Showing posts with label The Love that Lifted. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Love that Lifted. Show all posts

Sunday, August 15, 2021

The Connection

If he starts with a 'Wassup' or a 'Hey Baby, wanna chat' or a 'Hey sexy, hru', I'm going to unmatch him right away. 

She thought as she waited for his first message. 

She had already read his short bio a dozen times, dissecting each word, analyzing the man behind the words. She wondered if he was really 30 as his profile said, because if he was 'Boy! is he a catch!' she smiled inwards.. hoping he was all that he wrote like he was.. rather that she imagined him to be in her feverishly love-sick head.

He looked nice too.

He had a nice beard, was reasonably tall, and looked awesome in those dark aviators. Check, Check and double-check on her list of things she wanted in a man. But then what hooked her on was his smile. Her knees melted as she tried to decipher the smile behind the man. What was he happy about? Who took the picture? Maybe a girl? Who is he smiling at? 

She was trained to dissect facts from fiction. And dig for facts that aren't supplied.

So she googled him. 

He was a traveler. He was active at church and loved volunteering at community events. Best of all, he was a blogger and she loved reading what he wrote. She loved his sensitivity, his passion, his thoughts, his words. There was a certain magic in the way he wrote. He wasn't ordinary. 

She checked his pictures and read his bio (again) on Tinder just to make sure. 

She loved what she read and couldn't seem to get enough of him already. And they haven't even spoken yet. 

Back to Tinder, she wondered why he hadn't messaged her yet. She had already vetoed the idea of messaging him because she believed every man should court her... and that starts with having the guts to message her first. 'It's chivalrous, after all.' She said to herself.

He is too good to be true. But how can he be single?! Maybe he's already married or in a relationship. She declared half-heartedly in her head. 

The search for his partner grew harder. She dissected every word for the scent of a woman in his life. 

'Hey there! There's something so interesting about your smile! I simply love that dimpled smile :)' He finally messaged. 

She abandoned her search for his infidelity and she felt a wave of relief that he noticed and more importantly messaged her. Her heart almost skipped a beat when that notification came in.

She wanted to ask why it took him 43 minutes to message back after matching with her. But she held back. She didn't want him to know she was counting the minutes. She wanted him to wait an agonizing wait. 

She read his bio again and swiped through his pictures.

She smiled ear to ear as she read his foundational message. She looked at her pictures to check which was the smile he was referring to. She was practically grinning at how beautiful she was and how he noticed her smile.

She debated within herself how long she must wait before she responds to his message. She didn't want to appear desperate for his love but she didn't want to be easy either. She believed in being the trophy and the chase. 

An hour later, she messaged him back 'Hey! Thanks!'. 

And the games began...    

Saturday, August 07, 2021

Right Swipe Right

She was a prized catch!

She was a sapiosexual (even when the only books she read were fat law books, beauty magazines, and articles on the internet on 'How to talk to a guy and make him love you').
Like the rest of the people on Tinder, she was looking for a single guy and was against one-night stands or casual sex. Cliched? 
Maybe, but her astute observation revealed the magic sauce was in having the right pictures.

Her Tinder profile boasted of the beautiful person she was, and she had an exciting body that was both curvy and pasty to prove. A few pictures of her last trip to Goa, another image of her sipping on some margarita, a photo of her pouting, and a few other pictures of her showing her ample cleavage, and she's sure the bait was ready to be cast. 

As the requests started pouring in, she didn't realize how exhilarating the attention would be. She was flattered. If the pictures were any indication, it looked like half of the men wanted to court her and do everything humanly possible to win her heart, and the other half of the men were married scumbags who still tried to bed her and 'maintain her.'

Looking back, she realizes this is where the downslide began.

He was an average-looking techie, but it was the bio that snagged her attention. She was hooked line and sinker.
But the eloquence of the words he strung together made her fall in love with him. So she swiped right and crossed her fingers. Probably thinking about the folly of being on the other side of Tinder luck. And then just as suddenly realizing, 'Meh, if he doesn't swipe right on me, then it's his loss.' 

Her talisman of success was based on the foundation of self-worth. Ebbing at times like this when she thought she wasn't enough, but then quickly realizing she is a prized trophy any day. 

She was a successful lawyer. Her female clients chose her for her reputation and didn't mind paying the ₹ 1 lakh fee she charged per hearing. She was known to rip apart faithful, harmless husbands her clients wanted out from their lives. Her clients did no harm, said no evil, yet didn't mind the carnage she would cause. She had the enviable task of being able to choose who she represented, and when she did, the men and their lawyers shuddered. They would not want to cross swords with the one lawyer Legal Era called the 'Divorce Lawyer You Need to Get' in 2019.

They matched!
Her average joe finally swiped right on her. 

'Of course!' She thought.

The poor schmuck didn't know what he was getting into. Yet.

Monday, July 26, 2021

Chapter 4: Beautiful Love

She sat there.

Blush pink lips in oversized sunglasses. 

Stoic. Annoyed.

She just wanted to get out of there. With him in tow. She didn't want to be caught seen with the man she was secretly in love with.

He was just happy to see her. Couldn't stop staring at those lips he'd only fantasized about. Straining to catch a glimpse of the eyes he would longingly stare at in her pictures. 

She hated that he stared. 

They dreamt of each other. Every day and every night. 

She was his muse. His poetic license.

He was her bold experiment. 

Together they didn't mean much. Apart, they were meaningless. 

