive with builders who developed and sold this land in the first place. Besides, leaving piles of rubble won't revive the lakes and the job is only half done now. Ironically, the government isn't doing enough to save lakes that are still there. Displacing citizens when elections are still far away isn't a risky move because chances are, we will all forget about this by then.
Talking about elections, the United Kingdom went to polls and Cameron did a 'Modi'. He swept the parliament lock, stock and Scottish barrel.
A Chinese CEO gave his entire staff of 6400 women employees an all-expenses paid trip to France. Good for them! Here are other large-hearted employers who treated their employees out. And then there is this Chinese employer who offered a night with Japanese pornstar Julia Kyoko. Now, who wouldn't want to work their asses out for that?
So while we have CEOs tripping over themselves trying to keep their employees happy, can someone give our farmers some TLC too? Driven to suicide because of bad weather (duh!), a vicious credit system and a brutal economy that believes in rewarding the rich, it appears like the larger population has become insensitivity to their plight. After all, we can't really identify with our farmers anymore. We don't mind it when farmers kill themselves in their fields, their homes or from trees. Sure, it is an inconvenient sight, but something we can get over with. It isn't enough to jolt us from our recliners. Self-immolation maybe. But this ain't 1980. We have other Breaking News on news channels now.
A Delhi teen brutally bludgeoned a bus driver to death because of road rage. Egged on by his mother who wanted her son to teach the driver a lesson. Most Indians aren't shocked because nearly everyone of us would have either egged someone on, or seen someone egg someone else on. The driver's family has demanded a compensation of ? 1 crore and a permanent job for the son. Let the negotiations begin.
Next story please.
Its said that the Mona Lisa might be hiding a picture of an alien high-priest. Why do we have to see something supernatural in everything extraordinary?
Right after this, they will be studying why men need to shake it twice.
Pakistan: How do I put it gently?
Former Twin/Estranged Indian Brother/Failed State/Great People Awful Politicians/Safe Haven for Terrorist Scum/Benefactor to aid from 'Developed Nations' to get rid of said Scum/host of RANDI.
Oh yeah. That's what happens when you have the Chinese doing stuff with you. We made such a fuss when the Chinese promised $46 billion but when Modiji went got some of the Chinese moolah, we said - In your face, Pakistan Bbbbuuuurnnnnn
Nepal: A lesson in PR disaster.
Every ounch of goodwill we gained in speed and effort, we lost when we started patting ourselves on our backs. Yes, we couldn't stop gloating at how Modi convened an emergency meeting, sent plane-loads of relief and manpower and moved heaven and earth to help wipe the tears of our Nepali brothers and sisters.
And then we went overboard. Waay overboard. And we wouldn't stop, until they told us to get the hell out.
From pat on the back to the swift kick in the butt, making friends everywhere we go.
Marital Rape. We still can't decide which side we are on. Decisiveness has never been our strengths.
And talking about rape, one of India's original Nirbhay died for the final time after living like a vegetable for 42 years. Aruna Shanbaug, didn't deserve to live a life that her colleagues wanted. She died for the first time 42 years ago when a hospital janitor sodomized her. Her colleagues kept her alive to prove that they can be as defiant as defiant can be. India may have legalized euthanasia since but ironically, we didn't think she deserved mercy anymore. We needed a memorial - Aruna Shanbaug. She finally is in a much better place.
Meanwhile, her rapist has gone on to live a life less ordinary. If you ask me what an ideal punishment would be - Make him watch his wife and every single person in his family lobotomized.
Many young nouveau riche, fully educated, completely fucked-up Indians have been circulating emails and posting statistics on FB comparing rapes in India versus The World. So do you need a medal for that?
So you think we should be sensitized towards women by now? Nah. Rapes whether you are in Washington or Warangal, Oxford or Palakkad, when we violate a woman, it is probably the worst kind of crime we can commit and get away.
A student in Oxford wrote about her rape.
Back in India, we still love to stare at those luscious cleavages of our tourists while flogging the dolphin.
Silk Road creator, Ross Ulbricht was sentenced to life in prison for creating and running an illegal online empire of drugs and guns. If you ask me, I think we need to have geniuses like him serving humanity with forced community service until death. Life is too precious to rot away in prison.
Snapdeal, take notes and thank God you are in India.
In news that can inspire you to move beyond your armchair, read about Arunima Sinha. The former athlete, victim of government apathy and first female amputee to climb the Everest. Bravo!
Yemen went to the dogs the Syria way. Ironically, Saudi Arabia fought back. Not to free the country, but because they hate Iran. Tom never got Jerry after all those years, if you know what I mean.
In this month's DILLIGAF section,
- We have a 94 year old American man who became the world's oldest person to graduate. If he was an Indian, hmmm... nevermind.
- An Arab mother, probably in a refugee camp, was caught mothering her baby. And a father who sold his daughter for Rs 25000/-. Child Services, anyone?
- A french company managed to manufactured human sperm in a petri-dish. And that's how men will become irrelevant in the future.
- An Uber driver was accused of forcibly trying to kiss his female passenger and the world got to know this from an FB post. Looks like some of the drivers didn't get the memo.
- A former Pakistani diplomat, Hussain Haqqani, revealed how Pakistan uses its weapons against India. Tell us something new, Mr Pakistani Politician.
- Some of you might remember Telangana. Oh yes, the State who had a float that had 'tourists' on it in the last Republic day parade. Yes, that glorious State that Sonia created before her party was booted off. Well, there are a lot of 'Progressive farmers' in the government and they love traveling too! Why not?! We might as well learn something about farming and babies for sale from European countries.
- You want to read up on ISIS, RTFM
- Morari Bapu. Fuck You!
- Shobha De. Ditto.
- Maggi. 'nuf said.
FB is a wonderful place to spend your day. Its a little piece of humanity online - Strangers cussing at eachother, some of them flirting with anything that looks like a woman (or have a pussy), and the others trying to sell anything they can lay their hands on.
I am mighty proud of myself. Correction: I am told that I should be proud of being an Indian. Why, you ask? Well, because a Sikh boy beat the crap out of a white boy who shoved him. Great! This is exactly the kind of violent reputation we need. Ofcourse, you can't see the much circulated video anymore because it has been taken down since. Thank You, Youtube.
Say salaam alaikum to Mia Khalifa. Our Arab cousins got all riled up and banned her and him! Just curious how they 'discovered' her. So ladies and gentlemen, I'll save you all a google search...
The Greenpeace got banned and so did the Ford Foundation. So much for being business-friendly.
Talking about bans, in case you think you can get away eating beef at home. Think again. The great State of Maharasthra now authorizes its policemen to enter your home and investigate you if they suspect you. That escalated fast!
And finally, if you thought that deo/damn cold soda/music CD/club glasses/energy drink/car/dirty off-roader/puny scooter/all-powerful bike could get you laid or that women were just waiting to have hot steamy sex with you, you need to stop watching Splitsvilla and watch this before its banned.
All hail the power of PR!
