Kya Maal hai yaar? [363/365]

Two days ago, the victim of the Delhi gang-rape was airlifted to a hospital in Singapore.

As news reports come in, we are told that she has irreparable brain injury and has suffered cardiac problems while on-board.

While she may never know the rage that we are demonstrating on the streets, I doubt if any of that will ever matter to her.
Am I a pessimist? No. I hope to God that women everywhere will one day be able to walk free without the fear that men will harm her or her family.

Do I think we need a mental overhaul of how we treat women? Yes. A couple of days ago, when searching for images on the now infamous prime ministerial gaffe for my post, I typed in 'Theek Hai' and hit Search. What I got was a few dozen pictures of Manmohan Singh. I also got a picture of a young Indian girl striking a pose with a caption that read 'Size-theek-hai-na1.jpg. maal hi mAAL'. The image links to a webpage with dozens of pictures of young women who probably never know that their pictures have been uploaded with sleazy comments for public consumption.

This is not the only website with images like this. We have hundreds of sites that willingly host images of young women whose vengeful boyfriends have uploaded. Almost all them have captioned like 'Slutty bit*h reveals her c**t' and such. Nearly all of them allow you to see the images only if you click on 'I am over 18' link but then there's nothing stopping teenagers with raging hormones under 18 from accessing the site either.

Our young protesters will go back to college in a few days time. The online petitions will die out. Gradually our media will move on to cover newer 'Breaking News'. The horror of what happened in Delhi will continue. We need a revolution to end this hypocrisy. 

We don't need be like China. But we do need a conscience that feels pain and won't give up.

We owe it to ourselves to treat our women with respect.
We owe it to them to ensure that we don't misuse their trust on us.

The Obituary of Agonizing Sexperts

Old people read Obituaries. I read Agony Aunt and Sexpert columns.
No, not because I am looking for answers to a potentially embarrassing problem down south, but because I simply love the way we are.

Sample this for size:

Question 1
"I am a 42-year-old married man. My assistant in office is 35 years old and is unmarried. Recently she told me that she is getting married soon. She is quite open with me and discusses things with ease. She expressed her inhibitions regarding having sex with her husband after marriage as she still is a virgin. She says she is not sure how it will go with her husband, as she still does not know him very closely. She expressed that it may not be a very pleasant experience because she does not know how it feels. Coming to the point – she says she wants to have sex with me before marriage to experience it, and feels this way she would be prepared better for it, mentally and physically. She is attractive, makes me fall for the opportunity but I am not too sure if it would be a great idea, though she says, we will not take it further after she gets married. I am not sure if that would be possible or honestly, is she trying to get me into any kind of trap. Please advice"

Question 2
"I guess there is something wrong with my girlfriend. She hates even mention of physical relationship/sex. She is 23 and I of the same age. We have been in a very emotional love relationship for 5 years now but still she is always uncomfortable whenever I talk about physical relationship. This often leaves me frustrated. How do I get her to enjoy this with me? She always replies that she would be okay with everything after marriage but I doubt that. Please suggest what to do.

Question 3
"I am a married guy with two kids. My wife is very cute and attractive and we have a perfect relationship. Our sexual life is perfectly fine. The problem that I am facing is that I don't get bored of having sex. I like having sex with my wife and so does she but my desires are growing day by day. I have to admit that even after marriage, I am sleeping with other girls and they love it too. I am confused should I stop it or keep it the way it is. I know I am cheating on my wife but I can't help it. I started having sex at a very early age, when I was 14. I like to watch a lot of porn movies. Please let me know if this is ok or am I a pervert?"

And the crown jewel of them all..
Question 4
"I am in mid 30s and maried for the last 7 years. My sexual desire went up by many folds after my daughter was born about five years back. But due to my husband's high profile job, he rarely gives me any time. He's on tour and we get sex maybe once in four to six months. This pushed me into grave depression. Because of his calousness about my problem, I wanted to divorce him. My brother-in-law and his wife knew about this well and they were very friendly to me. When they came to know about my decision, they tried to convince me not to do so. I had to ask them for sexual favour as an alternative. Realising my determination about divorce, they finally accepted me in their sexual life. For the last three years I am enjoying threesome with them almost every week. Recently, my brother-in-law took a new job which needs him to move to a faraway city. Though I am very happy about his new job and career, this also brought back memories of my old depression days and now I'm thinking of looking for a new partner as my husband is too busy with his career. I tried a lot to talk to him on this but he didn't give me enough time. He doesn't want to go to a counsellor either. I am now thinking of divorcing him. I know this will hurt my brother-in-law and his wife. But I cannot control my desire and I need someone to help me on this. Am I making any mistakes or am I too selfish?"