The first time her hands brushed off his, she recoiled. The last time - they couldn't let go of each other as they intertwined their hands. Aware that it would be their last.

The first time she was touched, she was repulsed. The last time - they hugged as if they had to, lest life will cease. Aware it would be their last.

They learned to love each other - gently. They were not ravenous. They were simply grown-ups learning to live past traumas. They were both survivors of a life fully lived. 

She didn't know how much he loved her. 

He didn't know how much she's been through. 

Yet, when they loved, they loved each other with a fresh resurgence. 

Both were on uncharted territory. Navigating a sea of debris, some known, some unknown. 

They would fantasize how it was, but neither of them knew what it would become.

After sex, they would simply lie next to each other, as she buried her head in complete embarrassment and utter disbelief that she just came and...

Loving another person is like taking a leap of faith - it's like diving head-first into the pool. Without knowing if you're diving into the shallow or the deep end. 

.... they would simply lie down there next to each other talking.

Love is complicated. It is more than just being hungry for each other's bodies. It is loving the person beneath the scarred body. 

Love is more than just phone sex and craving to fuck hard until she cums. It is knowing she is living the moment with you when you look into her eyes.

Love is when they meet, they forget all the angst of being apart. All the years they lost not making love was in the past.

They used to wonder if it was lust or love. 

All doubts were dispelled as they made love for the first time.

In the moments that lead up to the final rush, the fog in her mind cleared. Like wiping a scribbled blackboard clean with a new duster. 

As she dismounted him, she knew this was it. 

He never knew what hit him. He didn't realize it was not him. Or maybe it was him and all the men who didn't give a damn about her. It was never meant to be. 

But like all the times this happened, it's ok when people mate and not for life. 

As he lay naked next to her clothed body, he wanted to run away. But he stayed. Because he wanted her to have closure. He didn't want to ghost her like how he was ghosted before. 

'I love you' He said.

She looked at him and smiled.

Maybe the sex wasn't great.
Maybe she didn't like my body.
Maybe I came too soon.
Maybe I was underwhelming.
Maybe she doesn't love me.
Maybe it's my body odor.
Maybe she didn't like my length and girth.
Maybe I was too heavy on her.
Maybe she doesn't love me.
Maybe I didn't satisfy her.
Maybe I shouldn't have stopped after we came. 
Maybe I should have kept going like in those movies.
Maybe she doesn't love me.
Maybe I shouldn't have wanted to make love and just held out.
Maybe I shouldn't have been upset with her.
Maybe I said it too soon.

He never heard it back.

As he heard her soft snores, he came closer to hold her tight. Careful not to wake her yet wanting to tell her how much he loves her. Straining to hear her heart's conversations.

He wraps his arms around her waist and hugs her one final time but she snuggles into him on cue. 

For tomorrow - Sure as light shatters darkness - this will be over. But for now, they would wake up cuddled, legs intertwined, lips in kissing distance in a large bed. Both knowing they are safe. Nothing bad could ever happen right now.

He lay awake aware that he will never again be able to share the air she breathes. 

The Love That Lifted

Sunday, April 25, 2021

Chapter 9: A Love that Lifted

We met. We didn't mean to fall in love. 
We were practically single and weren't looking for love. 

But there she was - wearing a knee-length skirt and a top that made her look like a dainty fairy. We didn't even lock eyes, even though she caught my eye. I loved the way she spoke. She was and still remains the most articulate lady I've ever met.

A chance trip back home led to a relationship that started with the silliest joke. Her laughter hooked me on. We spoke through the night and almost every night after that. We bared our lives, darkest secrets, and felt like 16-year-olds again - hormones and more - all over again.

We loved and fought hard. We had screaming matches when we couldn't bear being apart. And then when we met, I felt like we just fit perfectly.

I still remember the first day I felt butterflies in my stomach. I felt feelings I'd never felt before. I felt shy! I giggled and I'm pretty sure she bit her lips to stifle her blush. Her eyes were mesmerizing, and today, years later, I know that was the moment we both knew something was wrong yet deeply right. Things weren't going to be the same after that moment. 

We never pretended to be anything we weren't. The curtains and the masks were never deployed. We would make love and I'd worry if my sweat would drip on her face and she would pull my face closer and kiss me. She loved to mop the sweat off my brow even when she knew I would shriek in horror that a person would touch my sweat, let alone tolerate it. 

Her hugs had the power to heal. And heal she did. She healed me in ways I never thought were possible. 
She taught me to live in the moment and I'm so glad I let myself live that relationship. 
She made me discover my limits and our possibilities. 

The irony was - She thought I was a flirt. Even when she was the first girl I had trouble flirting with. I couldn't help being in her life. 

Strangely, we never discussed nor thought of 'our' future and we struggled to break up. Several times in a brief couple of months we dated. But when we did, we knew it was the end - or at least one of us was serious it was the end. 

The first time we met, we had dinner and ice cream. And coincidentally, that was what we did the last time we met as well.

It's true we never held back and through the moments we lived together, we saw each other's flaws and never regretted the time we spent with each other.

We often wondered together the 'Why' and the 'How long' of 'Us'. 
But when we did, we bit the bullet and took the plunge, and as wonderful as it was when we met, as complete as we felt we were with each other, as devoid life felt without each other before this, we parted with a hug - that same life-giving hug I still crave for. 

I know she thinks about me. Because I do every single day. 

Was our relationship doomed? I don't know. 
Was our relationship a mirage? I know it wasn't. 

This was a relationship that lived its course... Yet one where I cannot unlove. 

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