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Holding the Thought.. Thinking while Driving.

Traffic Nonsense

Traffic Sense. This is a misnomer in India.

Ofcourse there are towns and cities in India where there is some semblance of order, but it is mostly chaos all over.

I often wonder why we even bother painting lanes on most of the roads since nearly no one knows why they are there. But if I may add, the single most annoying and sometimes terrifying aspect of driving in India is the Horn.

It appears that most drivers use the horn as an extension of themselves. As an appendage that can emphasize their urgency and annoyance. Almost like a spokesperson of indignation. 'You are wasting my time.'

At the traffic lights, it is difficult to imagine how Indians are ever used to waiting or getting late. One Westerner that I met at a traffic stop, was appalled at the amount of noise that we make on the roads. "Its like Indians are not used to getting late!"

'Contrary to what you think, Mr Caucasian. We always come late.' I said to myself

We don't need a Earth Day in India. We need a No Horn day one day every week. That would make a lot more sense.

Not that I hate all of the honkers. Many are plain arrogant and impatient, while some of them are just plain stupid.

I have started classifying the 'types' we meet on road.

The 'Devout Christians'

We have a bumper sticker that says 'Honk if you love Jesus'. And Boy! there are a lot of devout Christians who follow us. Honk! Honk!

The 'I'm Late For My Mom's First Delivery' Folks

We love the ones who weave through traffic with such dexterity and technique, its hard to imagine why we don't have a winning team at the F1. They race. They honk. They weave through traffic and scowl at you for slowing them down for that crucial 1/10th of a second. Only to stop at the traffic lights.

The 'Get out of my way' Folks

And then we have those glorious drivers who drive with a mission. Mission to Kill anyone who is unfortunate to be slow or just plain unfortunate. Its almost like one of those Atari video games that I used to play growing up, where we need to help a rabbit cross a busy street without getting it killed. I almost never made it! 

The 'Grammy Winners'

And then there are the musical ones. No, they dont have the musical horns but its just the way they honk. 

Pee Pe Peee Pee Pe Peee Pe Pee Pe Peee Pee Pe. 

I love this kind the most. Not just because they are musical but also because they are so plain cute and stupid at the same time. And if you observe them, you'll notice that they have the blond look. No expression. No IQ. (Apologies to all the intelligent blonds out there) (No Pun intended)

Two things that money can't buy. Common Sense and World Peace. Its a tragic truth that good traffic sense evades most Indian drivers. 

We've conquered space and technology, but we're unable to stick to a lane.

We're the only civilization that has never invaded another nation but we simply refuse to drive defensively. 

We've fought for our freedom and set an example in history but we still treat other drivers with contempt and disrespect.

What is it about Indians that make us lousy road users?

Horn OK Please

Will Beg for Wealth

A common sight at any traffic light stop worth its salt, as soon as the lights turn red you'll find an army of beggars, slick salesmen selling the latest fad toy and a couple of eunuchs.

Squeezing between cars, dodging the 2 and 3 wheelers that grind to a halt, they knock on tinted glasses peering inside, tug at your trousers and tap on your hands.
All begging you for your attention and a few coins.

What bothers me is how we treat these people.
Of the 14 years that I have been in India, I have seen many many beggars. The number of beggars seem to  have exploded in the recent weeks! Victims of Inflation? I don't think so.
Because they hardly look like the kind of people who would have too much to worry about. Their work hours are highly flexible, they can call in sick and if they do then they get more money, they take their comfort breaks whenever they please and they don't have to bother about any promotions. They get to travel and if they look miserable and horrible, then thats a bonus.

They don't need to worry about unwanted pregnancies because having a miserable looking child tightly hugged in their arms is an added advantage. I wonder where most of them get the feeding bottle that has what appears to be half filled (always) with milk.

Skills? They need to have very minimal verbal skills but excellent mind reading capabilities.
Because I've noticed that in the first 5 seconds that they look at you, they will figure out if you are the gullible type who will fall for their 'misery' and fish for a coin out of your pocket or if you are the hard hearted creature that is not worth their pitch.
I am the second type. Although I am not hard hearted, I shake my heart in the general direction of the individual and they take the cue. Some are persistent and I've noticed that this happens only if there is a female member present with me. Excellent psychological profiling, I must admit.

However, I do notice them. As a habit, I enjoy reading the thoughts of absolute strangers and these beggars, many of who are regulars at the traffic stop at Brigade road seem emancipated yet if you look at them while they are having their lunch or between work (which is when the lights are green) then you'll not see a tinge of sadness.
For many of us, who can have their lunch only at times that are scheduled by our Managers, these people seem to be having it easy. They don't need to wait for the end of the month for payday. If you ask me, I'd say many of these people are richer than any of us. With so much income coming in and almost zero expences, heck, you need to tax these people !

Some of them carry a crutch and feign a limp. What a scam!