What strikes me is that we have a lot of promiscuity going around. Something that we only saw on Oprah and random Hollywood movies. Suddenly we seem to be sexually liberated and stifled at the same time.

Infact, many of the questions that appear on tabloids and dailies seem to be coming out of folks that have little or no sex ed. But what's more disturbing is how these so called sexperts answer/counsel many of these questions. Now, I've never written to one (and hope to God I don't) but I sometimes wonder how many of these so called letters are really from genuine readers with problems. Journalism, a fine line between stating the truth and exaggerating the imaginary, in India leaves much to be desired. How would you rate the sex ed of the girl asking the question below?

I'm 24 and single but recently went to a party wearing my brother's jeans. The jeans was very tight at the crouch. Would I get pregnant if my brother had sex while wearing the jeans? Would I get AIDS?

I know. 24, single, partying and wearing your brother's jeans?! You're an anomaly. But anyways, what puzzles me is how less our youngsters know about HIV and other STDs.

Sex education is vital. I don't know how many teachers would be comfortable taking up the subject with youngsters with raging hormones, but it could certainly save readers like me a ton of LOL moment when reading such queries.

Would you stick to expert advice that a psychologist give you on a face to face session? Fat chance. Precisely why I think many of those people who ask these questions only ask them to publicize it, anonymously. Much like why men would secretly record their girlfriend/wife/friends-with-benefits perform sexual acts while pixelizing their own face, but making sure that the lady's face is crystal clear. Men would want to gloat about their sexcapades, even if it is anonymous. Never mind that they might get caught. They will at least have their 15 MB of fame somewhere on the internet.

My argument tonight is that we need to make sex ed mandatory. Our teachers must be trained to disperse knowledge in a manner that would not titillate but educate.
My sex ad teacher (who was really our Math teacher) was voluptuous yet boring as hell. Many of the backbenchers nicknamed her Chicago Bulls, after the shape of the uterus and because of her hour glass figure. I wonder how many of them really learned anything from her classes. However all that I know of the human reproductive system is what my Dad taught me.
Just as we have systems in place that check and certify our knowledge about a science or a subject, we need to have high school teens and young adults made sure they understand the system.
After all, almost all of them are going to use it at some point of their lives.

But if you are one of those who didn't have/attend your sex ed class, well I would like to quote a class mate of mine at College as a case in point.
Every time, he used to see a girl's navel, he used to get uncomfortably aroused. In public. When I asked him to try and explain why he thought he deserved to get an erection, pat came his response: "Well, what am I supposed to do when a girl shows her pu**y". He firmly thought a girl's navel was where his 'joystick' went in.
How he later became matured enough to marry and father two kids is something I would not want to know now, but we definitely need some good education, folks.

Until then, keep those questions coming.

I see her

A few days ago, while waiting at a traffic stop. Waiting in front of me, I noticed a couple of men in a van getting excited, and pull out a high resolution camcorder. (I could figure it was the kind of camcorders, professional camera men operate) They rolled down their windows just a wee bit, just enough to let their camcorders unobstructed view.
I was curious. As always.
I wanted to know why excited the men so much as to start recording. Looking in the general direction of where they were pointing the camera, I noticed a group of 12, maybe 15 women.
Tourists. Caucasians. Clothes barely covering their pale bodies.

These men were neither media nor recording with the full knowledge of the women. They were clearly breaking the law.
I had to intervene. I started my bike, squeezed through a tiny passage to stop in the line of sight, blocking the view of the camera. The guys in the van started yelling out to me, ordering me to move.
I wouldn't budge an inch, not until the lights turned green and then the women were gone.

What bothered me is not that we had tourists dressed in scantily clad clothes but that we still think we can violate privacy and freedom with impunity.
Voyeurism, reveals the dark crusted underbelly of humans. I've seen men in malls overlooking ledges and escalators recording PYTs in itsy bitsy attire on their camera phones.

All of which will be uploaded with scandalous titles like 'bangalore bitch reveals all' and such..
What surprises me is the gradual surge of such scandalous video since the past couple of years. What started as a trickle is a veritable flood now.

Kalyug, the Hindi movie struck a chord in so many people. As victims, perpetrators or silent spectators, we are all guilty of feeding this monster.
Demand after all fuels supply.

