Two Things

'Men say they love independence in a woman, but they don't waste a second demolishing it brick by brick.'

Male Ego (the belief that you are much better or more important than other people, or behavior that shows this) and Hypocrisy (the practice of claiming to have higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case).

These two things define our times today.
On the road, at meetings, in the bed, we will use these like a double-edged sword everyday and when we aren't actively practicing it, we are experiencing it in our lives. 

A year ago, at a bloggers conference, a 'prominent' female blogger presented a keynote (read deck of slides of random pictures with the watermark still on, and memes) that labeled men as lecherous, sexually-repressed bipeds who salivated at women. Her speech was peppered with feminist quotes and cheesy jokes (that no one laughed to either). Maybe someone needs to educate her that women can be socially and sexually repressed too (at 7:48)?!.



Until a few years ago, Michael Jackson was mocked beyond what was reasonable for his physical transformation. He was the butt of dozens of memes and a few movies. Allegations flew thick and it didn't help when his actions (or the lack of it) made him look guilty until he died in tragic circumstances. 
Today, former Olympian Bruce Jenner has made the very public transformation into the very attractive Caitlyn Jenner successfully. There won't be any allegations. There won't be movies lampooning Bruce Jenner. EVER.

Until a few years ago, Indian politician Narendra Modi was an unwelcome pest in the West. Today, they fist-bump with him. Millions drool over him. 
Years ago, Trump was America's favorite reality TV star. Today, he is the most endorsed (or hated, depending on who you ask) human on his way to holding the most powerful political seat in the West, allegations of sexual abuse and alarming threats notwithstanding, he will be welcomed with open arms and candied smiles once he is elected to office. 

The lessons are clear: You will be judged by our yardsticks if you show the slightest sign of weakness. Try to run and we will hunt you down. Begin to explain and we will tear you apart. But do ignore us and prod on, because the froth will become a drool when we see how successful you've become. Hell! We will even give you an award for being who you are.

I've realized it isn't caffeine that fuels us. It isn't love. We have this insatiable urge to be seen as successful. We are too hypocritical to admit it's just the irrepressible need to stroke the male ego within.

We hate it when people are pragmatic yet successful. But that doesn't mean you have to stop being so.
Persevere, even when it feels like you are paddling furiously underwater. It frustrates your detractors that you appear to effortlessly glide through water like a swan. 
Be there for yourself, always. The world may not like it but then, they don't have to.
Be quick to kill hypocrisy and be thankful that you didn't have to taste the challenges of that person you've just judged.

And finally, bury that male ego.
We weren't born with our egos. But we were raised by mothers and fathers who made us believe we need it to survive. 
What really matters are those dark moments of personal struggle that define you. Period.

GuestSpeak: What’s in a name?

source: world wide web

Have you ever wondered why in most of the applications you fill, you are never asked for your mother’s name? Or if you are asked it is always after that of your father’s? Has it ever occurred to you why is it that children all around the world use their father’s surname? Have you? Well if you have not then do give it a thought!

It’s a mother who carries a child within her for nine months before bringing him or her to this beautiful world of ours. She is the one who invests a lot throughout her life to give her baby a wonderful and happy existence. When I say this I do not in any way mean that a father’s role is not vital. What I feel is if bearing the father’s name and mentioning it in every application is warranted then why not state the mother’s name too. She has played a role which is if not more than atleast equal in importance to that of the father.

Shakespeare famously wrote ‘What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet’. While that is true but you cannot deny that a person is always first introduced by his name to his friends and acquaintances. When we meet a person for the first time; we do not ask what his hobby is or where he lives first. We ask what his name is to start with. So yes ‘name’ is indeed very important. So if the parents have equal share in raising a child then the child’s identity should most definitely be associated to both too.

A woman when married is expected to change her surname to that of her husband’s. Eventually when the couple has children then it is the husband’s surname that is carried forward. This to me is unfair and definitely not to my liking. What I feel is that the children should carry the last names of both their parents or have no last name at all. And I feel it is justified as the role and significance of either parents can’t be ignored.

The rules or dogmas of the society where the identity of a person is very closely intertwined with the father were made centuries ago. The same tradition is being followed till date. But I think the time to shake things up a little is now.

I am not sure how many have heard of the Khasi’s of Meghalaya. They have a tradition of using the mother’s last name for the children. I for one think it is very progressive as atleast the woman who invests her whole life in nurturing her children gets some social recognition for being the mother.

They say a mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie, and if she can forgo all her desires or wishes at some point in time for us then I think it’s high time the society puts her at the same pedestal with the father and if that begins with the surname or a space in the application forms then so be it!

 

Written for 'Hold the Thought, Get the Point' by our guest blogger Nabanita Dhar.

Find out more information about Nabanita and her blogs here