Many of them are victims of circumstance. People who shouldn't be there in the first place. People who just want a lot of your money in their pockets.
But who among us isn't a victim of fate and circumstance?
We all have disabilities. Some of us have problems being committed to their partners and spouses, some of us have problems excelling at work, some of us have problems emoting to our loved ones and then there are some of us who will struggle all our lives to achieve the Great Indian Dream.

If people who are not poor but find ways to feign poverty to gain sympathy and thereby our money, would you call them beggars or con artists?
With a action of the hand that simulates eating, our beggars have almost perfected art of living off our sympathy. Kids are a commodity. Handicapped? Excellent. Couple that with the rags, the dried streaks of tears and the malnourished kids that are tied so tightly to the lady, that if not hunger, suffocation will surely kill 'it'. What is happening of that child when he/she grows up? Ordinary people fortunate to afford good health care are reeling with the effects of pollution, global warming, inflation and corruption. What about these kids, who are also our future citizens?
We are slowly but surely chewing our own tail.

When there is so much charity going around and with so many more people giving, why are there so many beggars in the streets of India?
I have seen ordinary people living in squalid slums and dilapidated houses, with little or no money (saved or earned) but with integrity and self respect that disallows them from begging.
With a burning desire to earn a respectable living, they strive to get ahead in life. And sometimes, more often than not their descendants live a better life.

Our inclination for handouts and free stuff, our aversion to anything that resembles hard work and the lack of vocational training that is competitive enables beggars to breed, both in literally and otherwise.

Very few nations are free from beggars but when a foreigner talks and reminisces about India, the beggars are surely going to be one of the sore sights. Of course gathering all of them and 'disposing' them off away from our sight is also not the thing to do. But we need to radically change the way we think and act.
Discourage begging. Encourage entrepreneurship. Provide free health care (Put all our Tax Rupees to better use). Ofcourse we can never wipe off poverty from India, but we can certainly make our Race a lot less notorious.

Next Week, I take on the Eunuchs of Bangalore! Yay!

In a Jam, not yet a Pickle

I used to have this recurring nightmare of getting stuck in a traffic jam where I would be stuck for an entire day.

But when I got to read about the epic jam in the Beijing-Tibet expressway, it was a real feeling of dread and a bad premonition that I could be stuck in one in Bangalore very soon.

After all, our politicians have been trying to turn Bangalore into a Singapore. I don't know if they're still working on it. But I guess, their sights were more on making Bangalore into a Bangladesh.

Over-filling drains, power shortages, traffic snarls, we seem to have all of it here.

In a larger picture, India is an enigma!

How on earth did a nation in the hands of such scrupulous people at the top manage to survive and better still capture the hearts and attention of the modern traveler and businessman?

A country that is ravaged by nature and man has managed to keep itself alive despite all odds.

We have such brilliant examples of ingenuity and talent.

We have contributed such awe inspiring people and ideas to humanity.

Yet...

The 'epic jam' however lasted for more than a month.

The pickle that we as a nation are in have lasted for several decades now.

A will that has been weakened by centuries of political plundering, our society is slowly loosing its grip on the future. The politicians here hurry to amass obscene amounts of wealth so fast that it looks like greed is going out of style!

What surprises me is that there is a growing resentment among my peers, tax payers who are educated, independent and honest. While they acknowledge that the system needs to change, what exasperates them is the fact that not many people will walk the talk when it comes to the D Day. A packet of food, some cheap alcohol and few hundred rupees is all it takes to lure our rural folk en mass to the Polling booth.

Don't blame the rains (or the lack of it) because if Israel (a arid land) could make its soil lush, I am pretty sure, India can do better.

It is a vicious cycle, actually.

India has never been poor. Actually, measure by measure, pound by pound India has held more wealth and lured more people in history than all the other countries put together.

Farmers will milk politicians when elections approach.

Politicians will wash, lick and dry the unmentionables of their voters until they get elected.

Once in power, they will do all that they can to either stay in power or to make enough wealth and connections to last a few generations.

Did someone say farmer suicides? Well, what goes around comes around. Come elections, all will be forgotten and forgiven. Bed the enemy.

What we need is a new breed of statesman.

Someone who will learn from lessons past and not be complacent.

Someone who will understand how corruption breeds an society that is ill.

Someone who will have the gall to stamp out bureaucracy and bring in accountability.

Someone who will resist being a puppet in the hands of higher sinister powers.

A person who will not only be eloquent in speech but effective in action too.

In short, we need someone who will talk the talk and walk the walk.

We need help!

Lest we be known as a 'Epic Fail'

Nowadays, I have different nightmares.

No, its not about snakes and ghouls but the impending sense of doom that my kids will face in a Nation that refuses to grow up.

Its not a pretty picture and I hope we don't live long enough to face their wrath and answer their scathing questions.

Sorry kids, we screwed you.