Our closeted minds need a rude awakening. Do we need to wait for another scandalous MMS video to be leaked from one of our schools/colleges/universities?
From kindergarden jokes and Little Johnny jibes, we grow into amateur film makers who upload videos of their girlfriends and significant others giving them a BJ.
I just wish all the men who did this would eventually get a taste of their own medicine.
Or would they try to peddle their own mothers, sisters and wives?

I've owned a camera phone back in the days when it was a novelty (the Philips phone that had a detachable camera) and through the years have owned several phones that had cameras. But I've never had the temptation of recording another girl.

Maybe, I am too old fashioned for reality tv, but the insatiable fetish to observe other women is a little perverse.
Perhaps we need a society where women are not closet topics/objects of desire but treated with the maturity it deserves. We better start now lest we be known as a civilization that ate its own tail.

Bhopal, Football, Politics, Religion and Sex

Unless you have been buried alive, there's slim chance you would've missed the Top News..
Bhopal: I was around 4 years old when this happened and growing up in an Indian community abroad, you tend to get biased views about India. For many many years since, I dreaded the place Bhopal and thought it would be India's Chernobyl. The reality is not too far. In what is typical of how Indian Democracy functions, the real losers have always been the Victims. The government appears to be reluctant to work for the very people it swore to serve. Why do they have to form GoM's when there has been a clear travesty of Justice here? Well, the story does not change anywhere, in India.
We have ZERO disaster recovery and rehabilitation plans in place. Do I hear a Nuclear plant being commissioned?
Football: Arguably one of the most charismatic games ever played. I've played the game growing up in the Middle East and know how the game can grow on you. A game that is so simple yet complex. It is a game that would require true Team work and the highest levels of consistent training and fitness. Which is also why India can be ruled out!
Our athletes are neither consistent nor fit. If there is any semblence of football as a growing sport it is because many of the nation's best footballers, mainly from Goa, take this as a ticket to greener pastures in Europe.
We have the best (or so they claim) Cricket team in the world. But honestly, we have less than a dozen countries to compete with. It is almost like the famously qouted misqoute : World famous in India!
We play half the year with the same half a dozen teams and the rest of the year battling poor health and scandals. And while all the Football mania thankfully took up a lot of media coverage, our National Cricket team managed to loose to a 'lesser' team in a 3 nation tournament. What does this mean? That even when we can be 2nd place, we are so bad in our game that we....
Well, that is for Dhoni and Co to ponder upon. I wish them well.
Politics: If you are in Bangalore, I am pretty sure that you would've by now been assaulted with the ruling party's 'in your face' gloat campaign of having completed 2 years. WoW! It is almost like that was a feat in itself. Maybe, it is. With all the hit wickets and self goals that the BJP had in the past 24 months, I am surprised that they lasted this long. I wasn't aware that they had major celebrations planned in a ground near my home but I got stuck in a massive ground on my way to work and that's when it struck me. And MJ sang it well: 'They don't care about us'. But again, I think they deserve to celebrate. Like a brat who through the year didn't obey his parents gets to choose his celebrations on his birthday. I'm pretty sure there will be a slew of initiatives and schemes and a lot of projects announced and even more gloating and bragging that will be done. And in a week's time, when the pandals and the last polythene bag and litter has been evacuated to the most distant dumpsite, our politicians will get back to doing what they do best, which is corrupting and gathering.
Religion: Of false Swamis and every falser doctrines, language is a wonderful thing and in India, if you have great oratorical skills, you can be a rich man. You can skirt and skim across issues like it is a puddle in the ground. But I've observed that no matter how many scandals or wolves in sheep's clothing, there'll always be millions of followers for that swami or guru. It is our innate need and thirst for divine peace and solace that drives us to these swamis, who by the way, end up with our money in their pocket. Grow a beard, read a lot of literature/philosophy, appear calm and mystical and wear simple clothes that resemble loin clothes that shepherds wear and bang! You have all it takes to be the next big Hero..er Swami.
Sex: Can you have a day go by where you don't have a sex scandal? And if you think men and women would be more cautious and prudent. No, we all fall for the apple. And one would think that people would be bored to read any more? Never. The human need for voyeurism is fed by the almost continuous onslaught of men and women being exploited by a human process that should have been so natural and divine, but has been sullied by temptation and greed.

A potent mix of news.
With all the vital ingrediants that are required for a potboiler, this year like most years since the advent of vicious journalism is turning out to be The Year of the Newspapers!
Never mind all the trees that are being cut down. Sensationalism can't wait.